"There she goes again, going out with a few best friends. Getting up on stage to play a little air guitar. And under that strawberry skin, she dont need a boy friend. She's gonna have her fun and never let it go too far. But she'll party hard, she'll party like a rockstar" - Fricken A'
Can't sleep.. Not sure if it's because I don't feel good, or because my mind won't shut off.. 7 Years later and I still can't believe we are together.. Pretty sure neither one of us thought it would last this long.. We sure press each others buttons, and annoy the hell out of each other, we aren't perfect, and we both might be a little on the bipolar side.. But I am glad that I said yes to going on a date with him. I can't picture anyone else I would want to go to bed next to each night..
I've been ridiculously tired and having migraines. Bah. Sometimes I feel like I leave David out of the loop too much when it comes to parenting decisions, but he seems to trust what I think. I co sleep. Half of the night I bed share, and I took a nap in the bed with the baby a couple of days ago, and as soon as we woke up and came out here she was screaming... and David was like "did you break her arm or something?". I have no idea why it bothered me, but I guess I feel like I should automatically be defensive about it because when I first mentioned it to my mom and grandma they both gave me lectures about how I was going to kill my baby.... ugh. Safe bed sharing actually reduces the risk of sids... but I won't go into that right now. I think that I have settled on only getting the Dtap shop when I take her in for her weight check next week. The doctor brought up a good point of me doing my grocery shopping in big rapids, where there are alot of amish and people going to ferris from other countries... My biggest worry is her having a reaction. I had seizures from the Dtap when I was around two years old, so I am not fully vaccinated either. I guess the way I'm going about things is considered "selective and delayed vaccinating". I would completely delay until she was at least one if I was fully vaccinated, and if David didn't work somewhere that hundreds of people touch the things he touches every day at work. I feel like I'm getting somewhere making myself a schedule and organizing the house. Its probably boring to other people... but I honestly don't go anywhere. Today was the first time I left the house without David in at least three weeks, and the only times that I have left WITH him were to go to his parents for a minute, and to the grocery store once a week I think. Skylar had a terrible teething day on Tuesday, and she went on a six/seven hour nursing/napping strike that boiled down to me pumping and giving her a bottle just to get her to eat, because she screamed every time I held her to me. It worked, and she ate, and then ate from me right afterward... but it was actually really hard for me to do that. She hasn't had a single bottle since she was born. I was kind of hoping for her to not even have a bottle until she was at least six months, maybe longer. Or forever. It was a little goal I had.
I miss the feeling of being 21 and having no idea what I was going to do that day, that week, that year... the rest of my life. I'm extremely happy with my life, with Skylar, and with David.... but I just get a little nostalgic sometimes. Also... I was a hell of alot more fun then... but probably not in the top ten list of good people in the world... haha. O'well.
Since this entire "teething" thing started, Skylar has been on a semi-nursing strike. She fights me about eating. I have to act like a contortionist sometimes just to get her in a position where she will stop being mad and stay latched. I'm worried this is going to negatively impact our weight check in two weeks. It will make me physically ill if I have to give her formula. I will do absolutely everything in my power to not have to do that. She's a tall skinny kid. She doesn't seem unhealthy to me. She has plenty of wet diapers, she's just slow to gain. Its hard enough to make myself feel ok with it, and I have a feeling its going to be even harder at the doctor now that they know I haven't made a decision about vaccinating. When I called to ask about her low grade fevers today the phone nurse was grilling me about not having her shots at her well visit.
8 months
Well this month is 8 months for me and Jordan. Still working on house projects. The basement is coming along and the counter tops will be done next weekend. So excited for red flannel weekend, always a good time. Seems like its the one time of year everyone can get together, even with how busy everyone is. Im excited to take Jordan, so getting him arrested. Shadow puppy is getting so big. The dogs are learning to get along finally, so having two dogs is not such a problem. Im getting use to my new job, just wish I got weekends off. So life is going great :)
Having a child that starts teething at 2 months is a punishment that should be saved for the extremely wicked. I can deal with crying, and drooling, and the general hatred of everything, but man I definitely appreciate it more when she smiles and laughs now. I'm working on being a better wife. I know we're not "married" but I think I can also speak for David here when I say we've considered ourselves married for a few years now. He wears a ring also. When I complain about being broke, it has nothing to do with David. He is a great provider, we have everything we need, we just no longer have money for "fun" like really nice phones, or going to the bar, or out to eat to real places etc. On another note, people are really grinding my gears. I'm not sure certain people know how crass and rude they sound with every single thing they say..... Maybe I just take things the wrong way. Hard to know.
6 months
Well were over the 6 month mark now and are officially living together :) I got the job at holland home and have been working as a nurse for 3 weeks now, loving it. Its a different feeling being in charge now, but def likeing the pay raise. Having two dogs is def been a struggle, hopefully they will adjust soon. Learning to share my house, has been harder for me then I thought since I have lived alone for so long. I just have to remember my sharing skills, I know I use to have them lol. House projects are coming alone, finally got my new floor in my dining room and painting the kitchen. Hopefully next month the new floor for the kitchen will be in. Already getting excited for halloween, thinking of having a halloween party this year. So happy with my life, looking forward to the future, maybe an engagement next year :)
My kid won't nap. And some people might think that, that is no big deal. But you've probably Never met Reagan. She is a major crab without a nap. She is sleep deprived and has been since she was about 4 months old. Her dad is no help with that. He contradicts everything I say or do.. She hasn't napped since Tuesday. And that wasn't a very long nap. Maybe a 20 mile drive. Wednesday, she fought it for 4 hours, and screamed bloody murder for 2.5 hours. I am seriously going insane. She doesn't ever let me do anything. Other than watch cartoons with her. I'm to the point where I'm ready to send her to day care just so I don't have to deal with nap time... But I would feel super Shitty about dumping her off on someone else when she wont go to sleep on her own.
And complaining and being this frustrated with her makes me feel like a Shitty mom and a Shitty person. Which just makes me cry along with her.