dmlxoxo
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2005 8 February :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: angry
WORST DAY EVER.
for a number of reasons.
1. i do not care what anyone says, this school that we go to is not esteemed because of the teachers, its as awesome as it is because of the drive of the kids in it. and as far as im concerned, perlman can go fuck a dog in the ass and then burn in hell for the rest of time. i dont think that once this entire year ive ever sat in her class and learned something thats valuable to me when it comes time to take her awful, heartless tests. we had a test in there the other day and we got them back today, and theres nothing like having your teacher stand at the front of the room and yell at you because of how poorly everyone did on the tests, like it was our fault. "i'm so disappointed, these were horrible, i dont know what happened, you tests were all terrible, especially the ones where people got more right than wrong...." she went on forever, making everyone feel like we fucked it up, like she had no role in my failure, or anyone else's on this test. as if the fucking 45 on the test wasnt bad enough, she had to make a statment in front of the whole class about people who got more wrong than right. and even though the majority of the class doesnt know that i was in that category, i know...and she insulted ME when she said it. fucking bitch. and im sitting here now and all i can think of is erica's pin "oh mother, is it worth it?" and im feeling like the answer is no. NO. things arent supposed to work out like this. as much as i hate the typical edgemont "im going to fail" and then doesnt, i wish i were that person right now. the person everyone hates because they draw attention to themselves for saying things like that. i'd rather have that than be the one who actually did fail...and failed miserably. euro can kiss my ass and burn with mrs. perlman in hell for eternity.
2. who the fuck do some people think they are? do they do what they do to purposely create tension and irritate people? or are they actually as stupid and oblivious as they come off? there are obvious, clear things that will piss me off, and not necesarily stuff that only applies to me, stuff that would rub ANYONE the wrong way, so why would you go out of your way to shove something in my face to make me this frustrated? why would you come up to me and say something stupid, that would lower my spirits, and act like a totaly airheaded idiot? do you want me to be mad at you? because god knows that you get agitated easily and god forbid someone did something like this to you, you'd be just as frustrated as i am. sometimes people step over the line, and i hope that you know enough not to exaserbate the situation further by exceeding the limits you've already pushed. brie84b983g4823y498giugu89348923gh482g94g82g89WHATTHEFUCKAREUTHINKING?rieb79wgh9889h45hio4h5o3.
and thats enough of my rants for now. i had to get that out.
"cuz everybody knows you've got to breathe..."-dave matthews band
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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briggs17
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2005 3 February :: 9.10pm
...before i lose all my emotions this entry is dedicated 100% to my basketball so for all of u not interested..leave now or shut the fuck up..
...altho there are no real words to describe exactly how i feel nor do any even come remotely close.....i'll give it a shot..no pun intended
todays game sucked for sure..sooo close then we just didnt finish it..our season overall was a good one...our record did not show whatsoever how amazing our team was and we had soooooooooo much talent that we didnt even kno wat the hell to do with it...when times got rough we had eachother...we were always there for each other and thats all that matters...like cozza said..we're one of the bst teams he's ever had..and cmon now we're historic..we were undefeated before winter break...we'll always have that to brag about....the dynamics of all of us and the way we played together....couldnt have asked for better....
i...i can say, despite wat i might have said during the season at times....that i was so truley happy practically everyday...and the reason i always got up in the morning ..is cuz i always had my girls and cozza to look forward to..i knew laur and me would be partners automatically..i looked forward to the way the gym smelled and the feeling of pure exhaustion and not wanting to go on but really knowing i was only whining to hear my voice...cuz either way gersh was ganna make my ass get up..
the frreshman..the 8th graders the friggin 7th grader....i trust them all...they would always be there trying to make me smile when things were down or they saw i wasnt my normal hyper loud self...it was just this security i had..i knew i would eventually crack outta my mood and be happy and forget about n e thing that was pissing me off....i had my team, my sophs...every1....and now it like hit me that im never going to play with all these girls ever again...and it just plain sucks...because i love each and every one of them soo much in their own way..whether i make fun or act mean towards them they always know i cared..
and cozza..i dont even know where to begin..he's like my 3 month best friend..like, whether it be advice w. guyz or b ball help he was there and gave it all..the most genuine compassionate man I have ever met in my life...he, i must say, was truly the reason the season was as memorable and amazing as it was..he was that spark....i cant even explain...like, after a bad game and him yelling at me id be soooo mad for about..6 minutes then id just smile and brush it off cuz i kno i cant stay mad at someone i love so fucking much.....and the fact that im not ganna ever be on his team again...it just gets me cuz he was always there..and im sure he still will be in a way, but he has other things and so do we all..nd i hate that feeling..that loss....cozza was my rock on which i build my foundation of my love of basketball on. it's as simple as that. or perhaps not simple at all.
about next yr--only God knows right now..we'll see....life takes very unexpected turns...so im not deciding n e thing now....i just hope this one thing comes through....i need it.
...life goes on.....even if bball doesnt.........i can say it..i wish i could believe it now.....HEYY LACROSSE TIME!!!!!!!!!<3<3 ------<#)
EGSaturn: i still havent showerd so i have to go but i just want to tell you how much i love youuuu
EGSaturn: and that i will pop a cap in your ass if you dont play next year
Awwbaby628: i cant even put it into words
Awwbaby628: being part of something that great
Awwbaby628: its just sad
Buggyb678: dear briggy-,you were an amazing captain..haha...i love it when u sayy stuff outloud on the court..then u turn 2 see if cozz. heard it..u are 1 of the greatest captains i have ever had!! and i love u sooo much...and i couldnt have asked for a better season...love, alyssa!
Oppie7777: ah ur depressing me...iim thinking about last year bball and all u girls and cozz and "cant we try" cause ur icon reminds me of that song for some reason and how crazy we were and how much i fucking love you!
b e c k w 4: you elder ones are to emotional...be optimistic, now you get to play with all these cool older kids..and you'll be the youngest on the team...trust me, its not that bad ;-)
b e c k w 4: even though we dont play together anymore im gunna still write notes on the chalk board for you :-)
..frum their heart to mine<3....i am finally left silent
God Bless,
<3BriGgy<---
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dmlxoxo
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2005 3 February :: 7.01pm
:: Music: roll to me- del amitri
just some stuff.....
some things you know about me if you know me well:
1. i know what i want.
2. i know where i want to be and how i want to get there.
3. i know the type of people i like to be surrounded by.
4. i know what i believe in and i dont sell out those beliefs for anyone else.
5. i know myself. and i know myself damn well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
....but sometimes i wish i just knew were i was supposed to end up. im all for the whole "you create where you're going, where you are, and where you end up" thing, but at the same time, i feel like theres a place where we're all destined to end up, and just having this idea back in the way back of my mind all the time, makes me wonder if sometimes the things i do, the things i say, the way i act or carry myself, is wrong, or is going to make me take a wrong turn. and this may be stupid and it may be a contradiction of myself, since what i said was that we all have a life thats been predetermined, im still always hesitant, thinking that what i do is going to mess up how things are "supposed" to be.
and then again, along the same lines as what i was just talking about, i wish that there would be some way to know whats going to happen. rreading through my past entries always makes me dig deep inside myself where i find stuff like these queries. i read one before where i had been mad at john for not hanging out with me, and the last part of that entry is about me finding someone, because theyre out there- around the next corner or a couple years down the road of life, i have no idea, but what i do know, is that theyre out there, and thats for sure. and its things like that, that i anxiously await, that i wish i could see the map of my life to find out how many more mistakes i have to make, how many more times i have to hurt myself, hurt other people, how many more wrong people there have to be before i find someone whos right. and i wish i could know if i were wasting my time on stupid nothings that will never amount to anything. i wish i could know if all this time ive been holding myself back for nothing, when i may have missed a sea of opportunities. and in that sea of opportunities, may have been what i was always looking for. but sitting here and going through every "what if" i can think of wont do me any good, because no matter how much i put my heart and my mind into the things i wish for, life is a mystery until you've lived it. presents and futures become pasts quicker than we realize. but like they say, a watched pot never boils, and sitting here waiting, wishing, drags seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to eternities.
"life is a mystery until you've lived it."-----but my question is, how do you know if you're living it right?
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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dmlxoxo
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2005 22 January :: 12.24am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
tonight was awesome. not only did i have a really great time, but i realized a lot about the people in our grade and about myself.
i remember when i was 3 years old, the first day i walked into scarsdale ballet and signed up for my first ballet class. i remember i picked out my leotard and my little skirt and my first pair of ballet shoes. i remember how i walked around my house and used to stand in front of the mirror in my parents' bedroom doing first and fifth position with my feet all the time. after that day, i took dance classes for 10 years, until i messed up one of my feet and i had to stop, and its nights like tonight that remind me of why dance was my passion---why dance IS my passion. i spent the entire night dancing my little heart out in my danielle fashion, and i just get this rush from it. i have such a great time. i wish i had just healed my foot when it happened and gone right back, but instead i just let it drag out, and every day that i let it drag out longer that i didnt dance i just became lazy and kind of let it sink into my past. and its nights like tonight that make me regret that so much, something that used to be one of the hugest parts of my life, something i enjoyed and used as my outlet for a lot of stuff---killed, all because of me. someday........
ALSO-
before i went tonight, i must admit i was kind of nervous that it was gunna be awkward for me. i felt kind of like the odd man out. there were mainly 2 groups of friends there tonight, jelkegs, and nekmek. and then there was me, and i was afraid i was going to be out of place between the 2 groups of such tight friends. i was actually nervous that i was going to be out of place. and for the first little bit of the party, i kind of felt the division, but as the night went on and as people danced and warmed up to eachother i found that we all just danced together in one huge group, no divisions, and no awkwardness. i was so impressed by this, that even though we divide ourselves with names and labels and circles of friends, when we're togetehr in a group, we're capable of acting like a whole. this was so comforting to me, and i loved that about tonight. i just had so much fun with people i wouldnt normall get to hang out with, and i really liked that.
i started to write this entry at 12 o clock and its now 1:40. whats wrong with me? and why am i even still up? gosh danielle, go to bed......signing off- dmlxoxo
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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briggs17
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2005 12 January :: 7.28pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: greenday
i like these thingys
Of your closest friends (including yourself) who is the...
-funniest: theres a lot of diff kinds of funny, but every1 has their own special humor
-best to party with: ellen(priceless dance) n gabi if theyre not too trashed it seems, and gershy w/ her dancing too
-most thoughtful: tough one..laur ko it seems, she reads me well..
-best listener: lauren (: those bus rides are priceless
-most trustworthy: all
-most reliable: emi
-smartest: gershy poo but shes also retarted.....its brilliant like that
-wittiest: joanna at times but more of a smartass
-most spoiled: klop and me i'll admit
-quirkiest: michelle
-silliest/wackiest/craziest: dorina and eliz p
-randomest: muslim and myself
-stingiest: swej lol
-most generous: gersh, me and laur kl.
biggest flirt: ellen and muslim and myself..oddly enough lol
-most likely to succeed: we all will make something out of ourselves
-most athletic: emi and myself(?) lol this ? sucks
-most political: me and assy
-most like you (personality): muslim and kira oddly enough..we're crazzayy
-least like you: lol danielle mentioned to me today
Who has the...
-biggest ego: no1 in particular
-best hair: emi and erica kl
-best eyes: jozbozo,mooney, and myself ive been told
-best boobs: well frum wat ive felt i'd have to say gersh...binder and mooney of course as well
-best butt:id have to give it to gersh or kocaj (sophssss)
-best taste in guys: gabs,myself and not ellen (sry i had to tho)
-funniest family: me
-most fucked up family: me
-best clothes: has to go to me for this week
-best room: mishy
-best first name: danielle, neza
-best middle name: NOT mine for heaven's sake idk tho..
-best last name: gerschhhhhhhh (the way bbach says it)
-best vacations: couldnt tell ya
Who...
-is the "slut":binder when shes in her drunk h/u phase
-"drunk": binder and myself
-"debbie downer": muslim and eliz p
-"yenta": that would be gabrielle
-"dumb blonde": ellen and muslim
-"pothead": myself, for sure.
-smokes cigarettes: certain ppl socially
-could be sisters either by personality or just by looks:ellen and I
-gets in the most fights or arguments:me and ellen about jew things
-never has gotten into a fight/argument: erica kl and kate pantone fo sho nigga
-sees eachother the most throughout the day: me muslim and jew
-hosts the best sleepovers: hopefully me soon..lol
-has the drunkest parents: not so sure..
-has the most oblivious parents: jo
-has the scariest parents: gershys daddy
-has the smartest parents (as far as normal teenage stuff goes): my mommy and gabis parents it seems and staceys are dumb chillllll
-has the most lenient parents: stacey
-is the most likely to leave: hmmm mette, that bitch...she looks like shes ready to jet any minute to like a diff country
yeh i crak myself up, n e wayz....enjoy i mite post later if im bored
signing off, I am sheldon
God Bless,
<3Briggs<----
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briggs17
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2005 11 January :: 8.16pm
ok first off, i didnt plan on writing about this but i read other peoples woohus and its just liek wtf man..i dont get it..
why is like our whole grade secretely depressed or just not as content as they seem to be in person?i kno i have my issues and i get sad sometimes and think a LOT *which is a big prob of mine, i think too much and get sad..* but cmon everyy entryyy...can we get a positive one for once.....im mostly positive.....but lets see if i'll start slowly revealing once i start writing..
i know theres shit going on in peoples lives that I know nothing about, thats a duh..but its like think about how hs goes by in the blink of an eye..just be optimistic..we're all ganna get out alive and fine..i promise you..
another thing..the whole issue of drinking and experimenting and shit..i understand, and u guys know me..believe me i understand the grades issues with drinking and smoking and stuff..,,but im ganan be straight and say that i feel some people act stupidly and dont think before they do things, myself included w. certain things but other things i kno to stay away from and certain people as well ESPECIALLY..they influence sooo much no matter who you are and how resistant to peer pressure you think you are. it doesnt make sense to me why people do things numerous amount of times or just suddenly fall apart and fall into that lie to parents thing..that wont work, im telling u, they know EVERYTHING..its a gift from God but its true..they do
pisses me off so much how certain people are such mother f'ing followers..and im not bein the cliche..bah non conformist dont be a follower..but i have certain people in mind that ive come to realize just simply DO NOT think for themselves even tho they try and convince themselves that they are..give me a fuckin break..ok? who are you kidding? would u have drank that or smoked that if these 5 people didnt before you? NO cuz u know its wrong but u werent strong enough and didnt believe in yourself enough to stand up and do wat you wanted. get some freakin balls wats the worst that could happen!?!
idk if wat im saying makes sense and if not i really dont care cuz i just feel like sayin it whether i have an audience or just myself venting a little.....when people come up to me and say things like.."yeh i never see you out, why dont go out" ..first off, just cuz YOU may not see me does not mean in the least that I dont go out..perhaps I chose myself not to hang around certain people, if im really dying to see peple then i will see them on my own time, not at tristan or james' house ( no offence to anyone, just being general..and if this does offend u..o well idc n e more)...yeh, frankly I do go out and i enjoy myself and im not complaining at all..i chose to do what I want to do, and sorry if it doesnt consist of gettin drunk and duin random things with random people then hitting myself for it the next day *not referring to anyone, i promise, just generalizing once again*...
while im at it, i'd just liek to mention how un unified our grade is and how much it sucks...why do people just hate certain people and why does it not feel right..it doesnt..idk, i think 10th grade should be one of the best..our grade is certainly awesome....people need to settle shit with themselves personally and other people and just learn to appreciate the simple idea of high school and the fact that it's going to be gone before we know and we're going to be wishing these days back....call me an optimist, sure...but on top of that I'm more realistic than n e thing..no use in sulking or holding grudges...or not getting to know a certain person cuz you THINK they wont like you..theres no pt..take chances....hell i know I do...and ive found the most amazing freindships in the most unexpected places and i wouldnt change it for the world...i want every1 tomoror or whenever u read this..the next day..just go up to someone you been meaning to talk to or you thnk you'd like to become friends with, whether they be in our grade or not..and just talk to them...i promise they wont hurt you...
just do it..
im out people, time for some checkers....im pooped
God Bless
<3Briggs<---
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briggs17
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2005 11 January :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: dizzay
:: Music: greenday cd
nahef
just odned eio 2 beeeeee
anywayz, dont mind that..sup, thought id be 'consistant' or whatever...so yeh..math still sucks my teeth dont hurt that bad..practice was cancelled unfortunately still cnt blieve we lost..w.e...im lovin this Thoreau proj..its very interesting and im learnign a lot
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."Henry David Thoreau
most amazing quote ever, could not have put it any better myself...keeps a deep place in my heart..
mybballsophs..i just cant put into words how much you guys complete me.....ilysm'
cnt wait for 21/22.....better b good..or else :)
btw chem sucks too...(who cares about consistancy, o well im jumpy)...
this snow sucks...i love moulin rouge...ewan <3
signing off, i am sheldon.
God bless,
<3Briggs<---
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dmlxoxo
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2005 10 January :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: sexual healing cover- ben harper and teh criminals
its ironic....
how just when something comes up once in life, within a short timespan, it becomes the focus of your mind and proves to be true. as i stated in my new years post, one of my most unique qualities is my endless amount of faith in the human race which i came to realize and learned to appreciate just 2 weeks ago. every time i lose all faith and respect for one person, a small amount of that faith just-shatters, and i realize that as you continuously get let down by people in life, you start to put a guard up around you because you've experienced this horrible side to people.
ive recently learned that one of the people i used to consider one of my closest friends has one of the most viscious horrible sides ive ever encountered....and the fact that i never knew up until this weekend makes this revaltaion hit me that much harder. its literally like someone just came up to me and took off the rose colored lenses i was wearing and showed me what his personality really looks like, and i was finally allowed to see, that while i always viewed him as mature and good hearted person, that he is exactly the opposite. he acts like hes five years old, getting his friends i dont even know to gang up on me. he is one of the most ill mannered people ive ever met, and couldnt give a damn about what kind of impressions his actions and words leave on people. he constantly insults me, telling me that people cant stand me but hes the only one who will "say it to my fucking face", to make himself feel superior. he can never let anyone win but himself, hes the best thing since sliced bread, he has the best hair/face/body/anything in his posession ever and will hold an entire conversation based around those things if you let him....and i dont.
and i think thats one of the reasons he resents me so much. i talk back to him. when he tries to go on for hours about his own pompous ass i dont put up with it. he'll ask me about stuff and when i tell him he'll ignore me and tell me he didnt actually want to know and then tell me that im obnoxious and whiney. this all started in one of his "competitons" that exist no where but in his mind, in which he called something homosexual which in reality cannot be, and when asked what that means he told me to "shut up, ur just trying to defend that fag you hooked up with" and went on to tell me how i act like i know everything and how he hates people like me. but to tell you the truth, i couldnt care any less, because i cant stand people like him. i cant deal with his arrogance and his snide comments and his random pms outbursts in which he curses me out for no reason and acts like hes in kindergarten-- and i drew the line.
we're not talking anymore. i want nothing to do with him because im mad, but more than that, disappointed in who hes become. ive been let down by the person hes morphed into since the summer- or by the person thats surfaced since then. looking back on the summer i realize that he may have always been like this- always as ignorant and obnoxious as he is now...but in smaller doses, and never directed towards me.
....and once again change has scarred me. the person who i once felt i could tell anything to, the person who i spent many a day at the beach with, who i laughed, and cried with, who i helped out with advice, and who used to help me---has fallen to ashes. yeah, its painful and yeah, its unpleasant, but sometimes you have to experience things to be able to see the flaws in people, and the pain that this has caused me is just one more battle wound in the journey of life.
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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briggs17
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2005 5 January :: 7.53pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: straylight run- existentialism on prom night
CRAZAY!! IM BACK....I THINK..HOLLER AT MATH GIRLS
wow this is madd weird..idk if n e 1 ever checks this n e more, but i have a feeling a certain 2 will ;-) lol gabs and danielle got me in the mood..plus no bball means a lott of extra time meaning i finished my hw a few hrs ago..crazy...
so, uhh how is every1? i think i can get the hang of this again..ouch my teeth hurt, damn retainers.....so yeh bballs awesome (ah once again with the sports talk...dont ya miss meee)..we're 6-0..but hush hush...we better win this weeks games...cant wait for jan 21-22...should be fun, i pray.
i want my permit in feb-- my mom says no and to wait im like F NO MAN!! imagine how much she complains about havin to drive me everywhere and now she doesnt want me to drive as soon as physically possible..i'll never understand moms.
i hate math.
ok time to call someone...
good to be back, lets just see how consistant i am...:/
God Bless
~*BrigGs
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dmlxoxo
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2005 4 January :: 6.55pm
okay fine, enough requests finally push me to clog up my journal with another one of these questionaires...
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:(depends on who you are)
danielle, danyelly, GOLDBERG!!(to like one person but i ran out of names)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
-dmlxoxo
-luvinjberfield86
-danyellyL
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-my smile
-my ability to be very understanding
-my ability to express exactly what im feeling
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-my excessive chattiness which gets me into trouble
-my blindness to the fact that although i may not agree with what my friends are saying at the time, theyre usually just looking out for me and making sure i dont get hurt, which by not listening to them, i generally do
-my gullability
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
jewish, but barely, and nothing else really
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
-heartbreak
-george w. bush
-needles
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
-internet/aim
-television
-carbohydrates
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
-fire island sweatshirt
-penguin pajama pants
-slippers
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS:
-the dave matthews band
-jack johnson
-the goo goo dolls
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
crash- the dave matthews band
stuck in a moment- u2
i'll cover you (reprise)- rent
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
-be more dedicated to schoolwork
-be more aware of whats actually happening in attempts to protect myself from emotional pain as a result of my blindness/naiivity
-be less lazy
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
-sensitivity
-maturity
-security
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE(In no particular order):
-dance is one of my favorite things to do
-i have the best friends in the world
-ive never lied before
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
-eyes
-smile
-snugglyness
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
-good smile
-good fashion sense
-good music taste
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
-sing well
-be angry without yelling
-give up on people when i know i should
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
-dancing
-skiing
-spending time at the beach (bc i really dont have n e hobbies besides those two haha)
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
-psychiatrist/psycologist
-something in communications
-???
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
-italy
-australia
-new zeland
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
-fall madly in love
-learn to play the acoustic guitar
-camp out on the beach
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR ELSE...
i dont think anyones left....
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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dmlxoxo
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2004 31 December :: 2.05pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: stuck in a moment- u2
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....
im almost glad to say goodbye to 2004. it gives me an excuse to start over, and use all the stuff ive learned over the course of the year to make sure that 2005 is better than 2004. 2004 taught me a lot about myself, about people in general, and about life. this year, the summer in particular, i came out of my shell, and i started to feel out the way people work, and the way that i work- and i found out that everyone, even the least likely people, make mistakes. this was the first time that i SAW this flaw in people. i always knew it was there subconciously, but when i saw it happen to other people, when people did it to me, and when i saw this flaw come out in MYSELF unexpectedly, that was a big lesson to be learned. 2004 taught me about people: their flaws, their kryptonites, their strengths, and that it is human nature to make mistakes.
with every new year, i find that i have this epiphany about friends, when really, its the same one every time- but a re-realization in a way. with every new year i am reminded that no matter how many times i say "edgemont sucks", some of the people that are here, i would not be able to live without. for the past 11 years i was blessed with the sister i never had, who has been my other half since we were 5 years old. theres never a day that passes that i dont talk to steph, someone who pretends to listen to me whine about my problems, and someone who can make me laugh about them even when i feel im at my lowest low. then i have friends like hilary who understands me when no one else does and can always sympathize with what i feel like, and it helps to remind me that im not alone. and then i have friends like zack, who stays on the phone with me until 2:30 in the morning because im upset about something, just making sure i know that hes got my back no matter what, and that he doesnt want to see me hurt, along with throwing in some "i told you so"s "are u stupid? why dont u listen to me?"s and "say zack is god"s----but hey, thats the price u pay for friends as amazing and priceless as these. 2004 taught me about friends, and how when u find good ones, theyre there for you always.
i need to treat myself with more respect, and i need to learn to be less naiive about life and the way people are. i am a very naiive person when it comes to some things. i am a very hopeful person when it comes to many things. in 2004, i put my heart out on the table for a bunch of people that i thought i could trust. i was used 3 times. am i blind not to see it? or am i stupid and ignore it. i dont know, but i know that i have to learn to respect myself enough to figure it out and prevent it. heartbreak happens too much for me, and its no ones fault by my own. 2004 taught me self respect and heartbreak: how lack of one can lead to another and how both are ways to learn things about yourself that you didnt know before.
i have too much faith in the human race, i always seem to forget that not everyone has a good heart and morals. last week, i brought in chocolates to school for some of my teachers before the break, and went to go bring mrs. longo's to her at 3:00, but she wasnt there so i left them on her desk for the monday she came back. when i told my parents that i did this, they freaked out at me and called me stupid because they thought that the custodians were going to go and take them off her desk when they were cleaning. and at 5 o clock, they made me go back to the a building and get them to put in my locker. luckily for me, i was right and they were still there, but i realized with this that as you get older and experience more things, you get screwed over and lose your trust and hope in people. i wish this wouldnt happen, but i know it has to and wish it would already, so i could prevent myself from the disappointment and hurt that comes along with it. 2004 taught me that i still have a lot to learn.
to everyone who made 2004 what it was to me- thank you. to everyone in our little woohu community- you are my world, i love every one of you with all my heart, you keep me going with your advice, helping me to learn the things that ive learned this year. thanks for keepin me strong.
so with this entry, i bring a close to 2004, leaving behind the number, but bringing with me everything the year had to offer me, every lesson, every memory, every smile, every tear. TO A HAPPY AND HEALTHY 2005.
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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dmlxoxo
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2004 23 December :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: you cant stop the beat- hairspray sountrack
heres to self-rediscovery before the new year....or something like that.
for the last few days ive been in one of those blast from the past moods. im not exactly sure what brought it on, maybe the stress and the anxiously awaiting vacation, but ive been very- reflective this past week. in one of my attempts to study for euro my mind wandered and i opened up my bottom desk drawer full of old crap from elementary school. i emptied out the contents of the drawer onto my floor and looked at all the things, all of the memories of greenville. i had these little stories i wrote when i was in 3rd grade, this little doll thing i made for mr. solomons class and this little book of pictures that ellen binder and i drew in like 2nd grade in our attempts to make a brouchure for our "resort". i was rather artistically challenged to say the least, the people had upside down u's for noses and hands with four or six fingers- never five. i may have been mathematically challenged too, im not quite sure. but at the bottom of the drawer, i found my poetry anthology from mrs. jarosz's class in 6th grade and i looked through it. one of the assignments was to write a poem about ur "inside self and ur outside self", and as i was reading through it i realized that although stuff about us does change, the deep core and soul of who we are is unchangeable. i found that stuff in this poem continues to hold true still today for the most part, but that other things accumulate inside of you, shaping you as you go through life---but even with those things cant CHANGE the core of you.
Inside Out or Outside In by 6th grade Danielle Litoff
my inside self and my outside self are different as can be,
my outside self is nice and fun, shes smart, friendly and number one!
sometimes shes a copycat, shes always happy never sad,
shes always there to lend a hand, she never starts the trends or fads,
people know she loves to dance, she loves to talk and act,
but my inside is a whole different story, and thats a definite fact.
inside shes a coward, and shes kinda shy
the girl who wants to be brave and sure, shes afraid to be different 'cuz she thinks they'll laugh
because shes a little bit insecure
do people know she isnt brave, she isnt what she appears?
maybe she'll let go someday of her insecurity and her fears.
along with all those other epiphanies, i realized that since i wrote that poem, ive really come into my own. those insecurities and fears for the most part have gone away, something im endlessly proud of. i remember 6th grade danielle. she wasnt a person now that i really think about it, but she was slowly realizing this for herself. she was pretty much a borderline stephanie wannabe, and she knew it too. after 7th grade, i kind of, grew into my own person. its kind of interesting to reflect on how you've grown since elementary school, not necesarily how you've changed, because you're essentially always the same person, but just how you've developed since then, how much you've learned, how many experiences you've had since then, and to think how all these things shape you. its a little scary too.
last night i was still in blast from the past mode, so i decided to go through some of my really really old cds and i just listened to them. spice girls, hanson, old school no doubt, backstreet boys, mandy moore---i really had no music taste, but even to this day, i still love it all. it just reminds you of every good thing about being little.
SELF-REDISCOVERY test it out. i think you'll pleasantly surprise yourself with all the stuff you'd forgotten about that you used to think would stick with you forever. its good to have a refresher sometimes.
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anyway, in other news, vacation is officially here. im leaving for vermont tonight at 4---dont ask, crazy parents. ill be back on sunday, but for those of you who i wont get to speak to, have a VERY merry christmas, i love you all <3
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DrOp1bAybZ...
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dmlxoxo
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2004 18 December :: 2.58pm
i stole gabis questionaire because her post inspired me to do this so i can look back on it and see the change in myself later on in my woohuing days----
† name - danielle
† piercings - ears
† tattoos - 0
† height - 5'6''
† shoe size - 8
† hair color - brown
† length - longggg
† siblings - none
LAST
† movie you went to see -- after the sunset <3
† movie you bought - shrek 2
† song you listened to - look what you've done- jet
† song that was stuck in your head - for the love of money- o'jays
† cd you bought -i buy songs, not cds, but the last song i would have to say was girls not grey by afi
† cd you listened to - ipod....
† person you've called - john
† person that's called you - john
† tv show you've watched - pimp my ride
DO ..
† you have a bf or gf - no
† you have a crush on someone - totally crushin
† you wish you could live somewhere else - thats tough, i think we all do sometimes, but i dont know if i would go as far as to say YES I WANT TO MOVE
† you think about suicide - never
† you want more piercings - yes, my carteledge
† you drink - nah
† you do drugs - nope
† you smoke - of course not
† you like roller coasters - u have to push me to get on one but once im on im in loveee
† you carry a donor card - nope, too young
FOR OR AGAINST ..
† long distance relationships - for
† teenage smoking - AGAINST
† premarital sex - for
† driving drunk - against
† gay/lesbian relationship - for, i just wrote my persuasive essay on this haha
† soap operas - i dont watch but i dont see y not
FAVORITE ..
† food - PASTAAA
† song - black balloon- goo goo dolls
† sports - skiing biatch
† drinks - diet coke with no ice and a slice of lime :)
† clothes - ones that accent your best features
† band/singer - thats a toughie....ill just say jack johnson and oasis so i have something to write here
† holiday - christmas----says the jew haha
† new nerdy saying - what the crap
NUMBER ..
† of times I have been in love? - possibly once, but i dont know
† of times I have had my heart broken? - too many for my liking
† of drugs taken illegally? - zippo
† of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? - i couldnt say
† of people I consider my enemies? - enemy? no one
† of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? - no idea, but its been in there a bunch of times
† of scars on my body? - too many to count---i used to fall alot as a kid haha
† of things in my past that I regret? - a lot of stuff, but everything happens for a reason and i think that everyone looks back on their past and says to themselves: "if i could do it again differently i would do this this and this...." every once in a while
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ..
† handsome/pretty - i guess i have a good self image
† funny - yeah but in a stupid way lol
† friendly --yes, very
† amusing - sometimes
† ugly - depends on the day
† loveable - yeah
† pessimistic - sometimes
† optimistic - sometimes
† dorky - i can be
† spell your first name back wards - elleinad
† the story behind your user name - my initials+kiss+hug+kiss+hug
+are you straight - yes
† where do you live - e-mont, ny
† four words that sum you up - understanding, sensitive, hopeless romantic, enthusiastic
DESCRIBE YOUR -
† wallet - grayish blue kipling wallet
† toothbrush - blue oral-b
† pillow cover - blue with flowerish things
† blanket - colorful
† coffee cup - i dont have oneee
† sunglasses - expensive titanium maui jims that my dad got for me since he used to sell them in his store and hes all concerned with having good sunglasses to "protect your eyes, but if u lose them i pry the eyes out of ur head"
† shoes - im a sneaker fiend
† CD in stereo right now - none
† what you are wearing now - PJ's
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -
† you wishing - lots
† after this - shower, watch tv
† something you're looking forward to in this upcoming month - new years, and skiing
† something that you are deathly afraid of - NEEDLES
† do you like candles - yes
† do you like hot wax - its fun to play with lol
† do you like incense - nah its too smelly
† do you like the taste of blood- noooooo
† do you believe in love - of course
† do you believe in soul mates - everyone's got one
† do you believe in love at first sight - yes
† do you believe in forgiveness - yes
† do you believe in God - couldnt tell you
† what do you want done with your body when you die - just a casket
† who is your worst enemy - my conscience
† if you could have any animal for a pet--a chocolate lab named lola
† what is the latest you've ever stayed up - 6
† what are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - nyc, san francisco and idk where else
† what are some of your favorite pig out foods - chips, ice cream, cookies, CHOCOLATE, u name it, i love it lol
† what's something that you wish people would understand - me
† what's something you wish you could understand better - why stuff happens
DrOp1bAybZ...
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dmlxoxo
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2004 16 December :: 8.40pm
DrOp1bAybZ...
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dmlxoxo
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2004 7 December :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: sunday bloody sunday- u2
fun quiz cuz i got nothin better to doooo
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