Dear Die-ary, I think Im dead..............................."I should have known from the word slut branded on your forehead" ........................................"Mors Principium Est" (Death is the Beginning)

 

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a-demons-angel

:: 2006 27 November :: 7.36pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Revenge of the Sugar Plum Fairy - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

This school survey thingy..
Who's locker is next to you?
I'm not quite sure, I don't use it. But in 7th grade, my locker was next to Emily's, which was really kick ass.

-Are you usually on time to 1st period
Always. Always. Always.

-Full size or small sized locker?
Full size bitch.

1 S T P E R I O D:

-Who sits beside you?
It's not so much sitting as it is laying, and it's usually Bunn and Sanguine, but Sanguine did the whole exchange program thing so now I have Eor in my class.

-What class is it?
Sleeping 101

-Who's your teacher?
Mr. CAB (Comfy Ass Bed) and Mr. FC (fluffy comforter)

-Have you ever fallen asleep in first period?
Fallen asleep? No. Been asleep? Everyday

2 N D P E R I O D:

-What class is it?
Spanish I

-Who's Your teacher?
Mr. Castillo

Are you failing this class?
Actually, I usually have an A in this class.

-Is this your favorite class?
I don't really have a favorite, but this is definately the easiest.

-Who do you sit in front of?
That kid I sit in front of.

-Who do you talk to the most?
Most definately my teacher. He asks me a question and I answer.

3 R D P E R I O D:

-What class is it?
Marine Bio Honors

Is your best friend in this class with you?
Hahaha-no.

-Do you hate anyone in this class?
Hate is such a harsh word. I prefer strongly dislike. And I strongly dislike many people, starting with my teacher and warming up expansively from there.

-Are you allow to eat in this class?
Everyday. In fact, this morning I brought basil and garlic goat cheese, and mini toasts. It was quite delicious.

4 T H P E R I O D:

- What class is it?
AP American History

-What do you do during 4th period?
Listen and laugh. My teacher is awesome and she makes this class amazing.

-What is your teacher's name?
Ms. Kay

do you chew gum in 4th period?
If I have it and the situation calls for it

-Anyone you want to shoot during 4th period?
That one Christian girl that's ugly and has a really big mole on her face. I'm not vain, it's not her looks that make me dislike her, it's what she says. Stupid zealous, religious over-achiever..

Is 4th period your fav class?
Actually, yeah, it probably is. But it's also the most demanding of them.

5 T H P E R I O D

-what is it?
AP English

-is your crush in this class?
No. He's 20 and doesn't go to high school anymore. And even if he did, he was homeschooled.

-do you have any relatives in this class?
Not to my knowledge

-whos the teacher?
Mizz G-Rafalo

6 T H P E R I O D

- WHAT IS IT?
IT'S SOMETHING!
But specifically, it's AP Bio.

-is your ex in this class?
Nope. I haven't go to school with a boi/ex since the 8th grade.

-do you day dream in this class?
Never! Why would I ever want to miss out on hour long lectures about proteins, cell membranes, enzymes, osmosis, or anything of the sort!? The idea itself is appalling!

-whos the teacher?
Mrs. Weise, who is like.... a million years old.

A F T E R S C H O O L:

-Bus?
Nope.

-Walk?
Once. Took me an hour and a half.

-Ride?
My mama. She's never on time.

-hang with friends?
Afterschool? It's very rare, I don't really have any close, close friends at school. But I do sometimes hang with Malic after school, and that's always fun.


Yessss....
Boredom...

Bye!

<3

break my being


chaosdecrepit

:: 2006 26 November :: 2.47am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: N/A

Aww.
Malachi says:
I need a picture of me making you smile.. like. genuinly..

break my being


chaosdecrepit

:: 2006 25 November :: 2.21am
:: Mood: bitter/anti-social
:: Music: N/A

i need a home for my hands and head
I just walked Nikolai part-way home... I hope he doesn't fall asleep on the way... The poor little guy was so tired.

Other than that, I am so sick of people.
And half the time the state of the world makes me want to cry.

I'm sick of being a figurehead for some guy and I'm sick of not being cared about. I've been treated like a joke, I have. Someone is going to get a hell of a lot of backlash for it.

All it does is make me more bitter and jaded and it becomes harder for me to put my trust in people... And really, do I need to get any worse with those things?

Nay.

I was never really taught right from wrong and when I was in high school I always had somene to look out for me. Here it's different. I've gotten myself into a "how many stupid things can I do, how far can I go before someone stops me?" mindset.

Trust me,

there is no one here to stop me.

2 more shards | break my being


chaosdecrepit

:: 2006 16 November :: 2.39pm
:: Mood: ill
:: Music: The Noose - A Perfect Circle

Finland, Finland, Finland... It's the country for me.
I have had a fever the last... four days or so.

I should be writing my sequence analysis... But... I am sick and procrastinating.

I was tagged to write six strange things about myself in Xhanny's journal... So... Here I go!

1. I can't sleep without socks on. If I have cold feet I have an unsatisfying sleep and wake up tired and cranky.

2. My body is naturally two degrees cooler than the normal human body temperature.

3. I get anxiety attacks.
Emphasis on when someone kisses me for the first time.
I get so scared of physical contact that I start shivering and have a good 'ol anxiety attack.

4. I hate dancing, so instead of "getting down" when I listen to music, I pace. It helps me think.

5. I can see in the dark almost perfectly.

6. I hate cauliflower, not only because it is a wholly disgusting vegetable, but because it reminds me of an STD.

On the whole, this little exchange has made me feel much better.

Thanks, woohu!

3 more shards | break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 24 October :: 2.29am
:: Music: EmpTe - Skinny Puppy

By they way.
I find getting no sleep utterly depressing.
I can't wait for Thursday.
SLEEP.
<3

break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 24 October :: 2.21am
:: Mood: Sleepy
:: Music: Assemblage 23 - Ritalin (Nerve Filter)

English Essay
Message: Tragedy can be a blessing in disguise.

It was after dark. My little sister, Asja, and I were happily playing with our Barbie dolls in my room in our cozy house in Dallas, Georgia; Ken had just confessed his undying love to the ever beautiful and mysterious Mermaid Barbie and was now proposing. The Little Mermaid had always been my favorite story. But just as Barbie was about to say “yes”, a terror-invoking shout erupted from the hallway, followed by a choking sob that filled me with more fear than I should have ever known. I rushed out into the hallway as fast as I could, Asja right on my heels. We emerged just in time to see Daddy violently shove Mommy against the wall and slap her hard against the face. I watched helplessly with the grim realization that there was nothing I could do to help her, the one that loved me more than anyone ever could. When she feebly tried to push him away, he struck her again. I took it upon myself to protect Asja from this horror and gently ushered her into her room, softly closing the door behind us. The only light in her room filtered in from the street through the blinds on the window, dimly illuminating the floor beneath the window with an orange glow. I could barely make out Asja’s small and quivering frame, she was scared and confused, but her eyes were aglow with the desperate need to do something. I helped her into bed and layed down beside her. “Is Mommy going to be alright?” she asked in a tiny worried voice. She didn’t understand what exactly was going on, but understood that something was wrong. “She’ll be fine.” I replied, kissing her forehead, and reassured her of the this until she fell sound asleep. I however, laid awake, unable to sleep. I prayed, wished, hoped something would happen to stop what I could still hear going on. And a few months later, on July 25th, 1996, my prayers were answered in a way that I never could’ve imagined.
I couldn’t have been asleep for more than a few hours when my mother burst into my room and shook me awake. “Wake up, Jade, wake up! Something’s wrong, we have to go to the hospital right now! There’s no time to get dressed, Aunt Anita and Uncle Butch are already waiting in the driveway. Go ahead and run out there while I grab Asja.”, she said in a frightened voice. I stifled a yawn, quickly jumped out of bed, and rushed outside with my mother following close behind with Asja in her arms. The drive to the hospital was a blur, and once we got to the hospital, we rushed into the lobby, and were immediately directed to a waiting room. I found myself waiting with only Butch and Asja, my grandmother had come too, but all the women were somewhere else. We didn’t wait long before they all came back in the room crying with more pain than I ever could’ve thought possible. I was beyond confused and frightened. I turned to Butch and asked “What’s going on?” to which he replied in a pained but quiet voice. “Your dad is dead.” And as I sat there in shock, refusing to let myself cry so as not to scare Asja further, something inside me died. I was 6 and Asja was 2. This event marked the real beginning of my life.
In the years that followed, my mother would move my sister and I down to Florida, where we would live poorly, with her drifting from one wicked man to another, making happiness always seem just out of reach. And up until a few years ago, it was.
Four years ago I met the best sister from another mother a girl could ever have, Emily Galea, and the best friends ever. Dylia, Naomi, Loni, Keith, Josh, Bill, and Adam. I also met my first love, Diego, whom I'm still with today. But more importantly than all of this, my mother gave birth to my little sister, Athena, who is now 2. You have never known joy unless you have had the privilege to raise a child. It’s the most amazing experience in the world, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not even to have my abusive father back. I understand now that there must be a balance. For every pain, a moment in heaven, for every tear, a smile, for every laugh, a cry, for every tragedy, a blessing, and for every death, a life.


Yeah... So....
It's really emo.
But I thought that it would get me a better grade.
That's not to suggest it isn't true though.


LOVE YA ~insert quack Emily face~

<3

1 more shard | break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 23 October :: 3.27am
:: Mood: tummy ache
:: Music: Type O Negative - Love You To Death

I'm bored.
You love me.
And love to make me feel loved.
So... fill this out:

1 My name?
2 Where did we meet?
3 Take a stab at my middle name?
4 How long have you known me?
5 How well do you know me?
6 Do I smoke?
7 Do I believe in God?
8 When you first saw me, what was your 1st impression?
9 Color eyes?
10 Do I have any siblings?
11 Have you ever had a crush on me?
12 Would you ever kiss me?
13 What's one of my favorite things to do?
14 Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
15 What's my favorite type of music/band?
16 What is the best feature about me?
17 Am I shy or outgoing?
18 Would you say I am funny?
19 Have you ever seen me cry?
20 If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be?
21 Are my parents still together?
22 What do I love?
23 What songs make you think of me?
24 If you could set me up with one person for the rest of my life, who would it be and why?

<3

5 more shards | break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 28 September :: 12.27am
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Gnarls Barkley - Necromancer

So
I'm writing an narrative essay for English right now.
It's supposed to convey some sort of message.
And my message is that tragedy can be blessing in disguise.
I'm really proud of how it's turning out.
I think I'll post it here when I'm done.
Which should be relatively shortly, because this essay is due Friday.
<3

1 more shard | break my being


chaosdecrepit

:: 2006 24 September :: 5.30pm
:: Mood: elated
:: Music: Nothing

Ooohhh, my love...
I await the day when Paul Dano falls deeply in love with me and sweeps me off my feel and marries me in Finland and garnishes my bed and silk sheets with rose petals. Black ones.

break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 20 September :: 12.09am
:: Mood: Bleh
:: Music: Tech N9NE

Well...
I'm bored.
I have homework I need to do.
But I'm not doing it
I really should...

But who really wants to write a DBQ with a prompt on "To what extent the colonists developed a sense of their identity and unity as Americans by the eve of the Revolution? Use the documents and your knowledge of the period 1750 to 1776 to answer the question."

Bleh.

This is the only thing I don't like about this class.
I love learning, but I hate writing the fucking DBQs.

The College Board sure love their "To what extent..." questions.
I hate them
With a passion

I'm tired
And I'm ranting

And it was "Asja's a Bitch Day" today

It all started in the kitchen when I was making my spicy spuds and and she was unloading the dishwasher.
I had just asked my mom a question, and turned around and Asja was reading all the recipes on the page.
Well. I was cooking, and I neede it right then.
So I asked her for it.
And did she give it to me?
Noooo
"Wait, I'm reading it. You'll just have to wait"
#$%@$@@!!!
I was cooking
She was supposed to be unloading the dishwasher
So when she continued refusing to give me the recipe, I got mom to tell her to give it back to me, and she got all pissed off and threw at me and would shove me when she walked by to put something away.
Well, it continued and we started yelling at each other.
Then she started threatening me while brandishing a spatula.
Well, if she were stupid enough to hit me with a fucking spatula, I'd punch her the face, no joke.
And she knows this
So I started laughing at her and her idle threats
Then she got even more pissed off.
Stormed off, yelling things at me, I continued laughing.
Then she got really pissed, came back downstairs and pulled a knife out on me, which really just sent me over the edge.
I could not stop laughing.
Did she think I was convinced even for a second she was going to stab me?
I mean honestly
It was too funny
Well, she stormed off, and yelled at my mom "You don't even care!"
Which made me laugh even more, because Asja was all insulted I was laughing at her for threatening to inflict pain on me.
And she felt that I was in the wrong.
Well, a couple of hours later she apologized for "Being mean to me"
And I replied "Apology accepted" and started walking away
"Wait!"
"What?"
"Aren't you going to apologize for laughing at me?"
"Now why would I go and do something silly like that?"
"Forget it"

Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't feel I'm obligated to apologize for laughing at someone who has a knife pointed at me.

Yeah... That was point.
The beginning was just a petty fight, but you needed the background information.
I think you did anyway.

I.
Am.
SOOO
Tired.
I've only gotten a couple of hours of sleep these past few days.

:/

Well.
The DBQ awaits.

<3

3 more shards | break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 9 September :: 6.37pm
:: Mood: Tired with a stomach ache
:: Music: She Is The Dark

I can't wait
forever..

<3


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 8 September :: 4.34pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: ~munch munch munch...~

Yummy yummy Cocoa Puffs!
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!
EMILY ANN FUCKING GALAGA
FUCKING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I LOVE YOU BITCH
YOU'RE MY NUMBER 1 HO

But anyway.
I love you.
And I hope today didn't suck.

MWAH

<3

2 more shards | break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 1 September :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Led Zepplin - Stairway To Heaven

deathbyjisatsu: Don't you dare shoot yourself in the head.
deathbyjisatsu: It would kill me
LotusLE98: What the hell are you talking about?
deathbyjisatsu (8:11:39 PM): I had a dream


Auto Response from LotusLE98 (8:11:40 PM): I am away from my computer right now.


deathbyjisatsu (8:11:43 PM): A nightmare actually
deathbyjisatsu (8:11:50 PM): I was talking to you on the phone.
deathbyjisatsu (8:12:13 PM): And I guess you told me you had a gun in your hand
deathbyjisatsu (8:12:25 PM): And you said to me "I can't take this crap anymore. It ends now."
deathbyjisatsu (8:12:31 PM): And you shot yourself
deathbyjisatsu (8:12:46 PM): And I went into shock
deathbyjisatsu (8:12:56 PM): I got really heavy into alcohol and drugs
deathbyjisatsu (8:13:20 PM): And your death started a huge protest among teens
deathbyjisatsu (8:13:30 PM): We wanted some sort of change
deathbyjisatsu (8:14:54 PM): And I came upon these kids in the Mall parking lot with picket fencse saying things like "Don't let this happen again." with a picture of you dead on it
deathbyjisatsu (8:14:58 PM): And things like that
deathbyjisatsu (8:15:36 PM): And I told them all to come back to place because I was having a massive party filled alcohol and galaxy of drugs
deathbyjisatsu (8:15:45 PM): And then I started going crazy from missing you
deathbyjisatsu (8:15:49 PM): And yeah....

<3

1 more shard | break my being


chaosdecrepit

:: 2006 26 August :: 11.58pm
:: Mood: tired/somewhat lonely
:: Music: lost in the plot - The Dears

leave me in the middle of the ocean
I can walk the rest of the way

Steve sent me the following when drunk, which I just got:

Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:07 AM:
darn briteny, we should hang out and get drunk sometime... your a frigggen cutie!!!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:07 AM:
ahhh sorry i just said that haha
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:07 AM:
whooops
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:07 AM:
!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:09 AM:
darn you shouldn't puke.... RAWR!!!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:09 AM:
this sucks, i wanted to hang out wioth youy!!!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:09 AM:
how about friday ahha!!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:27 AM:
i want to cuddle with you
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:27 AM:
uhhhh]
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:27 AM:
ahhhh
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:36 AM:
ummm yea... ok so what!!!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:36 AM:
i said ut!!!
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:37 AM:
tomrorow
Steve sent 8/25/2006 2:38 AM:
lets just play ground it up!!

... Cute?

And ground it up? wtf?

I have decided to quit drinking in lieu of the stupid, stupid e-mail I sent Colin while drunk. Ughhhh. No. No more.

Whenever I tell people that they give me a little laugh, pat me on the back and say "No you won't, sweetheart."

:(

I want fruit juice and a really good hug.

Fight a bitch.

2 more shards | break my being


a-demons-angel

:: 2006 26 August :: 2.15pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Metallica - Nothing Else Matters

Poo.
Poo pish posh.
Pish posh poo.
Poo posh pish posh.
Pish posh pish posh.
Poo.

Hi

School's going well.
And I'm doing fairly well in AP US
I'm aiming for an A
So far I have an 86.25
So I have to do SUPER well on my test Monday
And my other classes are going fairly well too.

So yeah.

There you go.

Pink Floyd - Time

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away, across the field, tolling on the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
And hear the softly spoken magic spell

<3

break my being

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