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:: 2011 16 December :: 10.31pm

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:: 2008 1 June :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: A big ol' Clusterfuck!
:: Music: Tokio Hotel-"Ready,Set,Go!"

I'm Open For Business!
Well what do ya know? My bitchin' azz self is back at it again. I'm living my life and came across woohu again. I need to start blogging more and i've lost my touch with it, which is sad, very sad. I am really tired considering i'e just returned from a 10 hour Baby Shower that literally felt like forever. I mean, it's my best friend's baby, but still. I can't sit out in the hott sun for more than 2 hours to the point where i'll be stompin some ass for a cigarette. Pardon my language, well no don't pardon, i meant every word. I've been looking back on past entries and learning of how much a loser i really am lol. I recently joined a little place known as Stickam.com and i personally fell into love with it. It's a live webcam community where you can go on cam and talk to ppl form all over the world, at first, everyone just thinks it's some place to be insanely crazy and show your junk off to people, but it's really not. It is a serious place for fun. You should all join and add me, just go to my profile, CLICK HERE! I'm so busy these days between hanging with my friends and entertaining ppl on stickam. I can be sure to tell you this blog will never get boring anytime soon. Look out for some really crazy andy stories. COMING SOON!

P.s. This is where i'm saying goodbye and seeya at the next blog!


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:: 2007 25 December :: 12.06am
:: Mood: Ready for Christmas! =D
:: Music: Paramore-"Misery Business Remix"

I'm Back for 08'
Hello Everyone,

I am back at woohu. I haven't expected a comeback, but low and behold; here i am. I'm doing very good these days. I've turned 16 and i am definitley loving it. I'm currently single, and after finding out that right now love doesn't exist for me(Hint: Past Entries), i've gone and looked for it, so far, nothing. I hope that you old woohu friends will welcome me back with open arms, i've missed this place for sure. Well, Merry Christmas, and be back soon to update more...

-love me like whoa.

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:: 2007 30 May :: 2.13am
:: Mood: WHOA!
:: Music: Lilliz-"What I Like About You"

It's a Crazy/Psycho/Messed up/shitty kind of Night!
whoa as if i never give you guys a good update, here's one! Tonight samantha tells me she likes me, mistake no.1, i told her i like her too. Tonight my recent x-girlfriend a.k.a Alicia/Best Friend found out somehow.....i wonder who!!!!! Well she decided she could flip on me and say i'm a liar/all the above. BUT! She broke up with me because it was awkward, and she wasn't feeling right about the relationship. Well if she didn;t want the relationship, then why now does she decide to flip so crazily because someone likes me, and my feelings are surfacing for her again too. Then again, when we were dting i told her my feleings for sam were gone. I think i really ended up hurting he and i fell terribl, but she never gave me time of day to explain myslef, she jsut signed off and never let me reply. I feel like the biggest loser in the world right now, besides bush, but still. I have these two wonderful girls, wonderful in my eyes, not so much in some of my friends. I mean with samantha, i can talk about anythign to, we can last a conversation for days on end, and she has the best way to make me laugh, and keep me happy...Then alicia, she knows how to cheer me up, was always there for me, and now decides she likes me, she's got this way of making you fall fast for her(trust me, i know!!!). I'm stuck here in between two ppl and i know in the end, i'm going to have to choose wisely, but after all, when do i ever choose wisely. I mean look at my past, it doesn;t show bright colors of a great relationship, the best relationship i've ever had was with jessica durstine, and that was the 5th grade. All i want is love in my life, is that so hard to ask for? I don;t want to be hurt anymore, and both of them have done that. I just wnat them both to change and decide on if they really want me or not. Trust me, maybe i'm not the guy you want at all, not even a little bit, not even at all. I hope that my decision becomes easier than it seems right now, and i could use all the help i can get, so please, don't hesitate to tell em what you think....plz tell me what you think! I love you all, goodnight =]


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:: 2007 27 May :: 1.38pm
:: Mood: Tempted
:: Music: Paramore-"Misery Business"

Take a Look At Me Now
Hello guys, i'm back. I've had so much change these past coupel months. I've dropped sam, and ended up dating my best friend(for a while) It didn't work out. I've just been living my life mostly, doing all that i can. I figured if life isn't gonna go the way you want it to, live it the way it is then. So, brittney(my friend) assumes that samantha likes me again, and i think so too. She hints to me that she really likes some guy, but wouldn't tell me, and only will tell Brittney. Sop, who knows, but i'd like your guys opinions on this, i'd like to know what you think i should do. Well i've got to go finish a nice myspace layout, be back soon.


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:: 2007 26 May :: 10.12pm

Just do it <3

Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

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:: 2007 9 May :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: bored

New myspace.
clicky here to add me!

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:: 2007 24 January :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: astounded
:: Music: Ryan Cabrera-"Exit To Exit"

When the world stops spinning....do we fall off?
Has anyone besides me ever had one of the hardest relationships ever?! I feel like Samantha could care less about me. It's like she got what she wanted and now that she has it, she's done[makes me want to blow my head off] Especially now that this is the 8th time that we've gone back out. This ON AND OFF dating thing has got to stop. I want to be in serious relationship and she only wants to mess around with my heart[maybe take it in her hands and smash it]. But anyways, dating sucks, and i'm trying to get used to this so called normal life i don't have. Today i decided that sitting on the computer all hours would be fun, well........it's not. I'm now as bored as ever and don't see why the net interests me. Maybe because it's the only place i can actually let loose and tell ppl how i feel without really being judged. But sometimes, that even defeats it's own purpose. Eventually there is one person on the earth that will decide to want to bitch you out on your own journal, and i'm yet to meet mine. I'm amazed at how extremely bored i get to the point that i talk about the most boring things; there was a point there.(i make myself bored.) Tommorrow's plans are as follows:

1) Probably sit at home and watch tv.
2) Think about how stupid i am to fall in these hopeless relationships.
3) Tell myself how stupid i am that i forgot my Science book, and will be failing my test.
4) Wonder why i do what i do
5) Wait for the arrival of money so i can go shopping for some new clothes that i NEED.(thought i'd put a happy one in there.)


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:: 2007 14 January :: 8.10am
:: Mood: Tired/idk
:: Music: Paramore-"Franklin"

Happy Valentines Day!
Good Morning Woohu-ers. Today totally sucks, school was cancelled on the only day i really wanted it to be open. Today i planned on giving a necklace to Samantha for V-day, but of course it had to be cancelled and now we won't get off on our other days of school. We'll be making up all these days for a while sadly...School will also probably not be getting out on May 31st. So yes, today sucks. Hope everyone else had a good Valentines Day, mine went to shit.


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:: 2007 11 January :: 11.29am
:: Music: MY SONG!

Love And Letters + Me & U(Never Let Go Tonight)
We'll mend these broken bridges, tell each other no more lies, living in the places that keep us in disguise.
weather wrecking waters, or seamless cloudless skies, killing off the soldiers, never let go tonight.

i can see it, the foot tracks in the snow, giving away every memory of what we use to own. i know, i know.
lost in words can't seem to get out, gossip lips, trampled phrases, with loud mouths. i know, i know.
your not saying it loud enough, not everyone can hear, come a little closer, let it out, truth is what i fear.

I'm lost inside my gaze of what i know that isn't mine, but i can't seem to keep my eyes off of you tonight.
wanting you so badly, for a second to feel the same, the shame of rejection, neglection, and lies.
what seems like a decade only lasted about a year, the laughs, the love, now your wiping up your tears.
Clashing with reality, a story written song, a novel never published, and ending that went so wrong.

now i'm sitting here tonight, wondering how to get you back, nothing seems so right here now, only heart break
floods the floor, giving way to open doors for anyone, anyone of us can try there hardest, try to fix the broken pieces
of the puzzle in your mind, but only you can make a difference in my life!

I'm lost inside my gaze of what i know that isn't mine, but i can't seem to keep my eyes off of you tonight.
wanting you so badly, for a second to feel the same, the shame of rejection, neglection, and lies.
what seems like a decade only lasted about a year, the laughs, the love, now your wiping up your tears.
Clashing with reality, a story written song, a novel never published, and ending that went so wrong.

Clashing with reality, a story written song, a novel never published, and ending that went so wrong.
weather wrecking waters, or seamless cloudless skies, killing off the soldiers, never let go tonight.

By Now, you've probably figured out, this a song i wrote about how these last couple days of my life have been going, so hope you like it ;)


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:: 2007 12 January :: 4.48pm

I live, ho-bags!

Anyway. I have not completely forgotten you, and there is still much love in my heart for Ye Olde Woohu.

I know several of you roleplay, so I thought I'd pop in and let you know that my forum has moved to a new, more accessible location.

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:: 2006 31 July :: 10.06pm

Went to India for two weeks for a school trip.
I'm back. Our studies in ayurveda are basically going to bore you, so I won't bother you with those. Our touristy stuff I can tell you later.

I can give you a fairly good representation of one crazy day in India.

We were on our way from Delhi to Agra in a rented A/C taxi. Dr. Bauman had been chatting with the driver in Hindi, because that way they rip you off less and are less inclined to drive you to places you don't want to go just to get a commission from some shopkeeper in case you buy something.

He passed a roadside rather-shady poll collector. It's hard to tell the government officials because they look just like local people who are simply pissed that a road was built and want to take your money to get back at The Man. He passed it, but thought better of it and went back after driving about half a mile down the road. We were left in the middle of a dusty road full of other vehicles.

Dr. Bauman turns around. "So, since it's been a while since the first time I was here, what are you guys really finding interesting now that you're here?"

"What's interesting?" was the general response. "What do you mean, have we seen anything interesting?"

Then, the circus began.

A woman approached the car with a handful of beaded necklaces. "Beads, madam. Madam. Madam. Hello." She tapped on the window. She called through the window. She clinked the beads against the glass window where they rattled and clattered and jingled. No amount of telling her no in English or Hindi would dissuade her.

A man walked by on the side of the road followed by two bears on leashes.

By this point we were laughing hysterically, far too involved in how rediculous this was to actually pay attention to how many rupees the necklace woman wanted.

A fakir arrived on the scene, fully arrayed in robes, turban and beard, coming from behind the car with monkeys trailing behind. One or more of them leapt up on our van, clinging to my window (Reread. MY WINDOW.) and gyrating violently in a distinctly sexual manner. We now had the beadwoman, two bears, and a humping monkey seven inches from my face. The laughter contined.

When the fakir noticed that we remained unenticed by his monkey, the animal disappeared. He crept up to my window and began stroking it muttering something about rupees. I looked up and we all collapsed in laughter again. Noticing we still hadn't opened our window and given him money, he raised up to the window a damn cobra. A cobra, people. As Dr. McGrath said, "If he thinks showing us the snake is the best way to get us to roll down the window he has really misjudged his audience!"

The tears flowed, the laughter continued. Still probably not the reaction he was hoping for, but he really didn't want to give up.

Then our driver came back to rescue us as a clown (yes, a clown, in full getup and a plastic clown mask) walked down the street away from us. I guess someone told him that the circus was over and the foreigners were on the move.

See anything interesting, Bauman?

Nah. Who are you kidding. *whistles generic circus theme and walks away with her hands in her pockets*

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:: 2006 9 May :: 9.48pm

So. Obligatory end of year post?

Sure. I'll do that. I have to do something to give this year some closure, after all.

I've spent another year at Butler and found that some things never change.

One, I will never ever have enough money. I will be perpetually screwed financially, and the best I can hope for is to survive up to the point where being screwed by Butler is irrelevant in any immediate sense. This is a result of the fact that my parents are changing their legal residence to New Hampshire, where they live. Up until then, we've taken advantage of various military loopholes that allow me to be an in-state student. My senior year I lose at least four thousand dollars in state funding. However, I won't have to register for classes again, and maybe I can save up to help defray that. I won't know until the time comes.

Two. People are the same no matter how old you are or where you find them. Many people are worth talking to, spending time with, even loving. Others are petty, greedy, and generally not worth any of the above. The people I've found are often variations on the same theme. These don't beg for respect. They take it. They simply are to be respected, without any need for them to cry out, "I told you so." I've met a few of these this year. Some people are distractions, but these new friendships... they are the diamond in the ashes, which I take in spite of you.

Some things have changed, though.

One. I'm becoming both more selfish and less self-centered if that makes any sense. I consider what I want instead of what is expected of me. I will not be guilted, manipulated, bullied, or abandoned when another more useful commodity comes along. My autonomy is coming along a bit. However, with this growing freedom is coming the realization that I don't have to need people to be around them. I don't have to be using them as a means to any end. It's okay for me to value the company of another person. It's safe to value the needs of others if I keep my head about me and remain conscious that their needs are not my needs. I don't need to mortgage my identity to anyone else to be relevant, but I can lend the identity I've chosen to the causes I value. The distinction may seem small, but it's a step in the right direction.

Two. Summer vacation isn't looming on the horizon as a three-months span in which life simply.... stops. I can spend that time with a young man I love very much, knowing that he loves me and is glad to have me around. I can go to my parents' house just long enough to see my cat. I can go to India. I can go to Ohio and get a job so that I can stay with Brian. Small sacrifices in order to gain everything worth working for.

Three. As I become more expressive of healthy emotion, I'm learning the difference between what's helpful and what isn't. I'm becoming a little easier to be around, very slowly and very gradually... but I'm getting there. I figure it's the least I can do for the people who stayed. They deserve that at least. The others? Let them remember me as they wish. I do not regret anything I have done. I was not unjustified in my scorn or dismissals all these years. I still have not been proven wrong. I simply intend to treat the people who love me with more gentleness than I've previously been capable of.

How are those for some changes? I am the same as I was, but greater in many ways. I will make different choices in the future than I have in the past, but the past is still there where it always was. I do not regret a moment of it.

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:: 2006 30 April :: 2.34am

Blue Roses!

For my own record, but I really thought someone else might think this is nifty, too.

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:: 2006 28 April :: 6.16pm

You know what?

I've been away for a very long time, and now that I've come back, the things that were bothering me seem to have gotten a bit better.

The people I'm watching are writing entries that are more specific. They were always personal, but people are actually saying what's going on now instead of merely telling me why everything is pain and suffering when you're fourteen years old and damn doesn't it suck.

The grammar's gotten better. Even in journals I'm not watching. People are using English, and it gives me hope for the internet.

I'll still be on livejournal, but for those of you I used to know: I may be around more, trying to get to know you again.

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:: 2006 28 April :: 6.16pm

New GM Struggles with Existing Paradigms!
Read more..

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:: 2006 28 April :: 6.12pm

An update some few of you will be able to understand.
I just had an odd request from a high school speech friend of mine. I said hi and the first thing he did was ask me for the whereabouts of Caleb. Now, I realize that in high school I was the only one who knew half the time where the boy was or why. I realize that I stuck by him for nearly two years even though that junkie wasn't exactly the best thing to have in my life. He didn't have anyone else, because no one else would have been able to handle being with him. No one else deserved it, so I stayed instead and everyone knew it.

But two years after the fact... apparently people still expect it to be true. Joe seemed... sad that he hadn't spoken to Caleb in two years, and that he'd never probably see him again. I told Joe that I cut ties with him after graduation. This was largely due to certain actions on Caleb's part after graduation that really don't need to be hashed over again.

It's just strange to have that reminder again. Even weirder is that it comes after a very.... odd dream that I had last night. Something about Caleb and a non-descript friend of his waiting for me in a men's room to rape me. Then I tried to get a cop to go with me and he asked me if it could wait because he was taking a break. Odd behavior for a policeman.

Maybe I'll try to think more about what that dream means, especially when you factor in the introduction of the topic into a totally unrelated conversation. I'm either superstitious, fatalistic, or simply don't believe in coincedence. However you want to see it, this is strange to me.

If nothing else, it reminds me of how much better off I am now than I was in high school. I don't regret anything that I did. I don't regret the (arguably undeserved) devotion to someone like Caleb. I forget who explained it to me this way, but she was right when she told me, "You're the most important person in his life. I just don't think that you're the most important thing." For a while that was enough. It never will be enough again, though. I had never been with anyone who told me I was beautiful without the obvious motive of squirming his way into my pants, or anyone who sincerely told me that he loved me. Most of the boys I've known have loved me the way a smoker loves nicotine gum. A pale substitute for what they really want, but for now it's better than what they've lost.

I won't say that they didn't have their reasons. Caleb's first love died of a drug overdose. He watched her die. Link...well, there was Tara. I shouldn't have to explain it that much further. I can't blame them, but I can say that I'll never sacrifice myself to people like them again.

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:: 2006 16 March :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: Me Mood
:: Music: Shiny Toy Guns-"Le Disko"


-You know what to do.

-Comment if you want added.

-About as simple as that, very easy!

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:: 2006 27 January :: 12.00am
:: Mood: happy




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:: 2005 27 November :: 9.33am

It's now official.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Comment to be added.

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:: 2005 26 November :: 12.09pm
:: Mood: depressed

i thought everything was going good, until last night.. and then everything got blown back up in my face.

nothings good enough for anyone, so leave me the fuck alone. everyones a fucking asshole to me anymore. i don't do anything right, and when i do do something right someone has to say something to me and make me feel like fucking shit about it.

i might as well just not have any friends or anything, it all comes back at me in my fucking face.. no matter what i do with who. it's always a problem.


you don't even fucking know what goes on in my head anymore.

so fuck off, i'm so serious. don't call/text my phone anymore. i'm tired of this bullshit.. i'm not even going to talk or hang out with any of my friends anymore. maybe that'll make things better.

this is my last entry that's public.. this is MY journal. I CAN WRITE WHAT I WANT ABOUT WHO I WANT. have a problem? don't read.

the rest of my journal entries will now be "Friends Only"

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:: 2005 25 November :: 2.13pm

There used to be a girl on this site who used the handle "Porcelain."

I miss her. She was cool. Every time I log on and think about how much respect I had for her. Unfortunately, her mother found her blog and she had to leave us. Then her journal was wiped out in the Great Deletion of Unpaid Journals.

Well, Porcelain. Here's to you, wherever you are. I haven't forgotten.

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:: 2005 25 November :: 1.59pm

Proof that I'm becoming an elitist condescending adult:

Every time I see an entry on a weblog that looks like this:

"oh man why cant i just have love but no one will love me becaus i suck and there's no way anyone can love a thing like me because i suck and everything i do cuz i have no worth and i should just die becaues n oone cares and ill never ever be loved and i'm so alone and theres no hope for me cuz no one understands"

...The first thing I want to do is look for the person's age. It could be the bad grammar. It could be the lack of capitalization or punctuation. It could be the lack of specific explanations or thought of any kind. But the main thing is, I doubt the maturity of entries like this. The people I've kept on my friends list use proper English, and sometimes proper French or Japanese as well.

The other reason I doubt the maturity of these bloggers is that, yes. I'm like everyone else. If I'm supposed to believe that someone who's never worried about the cost of food or where they'll be living in a few months' time has problems worth reading, I want to read some kind of actual justification. Just because this is the internet doesn't mean you're excused from actual communication.

In conclusion: Quit your bitching or at least start bitching in a way that makes people believe your problems have some relevance.

This time of year I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm thankful that no matter what has happened to me or is likely to happen, my problems will still never be that bad. I look at victims of wars, diseases and natural disasters all over the world and see that it can always be worse. I have it pretty damn good, and so do most people who live in an area where computer access makes blogging possible.

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:: 2005 25 November :: 1.57pm

I'm getting my WIS teeth out over winter break. As a result, my mother wants me to plan to be totally incapacitated for two weeks. This is the royal edict. This means I cannot plan to go to Brian's house over break. Why can't we just see what happens and maybe I'll be able to do it? Fantastic question! Because! My mother is buying me plane tickets. She will be doing this within the next day or two. This means that she'll be buying me a ticket back to Indianapolis. This means that the Fords couldn't drive me home to Indy without wasting a perfectly good plane ticket.

This all has one grand implication. I stay with my parents and endure not only oral surgery but four weeks around them, or else be a selfish ungrateful bitch for not wanting to be away from Brian for that long. That's what it means. And there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it.

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:: 2005 23 November :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: disappointed

You're all I keep thinking of and I can't get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try it's just never gonna happen. And you know what's amazing to me, that I would do anything to be with you, and you don't see it at all. You just throw me away like I'm some freakin piece of garbage and I just keep running back to you.

Tell me what's wrong with this picture.

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:: 2005 23 November :: 10.01am
:: Mood: okay

it's a really good day today.
i'm in a great mood.

ben and i went to rochelles last night
[awwweee love you rochelle!!]

tonight hopefully ben rochelle and i are going to hang out.
depending on if i'm still 'fighting' with my aunt loraine.
and it depends on if it snows.

awwwe.. love you two!!
Read more..

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:: 2005 17 November :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: depressed

So now that I wrote about my drama with Jim today.. I figured I'd write about my days.

Yesterday.. [Wed.] Becky Amy and I got in trouble for the whole "Jumping into the trunk" thing. Becky and I got 1 day after school, and Amy got 20 days without her driving pass.. Mr. Telerico laughed about it, said it was funny blah blah blah. The funny thing is, is that the teacher wouldn't have even known if some LOUD MOUTH would have kept her f-ing mouth shut.

Today [Thursday] I presented my graduation project. I went in there, I was prepared.. then I went to put my video in and it wouldn't work. I cried in front of 7 teachers.. But I guess something was wrong with the VCR they used because someone elses didn't work either.. so I went back up like an hour later and showed them my video. I brought Gabby with me, and they were all like "awwww she's beautiful." Yeah, she is. I know. :)

I was just messing around and I took this quiz..
what a co-ink-i-dink::Read more..

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:: 2005 15 November :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: depressed

So Doctor Beck, Mono is the sickness that I have?
School is dumb, I want it to be Christmas break..
I am depressed.. still.

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Here, here I am again
And I'm starin at these same four walls
Alone again
And now, all the colors blend
And I'm growing numb
And I've become this empty page
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling through all this static
I just wanna talk to you
And my broken heart just has no use
And I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that I'm the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round

Oh, the things lovers do when it's over
Oh, the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on

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:: 2005 15 November :: 9.47am
:: Mood: depressed

Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

Late nights, Late nights, playing in the dark
and waking up inside my arms
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had,
it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

I hate the way I feel.. I hate what I do to myself..

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:: 2005 14 November :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: depressed

So yesterday, [Sunday] Rochelle and I went to the mall/movies.

We saw SAW2.

Real good.

I went over Jims.

Jeff made me laugh.
"chilly willy" teehee

Stayed. [yayyyyyyyyyyy. I love being with him!]

Went to school.

And here I am.

What a glorious evening.

Yes, Jim, I am jealous.
And you hold it over my head.
I hate it.
And I hate the way you talk to her on the phone.
I love you. I'll wait.

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