2005 8 February :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: angry
WORST DAY EVER.
for a number of reasons.
1. i do not care what anyone says, this school that we go to is not esteemed because of the teachers, its as awesome as it is because of the drive of the kids in it. and as far as im concerned, perlman can go fuck a dog in the ass and then burn in hell for the rest of time. i dont think that once this entire year ive ever sat in her class and learned something thats valuable to me when it comes time to take her awful, heartless tests. we had a test in there the other day and we got them back today, and theres nothing like having your teacher stand at the front of the room and yell at you because of how poorly everyone did on the tests, like it was our fault. "i'm so disappointed, these were horrible, i dont know what happened, you tests were all terrible, especially the ones where people got more right than wrong...." she went on forever, making everyone feel like we fucked it up, like she had no role in my failure, or anyone else's on this test. as if the fucking 45 on the test wasnt bad enough, she had to make a statment in front of the whole class about people who got more wrong than right. and even though the majority of the class doesnt know that i was in that category, i know...and she insulted ME when she said it. fucking bitch. and im sitting here now and all i can think of is erica's pin "oh mother, is it worth it?" and im feeling like the answer is no. NO. things arent supposed to work out like this. as much as i hate the typical edgemont "im going to fail" and then doesnt, i wish i were that person right now. the person everyone hates because they draw attention to themselves for saying things like that. i'd rather have that than be the one who actually did fail...and failed miserably. euro can kiss my ass and burn with mrs. perlman in hell for eternity.
2. who the fuck do some people think they are? do they do what they do to purposely create tension and irritate people? or are they actually as stupid and oblivious as they come off? there are obvious, clear things that will piss me off, and not necesarily stuff that only applies to me, stuff that would rub ANYONE the wrong way, so why would you go out of your way to shove something in my face to make me this frustrated? why would you come up to me and say something stupid, that would lower my spirits, and act like a totaly airheaded idiot? do you want me to be mad at you? because god knows that you get agitated easily and god forbid someone did something like this to you, you'd be just as frustrated as i am. sometimes people step over the line, and i hope that you know enough not to exaserbate the situation further by exceeding the limits you've already pushed. brie84b983g4823y498giugu89348923gh482g94g82g89WHATTHEFUCKAREUTHINKING?rieb79wgh9889h45hio4h5o3.
and thats enough of my rants for now. i had to get that out.
"cuz everybody knows you've got to breathe..."-dave matthews band
2 From here I'll be |
2005 3 February :: 7.01pm
:: Music: roll to me- del amitri
just some stuff.....
some things you know about me if you know me well:
1. i know what i want.
2. i know where i want to be and how i want to get there.
3. i know the type of people i like to be surrounded by.
4. i know what i believe in and i dont sell out those beliefs for anyone else.
5. i know myself. and i know myself damn well.
....but sometimes i wish i just knew were i was supposed to end up. im all for the whole "you create where you're going, where you are, and where you end up" thing, but at the same time, i feel like theres a place where we're all destined to end up, and just having this idea back in the way back of my mind all the time, makes me wonder if sometimes the things i do, the things i say, the way i act or carry myself, is wrong, or is going to make me take a wrong turn. and this may be stupid and it may be a contradiction of myself, since what i said was that we all have a life thats been predetermined, im still always hesitant, thinking that what i do is going to mess up how things are "supposed" to be.
and then again, along the same lines as what i was just talking about, i wish that there would be some way to know whats going to happen. rreading through my past entries always makes me dig deep inside myself where i find stuff like these queries. i read one before where i had been mad at john for not hanging out with me, and the last part of that entry is about me finding someone, because theyre out there- around the next corner or a couple years down the road of life, i have no idea, but what i do know, is that theyre out there, and thats for sure. and its things like that, that i anxiously await, that i wish i could see the map of my life to find out how many more mistakes i have to make, how many more times i have to hurt myself, hurt other people, how many more wrong people there have to be before i find someone whos right. and i wish i could know if i were wasting my time on stupid nothings that will never amount to anything. i wish i could know if all this time ive been holding myself back for nothing, when i may have missed a sea of opportunities. and in that sea of opportunities, may have been what i was always looking for. but sitting here and going through every "what if" i can think of wont do me any good, because no matter how much i put my heart and my mind into the things i wish for, life is a mystery until you've lived it. presents and futures become pasts quicker than we realize. but like they say, a watched pot never boils, and sitting here waiting, wishing, drags seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to eternities.
"life is a mystery until you've lived it."-----but my question is, how do you know if you're living it right?
1 From here I'll be |
2005 22 January :: 6.23pm
There's so much about being happy that confuses me. Like I don't have stress or obligations or...anything. But I do have my friends and I love my friends and I love driving around in search of racist movies all day and doing random things but I don't feel like it's....okay to be content with that, like I should want more for myself but I'm not quite sure what. I think it's also my old feeling of paranoia which isnt completely unfounded because...shit happens. What if I lose my friends for some reason then what will I have I can't rely on just one thing in my life it's too scary idk if that makes sense at all I'm just so damn tired of being completely codependant in every aspect of my life : \
And I don't like how I am acting lately I feel like a bad person in general.
Aside from that the irony of it all is...I'm happier than I have been in so long. And now when I finally know how to be happy and not be so intense about everything, no guys in sight. I went from having too many when I wasn't ready to handle it, to none when I am finally in a place where I could probably pull off a normal low stress relationship. That's life I suppose I'm fine with it I guess.
2005 22 January :: 12.24am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
tonight was awesome. not only did i have a really great time, but i realized a lot about the people in our grade and about myself.
i remember when i was 3 years old, the first day i walked into scarsdale ballet and signed up for my first ballet class. i remember i picked out my leotard and my little skirt and my first pair of ballet shoes. i remember how i walked around my house and used to stand in front of the mirror in my parents' bedroom doing first and fifth position with my feet all the time. after that day, i took dance classes for 10 years, until i messed up one of my feet and i had to stop, and its nights like tonight that remind me of why dance was my passion---why dance IS my passion. i spent the entire night dancing my little heart out in my danielle fashion, and i just get this rush from it. i have such a great time. i wish i had just healed my foot when it happened and gone right back, but instead i just let it drag out, and every day that i let it drag out longer that i didnt dance i just became lazy and kind of let it sink into my past. and its nights like tonight that make me regret that so much, something that used to be one of the hugest parts of my life, something i enjoyed and used as my outlet for a lot of stuff---killed, all because of me. someday........
before i went tonight, i must admit i was kind of nervous that it was gunna be awkward for me. i felt kind of like the odd man out. there were mainly 2 groups of friends there tonight, jelkegs, and nekmek. and then there was me, and i was afraid i was going to be out of place between the 2 groups of such tight friends. i was actually nervous that i was going to be out of place. and for the first little bit of the party, i kind of felt the division, but as the night went on and as people danced and warmed up to eachother i found that we all just danced together in one huge group, no divisions, and no awkwardness. i was so impressed by this, that even though we divide ourselves with names and labels and circles of friends, when we're togetehr in a group, we're capable of acting like a whole. this was so comforting to me, and i loved that about tonight. i just had so much fun with people i wouldnt normall get to hang out with, and i really liked that.
i started to write this entry at 12 o clock and its now 1:40. whats wrong with me? and why am i even still up? gosh danielle, go to bed......signing off- dmlxoxo
3 From here I'll be |
2005 18 January :: 5.55pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: mae- soundtrack for our movie
I started to ache when I started to think of you, Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new.
There's only so much I can fake, There's only so much that I can prove.
Well, do it in a minute, I could go play the fool for you.
Lights, camera, action, I think I'm going for it this time.
There's something you should listen to, Could I take you for a car ride?
This is the soundtrack for our movie.
Would you tell me when we get to the best part?
I'll play it for you.
Oh no, I think I've lost this one, Can we try again?
Well I'm a wreck.
I really can't explain it but I, I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, I'm so in love with you.
Are you looking for an answer?
Because I could really use a friend tonight.
We can make this last forever, we don't have to fear the sunlight.
I'll take a chance and steal away this movie moment.
I'm in deep whenever I'm with you.
I'm directing the scene that has you and me forever.
We'll I'm so in love with...
2005 15 January :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: relient k
i'm don't have anything to say, except i like this cd, it could be their best yet. um. one more thing, i'm happy for friends that know how to make me keep going.
no i don't hate you,
don't want to fight you,
you know i'll always love you
but right now i just don't like you
cause you took this too far
2005 12 January :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: Real Love - Mary J. Blige
Olympic: Day 2
the excitement from yesterday is gone..so today was an ehh day..i rode steph's bus to school and home..i'm getting to hang out with her alot now which is great..i had psychology today which was interesting the teacher is kinda weird but he's funny..then i had ap english..they just started reading The Great Gatsby..but that class was fun..avi's in there..crazy kid..i met a couple new people in there too..i realized today that jaqueline is in almost all my classes..she's cool too..i haven't seen her since middle school when we used to hang out together with raquel..she's straight..a little on the quieter side now..i guess that's good..lol..spanish was fun..the kids in there crack me up..mrs hart changed our seats around so now i sit by this dominican girl daisy..she's sweet..we just messed around didn't do much in that class..then it was off to american history..my PE teacher teaches that class..and he's the head football coach..lol.a little weird..he even admitted that he had no clue what he was teaching so he's gonna give us work like reading the chapter and taking our own notes and then he'll give us a test (the test is made by the other history teacher)there's a total of 10 kids in there..he said that it'll just be a free period..lol..whateverr..works for me..at lunch i ate with steph, evan, the other stephanie, ryan, camila and a couple other people..JJ's in my lunch too..so he came by and ate with us :)we talked for a while and he's sooo cute!!..i bought my locker and mine is right next to his..hehe..lucky me!!!..:)..he didn't get to play at last night's game (which we won) and he won't be able to for i think 2 more games..him and the coach don't see eye to eye..lol..that's what he told me..ahh!! but he's so cute!! tall, black, athletic build so he's got some muscles..and he's got the most adorable smile.. :: snapping out of it now :: tomoro's an even day..i just got through with my pre cal homework and im working on my pysch. notes..but get this, in history we're only on westward expansion it's so easyyy..so im happy about that..im soo looking forward to sunny weather..i wanna go to the beachhhh!!!..i need a new bathing suit too..time to go shoppinggg..hehe..well i guess im done for now..<3
2005 11 January :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: O - Omarion
my first day at olympic..
ok..it went a little like this:
first i missed the bus this morning so my mom drove me to school..then when i went to pick up my schedule they said i was never registered..when we had registered yesterday..so whatever then i had to talk to my counselor and the data processor to pick my classes..that was so complicated because at ATL we do trig and then analytical geometry but at OH its the other way around..so they didnt know what to put me in..after bout a half hour they stuck me in pre calc..i soo cant do pre calc..im gonna get out of it..it's the middle of the year and im so behind on what these people are learning..i seriously dont get the point in being in there..but my counselor said that if im not picking up on the lessons that i just wont have a math class..i guess im going with that..but i saw ashley thompson..she's in my math so is avi..lol..we ate lunch together, she's graduating this year and going to UCF..the student aides that showed me around were all basketball players and they invited me to the game tonight i dunno if imma go though..we play river..but yeahh, stephanie buck is in my PE class..so we got to talk..she's madd cool..she's on the hip hop dance team..i think im gonna try out for that instead of cheerleading..there were a couple of cheerleaders in my 2nd hour today..and when the teacher asked me what kinds of activities i did at ATL i said cheerleading and they just grilled me..those cheerleaders in my class were madd stuck up and snobby so i know i wont fit in with them so i'd rather not go out for the team..it wouldnt be fun..so im gonna dance instead..i saw JJ!!!..he was in my lunch and we got to talk for a lil while..wowww he is just too cuteeee!!...and then after PE i was walkin toward the bus and he saw me and walked me to it..:)..i heard he broke up with his girlfriend too so heyyyy..lol..so all in all the first day went good..the class schedules are weird though..like there are regular days which are 1-7..then even days which are 2,4,5,6 and then odd days which are 1,3,5,7..so we have 5th hour everyday instead of 1st hour.
2. Child Development
3. AP English
5. AP Spanish
6. Team Sports
7. American History Honors
(my AP spanish class is definitely ALL native speakers..it was a lil weird for me..lol..but i saw this girl i used to go to summer camp with!! when i was like 9..lol..so that was cool) i was so nervous that i wasn't going to know anyone but it all worked out for me..another weird thing was that this one kid was like "u went to atlantic right?? u went out with carlos right??"..lol..i was like "ummm yeahh"..i was so confused i didn't even know this kid but he knew i knew carlos, avi and meyeong..he's a senior though and went to atlantic which threw me off even more..lol..then i met this girl shayah..she was like indian or something i dunno..but i swear she looks jut like nadia..its like whoaaa resemblance..with the little nose ring and everything..she's cool..we'll guys i will let u know how things go down tomoro: OH - Day 2..:)..i love and miss all my eagles and my bull..lol..meli
2005 10 January :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: sexual healing cover- ben harper and teh criminals
how just when something comes up once in life, within a short timespan, it becomes the focus of your mind and proves to be true. as i stated in my new years post, one of my most unique qualities is my endless amount of faith in the human race which i came to realize and learned to appreciate just 2 weeks ago. every time i lose all faith and respect for one person, a small amount of that faith just-shatters, and i realize that as you continuously get let down by people in life, you start to put a guard up around you because you've experienced this horrible side to people.
ive recently learned that one of the people i used to consider one of my closest friends has one of the most viscious horrible sides ive ever encountered....and the fact that i never knew up until this weekend makes this revaltaion hit me that much harder. its literally like someone just came up to me and took off the rose colored lenses i was wearing and showed me what his personality really looks like, and i was finally allowed to see, that while i always viewed him as mature and good hearted person, that he is exactly the opposite. he acts like hes five years old, getting his friends i dont even know to gang up on me. he is one of the most ill mannered people ive ever met, and couldnt give a damn about what kind of impressions his actions and words leave on people. he constantly insults me, telling me that people cant stand me but hes the only one who will "say it to my fucking face", to make himself feel superior. he can never let anyone win but himself, hes the best thing since sliced bread, he has the best hair/face/body/anything in his posession ever and will hold an entire conversation based around those things if you let him....and i dont.
and i think thats one of the reasons he resents me so much. i talk back to him. when he tries to go on for hours about his own pompous ass i dont put up with it. he'll ask me about stuff and when i tell him he'll ignore me and tell me he didnt actually want to know and then tell me that im obnoxious and whiney. this all started in one of his "competitons" that exist no where but in his mind, in which he called something homosexual which in reality cannot be, and when asked what that means he told me to "shut up, ur just trying to defend that fag you hooked up with" and went on to tell me how i act like i know everything and how he hates people like me. but to tell you the truth, i couldnt care any less, because i cant stand people like him. i cant deal with his arrogance and his snide comments and his random pms outbursts in which he curses me out for no reason and acts like hes in kindergarten-- and i drew the line.
we're not talking anymore. i want nothing to do with him because im mad, but more than that, disappointed in who hes become. ive been let down by the person hes morphed into since the summer- or by the person thats surfaced since then. looking back on the summer i realize that he may have always been like this- always as ignorant and obnoxious as he is now...but in smaller doses, and never directed towards me.
....and once again change has scarred me. the person who i once felt i could tell anything to, the person who i spent many a day at the beach with, who i laughed, and cried with, who i helped out with advice, and who used to help me---has fallen to ashes. yeah, its painful and yeah, its unpleasant, but sometimes you have to experience things to be able to see the flaws in people, and the pain that this has caused me is just one more battle wound in the journey of life.
1 From here I'll be |
2005 5 January :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: the postal service- nothing better
Will someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that you're deserting for better company? I can't accept that it's over, i will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied game rivalry. so just say how to make it right. and i swear i'll do my best to comply. tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together ?
I feel i must interject here. you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions and gaps in history. so let me help you remember. i've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear. i've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave. so please back away and let me go.
i can't my darling i love you so... tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?
don't you feed me line about some idealistic future. your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.
i admit that i have made mistakes, and i swear i'll never wrong you again.
you've got a lure i can't deny, but you've had your chance so say goodbye.
1 From here I'll be |
2005 4 January :: 6.55pm
okay fine, enough requests finally push me to clog up my journal with another one of these questionaires...
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:(depends on who you are)
danielle, danyelly, GOLDBERG!!(to like one person but i ran out of names)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-my ability to be very understanding
-my ability to express exactly what im feeling
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-my excessive chattiness which gets me into trouble
-my blindness to the fact that although i may not agree with what my friends are saying at the time, theyre usually just looking out for me and making sure i dont get hurt, which by not listening to them, i generally do
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
jewish, but barely, and nothing else really
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
-george w. bush
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
-fire island sweatshirt
-penguin pajama pants
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS:
-the dave matthews band
-the goo goo dolls
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
crash- the dave matthews band
stuck in a moment- u2
i'll cover you (reprise)- rent
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
-be more dedicated to schoolwork
-be more aware of whats actually happening in attempts to protect myself from emotional pain as a result of my blindness/naiivity
-be less lazy
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE(In no particular order):
-dance is one of my favorite things to do
-i have the best friends in the world
-ive never lied before
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
-good fashion sense
-good music taste
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
-be angry without yelling
-give up on people when i know i should
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
-spending time at the beach (bc i really dont have n e hobbies besides those two haha)
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
-something in communications
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
-fall madly in love
-learn to play the acoustic guitar
-camp out on the beach
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR ELSE...
i dont think anyones left....
2 From here I'll be |
2004 31 December :: 2.05pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: stuck in a moment- u2
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....
im almost glad to say goodbye to 2004. it gives me an excuse to start over, and use all the stuff ive learned over the course of the year to make sure that 2005 is better than 2004. 2004 taught me a lot about myself, about people in general, and about life. this year, the summer in particular, i came out of my shell, and i started to feel out the way people work, and the way that i work- and i found out that everyone, even the least likely people, make mistakes. this was the first time that i SAW this flaw in people. i always knew it was there subconciously, but when i saw it happen to other people, when people did it to me, and when i saw this flaw come out in MYSELF unexpectedly, that was a big lesson to be learned. 2004 taught me about people: their flaws, their kryptonites, their strengths, and that it is human nature to make mistakes.
with every new year, i find that i have this epiphany about friends, when really, its the same one every time- but a re-realization in a way. with every new year i am reminded that no matter how many times i say "edgemont sucks", some of the people that are here, i would not be able to live without. for the past 11 years i was blessed with the sister i never had, who has been my other half since we were 5 years old. theres never a day that passes that i dont talk to steph, someone who pretends to listen to me whine about my problems, and someone who can make me laugh about them even when i feel im at my lowest low. then i have friends like hilary who understands me when no one else does and can always sympathize with what i feel like, and it helps to remind me that im not alone. and then i have friends like zack, who stays on the phone with me until 2:30 in the morning because im upset about something, just making sure i know that hes got my back no matter what, and that he doesnt want to see me hurt, along with throwing in some "i told you so"s "are u stupid? why dont u listen to me?"s and "say zack is god"s----but hey, thats the price u pay for friends as amazing and priceless as these. 2004 taught me about friends, and how when u find good ones, theyre there for you always.
i need to treat myself with more respect, and i need to learn to be less naiive about life and the way people are. i am a very naiive person when it comes to some things. i am a very hopeful person when it comes to many things. in 2004, i put my heart out on the table for a bunch of people that i thought i could trust. i was used 3 times. am i blind not to see it? or am i stupid and ignore it. i dont know, but i know that i have to learn to respect myself enough to figure it out and prevent it. heartbreak happens too much for me, and its no ones fault by my own. 2004 taught me self respect and heartbreak: how lack of one can lead to another and how both are ways to learn things about yourself that you didnt know before.
i have too much faith in the human race, i always seem to forget that not everyone has a good heart and morals. last week, i brought in chocolates to school for some of my teachers before the break, and went to go bring mrs. longo's to her at 3:00, but she wasnt there so i left them on her desk for the monday she came back. when i told my parents that i did this, they freaked out at me and called me stupid because they thought that the custodians were going to go and take them off her desk when they were cleaning. and at 5 o clock, they made me go back to the a building and get them to put in my locker. luckily for me, i was right and they were still there, but i realized with this that as you get older and experience more things, you get screwed over and lose your trust and hope in people. i wish this wouldnt happen, but i know it has to and wish it would already, so i could prevent myself from the disappointment and hurt that comes along with it. 2004 taught me that i still have a lot to learn.
to everyone who made 2004 what it was to me- thank you. to everyone in our little woohu community- you are my world, i love every one of you with all my heart, you keep me going with your advice, helping me to learn the things that ive learned this year. thanks for keepin me strong.
so with this entry, i bring a close to 2004, leaving behind the number, but bringing with me everything the year had to offer me, every lesson, every memory, every smile, every tear. TO A HAPPY AND HEALTHY 2005.
2 From here I'll be |
2004 23 December :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: you cant stop the beat- hairspray sountrack
heres to self-rediscovery before the new year....or something like that.
for the last few days ive been in one of those blast from the past moods. im not exactly sure what brought it on, maybe the stress and the anxiously awaiting vacation, but ive been very- reflective this past week. in one of my attempts to study for euro my mind wandered and i opened up my bottom desk drawer full of old crap from elementary school. i emptied out the contents of the drawer onto my floor and looked at all the things, all of the memories of greenville. i had these little stories i wrote when i was in 3rd grade, this little doll thing i made for mr. solomons class and this little book of pictures that ellen binder and i drew in like 2nd grade in our attempts to make a brouchure for our "resort". i was rather artistically challenged to say the least, the people had upside down u's for noses and hands with four or six fingers- never five. i may have been mathematically challenged too, im not quite sure. but at the bottom of the drawer, i found my poetry anthology from mrs. jarosz's class in 6th grade and i looked through it. one of the assignments was to write a poem about ur "inside self and ur outside self", and as i was reading through it i realized that although stuff about us does change, the deep core and soul of who we are is unchangeable. i found that stuff in this poem continues to hold true still today for the most part, but that other things accumulate inside of you, shaping you as you go through life---but even with those things cant CHANGE the core of you.
Inside Out or Outside In by 6th grade Danielle Litoff
my inside self and my outside self are different as can be,
my outside self is nice and fun, shes smart, friendly and number one!
sometimes shes a copycat, shes always happy never sad,
shes always there to lend a hand, she never starts the trends or fads,
people know she loves to dance, she loves to talk and act,
but my inside is a whole different story, and thats a definite fact.
inside shes a coward, and shes kinda shy
the girl who wants to be brave and sure, shes afraid to be different 'cuz she thinks they'll laugh
because shes a little bit insecure
do people know she isnt brave, she isnt what she appears?
maybe she'll let go someday of her insecurity and her fears.
along with all those other epiphanies, i realized that since i wrote that poem, ive really come into my own. those insecurities and fears for the most part have gone away, something im endlessly proud of. i remember 6th grade danielle. she wasnt a person now that i really think about it, but she was slowly realizing this for herself. she was pretty much a borderline stephanie wannabe, and she knew it too. after 7th grade, i kind of, grew into my own person. its kind of interesting to reflect on how you've grown since elementary school, not necesarily how you've changed, because you're essentially always the same person, but just how you've developed since then, how much you've learned, how many experiences you've had since then, and to think how all these things shape you. its a little scary too.
last night i was still in blast from the past mode, so i decided to go through some of my really really old cds and i just listened to them. spice girls, hanson, old school no doubt, backstreet boys, mandy moore---i really had no music taste, but even to this day, i still love it all. it just reminds you of every good thing about being little.
SELF-REDISCOVERY test it out. i think you'll pleasantly surprise yourself with all the stuff you'd forgotten about that you used to think would stick with you forever. its good to have a refresher sometimes.
anyway, in other news, vacation is officially here. im leaving for vermont tonight at 4---dont ask, crazy parents. ill be back on sunday, but for those of you who i wont get to speak to, have a VERY merry christmas, i love you all <3
1 From here I'll be |
2004 18 December :: 2.58pm
i stole gabis questionaire because her post inspired me to do this so i can look back on it and see the change in myself later on in my woohuing days----
† name - danielle
† piercings - ears
† tattoos - 0
† height - 5'6''
† shoe size - 8
† hair color - brown
† length - longggg
† siblings - none
† movie you went to see -- after the sunset <3
† movie you bought - shrek 2
† song you listened to - look what you've done- jet
† song that was stuck in your head - for the love of money- o'jays
† cd you bought -i buy songs, not cds, but the last song i would have to say was girls not grey by afi
† cd you listened to - ipod....
† person you've called - john
† person that's called you - john
† tv show you've watched - pimp my ride
† you have a bf or gf - no
† you have a crush on someone - totally crushin
† you wish you could live somewhere else - thats tough, i think we all do sometimes, but i dont know if i would go as far as to say YES I WANT TO MOVE
† you think about suicide - never
† you want more piercings - yes, my carteledge
† you drink - nah
† you do drugs - nope
† you smoke - of course not
† you like roller coasters - u have to push me to get on one but once im on im in loveee
† you carry a donor card - nope, too young
FOR OR AGAINST ..
† long distance relationships - for
† teenage smoking - AGAINST
† premarital sex - for
† driving drunk - against
† gay/lesbian relationship - for, i just wrote my persuasive essay on this haha
† soap operas - i dont watch but i dont see y not
† food - PASTAAA
† song - black balloon- goo goo dolls
† sports - skiing biatch
† drinks - diet coke with no ice and a slice of lime :)
† clothes - ones that accent your best features
† band/singer - thats a toughie....ill just say jack johnson and oasis so i have something to write here
† holiday - christmas----says the jew haha
† new nerdy saying - what the crap
† of times I have been in love? - possibly once, but i dont know
† of times I have had my heart broken? - too many for my liking
† of drugs taken illegally? - zippo
† of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? - i couldnt say
† of people I consider my enemies? - enemy? no one
† of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? - no idea, but its been in there a bunch of times
† of scars on my body? - too many to count---i used to fall alot as a kid haha
† of things in my past that I regret? - a lot of stuff, but everything happens for a reason and i think that everyone looks back on their past and says to themselves: "if i could do it again differently i would do this this and this...." every once in a while
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ..
† handsome/pretty - i guess i have a good self image
† funny - yeah but in a stupid way lol
† friendly --yes, very
† amusing - sometimes
† ugly - depends on the day
† loveable - yeah
† pessimistic - sometimes
† optimistic - sometimes
† dorky - i can be
† spell your first name back wards - elleinad
† the story behind your user name - my initials+kiss+hug+kiss+hug
+are you straight - yes
† where do you live - e-mont, ny
† four words that sum you up - understanding, sensitive, hopeless romantic, enthusiastic
DESCRIBE YOUR -
† wallet - grayish blue kipling wallet
† toothbrush - blue oral-b
† pillow cover - blue with flowerish things
† blanket - colorful
† coffee cup - i dont have oneee
† sunglasses - expensive titanium maui jims that my dad got for me since he used to sell them in his store and hes all concerned with having good sunglasses to "protect your eyes, but if u lose them i pry the eyes out of ur head"
† shoes - im a sneaker fiend
† CD in stereo right now - none
† what you are wearing now - PJ's
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -
† you wishing - lots
† after this - shower, watch tv
† something you're looking forward to in this upcoming month - new years, and skiing
† something that you are deathly afraid of - NEEDLES
† do you like candles - yes
† do you like hot wax - its fun to play with lol
† do you like incense - nah its too smelly
† do you like the taste of blood- noooooo
† do you believe in love - of course
† do you believe in soul mates - everyone's got one
† do you believe in love at first sight - yes
† do you believe in forgiveness - yes
† do you believe in God - couldnt tell you
† what do you want done with your body when you die - just a casket
† who is your worst enemy - my conscience
† if you could have any animal for a pet--a chocolate lab named lola
† what is the latest you've ever stayed up - 6
† what are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - nyc, san francisco and idk where else
† what are some of your favorite pig out foods - chips, ice cream, cookies, CHOCOLATE, u name it, i love it lol
† what's something that you wish people would understand - me
† what's something you wish you could understand better - why stuff happens
2004 16 December :: 8.40pm