14outtanone
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2008 27 July :: 12.07pm
:: Mood: crushed
Oh rainy day, come this way...
We didn't end up going to goddessfest. I was/am really disappointed.
/sigh
So much for improving my life, huh?
In other news Fandemonium is comming too fast. Way too fast. I'm pretty sure that the one thing that I wanted to get done ISN'T going to get done because the person with the information is not sending me said information.
Oh well, at least I can't take the blame is it's wacky.
I will anyway. Customer service is like that.
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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jessa_lynne
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2008 27 July :: 1.08am
I just hate how the school's website never properly works. I switched all of my classes around. Still registered for five classes, two fiction and three liberal ed requirements. No classes for my minor anymore, not this semester, but this may be a good idea. I still have a bunch or requirements to do and I should get them out of the way. Now all my classes are on Tuesdays and Thursday. I'm going to try to get a job on campus, hopefully in the library. I figure opening up my days more will give me more time for work. But the school's site won't let me browse jobs so I have to call on Monday instead, if they are even open during the summer. Who knows.
I did good this semester, got a 4.0. I have a 3.68 cumulative right now, up from a 3.628 before this semester. Dramatic, eh? Well, if I do get straight A's next semester then I'll be up to 3.785. (3.704 if I got all A-'s) The goal, at least for now, is to get a 3.8 before I graduate. I'm working really hard, and it'll be tough. But hopefully I can pull it off. And if I keep up the J-Term and the Summer courses I can do the BFA without having to take more semesters, have my fancy degree without doing four and a half or five years. I'm already halfway through my BA Fiction core classes, have only three advanced courses to take.
Blah blah blah. This means nothing to anyone but me. Jessa is working her ass off, that's all.
So, it looks like I have two history classes, one science, one math, one 'humanities literature', one global awareness, three advanced fiction, two specialty writing, and six total Women & Gender courses. I guess that is around 50 to 55 credit hours. Then I'll be done with the BA... but I wouldn't quite be to my 120 credits... I'd only be at 105ish....
But when I change to the BFA that add one more advanced, three reqs, three electives in my specialty, teaching. And the BFA only requires 128 credit hours. So, I'd be getting a fancy degree, with teaching experience and a minor and I'd have to take no pointless elective classes, which at our school means taking an intro course in another major or just extra gen eds that are there for requirements that you've already met. Or yoga. And I think studying the history of the Soviet Union is going to be just pointless enough when I have to take it for the requirement and that I won't be jumping to study Gender and Class in Modern France.
My head hurts. I need to talk to my adviser.
[edit]
Moral to the story. I ended up staying up till four in the morning changing classes around.
Currently:
Tuesday-
Advanced Fiction- 8:00- 12:20
Education Culture and Society- 12:30- 3:20
Critical Reading for Writers- Writers on the Road- 6:00- 9:50 (with Don DeGrazia
Thursday-
Biology of Human Reproduction- 6:30- 9:20
And then I have an online "Mathematical Ideas" class.
So, as it stands, I'm getting my Math credits out of the way, finishing up my humanities credits. If I stick with my minor then the Biology class applies to it. If I don't, then it finishes up my science.
The frustrating thing is I need one "English" class and one "Humanities Literature" but the site sucks. I took the second level English first because of my ACT scores, but that is the highest level that has an EN requirement. The site just says "advanced writing course" but no writing course carries an EN. And the "Humanities Literature" won't allow me to add a course because they say I need both the writing I & II courses, even though I tested out of I. So I suppose those will have to wait till another semester, when I can get my advisor's help.
1 audible grin |
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 25 July :: 7.30am
:: Mood: content
Mana Potions and Eggs.
Jon says I have a fever. I think it's just love. :D
Jon and I are going to GoddessFest tomarrow. I'm excited and nervous about it... there could be so many explosions tomarrow. So many people I didn't want to have to see out of the corner of my eye... I think that I'm so scared of being in my past that it's effecting my now. That's the biggest problem of all. I'm not that girl, or even if I am I'm a new evolution of whatever I wanted back then.
I hope that ring vedor is there again this year. I think that buying another of those rings will be a fine tradition for me. Not anyone or thing that I was doing at this time, just for me.
I wear the necklace I think. No...no I shouldn't.... honestly I should just give it away. I want to wear it because I got it last year at goddessfest, but it makes me think of him.
Beau.
He's not important to me. He never will be again. I want that necklace to mean that to me...the lack of anger and hate.
I just can't wash it clean.
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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jessa_lynne
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2008 22 July :: 1.07am
I'm going to Baaasten on Wednesday morning and I'm going to spend all of my time either in the pool at the hotel or wandering around the streets asking people if they have seen Pacey or Joey around.
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 21 July :: 9.51am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: "In the Sky" Grandia 3 Opening
How long until the next problem?
Not even two days later, Asher also died. We aren't sure what happened exactly. One minute I'm playing with him, the next I'm told that he's dead. It wasn't even two hours later. He had been acting odd, but we just figured he was lonely, I was going to Zamzoes today to buy him a new friend... now I'm very reluctant to get another pet for awhile... I'm worried that it's something I did wrong. Everyone assures me that I took good care of them, and Jon even took some of the feedings and such when I was sleeping. It's all very random.
Either way, I think I need a pet abit more social and cuddly. Perhaps I can adopt one of Kelsey's cats sooner or later. I like them, even if I'm not much of a cat person.
Jon started work today. I'm kinda lonely in the house at the moment so I might walk over and bother him later. Yes. I will go see him. I will not let myself fall into depression. /determind
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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oceanchild
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2008 20 July :: 10.13am
:: Music: Music from "Rurouni Kenshin"
Have I really not updated since April? For shame.
Things are better now than they apparently were then. I've almost finished my last semester in Berlin -- classes have stopped meeting but I still have two final papers to write and grades to collect before my academic obligations are taken care of for good. It's starting to dawn on me how little time I really have left in Germany, and it's somewhat bittersweet. On the one hand I'm looking forward to getting home -- I've never been this far or away this long before. On the other hand, my friends are already starting to dissipate and scatter, and while I hope that I'll see them again, given their far-flung origins and the weakness of the US dollar, there's really no guarantee. A couple of them sound interested in someday coming to California, which makes me happy.
Speaking of California, I discovered yesterday that it was on my birthday in 1848 that Mexico sold California (among a few other desert states) to the USA. What an auspicious day of birth I have.
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 18 July :: 11.15pm
Kale died tonight.
I'm kinda in shock.
It was a heartattack.
-Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 13 July :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: bored
Even with a pillow I can't get any rest.
I'm tired of pills.
I'm tired of phonecalls.
I'm tired of oily skin.
I'm tired of sarcasim.
I'm tired of not trusting.
I'm tired of holding onto the past.
I'm tired of forgetting I did it too.
I'm tired of marriage.
I'm tired of loving too much.
I'm tired of queesyness.
I'm tired of makeup.
I'm tired of working.
I'm tired of not working.
I'm tired of being tired.
~Nee
1 audible grin |
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 7 July :: 3.10pm
:: Mood: dorky
Nope. I can't see you now.
SO hay kidoz. Jon's back, so I won't be around much. Like I wasn't around the past few days while he's been distracting me. <3
I loves him.
Yus I dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
- belly flop -
~Nee
1 audible grin |
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 2 July :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: enthralled
No Goblin marriage ceremony would be complete without the services of Quilk.
Finally. A development.
Afew weeks ago, I stated that Jon was still coming up with brilliant plans and such to free himself. Well, I think he finally found one that might work. Yay.
I think I might just be cheerful enough to buy myself icecream.
:D
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 2 July :: 7.02am
:: Mood: crushed
There is a lack of joy in this room.
Nee is a sad Nee.
I was going through my old boxes today and found my old Jurassic Park scan command game. So I'm all over the moon happy and twittering with joy over the prospect of playing again, and I come to find... the doohicky that plugs into the computer can't be plugged in. D:
Because my computer is too new, and they don't put the attachment into computers anymore that I need. It's like a plug with two rows of holes, four on the top and five on the bottem, and I think that computers have an alternate system of pluggage now.
I wonder if they sell adapters for this problem.
I wants to play mah scanzcommandz. T-T
Also, I now have drapes. It's rather weird. And closet space too. o_o
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 2 July :: 12.38am
:: Mood: determined
Candles and Photoalbums.
How frusrrating. Seriously, I hate how people operate.
No I don't... this is just a bad day I guess.
Oh well. Girls like me are so very hard to please.
-Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 30 June :: 7.09pm
:: Mood: energetic
Seven stickie notes, and no events to go to.
Sometimes I listen to people say "I'm easily amused" or somthing equally steriotypical and I roll me eyes. As a population ameria has a unified attention span of a goldfish. Now don't get me wrong, this isn't a rant about how much people piss me off. Nope, I just wanted to tell ya'll that I am just like all those others.
My candle is covered in candles. o_o
In other news, Kelsey and I had a talk about men and their cooties. We established that she will never ever ever ever ever ever (is that enough evers, hun?) forgive or like him. Which is a popular theme among my friends at this point. - sigh - I'm actually consitering some things that he and I talked about last time I visited him. I miss him so badly. - sigh -
_Nee-_->
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 28 June :: 5.12am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: "I Could Just Kill a Man" by Charlotte Sometimes
I want it all.
So... my mood's improved. By alot.
I moved that old wicker chest into my room and it lead to like... a six hour escapade which resulted in some cleaning. And heavy lifting. I have terrible girl muscles. Like.... seriously.
Although I suppose I could have taken the things OUT of the cabinet that I was lifting... but there was no room. I'm a slob, that's just a fact.
At 7 I'm going to vaccum. That will be very... interesting. Vaccums and myself have a life-long feud going on. It's actually quite depressing, but I feel it must be done. I don't know what's so different between myself and Kelsey when it comes to cleaning. She can power though it in three hours and the floor will even be spotless. Eight hours and I still need to vaccum. What a hassle. I need a maid.
I'm going to go see Jon today. I'm a little bit nervous. I don't know what I'm going to say to him yet. I'm not really thinking about it though. I'm sure he has our conversation mapped out already, which is for the best. I'm too ditzy to talk on my own.
Wark.
Later that night: 9:16 PM
______________________
So the vaccum and I had our fight this morning. We yelled and screamed and hissed at eachother. True, I was trying to force it to play over in the cage area... but it didn't need to act the way it did. In the end it took the inititive and shut itself off. It's still in the middle of my room, just chilling.
Saw Jon, we talked. He got me well and fully worried like all men like to do. Serious... what is it about men and being non-chalant about death? Robbie's like "lol imma diz naow, kbye." and Dev does it too. Now Jon's all like "These huge scars running down my arms in three centimeter rivets are nothing. I was just trying to die." and so I freak out and worry about our future. Honestly, I have sympathy for people who WANT to die, but not so much when it's my favorite people. I loves mah bro bro Robbie and my...DADDY DEVVY (hahahahaha, he can't smack me, since he doesn't have my journal, in his fai-ossss)...and that goes a million times for my beloved Jon.
And the moral is that I haven't slept since spending the night at Crystal's. T-T
-Nee
Laugh for me.
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14outtanone
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2008 25 June :: 5.35am
:: Mood: crappy
Breakdowns and Throwing up.
Day baggilion of Jon being away. I say away like he's just on a business trip and he'll be right back. Like I can just flop on my bed and call him up to tell him I miss him. Like I don't have to worry about him being sad or in pain.
I'm basicly living in filth because I can barely stand the idea of moving anything in my room more than a couple feet because it'll be like I'm accepting...something. I don't even know what. I've been so sick with food poisoning and various other sicknesses no doubt caused by stress. I just want him back. The fact that I can't do ANYTHING to get him out of jail and back home... it tears my apart and just beats at my whole being. I feel like such a failure. He's missed so many things, things that only he should have been there for.
All I ever do is sleep and roleplay online and go to Nick's to play online games. I hate being awake 80% of the time and I just... feel so lost.
And it's the worst kind of lost. It's not like being broken up with, he's still with me and still in love with me and I'm in love with him. He's just... not here. It's like walking around with a hole in your head that you can't understand why it's missing. It'd be easier if it was a broken heart, I could just get angry. This... I love him and I love him and I KEEP loving him... but I can't see him or talk to him or touch him...or even let him know that I'm thinking of him. I look at his picture and I cry. Alot.
I even have a message on my answering machine from like... a month ago that I play every night before I go to bed so I can just HEAR his voice. I miss him so badly. I'm so confused without him. I have so much to talk to him about. I talk to the air pretending it's him so I don't break down every minute of every day.
I don't know what to do. I wish I could do SOMETHING.
I would give up anything to get him out.
Well... I'd give up anything but him.
~Nee
Laugh for me.
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