mudpiegrl
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2008 28 April :: 1.58pm
so, i've lost faith in humanity. and men. and teachers.
adults are no more intelligent than kids. in fact, less so. and they think they know everything, which makes it worse.
it's always nice, too, when people lie to you. or when they use you. or when they cheat on their gfs.
oh, hospitals are also very fun places. spend time there. you'll love the smell of your clothes when you leave. also, keeping things from people because they're sick is a good way to handle things. now you know.
being behind in school is also a grade A way to handle things. just let it not happen all day, and it won't get done tmro either.
I'm such a fantastic person.
can i just die now?
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mudpiegrl
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2008 24 April :: 6.10pm
it has upset me for the very last time.
being told that i am too creative will never end, but i've realised that it's okay.
for one, the greatest artists in history have gone against the grain and were rejected for it.
examples: Pablo Picasso Jacques Louis David Theodore Gericault Alfred Jarry Benjamin Franklin (though not a fine artist, a rejector nonetheless)
i don't pretend to be nearly as great as any of these people, and though there are failures among the greats, i will find something else to do if i fail.
For instance, my teacher does not have her name in lights, nor won an academy award. She is a teacher at columbia college. and she has to steal shows from seniors when she wants to do them, because she is no great human, even in chicago.
besides this, i refuse to misrepresent myself as an artist. i have been told to never lie and never to give the impression that i can do something i cannot. so why would my portfolio, as she says, present me in that way.
so for portfolio day, i will copy pictures of statues and old photographs. i will take tracing paper and trace them all, leaving the photocopied images in behind them. i will present them for my A, and not allow her to see my portfolio.
if she fails me, i will go to the dean and protest my failing the class based on too much creativity.
after all, i chose a school with the motto, "CREATE CHANGE".
if only this was practiced...:/
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mudpiegrl
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2008 17 April :: 12.02am
i have issues with being a tree in a parking lot.
all the other trees get to hand out together on the side, but i have a slab of asphalt in my way.
:/
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mudpiegrl
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2008 4 April :: 1.09pm
anyone
have
any idea
where
i'm
GOING?
???
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mudpiegrl
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2008 3 April :: 3.31pm
mosquitolives off host is hated by host serves no purpose to host moves onto another host when slapped at.
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jorielives off friends is hated by friends serves no purpose to friends is rejected.
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toki
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2008 26 March :: 10.45am
:: Mood: Jittery
:: Music: Where Do We Go From Here?- BtVS
The curtains close on a kiss, god knows, we can tell the end is near
Negative:
-didn't get as much cleaning done as I wanted to
-didn't shoot for view camera last night
-not liking ac final
-not doing well in pj
-i get paid close to nothing
-the boy's internship might fall through
-my social awkwardness is getting worse and harder to deal with
-i only get one day of actual 'break type fun' this spring break
-i kind of want to go home and see moo
-i have cavities and avoiding the dentist is only making my anxiety about it worse
-one year until i graduate and realize i have no idea what to do with my life
Positive:
-no school or work!
-a summer with no school coming up
-the boy is coming home today!
-mr. f is pooping in his litter box
-buffy is amazingly distracting
-the ferrets don't smell anymore
-the boy still loves me even though he knows my big bad secrets
-i love buffy
-i love harry potter
-one year until europe!
I guess I'm trying to look at both and realize that the positive should outweigh the negative. They don't really. I think something might be wrong with my brain. I wish I wasn't so negative, but I really think I can't control it half the time.
I don't know...maybe I'm just stressed. ::shrugs::
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze
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mudpiegrl
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2008 25 March :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: busy/annoyed/gloomy/tired
:: Music: the tv that is now back on.
i hope that, for everyone, not just myself, a lot of bad things happening at once is like taking bad tasting medicine all at once instead of three times a day. I hope that it'll be easier later when everyone else has it. It's all a little too much to keep up with, though.
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toki
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2008 20 February :: 9.30am
:: Mood: rushed
:: Music: Going Through the Motions- Bufffy!
Hi.
I'm pretty tired. Pretty much done with life.
I had to shoot portraits for my class today. I'm terrible at portraits. Like, so terrible that I might as well not go to class today. That and I still have to go to Calumet to buy paper to print these portraits and then get to school by noon to print then get to the art institute by 1 to meet my class. Afterwards, I'm coming home and eating a tasty salad, which will be my only food all day other than a slim fast. And then it's time to make 7 web pages. Then, somewhere between there, I have to get 5 shots for photojournalism. Yeah. Then I plan on dying. But only after Thursday. Because that's when a lot of stuff is due.
Only good news- buying my new iMac tomorrow. Yay. Tomorrow is the day I officially sell out and give into the world of mac.
Sorry, I know everyone is stressed out, but that's why I'm whining here so no one will read it. ;-)
Aight, I have to go wake Ryan up so he can get ready and drive me to Calumet. Because he's awesome like that.
I wish I lived in Buffy world. And I could be best friends with them and fight demons and talk all witty and stuff. Or I wish it was summer already so I could dye my hair red and pretend I'm Willow.
Poop- definitely in a mood today.
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toki
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2008 27 January :: 11.49pm
I just made a huge batch of uber chocolatey brownies. Which, of course, screws up my whole diet. I also did not work out today. Which is also very against what I am trying to do. I also did not do any laundry and did not clean the litter box or Sun's tank. All of these things should make me feel like a complete and total failure. They don't. I am enjoying the chocolatey goodness of my brownies and the amazing feeling that you get after spending an entire day on your ass watching television.
Anyways, I start school tomorrow. And I asked them to bump up my hours at work. Meaning after today, I will have no sit on my ass days left. Sad. Very very sad. That and my feet hurt really bad. And my shoulders and back and legs. God damn freaking working out.
Actually, I am very proud of the fact that three times last week I worked myself as hard as I could. It feels good. I mean, it was only 20 minutes each time. And I'm still a total fat ass. Still need to lose 20-30 pounds. But I'm three workout sessions closer, yes?....I guess.
Blech. Waiting for Ryan to get home so I can see him for 30 seconds before he takes a shower and goes to bed. Fun.
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mudpiegrl
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2008 17 January :: 10.37pm
So I'm only writing in here so much cuz I seem to be missing friends, but mainly a roommate who I can just spew thoughts to.
I'm excited about this show, Scorched, because he wants something big and unrealistic, and we have an awesome budget for it. I'm worried that, like all the things I get super excited about, it's going to fall short or something will be retracted and I'll end up disappointed...again.
I'm pretty sick of that happening, actually. I don't mind going day to day with nothing exciting, though I'd probably whine there was nothing interesting. But it would be nice if the things that excite me so much that I tell everyone I see did not fall through so when they ask how it went, I don't have to embarressingly admit that it acutally didn't happen at all.
I can finally pay for school, so I can finally register this week, thank god.
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mudpiegrl
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2008 8 January :: 1.08pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: The Dryer
I don't know what i'm doing. i might not go to school next semester because of money and that means no lasers like i promised faith and no shows like i said i'd work on. i also can't pay rent. i hate myself for that. and also for doing whatever it is that i did wrong. i shouldn't be this affected, logically, being only a week, but it still stings to the point where i'm doing anything to avoid thinking about it. i've watched more movies the last three days than i have in all of the semester put together. it's easier.
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mudpiegrl
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2007 15 December :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: the refrigerator
::edit:: whenever i make plans period, they fall apart.
and then i'm disappointed...big surprise.
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mudpiegrl
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2007 9 December :: 12.52am
It has been forever since I've written in here.
For everyone else, too, I checked.
I just need to vent about boys, I guess. It's easier to have my mind on that than the fact that I'll probably fail all my classes.
Why is it when I am bold enough to make plans with guys I'm interested in, they blow up at me? And why do I keep falling for everyone?
First was Whit in the summer from Redmoon.
Then it was sort of Mark
Then sort of Charlie
and now Axel (Frank) for sure.
Couldn't tell you why. But it'd be nice to actually have something come out of it.
A relationship, maybe.
It's probably the thing I need most right now. Despite how close Faith and I are, I know she'll find someone more interesting to spend all her time with and then I'll be searching for someone to grasp onto, just like always.
I know why Frank is the new one. He's playful. I miss having someone to play with. We got in a snow fight on Wednesday and he's always teasing and it's fun. I miss that.
Maybe an update later. I'm super behind in EVERYTHING!
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toki
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2007 10 July :: 7.44am
:: Mood: exanimate
So. I haven't updated this in basically forever. Which means that at 7:45am when I'm supposed to be getting ready for school is the perfect time to do so.
I've been exhausted for the past three weeks. No amount of sleep is really helping either. Last week I got like...10 hours? of sleep. Still exhausted. Only three days of school left though....ashdljasfhjkdssf. Which I honestly am kind of not excited about. I'm glad the work will be gone, but now the only people I'll have to talk to during the day will be me. Ryan is at school everyday until 5 and I work everyday except Monday and Wednesday at 6. Meaning I'm going to see even less of him than when I was just in school.
Another huge source of frustration is Harry Potter. Sounds dumb, I know. But I have these traditions, yeah? And I look forward to these things all year only to have to miss the midnight showing and go to the book release in whatever bumblefuck town we're in the night it comes out. I really want to go to OBX, but I want to go the VH midnight book party with my friends. And I want to see Harry Potter tonight. And I hate responsibilities. I hate growing up and not being able to have my life revolve around Harry Potter anymore.
:-( And I have to go back to work tonight. After a week off. I hate work. I hate commuting. I hate serving. I hate people thinking I can't think for myself. Because, apparently, I need to be told every ten seconds what I need to do by someone who has served a total of zero times. Because they are the "brain" and I am the "hands". I don't need to think, really. How awesome is that? Finally a job where people realize how much of an idiot I really am!!! I'm just so bored with it. Any chance they give me to do another position for a second I grab. But for some reason they think the only thing I can do well is have other people think for me and to pick up other people's garbage. I want a quiet job. In a bookstore or library or something. I hate having a job. It's lame and stupid and gsadkncmcxvdsflkd.
Oh and I have to finish my book tonight. On top of work and missing Harry Potter. Oh man, I'm a huge mess today. I ruined two of my prints last night when I was cutting them down. And I realized I didn't have enough paper. I know. I'm a fucking genius. Yeah. My book isn't going to be the greatest. Which sucks. I really wanted this to look good.
Oh, and my apartment is a total fucking mess. Complete. And I have to time to clean it. Or any desire to really. But it's frustrating me how dirty it is. It annoys the hell out of me, but I don't feel like changing it. See? I'm nuts.
Ok...time to get clothes on and go to class....asfjklsdfkero. Wish me luck. Hopefully I finish my final for digital today. :-p
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toki
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2007 8 May :: 9.56pm
STRESSSSSSSSSS
Gahr. Times ten.
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