home | profile | guestbook


The most willing slaves are those who think they are free.

recent entries | past entries


spud

:: 2008 20 July :: 1.55am

i'm SOOO tired. but it's back to the grindstone again tomorrow, so i suppose i ought to suck it up and deal.

sleepy time looms.

foreboding and somnambulant are the pertinent adjectives.

i think.

1 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


m&ms487

:: 2008 19 July :: 8.22pm

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

Go ahead, agree with me!


phil-himself

:: 2008 18 July :: 5.44pm

A WoW joke in The Dark Knight?
SO the Joker asks what happens when the [Unstoppable Force] hits the [Immovable Object]. My reply is, Chuck Norris Dies!

5 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


Atman

:: 2008 18 July :: 2.46pm
:: Music: Weezer: Pardon Me

Why so Serious?
Whelp, its been awhile since I updated. I've been randomly flicking on my friend's page here and there babbling randomly about things but I figure I'm due for an update.

Lets see, I'm employed now, still stuck with the rents, and single. 1 out of 3 ain't bad, I figure. Specially as I'm not even sure I want that last one fixed. Bringing a girl into my life has done nothing but cause hell, so maybe I should stay away from the chicas for awhile. Other than that, I'm trying to hang out with people as best as I can, but I'm sucking at it. I'm due to call Chris soonish and engage in some drunken shenanigans, kevin's been blowing me off, and I really need to go see kelly and PJ. Its on my to do list, among other things.

Everything's kind of been a blur lately too. I hate this stupid dreamstate that I'm in where nothing seems real, like I'm killing time for some grand finale.

Went to see the new Batman, and I was completely blown away. I really didn't think Heath Ledger could play the joker well at all, and was surprised. Saw it at the imax and I'm honestly tempted to do it again.

School is still slowly approaching, bringing a looming shadow with it. I'm on academic probation AGAIN, and I didn't do too terrible last semester, I just was short a credit or two. That and the constant feeling that I'm wasting my time with this plastics thing. Ok, I know I am, but once more, its way too late to pick something else, and its my own fault for picking it for the reasons I did. I'm just hoping I can halfass my way through the rest of it unlike what happened at central.

I'm going to go try sleeping for a bit, though with my back torn to hell thanks to kitty litter, I'm wondering how successful that will actually be. Later.

3 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


spud

:: 2008 18 July :: 1.28am

drizzunk? schmammered? was macht es?

seriously, guys. 9pm. friday night (tomorrow... or today, depending on how you view it). sazerac lounge. be there (i will).

and fuck you jessa, for getting that damn song stuck in my head, right before i go to sleep. it will drive me insane.

; )

peace.

1 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


valoth

:: 2008 17 July :: 3.50pm

Blarg
Jerry, the old guy at the office I really dont like, keeps talking to me about data bases. I honestly think that he keeps thinking Im a developer or something. Hes like "could you do this and with these things I got." When that thing he would like is involving words that have meanings I dont know of in a database system I know minute things about. I dont know SQL code. I dont know what the hell your are talking about. I dont have any background with database stuff. So asking me to do these things is just like ramming my head into the wall. The things he wants involve some prior knowledge on the subject, which I dont have any everyone else here is clear of except him.

/irk

Go ahead, agree with me!


valoth

:: 2008 17 July :: 10.24am

Update

Well I havent updated in awhile. So recap time.

The last week in June I got to see Bill again, hung out at his house with everyone playing football most of the evening. Me and PJ took him out to lakeshores field to play airsoft on that sunday. Doc, Prez, and Osiris followed suit. As well as the other FMF members for the morning. The day before that was the cookout at Doc's place with everyone. Good enjoyable day.

Ive been fairly distant with the family. I shouldnt be so distant but I just am. Im not one to reach outwardly for talking. I have managed to make sure that I at least go get my mail and stop to talk to my mom for awhile. Its alot easier to deal with my parents now that Im not in the home.

Weekend of the 4th I stayed home for the most part. Just stopped by the parents house and had friday night pizza with them.

I was going to go airsofting last weekend but sunburn left me defininetly not wanting to do that. So I stayed home again. Im sunburned from going on the tubing trip with PJ's family. Friggin hate sunburn so much.

Relationship: Me and Rachel are still together. Ive been in need of seeing her again. I get fairly emo'esq alot lately. We are both fairly good at keeping busy so talking to her helps ease those wounds for the time being.

It would see she is taking a big step on her end to move out. We talked about it last night, although Im not sure how much got threw to her. She was on crappy internet stolen from neighbors in town. On top of this she had been drinking. We got to talking about her situation and it started to irk me more and more that she was doing this. I should be estatic that she wanted to move out. I should. But the costs of which she is doing it isnt so great. She was told she has to be on the lease and its likely it will be a 1yr lease. I asked her to see if she could be off the lease and just be an occupant. She was like "well I cant do that, I mean I cant just leave them with that higher payment." "Valid point. But do you want to be there for another year?, I responded. She says no. Then is like "we will see more of each other than we ever have this next year." (True-possibly)

[Edward Norton style Self Narration:] Thats about the time I was most irked.

I dont know how to respond to that without getting into a fight and have it end with those words spoken that I know I dont want to hear. Chances are she really doesnt want to say them either.

I just feel like she may be sabotaging herself whenever it gets to be us being close. The date of when we get to be together and not just for a visit seems to just fall farther and farther away.

[ Edward Norton style Self Narration:] And there we go...deep sigh....heavy blank stare into the abyss...yup. 3...2...1....ladies and gentleman emo moment status is a go. I repeat go for emo marker.


Rachel. I know Im asking alot to be with you and be distant from your family. I cannot apologize for that. It just feels like this is turning into perpetual long distance relationship.

EDIT: Im happy for the changes you want to make to better your life in the way you want to do it Rachel, know that first and foremost. Im just afraid you may be getting in over your head with this rent/lease issue.

EDIT 2: One of the guys here at work happened to just quote yoda for no reason and it totally was moment fitting but completely random. "I sense much fear in you...fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate...hate...leads to suffering."

Edit 3: Ugh Im totally not one for arguments. I feel one brooding and nothing has happened yet.

2 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


spud

:: 2008 17 July :: 12.17am

went to blues on the mall tonight with mom and lib.

i got some free beers (we went to the BOB during the thunderstorm), and i got to hang with my family and pontificate some. it was gratifying.

but after spending all day working, and all evening walking around downtown, i am completely beat. and i get to do it all over again tomorrow.

no rest for the wicked, i guess. and apparently i'm totally fucking wicked.

Go ahead, agree with me!


jessa_lynne

:: 2008 16 July :: 12.53pm

4 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


spud

:: 2008 15 July :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: none

Summer Film Project
::

i have finished day two of our preproduction preparations to the caledonia location. there's a shit ton of stuff that needs to be done, but at least we're finally getting somewhere.

i'm not doing anything involving audio, as i said before. but i do at least get to do construction stuff, which i'm fairly good at. not like it's rocket science.

but yeah. it's fun. the people are cool to hang with. but it's a lot of work. i mellowed out a lot once i resigned myself to the fact that this is just a really slipshod operation, and that i won't be able to rely on anything. i will do the best i can to make it happen for them, but nobody, not even me, can ask for anything more than that.

and i think i'm doing my part. i certainly have lots of tools down there, and we're making decent progress. i'll keep you guys posted on the happenings as i can, but no promises. it's keeping me plenty busy.

the important thing for you to remember is:

"WALTER'S WIFE" FUNDRAISING PARTY
Friday Night - 9PM - at the...
Sazerac Lounge
1418 Plainfield Ave NE
Grand Rapids, MI


Be there if you can. although, i believe it's 21+.

sorry.

call me if you have questions, or shoot me an email. i'll get more info as it becomes available. (like i said, slip-shod).

Peace.

Go ahead, agree with me!


eddy

:: 2008 13 July :: 10.43pm

Woo!
Well, time for a real update I suppose. We got our apartment, and even at this very moment are in the process of moving in, hooray! The point is, It will probably be a couple days before internet is set up, so I may be away for a little while. But anyone can call and come hang out with me if you would like. I don't work until Wednesday night. =] Ummmm.....other than that, there really isn't that much else that is new. At least not that I can think of right now, and my brain is in a frenzy right now from moving and all that that I could very well be forgetting something. =]

4 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


egotrip

:: 2008 11 July :: 12.40am

Why do we give up on the things that make us feel wonderful? Why do we forget the good times?

1 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


rayray

:: 2008 9 July :: 5.07pm

A friend of Mike and I's died this morning.
He was riding his motorcycle to work this morning and hit a deer.
He managed to ride it out, but by that time it was too late because he was in the other lane, and was hit by a truck.
He was put into several bags.
And his helmet was found away from his body, but the chin strap was still under his chin.

Here's the freaky part.
Kirk died on the bike he bought from his friend Norm.
Norm was killed in February while working on Kirks car. (The car fell on him).

Go ahead, agree with me!


valoth

:: 2008 8 July :: 11.44am

Woot! Finally got the okay on full time. Im happy for the moment now.

Go ahead, agree with me!


valoth

:: 2008 8 July :: 10.04am
:: Music: CCR

Talking to my Love
So Rachel is home again. Im happy again. Well...happy as a man can get when he is seperated from the one he loves and hates a good 80% of the world around him. Damn...Im a very bleak person.

Moving along

Ive taken in more time with TF2 lately. Loving it. Unlocked the new things for the medic and pyro fairly quick once finding achievement boxes. It feels like cheating, but its not really cheating when the map was designed to help the user out. Ive started honing my sniper skills. BTW if you havent seen it: Meet the Sniper and of course: Meet the Scout

I was talkin to Rach' last night and she seems pretty happy to move out with her sister soon. Im happy 'cause she wont be struggling to just talk over msn. Friggin love that. We got into a talk about music and such not as per the usual. When suddenly she was like "that reminds me of CCR..." and I was like "huh?" 'cuz what we were talking about had nothing to do with CCR. Then shes like "Cross Canadian Ragweed" and Im like W..T..F! NO!

>.< She hasnt heard the wonders that is CCR the true original. Creedance ClearWater Revival is so freakin good! So I proceeded to hassle her about making sure she hears about it. So I mentioned a few good songs to start with. Fortunate Son, Heard it threw the Grapevine, Bad Moon Rising, Green River, etc...

This month is gonna be a long one, I can feel it. Alot of things going on this month, but alot more to come.

2 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


charlie

:: 2008 7 July :: 6.48pm
:: Music: the banner

Run your fingers through my hair as you whisper in my ear, "I hope you're not well, I hope things aren't fine. I hope your body dies, long before your mind. I hope you reach for help with hands that refuse to reach. I hope you try to scream with a voice that just won't scream. I sincerely hope your last breath is mine."

Go ahead, agree with me!


m&ms487

:: 2008 5 July :: 1.29pm

I'm about to leave for work; it's the last day in my forty hour work week. I have the next three days off.

I didn't get the big scholarship and I'm still waiting to hear on the two smaller ones; but it doesn't matter, anyhow. I'm still going to have to work this school year. Now I'm trying to amass hours so I can qualify for vacation. I have to work at least thirty six hours a week until the 26th. I only have thirty hours next week.

Rueben's been working most nights, I've been working mids. It's hard. I shaved my legs and my ankle is throbbing from the razor cut. Ugh. I have to wear a skirt to work again because it's so warm. I hate wearing a skirt. It makes people treat you different. I don't know how, don't ask for any examples or evidence...it just does.

Waiting for my phone to charge for a few minutes, then leaving. I'll be at work until 11 tonight. Feel free to stop by and get a price adjustment or a lottery ticket.

I'm impecunious and I can't do anything about it.

[curious now, aren't you.]

Go ahead, agree with me!


rayray

:: 2008 5 July :: 12.29pm

So my power did come back on Thursday. Which I was very grateful for.
I could not live the Amish way. No way, no how.
I got my paper done and turned in on thursday.
I made a little extra money baby-sitting thursday evening.
Last night Mike and I went to watch the fireworks in Crystal with Rich and Sara and their kids.

Now I get to work on another paper that is due friday..
On sleep deprivation and its greatest problem associated with Corrections Officers..
Not as easy as it sounds, trust me.
My professor is a major ass. He's worse than an English teacher when it comes to grading papers.
Oh well. Hopefully I get a good grade on it.

Go ahead, agree with me!


egotrip

:: 2008 5 July :: 11.10am

"He does not know (no one can know) my innumerable contrition and weariness."

The Garden of Forking Paths by Jorge Luis Borges.

Go ahead, agree with me!


rayray

:: 2008 3 July :: 10.18am

So I am currently without power and at my dads using his.
I had a paper due today, thankfully I just finished it after 3 hours of straight time working on it. Work was cancelled because they have no power.

The estimated time for when I will get my power back is 11PM SATURDAY EVENING, JULY 5TH 2008..

Seriously, I want to cry.

Go ahead, agree with me!


m&ms487

:: 2008 1 July :: 8.12pm

No ten thousand dollar scholarship for me.

Now I just get to wait on those other two as I brace myself for another school year working at Meijer and wanting to go crazy.

Well, not wanting...actually going crazy.

I went shopping with my mom and my grandma today; went to valueland and bath and body works and all kinds of fun places.

I picked out a few cute tops and a new suit coat for ceremonies and performances because my old one doesn't fit anymore.

By the way, I've lost 50 pounds in the past year.

Go ahead, agree with me!


kate

:: 2008 1 July :: 5.01pm
:: Mood: peaceful

July 1st.
I was standing in the Warsaw airport at 6am having gone to bed only two hours earlier. I felt sick from getting food poisoned in Ukraine and everything felt very surreal. Rafael, and Prudence watched quietly, Monika gave me an eiffel tower keychain from her recent trip to Paris, Nella smiled and joked in the discrete way that she does, Britt stood anxiously beside me, and my host mom Danka held an American flag. I was feeling nauseous from the food poisoning, but also the added nerves of leaving the country. Daniela smiled at me warmly and lead me to the bathroom where I threw up. As we walked back to the small crowd, she rubbed my back and mothered me. Minutes passed, Britt and I went through the gate, and a strange calmness came over me as we boarded the plane.

It's been one year since I left Poland and my exchange ended. Today the exchange students after me are coming home. The first time I saw them they were timid but excited to start their own exchange and everything about Poland sounded strange. Then I saw one of them when I visited Warsaw six months ago and she knew better Polish than me.

A year later and I'm sitting on a blue couch with glass sliding doors in front of me watching the Aussie sky turn from day to dusk. I have a beautiful girlfriend, an awesome cat, and I wash dogs for a living. A lot of things can change in a year. A lot of things changed for the year I was in Poland. But right now, things are starting to feel more stable. I have the person I want to spend my life with, we have a place to live, and we're building a savings account. We've got the simple things down; it's just the future that remains unknown. But that's ok.

2 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


beckaboo

:: 2008 30 June :: 5.14pm

My life is amazing.
I really love Jesus.
Like, a super lot.

Chow Mein...

Go ahead, agree with me!


m&ms487

:: 2008 30 June :: 8.26am

Today is the day they notify the recipients of the ten thousand dollar scholarship.

oh hell.

Go ahead, agree with me!


egotrip

:: 2008 29 June :: 2.38am

I don't understand.
I do not understand.
Understand I do not.

What the hell?

1 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


sugarjackj

:: 2008 28 June :: 3.45am

I have so much fucking hate for all the dumb cunts in the world.

I never did a fucking thing to you, ever. In fact, I thought we were friends. Well fuck you, you ugly dumb slut.

Fuck this shit.

I need to learn to let this go. I'm just so pissed off, I don't know if I can >:(

Go ahead, agree with me!


twiggypuff

:: 2008 28 June :: 12.15am

This is my twentieth year and I have nothing to show of it.
A trail of ex-boyfriends and no career.
I can't get a job to save my life.
All of my passions have long since been put on hold.
I had dreamed of making a name for myself.

I once wanted to play in a band with my closest friend.
We wrote songs for hours on many summer nights.
Her mother died and then she grew out of those dreams.
She spends her time living her mothers life.
It's not a bad life, I just miss how blissful we were.
Whenever I pick up my guitar all I can feel is disappointment in myself.

I once wanted to write children books and poetry books.
I am so full of hate toward my writing that I just stopped.
My poetry was rough but full of potential.
I refused to give in to potential.
My children stories always ended too soon with quick death.
I thought it funny - only to cover up my lack of ambition to finish.
I will blame that on my lack of confidence.
Last year I began writing a story with a friend - it was truly brilliant.
He's in college so the fun only lasted so long.
"Finish the story yourself" is one of the last things he said.
("We're in this together" would have been selfish of me.)
The story is unfinished and lost (along with my skills).

I had started imagining myself living in a loft.
My art surrounding me.
I would drink tea and love every day.
I would paint the morning air.
I would draw every emotion the sun brought.
I would sculpt my entire self.
My art would mean something to someone.
I would sell if for a hefty price and buy a home of my own.
I would just live without fear.
Oh how wonderful it would be if I could live a day without worry.

I don't believe it's selling out if the art you sell is cared for.
Art speaks to people, many who don't believe they can create.
I would feel honored to help another love a piece that expresses who they are (that means I have something in common with another soul).
I am way underdeveloped.

I am twenty today.
I am sitting online.
I am something like happy.
This is the life I made for myself.
I am what I never dreamed of being.
I am concrete.

As much resentment I will feel toward myself for posting this, I am posting this.

Happy Birthday to me.

6 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!


rayray

:: 2008 27 June :: 8.57pm

So there really hasn't been anything exciting going on in my life.
I got my hair cut. About 5 inches of fried hair went away. So it's kind of short, but it feels so good to run my fingers through my hair and not get them stuck in a snarled mess of fried hair.
My sister and Derrick were up all last week. Didnt get to see them as much as I would've liked. But atleast I got to see them.
My sister looks so cute pregnant!!
College is going pretty good. Can't complain.

Go ahead, agree with me!


valoth

:: 2008 27 June :: 2.25pm

<3 my woman

Go ahead, agree with me!


valoth

:: 2008 27 June :: 11.53am

Todays Winning Numbers are: 4,8,16,15,23,42

/*.tundra {background:url(_images/04.jpg) no-repeat 0 0} */
/*.harbinger {background:url(_images/08.jpg) no-repeat 0 0} */
/*.cold {background:url(_images/16.jpg) no-repeat 0 0} */
/*.cavern {background:url(_images/15.jpg) no-repeat 0 0} */
/*.icy {background:url(_images/23.jpg) no-repeat 0 0} */
/*.evilpenguin {background:url(_images/42.jpg) no-repeat 0 0} */

Oh blizzard, how you tell jokes makes one laugh. I give you "the numbers" from Lost. How better to give folks a joke and keep them guessing. This whole splash screen uptill the announcement is quite humerous. Ive enjoyed reading the hype and attempts to solve the riddle.

# Day 1 - The first rune looks a lot like the one found on the Lich King swords in many official artworks.
# Day 2 - The 2nd rune is the Hel Rune from Diablo 2
# Day 3 - The 3rd rune is the Protoss Symbol found on the Starcraft 2 official site
# Day 4 - The 4th rune hasn't been identified yet, and what looks like the eyes of the lich king appeared in the center of the ice crack.
# Day 5 - A new rune has been added and looks like a viking compass. The eyes started to glow, the creature artwork from the CSS files is now complete. The runes also started to glow.

Day to day progress

Analysis

2 people think I'm right | Go ahead, agree with me!

Woohu.com | Random Journal