even tho this is my exposed reality!.

even tho this is my exposed reality!.

:: 2004 27 April :: 10.30am
:: Mood: drained

To feel luv you must feel pain..
Yeah this blows.. 2 DaYz today everyone ='( Yeah dont wrry i fuckin hate me too. ='(

Im hopin today will be a better day Since every since last wed has been horrible for me. Im going to Brandy's tonight. So thats good.

But ive gotta go now, luv you all. Byes!!

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 26 April :: 12.23pm

Hold me tight and never let me go..
Wow, this last weekend was fuckin horrible. I ended up quiting my job on sat.

And then I couldn�t go rockin bowling wif kala n everyone else like I was going to. And then yesterday on Sunday I ended up running away and had James come pick me up and take me bak home this morning for skool at like 6 am. So yeah my weekend wasn�t that good =(

Gosh and then my puter is f�ed up so yeah I really cant like get online for a long while. Im not sure when the next time is that I can get online. Maybe a week or so. SO yeah I cant talk wif alla you for a while which sucks.

And yeah we�ve gotta start over you guys..everyone sigh now..yeah I hate me too. Brittany if you geton call me t nite plz!!

<33 Jilly

4 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 23 April :: 7.10pm

http://www.postpoems.com/members/behindmysmile/

Everyone go there, its some of my poems..not many are on there yet. But plz go check it out..and leave comments!! =)

*Britty ill be bak t nite, i hope to talk wif you i luv you*

*Jay i hope u have a wonderful nite i luv you lots* =)

<333 Jilly!!

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 23 April :: 9.57am

i love you jill i love you jill i love you jill i love u jill i love you jill i love you jill i love you jill

-Duffey

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 22 April :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: lonely

The end is near, i can feel it..
Omfg, i am soo sick of that skool. Everyone says they care jus ohh soo much. But okay heres a perfect example of how much none of my friends care..

Today i was walkin outta 2nd hour, and guess whose standin rite there Kyndra I aint seen her since before spring break. So i was soo happy and excited But i knew it was going to be one of the last times.. that i woudl get to talk, or even see her. Cuz i knew, *cuz sherry told me yesterday* that she was going to be done the week after next week. So 2 weeks away But no guess wat? Today was the LAST FUCKIN DAY i did everything i could to hold bak my tears while i was wif her. She even got me this present, it was a jurnal, and told me to write in it, and to never forget her.. But then i walk out, and go to 3rd hour and i start crying. nobody says a word to me, lunch comes around, im sittin here talkin wif my friends and i start crying nobody says a word to me, and thier lookin rite at me, so i walk into the bathroom, bawl my eyes out the rest of lunch and jus sit there durin 4th hour crying. nobody even noticed i was gone.. I leave for the bus early so i wont have to see anyone, nobody notices,

So i come home hoping someone would IM me or call me, or something..but no nobody really wants to talk to me. I dont know wat to do anymore, i have nobody. And im seriously still cryin cuz i didnt knw taht was going to be the last time seeing kyndra!! Wtf!! *I think im gonna get sick* I cant stop crying, I cant talk to anyone, im soo stressed out over this newspaper, and ive been busy every single day this week. And im still busy all weekend. i dont know wat to do Well thats enough complaining for today. Bye..

Ali jean, i luv you and ima always be here no matter wat happens

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 21 April :: 9.56pm
:: Mood: depressed

Just kill me now..
Omg every1 is mad at me today, why does every1 do this to me?! Jays mad bcuz i said you 2..im sorry im in a bad mood, i didnt mean anything by it. Becky is mad at me cuz she thinks im jealous of her and brandy becoming good friends, and brandy is mad at me for nott alkin to her and havin other friends..and thier both mad cuz i dont talk to them when thier together or some shit like that, which aint true they dont talk to me neither, and then britts mad cuz like im talkin to stacey or something and im stupid cuz of that. Mike is mad at me bcuz i wouldnt tell him why i was crying earlier. Stacey is mad at me cuz britt yelled at her..wtf does that have to do wif me?! Ick i wish someone would jus talk to me, and understand wat im feeling sometimes, i always have to help every1, and nobdoy ever helps me!! I hate this!! ='(

Isnt there anyone here who cares about Jill? I mean i have feelings too, i cant help you all, all the time, i need some fuckin help, I need some fuckin medicine thats wat i need, im fuckin depressed, and i have migranes like u wont believe, and i seriously cant sleep ever, but of korse i cant see a doctor cuz my mom is fuckin crazy too. I need to talk to someone that dont only care bout themselves. But nobody wants to talk to me, ex right now. I wish i could jus die. freal. ='( If there really was a god he would fuckin jus like kill me right now, actually he would make me die slowly, the most painful death, i would rather die of cancer than live any longer, and i swear to god i mean that.

I dont need ur fuckin sympothy, i dont need you to talk shit about me, i dont need anything except for your FUCKIN HELP Well sicne nobody cares, and nobody will prolly read this, im gonna go. Bye!!

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 20 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: pissed off

The biggest mistake of your life..
Omg, my day was going okay, i mean i got to go see miss conrad/mrs beer for like an hour with Brittney and everything but then i had to come home to this shit. Ick!!

First my mom is being a total and complete bitch, and then kirste is being fuckin stupid. And of krose me and brandy got into a fight at skool and thhen i couldnt get a hold of her all friggin night long. But the worst part..

I asked britt to do me a favor..she did no prob. Then she starts like yellin at stacey and yeah so stac freaks out and everything and then like she starts yellin at me when i get bak online. And thier all in an arguement, and then stacey tries to make me choose between to two again. Obviously imgoing to choice britt, obviously she means more to me than anyone ever has, wat a fuckin idiot is she tryin to make me piss her off? Read::

AnGeLbAyBLyF: u needa choose m r her
AnGeLbAyBLyF: :'(
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: u cant make me choose
AnGeLbAyBLyF: yess
AnGeLbAyBLyF: u either want me r her
AnGeLbAyBLyF: look how shes treatin me it hurts
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: yeah i nkow but that aint got shit to do wif me
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: and if you really wanna lose a good friend like me
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: then go ahead try and make me choose
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: cuz obviously you already know my choice

See wat i mean, shes fuckin stupid i souldnt have to choose between my best friends. See my baby ali jean would never do that to me, we never ever fight * i luv you for that baby gurl*

Well im donebitchin for today, Jay if you read this i luv you lots and im sorry i couldnt talk to you today, my sis was online talkin to her bf, miss you tons!! And britt i luv you and imnot mad at you for the whole stacey thing, most likely we'll talk to 2marro, i hope =( neways luv you lots chicka!!

<33 meeehhhh!! ='(

4 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 20 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: pissed off

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 20 April :: 12.13pm

29 D a Y z!!

1 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 18 April :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: rejected

Forever couldnt be long enough..
Well this weekend, was..busy! But im not going to get all into that like i always do. That jus gets real boring..real fast lol. I dont know i guess i had an okay weekend. Yesterday wasnt good at all. But today, has been okay. Kinda boring at times. But okay. I got to talk to britty alot. And we actually talked about stuff. Surprising. I love that gurl soo much. Read::

xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: r u leavin me?
Xobabibrittx: not a chance
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: never ever?:-)
Xobabibrittx: never ever ever
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: if i keep my 50 days promise you have to keep that one..FOREVER?! okays?:-P
Xobabibrittx: forever n after
Xobabibrittx: several days after
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: several days? But what if i dont go to *heaven*=-O
Xobabibrittx: uh oh
Xobabibrittx: than ill tell em no thanks :-)
Xobabibrittx: ide much rather burn in hell w/ muh jilly bean

Britty u are the best friend that ive ever had i luv u more than anything. Never forget that. You are the bestest!! =)

And jay i hope that your feeling better. And i sure hope u and britt are doing GREAT!! I luv you both. *mwuz*

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me

Well gotta go everyone. Hope u all have a great day. Luv you all. byes!!

27 DaYz today everyone

1 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 17 April :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: lonely

when its all said and done.. your gone..
I had like the worst day ever. Some things were okay. Like work i had fun wif Danielle i havent seen her in like ages. But i still had the worst day. The only person today whose asked about my day was Jay. I told him a few things..but nothing thats really bothering me. Everything tahts going on is like way too personal to tell anyone these days. I seriously dont know wat to do with myself. Its been 26 days and im scared that im going to fail britt and myself. Im scared of myself right now. I jus want to die. Really, but i cant. I cant fail britt. AGAIN!! I jus wish everything would be wonderful again..='(

I dont know im jsu going to go in my room, and bawl my eyes out. Theres nobdoy to talk to. Bcuz nobody cares. I jus want to die. Ohh yeah..me n joshie got a new cellie *416 1724* not that anyone will ever use it. Well ima go. Bye everyone =(

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 16 April :: 12.13pm

This is your life and its ending one moment at a time.
Gosh i friggin hate skool soo much!! And everyone in it. I cant wait until i turn 16 so that i can drop out of this gay ass skool. Yesterday i had to go home from skool after 1st hour bcuz im soo sick of everyone They all hate me and thier soo fuckin rude to me and i really dont deserve this bullshit All i do is try and be the best friend that i can for them and then they do this to me..well it aint gonna be that way for long you watch.

Geesh if i didnt have Jay to talk to last nite i wouldnt have had anyone Isnt that sad? Someone that i barely know, someone that lives in florida is the only person that was there for me i dont know about you but i find that pretty sad. But Jay i love you soo much babes, im happy were becoming better friends, and i know theres more to come. I love you baby boi

Well im jus goin to get going, nothing to write about i guess. Except for tonight omg im soo busy, ive got 3 appt. for the business manager thing. Ive got to go to my tanner, and then Subway, and then to this pizza place im hoping that i can get some ads there. And then ive gotta go to this nursing home for an interview to be a volenture there. Then ive gotta go to the rac, for riot on fire with becky and cassie. Busy day t nite..well im gonna go luv you all lots byes!!

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 14 April :: 10.21pm

A must read..at least brit u must read!!
I could never truely thank you for everything that you have done for me. Your the most important thing in my whole life. I dont think there is one day that i havent gone by thinking, "I wonder what she is doing? I wonder whose shes with? I wonder how shes doing?" I feel as though i am one of the luckiest people in this entire world. I have been blessed with the gift of your friendship. You are the kind of person that people want to be friends with their whole life. The kind of person that people met for even just a half an hour, and walk away feeling like they were just touched by an angel. Something changed in me when you came into my life. I became a better person. You taught me how to truely care about someone with all of thier heart. You taught me how to forgive someone even when it seemed crazy to forgive them for the horrible thing they did. You taught me everything that i know about love, friendship, forgiveness, and life. I would be lost if i didnt know that somewhere out there, you would always be standing, holding out your hand to guide me back to path that im surposed to be headed on. You are seriously the most amazing person that ive ever met. And i just want you to know that i admire you and look up to you soo much. You are soo strong, and brave and you have soo much courage to do the things that i could never do. And i want you to know, that if today our friendship were to end for some horrific reason, you would always be in my heart, you would always be my best friend, you will always be the person that i admire and trust most, but most importantly until the day i die, you will always be the person that changed me and my life, and for that, i will never and could never forget about you, my best friend, Brittany Marie Gamester.

Srry, i jus got thinking, and jus thought i would letyou know how much i care about you and how much you mean to me, and yeah just wrote this lol. I love you more than anything in this WHOLE WORLD britty. You mean everything to me.

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 14 April :: 11.38am
:: Mood: lethargic

Nothing could make life any worse..
Britty i luv you soo much sweetie ur the sweetest person ever!!

Wow today has been horrible already. Cassie promised dat we could talk before skool today but i knew that cassie brown woudl like not want her to leave so then cassie used that as an excuse so we didnt talk and now shes avoiding me!! Ick i hate this bullshit.

Then James called me again last nite..i seriously dont know wat to do here, i want to be wit him soo fuckin bad but i realy dont. Its soo confusing..i jus miss him i want him to come over tonight. He said he'll try after he gets outta work. I cant wait i need him. ='( I didnt really want us to break up i guess..dammit im stupid.

Geesh and things were going to soo good for me, and then all of this shit happens ick im soo sick of this!! I need someone to talk to but everyone is always soo busy or thier friggin mad at me. Everyone is mad at me I hate this.

Well im giong to jus get going. Gotta go to lunch, and hang out wif ick..cassie and then brandy korse..always on an A day. I think im jus gonna go to the library or something my gosh i have them. Well thats enough byes.

Ali jean i luv you more than anything sweetie pie!!

23 DaYz today everyone!!

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 13 April :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: drained

Your words are wat tore this heard apart..
Well..wow, today is the first day taht ive actually been online. And omg am i ever glad that i did =) Brittany marie gamester is the most amazing person in the whole world..i luv you soo much babes!!

I couldnt help you.. wtf is that? I dont know if she understands how much she hurt me more by not talking to me!! For a whole friggin year!! I was more depressed and crazy last year bcuz she hated me. Ick!! I hate ppl who have stupid judgement!!

Ohh shit ive got homework to do. Dammit i hate this working hard in school shit its really gettin boring and hard lol. But i must, i must. Hey everyone i got my grades up, thier not good, but thier still up. you all sould be proud lol. Neways i must go. Just thought i would write in here..*brit check ur email..* P.s. Chels i miss you, luvyou ltos!!

Ali jean i luv you more than the sky is blue, you mean everything to i would die without you *mwuz*

22 DaYz today everyone.. =X *sigh*

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 13 April :: 9.57am
:: Mood: crushed

I sould have known..
I am soo friggin pissed off!! Today has been like horrible everyone is like attacking me and then everyone keeps comin to me for help and i cant handle all of this I hate everyone here, after this class im going home. I cant stand being here ='( I jus wanna die

Last nite i had to help brandy wif some shit wif her mom, i had to help cassie wif everything as usual, and then becky and i takled ont he phone for like 4 hours about her boyfriend problems. ANd then today Lisa is mad at me and Cassie B is mad at me, and i pissed brandy off and then the other cassie wont talk to me..URGH I FUCKING HATE THIS!!

I dont know wat to do anymore, theres nobody that i can talk to and i dont know what to do. Ive got counseling tonight but im going to cancel it ='(

Its been 22 DaYz today Sunshine. But i dont know how much longer im gonna make it ='(

4 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 12 April :: 11.51am
:: Mood: Im simply amazin'

And i couldnt ask for more..
Wow, I haven�t wrote in here in forever. Actually I haven�t been online all spring break!! Wow that�s amazing for someone like me lol. Spring break was soo great!! I had the most fun ever!! I hung out wif all of my friends. Im soo happy!! =)

Then today I come back to school, and guess wat!? Im the our newspapers Business Manager!! Omfg Im soo happy you have NO IDEA!! I cant wait to get started..actually my mother and I are going out tonight to see if there are any business� that want to donate money or want to have an advertisment in our paper. I have to raise friggin $$300. But oh wells its going to be fun!! You know I cant wait.

Awwe but I miss all of my friends, and I probably wont be able to talk to any of you for quite a while. *Ali jean I miss you soo much and I love you more than anything. You�re my baby gurl, always n forever. *Britty you�re the best friend ive ever had I luv you soo much!! *Chels I hope you had a great spring break. You too megan!! Well tahts it I luv you all lots!! Ima go cuz class is well not almost over but im leaving now. Gotta talk to arkinson!! Mwuz!!

P.s. Britty, Ali jean, Chelsie, Megan, all of you that are using woohu taht im friends wif..are you payin andy for woohu? Let me know, cuz im sending money in soon and if you guys dont wanna send urs or something ill send in some for you, but let me know soon. I luv you all wif alla mah heart <3 *mwuz*

21 DaYz toDaY I told you I would make it britt, you gotta trust me. I�d do anything for you babii gurl!!

3 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.19am
:: Mood: happy

Last day before spring break!!
Well were arent diong anything in uprights class again, and i had to come to skool bcuz of our dunkin donuts fest this morning. Omg im soo friggin stuffed Ick!! Oh wells..

James finally called me last night, stupid kid hasnt called in 3 days, but oh wells..life goes on, but we had a nice conversation last nite, im not sure if were goig to be able to do much this spring break cuz he has a tight schedule at work!! ='( he said he would make time for me but id ont want him to get in trouble again!!

Neways, im really bored, nothing going on, Jay was sad this morning! I hope that hes feeling better now, and i hope that him and britty are having a great day at skool today!! I LUV YOU BRITTANY MARIE!! Well thats enough for me today, im gonna get giong..latah everyone!! Chelsie i luv you lots chicka!!

EVERYONE PRAY FOR JILLY TO BE BUSINESS MANAGER FOR OUR NEWSPAPER!! ONLY THREE NOMINATED AND I REALLY WANT THIS!! SO PPLZ PRAY!!

11 DayZ t day everyone!!

Ali jean i luv you more than the sky is blue!!

7 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 1 April :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: okay

Nothing could be better..<3
Of course nothing going on today, last full day of skool until spring break YaY im soo happy i cant wait, tho im not doing anything now, but its all good. I think the only plans i have are wif Katie, Cassie, and hopefully something wif Brandy but im not sure. =)

Yeah i dont get to see Kyndra for a whole 2 weeks, dont get to see Laurie for a whole week, and dont get to see Sherry ever again. Not going to counsling, and then we've got spring break adn then after taht so does Kyndra lol. Yeah guys, i found out when shes leaving..she said maybe the end of April or the begining of May sometime. But shes not totally sure. Urgh i dont want her to leave me ='(

Oh wells..neways i dont have anything to say, britty i luv you lots chicka!! You too Chelsie!! But im going to get going..latah everyone!!

<33 Jilly <33

1o Days today

3 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 31 March :: 10.07am
:: Mood: ditzy

A broken heart, continues to beat..
Well lets see here, nothing really going on today, were not doing anything in this class today, mr upright is being awesome lol

James and I havent talked in like 3 days now, im hoping that hes going to call me t nite..but if not oh well, i'll live i guess. Hes prolly just busy or something and i know that he hates when gurls call him askin where hes been and why he aint been calling so ya know, if i need him, ill get a hold of him, if not oh wells i still luv da kid =)

Yesterday was really fun wif the last day of group *tear tear* ='( And then talking wif Kynrda and then counsling wif Laurie. yeah we talked about some hard stuff..but i dont know it was good i guess. I really need to talk to brittany. Like really really bad..its kind of important..most likely i'll forget wat i need tot alk to her about tho lol. Well gotta me n Kels are going to get some pop! =)

Its been o9 days today everyone!!
I'll show you, you jus watch,
I can keep a promise!!
I luv you more than anything!!

p.s. we get our puppy in o9 days too!!

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 30 March :: 11.51am
:: Mood: giggly

There comes a day, when i need to say goodbye..
Well nothing really going on today. Just sittin here in renteria�s class again. Yeah its really boring ex we got new seats and I sit rite next to jerry..whew =p talk about a hott boi!! Lol

Other than that nothing really going on lol. Got to get a pass to get outta this class in minute. And gotta skip lunch again..i don�t know arkinson told me to get a pass while we went to go get our schedule packets for next year. Urgh im soo nervous, all of my classes are going to be the same. Ya know wat woodruff told me this morning, I told him I didn�t think I would have a chance wif journalism for the newspaper bcuz of my grade and he agreed but it old him I wanted to be in intro to print media again next year so I could get a better grade and show him im dependable and he said that�s great, bcuz he is really looking forward to what I can bring to the newspaper Wow, I used to hate that teacher, I don�t know if I would be a good writer for the newspaper tho, im scared =( But then he told me also bcuz I love taking pix and everything that I sould try for his yearbook thingy, and im going to lol sounds fun ya know!!

Well im going to get going, its about time for me to leave lol. But I jus wanted to say..guess wat? Me and Jay are friends! Woot woot!! Arent I soo lucky. We used to hate eachother, now were like all talking and stuff its GREAT!! I luv you Jay!! B.H.U.A. for life babes!!! Latah!!

<33 Meeeehh!!

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 29 March :: 11.12am
:: Mood: excited

Hope begins with *H*..wow, so does help..
Wow earlier before this class we had an awesome assembly!! It was soo awesome this lady came in and she was like one of those harlem globetrotter ppls!! It was sweet!! Thats really got me hyped rite now!! Brandy was making fun of me cuz i thought it was the koolest thing lol..

Wow i aint wrote in here in forever, my puter at home is being really really retarded!! Im hoping that we can reprogram the computer or get a new tower or something, but my mommy is gettin a new puter, so i tink that blows those plans lol =)

Well, about the June 17th thing, yeah thats not rite, i forgot to count the first 6 days so its really June 11th!! Everyone im going to make it, You watch, and its all going to be for my britty!! I luv you more than anything in the whole world, and ill prove to you that promises do mean something to me!! I luv you babi gurl!!

Got to talk wif Chelsea this weekend which was really good..and then talked wif Gloria this morning during the assembly, which was also the best!! I luv that gurl i cant wait till 4th hour..that is..if i even go lol..and wow, me and Brandy are better!! Thank god i was really upset that she was mad at me and everything..=( oh wells..im done for now..latah everyone!!

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 25 March :: 11.03am

http://www.poetrynrhyme.com/69_Silent_Tear.htm

http://www.poems.fsnet.co.uk/269_Struggle.htm

1 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 23 March :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Get married--Jagged Edge!!

I hate you, but i luv you, baby youve got me torn..
Wow today was..uhm good i guess. No not really it was f'ing horrible..cept the end!! =) School was horrible..and we didnt have group..but James picked me up, at work in the lobby like rite after skool and he had all these flowers for me!! I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug!! Everyone was like..whose that whose that..and im like..thats my baby!! =)

Then he took me to counsling, and then my mom picked me up bcuz he had to go get his check from work..he didnt have to work t nite thank god!! Then i got home, mom and jelly went out fo dinner..and so James n me ordered a pizza for us n wilson!! He stayed here a bit, but had an emergency at home so he left like 20 min ago!! =(

I love this kid soo much!! No i dont luv him, i like him lots, hes my best friend, how couldnt i? lol Counseling was fun today, talked bout britty tons!! lol Good stuff korse!! I luv you soo much britty!! *i wanna name stars, n talk bout brushin our teeth, n bout blowin on pepperoni in the middle of the nite, n listen to you talk about nothing on the phone all nite long, i miss those days!! i guess i was replaced ='(

But ive gotta go, gotta see if wat me n brandy are doing 2marro after skool..i luv you all *mwuz* latah babes!!

Ali jean stand tough babes, i will luv you no matter wat!!

<33 meeeh!! =) i luv you jamsey

3 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 21 March :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: sore

People change and forget to tell us..
Wow today was eventful..hung out wif my baby most of the day..that was lots of fun!! And then rents get into it and both of em leave and i guess neither is coming home today or 2marro. Damn aint taht a shame =p

Talked plenty wif brittany today, that was fun as always * luv you babes* and chelsie..and korse my baby Ali jean!! Ya know these days im starting to realize how friggin blessed i am..my friends are the best and i luv you all!!

I am going to get going James is surposed to be coming over in a bit..he said i sounded upset on the phone and he needs to come over to make sure im okay..haha nice excuse big boy =p hah..gosh i wish i could talk to Britty on the phone sometime..but no she never answers or i can never call her..either way we dont talk anymores..oh wells!! I hope her n whats his face are okay now..well im gonig to go!!

I luv you all soo soo much!!

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 20 March :: 3.52pm
:: Mood: flirty

Anytime you need me..im already there
Awwe..i just had to tell Mikey boo that i got a bf..yeah that wasnt too easy =/ But oh wells its over now..but omg hes the sweetest lil boy ever!! I luv him soo much too!! This is what he said after i told him..

SupraDude5: ya well thats ummm....kool
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: yeah..i knew i wouldnt be able to stay single long:-P but why you say it like that..likei ts really a bad thing..
SupraDude5: i mean i am happy for ya and all that but if someone hurts you i am gonna turn mideval on there ass!!!!!
SupraDude5: cuz ur to nice for someone to hurt you
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: awwe babes..your soo sweet!! I luv you!!:-D
SupraDude5: i luv you to
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: i always have n always will:-*
SupraDude5: same to you
SupraDude5: :-*
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: hehe your the best babes:-)
SupraDude5: u r to
SupraDude5: i don't want anybody to hurt you
SupraDude5: i don't care how old they are

Awwe isnt he the sweetie guy!! hehe i feel soo loved!! Dont wrry James its nothing like that were just good friends!! =p

James i luv you more than anything in the whole world!!

1 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 19 March :: 8.22pm

I wouldnt trade you for anything baby
SilentLoVe87: Jill I do love you, your not only my girlfriend, but my best friend. Please do not take that away from me!!!!
SilentLoVe87:I want you to be the girl that I marry, the one to have my children. I want you to be the one i hold in my arms every night until the day i die. You just have to have faith in me that i wont hurt you. Baby girl I love you!!!

James baby i luv you soo much and i never want to lose you!! Your the BEST guy out there, i couldnt imagine life without you!! :-*

yeah that was in my info..but ya'll knw how i dont like to show off guys in my info..so ima shw it off here =p

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 19 March :: 7.59pm

Time will change your mind..
Well lets see here today..was actually friggin fun!! German day at U of M was soo fun!! Wow, i love Derek, and Emily, and Erik, and Tyler..thier all fuckin soo funny and fun!! We all sould get together again!!

I need to talk to someone, before i seriously go nuts!! Urgh everyone has thier own fucking problems, i called everyoen today..tried to get outta the house but then Josh's gf is staying the night *wif me* haha yeah but were not even really friends..oh wells..I called Brandy and talked to her for a bit, but ya know her and her boyfriend of 2 years broke up tonight so yeah she had some problems so i had to help her and comfort her ya know..when really i need some fuckin comforting too..im not complaining because i will always be here for her i luv that gurl but ya know i need someone to talk to too =(

Oh well..no big deal i guess..well ima get going..nobody is online because every1 is at riot..where i sould be and was going to be until my fucking mom had to go to the hospital!!! Urgh..shes prolly sick because shes prolly fucking having pill withdrawls..and needs more!! I fucking hate her!! I hope she is sick and gets something HORRIBLE!!

Well bye..love..me!!

any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 18 March :: 12.03pm
:: Mood: confused

Its more than you'll ever know..
Well today was rather horrible..i started bawling my eyes out in gym class..i refused to do a carthwhell..last time i did one i broke my arm and it was really bad so i wont even try to do one ever again. So yeah mcdowell yelled at me and told me to go sit out but then i talked to natalie and she talked to him and then we talked and now things are okay and he wont make me do them..but he wants me to try..i guess..Im scared to death to do cartwhells..=(

Then i was walking outta like gym and i was walking past arkinsons room and i went to say into her room and say hey but then i saw kyndra in there to drop off my paper she had to give me so that i can leave wif her on tuesdays to go to counsling..and yeah i freaked and like walked out but christan saw me and said hey so i had to go back in..that was odd..i hate her i dont wanna talk to her anymore.. ='( Except i need to talk to her..urgh i dont know wat to do ='(

I seriosuly was like soo fucking close to killing myself last nite it wasnt even rite!! Urgh im soo sick of everything..but neways

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER!! I LUV YOU MORE THAN ANYHTING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!
I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY AND EVERYTHING GOES GREAT FOR YOU!! YOUR THE BEST EVER..NEVER FORGET THAT!!

Love always..Jilly!! ='(

1 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

behindmysmile

:: 2004 17 March :: 3.30pm
:: Mood: crushed

Up..and..down..up..and..down..
Seriously everything for me for a while there was soo UP^^^^!! Now..today..and yesterday..yesterday it started..i feel like i seriously just want to die..i wish i could.. =(

If only i had the courage or WHATEVER it is to kill myself..i would seriously be the happiest person!! I fuckin hate life..i hate ppl..i hate teachers..i hate skool..i hate KYNDRA!! URGH I REALLY FUCKIN HATE HER!!

Nobody can help me anymore..im too far gone..Kyndra was helping me..but not now..fuck her..fuckin bitch ='(

I WANT TO FUCKING DIE DAMMIT!! ='(

any `one* thought?