my exscape from reality
a winter paradise

Mile marker 203
The gas gauge leanin on the edge of E
I'll be danged if the rain ain't pourin down
Somethin smokin underneath the hood
Its bangin and clankin and it cant be good
Its another 50 miles to the nearest town

Id sure hate to break down here
Nothin up ahead or in the rearview mirror
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin
Im in trouble if these wheels stop rollin
God help me keep me movin somehow
Dont let me start wishin I was with him now
Ive made it this far without cryin a single tear
Id sure hate to break down here

Under fifty-thousand miles ago
Before the bad blood and busted radio
You said I was all youd ever need
Love is blind and little did I know
That you were just another dead-end road
They were pretty lies and broken dreams
Baby leavin you is easier than bein gone
I don't know what I'll do if one more thing goes wrong Page Title

 

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even tho this is my exposed reality!.

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behindmysmile

:: 2005 24 April :: 11.40am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: grind on me -- Pretty Ricky

Its all nothing, it all means nothing ..without you here


So yeah its been a while. A long while i guess .. nobody write in woohu anymore. I def. miss it a lot. No actually i miss talkin about how i feel Somethign that woohu let me do. Unlike our darling livejournal, which also has its plus . But still .. =/

So today i went through and read like every entry on me and buttheads old journals. And now i sit here and cry.

But why? I couldnt tell you .

Maybe cause i miss her, or i miss us.

But no its something deeper than that. Im so disappointed in my self * notice the mood * i seriously am not the person i want to be anymore. Britts right, i have changed. And its not for the better.

What do you do when u dont want to be you anymore..

any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 11 October :: 2.11pm
:: Mood: drunk

if only u knew what you do to me..<3.
Im jus updating this for my roman so she dont have to yell at meh again lol <3. I luhv you babi !!

Life is perfect ohh soo perfect. You guys really have no idea, im sooo happy rite now. Im soo happy being wif marissa, and i jus wanna say thanks to all my friends for being soo supportive and being there for meh through all of this. I luhv you all soo much idk what i would do without you guys. <3.

Today has been good, yesterday was better. The day before that sucked, and that nightb efore that was funny as hell lol. lmfa0 meh and kimmy left a drunken msg on the answer machine at my house lol. Kim was flippin out on meh, i started cryin, and screaming mom answer the fone cuhz i needed happy. WOW FUNNY SHIT lol..

I cant wait to get home tho, but luckily this is last hour so ima get going ..ill write again another time. I love you all ..latah <33.

8 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 29 September :: 1.15pm
:: Mood: bouncy

Life is nothing worth living for..

Okay ima update this jus for mah roman [ and britt i think? ] lol im not really sure, well im sittin here in web page design and were startin a new assignment that i should prolly start rite now, but oh wells i will try n write something in here first.

Today was okay i guess, nothin really happened lol, talked to mah babi rissa this morning all morning, cuhz jelly wasnt a dick last nite. Then came to school, got bitched out by a million ppl. Urggh. Im not doing drugs anymore, wtf?! I hate this skool. Then bio sucked, had a review for next class' test. Ima fail. Josh and i had the best time in geo tho. Godd i luhv that kidd =] Third hour we took a test. And jake brought meh my stuff early as a front. Cute kidd. I told him bout meh and rissa and i thought he was bout to get off lmfa0!! Then rite now 4th hour..were not doing nothin so its good. =P

I cant wait till i get home, i miss marissa soo much!! Then meh n heidi are going bowling lol. I luhv her soo much, haha she got dress code violation today. =] What a dumb bitch tehe. But neways ima go now, I luhv you roman!! <33.

Britt..i miss you. I need you. Please take me bak.

12 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 3 July :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: rushed

Is love really never having to say your sorry?
Well lets see, lots going on, but not enough tie to write about it all..tehe. Lets jus say wed was INTERESTIN lol. Gosh im soo nervous i miss becky! And i hope shes okay!
Tommarow were going to Kentucky What the hell is that? But oh well i guess its better than sittin here doing nothin bcuz im grounded And James is comin bak while im gone. =( I miss him! Yeah we talked, and im hopin things are gonna get better. We'll see i guess. So yeah newho we'll be bak..? Uhm wed or thurs or so? Not sure yet. I'll miss you all. Malissa ex!! ex since she hates meh and since i aint talked to her in forever! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULY 4TH BABII

Well tahts it i suppose, for now, britt wanted meh to update *omg i luhv you soo fuckin mcuh babii gurrrl!! And ima miss you!* But yeah luhv you all hope u have a great July 4th =) *mwuz* latah. <3.

12 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 29 June :: 11.14am
:: Mood: embarrassed

I wanna be loved by you..
Okay heres mah rant for the week. Okay meh and James are going back out, as you all know. But we've always had *friendship* and we've never really been able to get a relationship going. I mean everyone knows that we love eachother and everyone *Thinks* that we'll get married sumday, but we can never keep a relationship, mayb its becuz im afraid of *saving myself for jus one guy* maybe its becuz im afraid of commiting to one guy, i dont know maybe its jus im scared of what im feeling [seeings how its usually mah fault we always break up cuhz i break up wif him] but yeah..so everytime we go back out its jus like a friendship still. And ya know what, thats NOT WAHT I WANT!! I want a boyfriend that isnt afraid to reach over n kiss meh when we are lyin downstairs all alone. Or even if were together at the movies i want a boyfriend that will at the very least hold mah hand. I want a boyfriend that i can kiss whenever i feel like it and not have to worry *..what if ur mom finds out* what the hell do you really think i care if mah mother finds out that i made out wif mah boyfriend that she adores mroe than anyone in the whole world?!

And another thing, James wont even like kiss meh well he'll kiss meh but wont make out wif meh, and every other guy ive been involved wif lately, jus wants to finger meh or *lick meh we'll say lol* or something like that, and ya nkow wat i want..i want one guy to jus kiss meh, and kiss mah neck, and jus lets have sum fuckin foreplay before we jump straight in. And hey im not complaining..but i jus want sumone to look at meh as sum1 they love and not sum1 they can use when thier horny..ya know?

Okay..there im done. I jus kind of needed to write that somewhere..dont mind meh neways bye.

7 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 21 June :: 12.58am
:: Mood: rejected

this is copied from livejournal..
Jesus how can you care about someone soo much but they could care less about you? I need *were going to call this person sunshine they will know who they are* sunshine. I need them more than anything, i really do. And she doesnt even care about meh anymore. Now that she has her!! I mean i have a new like best friend too but sunshine hates mah new best friend, it would be alot better if i could hate her new best friend too.I wish i could hate her new best friend soo much, but shes a sweetheart, and after just talkin to her, theres no way that i can hate her. I meah shes perfect for sunshine, jus like i used to be. We used to be soo close, i thought taht we would be friends forever, i thought taht we would seriously grow up together and never truely be apart. But i guess that i was wrong. But i guess theres nothin that i can do, i mean ppl grow apart rite? Things change, and so do ppl. I always thought that we would change, i jus always thought taht we would change together. I am like nothin without her, and no matter how gay that sounds its seriously true. I feel like i have nothing and i am nothing. I guess tahts wat you get for making someone your life. I guess that its time to move on..but i cant. I really cant. I have no idea wtf to do. So for now, ill jus cry, and cry, and cry some more. <--I jus dont know how im going to live without her.

--> i jus need to know wat to do, wat am i going to do withot her? I cant imagine anything without her. I jus wish things could get bak to normal, i wish that things could go bak to the way they used to be, i wish that i could have mah sunshine back!! *If you read this, tell meh what im supposed to do without you, i know you know who are you, so jus tell meh wat to do!! I dont think i can live without you*

Urgh well ima jus go to bed n cry or sumthing..and Ali jean if you read this DONT GET THE WRONG IDEA!! Dont go off thinkin that i hate you, cuz i dont!! i really dont i luhv u soo fuckin mcuh and u mean a whole hellof alot to meh, so dont think anythin diff, i do luhv you!! Its jus..i jus..urgh u know wat im tryin to say..I jus luhv u and ims orry dont get mad at meh ='(

1 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 14 June :: 1.12am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Foolish --ashanti *old i knw*

Cant get no better than being here wif you..
Well lets see here, nothing really going on. got mah new livejournal perrtty. Very happy with mahself lol. Thans to steph n ash. <3.


Though i still luhv woohu..soo much. Mah background and everything there, is just AWESUM!!! wheeee hehe. =) I think ima keep woohu going too tho. Depends. We'll see =)

Got mah hair done today, its lovely. Well not really, well yea, i dont know, havent decided yet, i dont know bout th brown, but the highlights are cute. =p lol. Wanna see? Course course, everyone wants to see ugly ass meh *that ryhmed omg lol*

Read more..

Well time for bed, or mayb ill stay up n talk to britt whie she doesnt hate meh lol. I <3 u britty. Well nighty night every1.

9 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 11 June :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: depressed

Brittany marie gamester i luhv u more than ive ever loved anyone ur the best friend that ive ever had i dont know wtf i would do without you plz dont leave meh, plz plz plz seirously you are mah life, NOBODY ELSE!! Your mah best friend, i dont knwo wtf to do i luhv u mroe than anything i cant live w/o you plz dont do this to meh i dont know wat to do, plz plz plz ='(

I need you in mah life, id ont give a fuck who i have to give up jus for you, i would give up anything and everyone and i will if you want plz jus dont fuckin leave meh, plz oh plz. Id be ntohing without you, plz. Omg ims orry im sooo soo srry plz plz plz dont fuckin leave meh!!!!! ='(

I take anything and everythign ive ever said bak jus plz dont fuckin leave meh britany marie gamester!!!!

9 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 10 June :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

How could i live w/o you..?
Well today was, uhm shitty. mah 2 best friends gettin into a huge fight Wif meh stuck in the middle Oh well, it aint got shit to wif meh. let em argue. i aint stickin up for nobody

Brittany Marie, im soo srry for everything. I hate wat happened, and im soo sorry for not stickin up fo ryou 2 babii gurl. I really am truely sorry and i hope u can forgive meh i luhv u.

Ali jean im sorry to u 2. Im sorry that u went through all dis shit. And yeah i still luhv u more than anythin, but, its juss ur talkin shit bout britt, and dats uhm mah best friend, (one of) and u know how much she means to meh, i jus cant believe u would do dat to meh. But i still luv u and hope u dont hate meh.

And malissa babes, im really sorry for not talkin and for being a bitch and for everythin. I know im not surposed to be sorry but i still am and yeah i luv u soo much sweetheart. your the besterest. *mwuz*

<33 Jillane <33

17 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 10 June :: 3.52pm

Fine fuck it, both of you go ahead n hate meh!! I didnt fuckin do anything, but go ahead n hate meh, ill jus fuckin leave!! ='(


I thought u were btoh mah best friends?! ='(

3 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 10 June :: 11.34am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Southside --sum1 n ashanti

Its all for yoo..all of it.
Well, Dat was an interestin b day. Didnt really do much. Hung out at home all day. Then went shoppin n dinner wif Jelly. [mah step dad] The one person that i hate more than any1. Comes home early, and takes meh out. weird.. =D

Talked to the wonderful Brittany Marie like all day 2. It was nice to talk wif her again I miss her, n' all we used to say n do. Also talked wif mah babii Ali jean!! dat was fun. And funny lol. *ur still preganet* heh I luhv them both soo much. <3. Also found out sum sad stuff that chelsie thought buot meh..=( im sorry

Well thats it. For now. I finally got mah gansta pix [by da way, we knw its not really gansta lol] on here [lmfa0 arial n tiff *fifi*] Wanna see it. I knew u did =p [dont mind josh w's finga in da pix lol.]


Read more..

4 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 10 June :: 10.35am
:: Mood: happy

Happy b day to meh!!
martinAC96: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!:-);-)=-O:-*
NwVolleyballa: happy b-day
aehunni6: happy bday :-)
painted mote: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Nw BizAller 20: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Nw Qt PiE 807: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
BecKy DaWn 2: happy birthday jillian:-D
SHOTglassvodka: awww happy birthday!
kllwithsilence: Happy birthday babe! I love you!
x0 obsession: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
xXSnGirlXx: Happy Birthday!!
KelSeyMAy2: Happy Birthday
Chasesbay1718: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
SuN 2BaBE: happy birthday my darling!:-D
Brem7: HAPPY MUTHER FUKING BIRFFDAY!!!
KiwiShake: wait happy b-day i love u
BlondieC x: HAPPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
polkadotfetish6: awwe happy birthday
RachL00: Happy b day skank!!!8-)
SwEeTsUgAkIsEz:HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY JILLANE
15 YEARS OLD WOOHOO, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABES!

KrAzEd BlOnDiE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!!
Lower Core: happy bday beautiful babbiii girly
gLor c H ee R: Jillian Elizabeth Dahms i hope you have/Are having the bes birthday ever! Happy big 1-3

i luhv alla mah frienz, thanx to

every1 who made mah b day special. It means

a whole lot to meh, thank u all soo much!!




luhv alwayz*
*--------<3
|`JilLaNe |
<3--------*

5 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 9 June :: 12.33am
:: Mood: pleased

YaYaYaY!!
Its mah b day everyone!! =)

--Tho im only 15 its one big step to 16 lol

Guess wat everyone? i got a better b day present den you!!
..I get to see mah babii Brittany *mwuz* hehe.

<33 Jillane <33

7 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 8 June :: 6.10pm
:: Mood: happy

The two most impostant things in mah life rite here..


Thats mah best friend Brittany Marie *damn gansta* Gamester!! lol



And thats mah other best friend Ali Jean Maloney!!

I luhv y0o both more than anything in the world!! Dont ever forget dat!! *mwuz*

When I was running out of faith...
You still believed in me and never let me fall
And the times I lost my way...
You're the one who held me up and brought me through it all


♥ Jillane Elizabeth ♥

14 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 7 June :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: optimistic

Goodbyes are never easy..and that sucks..
Well lets see here..these last two days were really boring. Everyone had to work all day. So i decided to just stay home n do nuffin both days. =)

I started a new workout routine and so far ive stuck to it. But its only been 2 DaYz lol but still. Im hopin i can loss sum of mah fat ass. but who knows. I need to diet too. I hate how big ive gotten over the past 2 or so years i jus wish i could be skinny again.. ='( oh wells. Life goes on right..?

Workout Routine

20 min endurance run on treadmill
[thats 1.15 miles, 4.*sumpthin* laps]
20 crunches
water break [ lol =) ]
20 more cruches
20 mountian climbers
12 squat thrusts

its just a start, but should
help me fat ass a bit rite? lol


But neways. Urgh i aint got nothing planned for this whole week.. If anyone wants to do something then let me know, cuhz im already bored lol. So brittany Malissa Gloria Chad Becky Mike James or tiffany GET AT MEH!! lol. =)

Whew, not to be selfish but im glad Malissa didnt go to tennesse Cuz then i couldnt see mah lil babii forever!! Ick that would be HORRIBLE!! lol. But babes, i luhv you tons!! Thanks for being there for meh.

Well tahts it for today. I'll write more another time. Latah every1. =)

Read more..

9 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 5 June :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: drained

Now that u r in mah life, i am stronger within..
Wow, this weekend/the last week of skool..was.. amazing, wonderful, and soo much fun Im thinkin i did really good on woodruffs exam so that makes me really happy. That was friday. 1st hour. Then second hour, hung out in arkisons room. wif christine, and peggy and arkison and then kyle n derek n all of them. It was soo much fun But im soo going to miss them tons but peggy is gonna take meh christine n de out to arkisons house this summer So that outta be fun.

Then friday afternoon, was cedar point That was a fuckin blast. Ariel n I hung out most da time. im soo glad dat black bitch moved here hah. [Hooowww y0o doing? lmfa0] BIG BOOTY HOE lmfa0 shes da best. I luhv dat chick.

Then today, hung out wif kimmy court tommy david tasha n sum others all day. Ended up not going wif becky to the movies. oh wells i guess. We'll get together soon enough, were gettin really close lately, im glad!!

Im hoping to see mah bff Britt sometime soon. That would be awesome. And mah b day is on wednesday so im happy bout dat. [Ali jean, i got ur present in da mail earlier today, i fuckin luhv y0o babii gurl, thanks tons!! P.s. ur card was beautiful i fuckin loved it]

But thats enough for now, me n mah sissy *megs* got shit to talk bout, since shes finally home but she aint stayin..=( But we gotta talk, before i go to bed. Latah every1 i luhv y0o all.

Chels in case you read this, we need to get together, i luhv y0o!!

9 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 2 June :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: frustrated

I look at * y0o * 'n sMiLe for [no] reason at all..
Wow, today was okay at first, but turned bad. I got a B on my exam in renteria's class. Then slept all 4th hour. Another day of relaxation. But 2marro starts the hard stuff im nervous but our math second section i failed the 1st section i know. But i should do good on the next part lol Neways.

But yeah, this weekend=busy. Thurs, 2marro skool, bank, lansing mall, *cloths for cedar point* subway for me n cass's lunch. Then stop by Kimmy's, then home. Friday Cedar point babii Saturday Harry Potter 3 wif Becky n than helpin mom. Fun fun fun lol.

Awwe, me and Sidnee Duffey have gotten even closer these last couple of days. I missed being good friends wif her. I cant wait till June 23rd lol. Shes the best ever!! I luhv y0o duffey hehe. Plus Brandy is leavin urgh, 2 mre dayz. Im gonna miss her tons. now that its only 2 dayz, i know im gonna miss her more than i thought.. but hopefully we chill sometime..

Well thats it for today, ima get going. Gotta wake up early 2marro. Luhv y0o all lotz. <3.

Read more..

15 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 1 June :: 11.33am
:: Mood: bitchy

Its not enough to want..
Omg im in the most bitchy mood today. Im like yellin at every1 and arguein wif all my teachers n friends I dont know, im jus really being a meanie lol.

Brittany is in michigan doesnt that jus make all of you feel better knowin the best person in the world is in your state lol. I luv you tons babii gurl. Bestest Buddies forever and always

This weekend was a blast!! I hope all of you had a good weekend cuz i sure did. =) The zoo yesterday was awesome I wanna go again. Im going to ask, bout mayb? this weekend? or sometime this week? And i wanna ask Britt if she wants go? i dont know. But it was mucho fun. =)

Nothing really else to write about. exams are today but i dont have to be here. Thats why im here in uprights class again lol. Cuz i dont have to take my science or lit comp exam bcuz im failing both of those classes. So im gonna see bout stayin here online all day lol. I knew i souldnt have come today. But it was fun for the first 2 hours wif duffey lol.

Duffey remember, Denny's breakfast, on June 23rd lol. *same day as me n britts 2 years lol.

11 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 26 May :: 6.28am
:: Mood: exhausted

There must be more than this..
We've gone our own ways
and I know its for the best,
but sometimes I wonder
will I ever have a friend like you again?


Well nothing really been going on still. Exams are startin This week!! im soo nervous. Cuz sum of my classes, i cant pass w/o passin the exam. which totally blows but oh well. And its offical, I will be a freshman next year. Well for the 1st half then a Freshmore lol. But i dont really care. Im still thinkin bout summer skool but im pretty sure tahts still a big NO NO!! lol, no way im going to waste my summer when i can jus make up at skool lol. Neways.

Me and Courtney and Sherry and the other Sherry and my mom and wilson and david and jessica and Ashley and Kimmy and whoever else there was, are planning our cedar point trip for this June 19th. I wanted Britty to go, but im not sure she wants to now but oh wells i guess. Maybe Cassie can still go, not that i really want her to But i dont know right now. Plus the skool cedar point trip is coming up real soon. Its June 4th I cant wait. =) Im going wif Cassie b Lisa Scottie, Megan, Laura, Ashley, Amber n whoever else is going lol.

Well thats all the news for today. I guess mayb ill write more t nite. But ive got counseling t nite so i dont know. =(

P.s. Malissa, sorry bout last nite when we were on the phone, my mom is sucha bitch, I luv you soo fuckin much lilmofuggy!!!! =)

♥ Ali jean you are my everything, i luv you soo fuckin much ♥

12 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 24 May :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: rejected

Will time heal this hurt?
Well lets see here. yesterday was Kirstens b day!! So that was fun. Had an okay weekend but dont really wanna talk bout it right now. So neways.

I think i made a huge mistake a very huge mistake. The only pesron i have left now, is my babii ali jean not that thats a bad thing. cuz shes my life but i dont have stacey or britty *i think not britt* Anymore. I mean i have My lilmofuggy Malissa too. But nobody like britty. I dont know anymore

Oh gosh. Theres this new guy everyone. If you really wanna know about him then ask. But omg, hes the kind of guy your parents want to bring home Hes the preppy church volenture kind of guy. Hes the kind of guy who truely cares about gurls, and treats them right. I'll get some pics on here hopefully soon. But yeah. i hope thigns work out

Neways thats enough for now. I'll write more when i have more gossip lol. =)

♥Ali jean i luv you more than life itself you are my everything. ♥

19 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 21 May :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: lonely

You've fucked me over, once again
Ohh wow. Today & yesterday was hell I dont even know where to start. Okay 1st hour, Kristen n Mr. Woodruff, both saw blood that was soakin through my shirt. Yeah i had cut myself that morning. Then he took me to Arkison she called Kim Kim and Arkison called my mom and then my mom called my counsler So they could talk about it. Ended up only going to 3rd hour yesterday. Yeah, called Kim 4th hour, to see if she would pick me up from skool. my mom ended up being there and stole the phone from kim. my mom said i couldnt go to kims t nite So im like wtf ever ya know. I jus jus didnt wanna deal wif my mom But ended up kim showed up at my house right when i got home. went to her house and we talked. even more than me and my mom did. Yeah thats about it. Xcept now i cant go to riot

My mom is fuckin retarded!! i hope she does go to jail on the 1st like she is surposed to. While shes there i hope she dies i fuckin hate her. shes immature and fuckin stupid. im jus going to run away t nite ='( I fuckin cant live here, wif these dumbasses.

Well thats enough for now. Latah everyone. ='(

I luv you Ali Jean Maloney, your my best friend ever!! ♥

18 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 19 May :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: nauseated

I still need you here wit me babii..
Well lets see here, everyone wants me to update and everything, i really dont know what to say, nothing much has really happened lately i guess. Well..today i went to counseling..yeah that was really kind of..uhm..sad n stuff i started bawling of korse..and even she knows how much i hate crying..but yeah we talked about some interesting stuff..and i think i mite have a plan to get outta here. But i have to think about it ya know..neways.

Ya know, everything is going real wrong lately. And i really dont know what to do. I miss when things were finally okay I jus wish that i knew how to get back to that point i need kyndra..i need group, i need arkinson, and i need laurie. But who do i have, ONLY LAURIE And none of my friends are being good friends except of korse ali jean Stacey roo and Malissa *lilmofuggy* But thats it. i jus dont know wat to do anymore. i feel so hopeless and worthless

Well thats it for complaing today. i luv all of my friends Latah everyone.

<33 Jillane <33

6 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 18 May :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: hopeful

May 18th
I am receptive to the idea that...I always have a choice
about how I respond to experiences in my life.

If you have ever thought of yourself as a victim, you will have difficultly trusting yourself, god or anyone else. As long as you are a victim you will have someone to blame, someone to hold accountable for what went on and what is going on in your life. Sure, something unpleasant happened! That was then, this is now. There is no need for you to remain a victim. As long as you are a victim you can take no share of the responsiblity for who you are, what you do or how you feel. You see, victims do not respond in choice, they react in fear. As long as you are in fear, you cannot trust.
As long as you are a victim, you cannot see the lesson. In fact, you may not want to see the lesson. You want an explaination! You want the whys answered, but no matter what anyone says, you will not believe it because you don't trust anyone. As a victim you cannot admit that you have grown and are growing in response to your experience. Rather than choosing to see and celebrate your growth, you choose hurt, anger, fear, indignation and self righteousness. In fact, the taste of anger is probably rising in your throat right now because you don't trust that anyone knows how horrible it was for you. Nor do you trust that anyone other than you understands how that horror is still very active in your life. They do. They also realize that the reason you cannot let go of being a victim is because to do so means deciding for yourself what else you can be. And victims do not trust that they can do that.
Until today, you may have been singing a victim song so loud that you did not realize that there is a redemption song. Just for today, trust yourself enough to sing your own praises about how far you have come, how much you have done, how much more you are willing to do, in spite of all you have experienced.

Today, I am devoted to trusting myself to break the chains
and shackles that have made me a victim!

I love mah babii Ali jean!! Your my best friend i luv you!!

6 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 18 May :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: silly


Hey everyone..theres this book that, the social worker, sherry gave me today because it was our last day today talking, and its like a book where you read one entry every day. And it has the date on it and everything, so im going to write every day in here. Just so you all can read it lol. =)

5 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 15 May :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Amazed --lonestar

Please do this!! =)
Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post more than once, if you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what your friends have to say.

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 13 May :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Yellow card--ocean avenue

I'd run right into your arms, if i could..
Well omg, today was an interesting interesting day!! gues wat everyone Nicole had her baby!! Omg im soo excited..we are gonna go see her tommarow.

Name April
Born May 13th
7 pounds 8 oz.
21 Inches long

YaYaY!! Im soo excited. And guess wat else, Miss Conrad/Mrs Beer is having a BOY!! Awwe thats soo exciting, she emailed me today and told me what it was.

So all of that is exciting, plus Will asked me out again today. But i said no again, i said that me and this guy are talking. And me and this guy are really talking, I really like this guy alot But theres ntohing going to happen between us, but who could blame him.

But i think that im going to get going. becky and herboyfriend are like about to break up or something and i know that she really needs me right now so im gonig to get off and call her. I luv you all tons.

Only like 18 DaYz until Britt gets here

I love Jay Master Jay, forever, even if he dont luv me!!

hehe love always, Jillian!! =)

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 11 May :: 7.17am
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: Yeah --usher n lil jon n luda

Sometimes i wonder what could have been..
Wow, yesterday seriously turned totally around on me. It started an okay day and turned out to be horrible Im havin way too many of those kind of days lately. I dont know wat to do anymore. I feel so drained mentally and physically

And ya know what, there goes my credit that i was actually going to get or lit comp B bcuz my computer took a shit on me and its not printing right. And if you dont do this project, then you fail Now thats what 8 credits i have to make up. And ill be a stupid freshmen next year too. =(

Well im gonna go i hate skool but i must go. Well bye everyone. ='(

2 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 6 May :: 11.51am
:: Mood: flirty


Haha im sittin here in renteria's class when im surposed to be in gym cuz i didnt feel like running track today so i skipped. Neways

Omg everyone britt is coming here in only 24 DaYz I cant wait. Britt I luv you u more than anything. You’re the best friend that anyone could ever have. besterest buddies forever

Gosh we soo better get together this summer, and A LOT or else im soo going to be like major pissed. Dude im like coming to see you as soon as you get here. I miss you!!

Neways gotta get going to lunch soon so latah everyone..luv you all byes!!

7 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 5 May :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: impressed

Life without you, isnt..
Awwe man i aint wrote in here in like forever. Right now is my lunch period but since we have early starts the lunch is messed up and the only person thats really on my lunch today is cassie, and yeah im really not surposed to talk to her i guess. =/ I dont know so here i am talking away.

Neways omg i miss all of my friends soo flipping much. Brittany and Ali jean and Chelsie, and Jay, and Megs, and like all of you. I miss you all way too much and im seriously soo sad without you all i luv you! =(

But neways, nothing much really gonig on around here..well lots of stuff is but nothing that i really have time to write about in here. But i dont know maybe ill update this 2marro. Im not sure ive been really busy with this website that im making and everything. =/ Ohh yeah in bowens class we have to make vignettes which are storys about our lives, and yeah 1. is about the campground..and another is about brittany *its about someone who ahs influenced our life.* yeah its going great im happy.

But yeah i met this guy, the only prob is hes black. But hes soo sweet and awesome. I dont know im hopin to see him this fri. wilson is going to chicago this fri. Excited for her. Newyas im gonna get going to lunch. Luv you all soo much latahs.

p.s. britt when are you comin to mich?

<33 meeehhh!!

any `one* thought?


behindmysmile

:: 2004 28 April :: 11.50am

I think im in luv wif you..
Nothing really going on today, I ended up not going to brandys yesterday which was a really good thing. Omg do you guys remember me talking about my sister? And then Nicole? Well yeah they got caught breaking and entering to my aunts house. And now their going to jail..the only reason they didn’t yesterday was because they were cut and bleeding all over.

Yeah it was kind of a crazy night last nite. And ya know what the funny thing is, im more worried about Nicole than I am my own sister. But Nicole is like a sister to me..ive known her forever. And im pretty sure this is her 3rd felony. Omg im nervous.

Dude I tried calling you again yesterday Brittany but of korse u don’t answer as always. But oh wells..im sorry sweetheart u know that I luv you more than anything in this whole world. And I miss you tons!! =/

Well ima go for now..we’ve got an early release and its almost time to LEAVE SOON!! W0ot w0ot im soo happy. I think im gonna go over to brandys or something. Luv you all lots. Latah everyone.

15 ` gave their oppinion | any `one* thought?

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