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Atman (profile) wrote,
on 3-22-2003 at 11:27pm
Current mood: awake
Music: Bloody Valentine
Subject: Hmm
Am I messing up what I've been doing or am I making the right choices? I'm thinking I've been messing things up, and I don't want to...I'm sick of hurting people or things. Sometimes I don't want to meet people because I fear I might hurt them in the future. Heh, yeah...more of addisons personal over analyzing problems revealed!

Yup. So I was at Nates this weekends...again. I'm starting to feel sorry for his parents. His mom doesn't care I'm there, but his dad obviously sends off vibes he doesn't want me there. Thats fine. Nowadays I return the vibes. But, the main point of why I'm saying I was there is because I had a dream...this one was actually simple. Its been a long time since I claimed I had a simple dream. This one just showed me interacting with various people...that was it...but it opened a few things up for me.
Don't understand? Well, you're probably stupid, but I'll break it down for you.
For example, chris and katie kept making out, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, so I finally got pissed and left. They followed me and kept asking, "hey, whats wrong?", and I finally shot back, "Well, WTF do you think is wrong?" Then chris gave me his usual, I have no control over the situation speech that he ALWAYS gives, and it pisses me off.
*Atman checks his checklist, first bridge burned*
Some of the things struck me as true and others kinda surprised me. Some were funny. Me and moe were snowboarding, cuz apprantly I learned how, and it was quite entertaining...two stoners doesn't get better than that. Moe hit a jump, and did a good job, but failed terribly at the was quite funny. We both eventually turned into us calling each other stupid and hitting each other.
The one with Raych was depressing...not cuz she is, but what she was doing, to be honest. I won't go into details, obviously. Although she'll probably ask me later.
Some of it was arguing and fighting, which was cool. Me and armstrong had an argument...great fun. The punk launched into an argument about how young kids these days don't respect their elders, and how bad we can be.
Wow. I wish I could have video typed myself.
I launched back with how his generation never stopped us from doing that stuff and how they continue to sponser it, and how adults don't respect kids, either. It was a big grand argument, but I've taken up WAY too much space for this entry I'm sure people with short attention spans aren't reading this part.
Lastly...I kinda wanna talk about what happened to jackie...but I shouldn't. She can ask me about it later too, I guess. If she cares.
So, thats my dream...that probably took up WAY too much space on your friends page...oh well, not my problem...ILYTL

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03-23-03 1:20pm

#1 good song and #2 i feel the same way

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03-23-03 4:31pm

Yeah, i wanna know what yer talkin about.. Im not sure if ill be on later.. E-mail me or somethin..

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03-23-03 9:33pm

i hope you don't feel like you burned that bridge.

and i'm sorry to hear that the bridge is considered burned at all, regardless of the convicted arson.

i was seriously looking forward to doing stuff again.

i figured we could hang at track meets and shit. and over the summer.

and i know it seems unbelievable, but katie and i can keep our pants on in public, so long as we get it out of our systems first. at least that's true for me anyway. at school, we don't really get much chance to get anything out of our systems.

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03-23-03 9:53pm

as i read through again, i notice more.

first of all the incorrect use of always.

and incorrect accusations.

i do frequently give a speech.

and you do frequently not give a fuck because you're too far down in your own pool of crud to give a damn about whatever i'm saying.

because you think it's bullshit anyway, and i'm trying to excuse my behavior or something. or making you feel bad.

which is not the case. i do not want you to feel bad at all. and we do not ALWAYS hang off each other around you. i make a conscious effort not to, on my part anyway. katies not as sensitive to it, but that's not my problem.

and i have not once said i don't have control over it.

thats your fucking drowning in sorrow bullshit selective hearing.

i have every control over what i do. and every responsibility to do what is right with that control. and i am accountable for every lapse in that responsibility.

so that is why, if our bridge is - in fact - burned, then it is on my tab.

i'm getting lost
so i'll get back to you later
in person, or via some other form of communication

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Re:, 03-23-03 10:10pm

Yeah, fuck you, ok?
I can't count how many times you've said "I'm in no control, or, "I can't control her" or some bs like that.
I also know that you aren't 'trying' to do crap in front of me, and I respect that. But it still goes too far.
The first few times you said, "I'm sorry, its outta my league, I do it too frequently" I'm like, yeah, ok, he's right. Maybe I'm just over-reacting" But you've given me that speech to the point where it just pisses me off everytime I see it or get it.
Now I'm starting to get lost again, so, I'm out of here.

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Re: Re:, 03-24-03 7:57pm

i have to agree with at. on one of his old entrees you in fact did say you have 'no controll'

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Re: Re: Re:, 03-24-03 8:53pm


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Re:, 03-24-03 8:55pm

Dude, you also said you had no control TODAY, during BAND. Think back, not when you two were on the floor.

Heh, its not really me trying to get you to stop anymore, because I know I can't and I know you won't. Now its just me trying to prove a point.

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Re: Re:, 03-24-03 9:23pm

Ok now im hooked. I want to make spud eat his words! So now here is what you said chris….exactly……word for word…..”no dude.

i'm so not in control it's sad.

she is. but if there comes a day where she doesn't say no, i'm fucked.

literally.” HAHAHAHA EAT UM EAT UM! Hehehe oh now you don’t believe me???? Ok then, try yep yep yep. Nothing personal…..i just like being right! Hehehe. Have a nice day ;)

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Re: Re: Re:, 03-24-03 9:40pm

Double Smile!


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