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:: 2007 14 May :: 11.48 pm

The doctors think my dad might have prostate cancer. I was reading up on it today and nowhere did I read that it could be fairly survivable the only thing I read was that people can live up to a couple years after they are diagnosed. I really don't want to lose my dad the same way I saw my grandfather go.

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:: 2007 21 April :: 3.36 pm

sometimes all it would take is to see the slightest difference... But as is life I suppose.

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:: 2007 13 April :: 8.47 pm

why do I feel so alone lately? I know it sounds emo but I really do mean it since I have been hanging around 40 feet in the air on a power line the last couple days. If I died would anyone know? No seriously how long would it take for anyone to even find out, it would be the end of the day before my supervisor did if not longer prolly not till the next day when I don't come back or the day after. Then they would have to call my parents if they are even on my emergency contact list. Then who knows rachel is in France and my parents wouldn't know how to get ahold of her and might not even tell her till she got back and everyone else only heres about me if I say it or it goes through the grape vine. Like I said it is a little emo but I really do wonder what if my ladder gave way, or the line snapped, or if there was too much aprerage on the line or a thousand other things like getting in a car accident. I don't know, I just know I feel really alone right now.

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:: 2007 9 April :: 8.43 pm

just in case I didn't mention it I work at Comcast now. I am a technician. Anyway now you know I have been quiet about it for the last month and a half but I figured I mine as well mention it.

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:: 2007 24 February :: 12.57 am

One sound through all the noise...

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:: 2006 13 September :: 10.41 am

Not that they will probably see this but I made a few people sigtings today. While waiting in the ridiculously long line for the bostwick parking ramp I saw Kate and her mother walking down the side walk, well kate was doing more of a hobble seeing as how she was on crutches. I also Saw Jess with her boyfriend Robby walking along the side walk. She has pretty long hair compared to when I saw her last, anyway she looked quite melancholy. So yeah I finally saw some people I know, but ironically that is all I did is see them no talking :( Have a nice rainy day all.

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:: 2006 7 September :: 2.33 pm

School is going well so far, I like all my class' for the most part. I have to go to the book store to get a workbook for french but I am not looking forward to that considering that on tuesday when I was in there the line wrapped around the entire store atleast once and you have to check you bag at the door.
I think I will join some student groups. There aren't amn that seem interesting but I want to get to know some people and try to get some of the college experience that I missed oh so much last year at davenport. Man I wish I could find some people I knew from school to hang out with on campus and what not. It would be nice to have a few freinds to grab lunch with or hang out at my house, or sometihng. I geuss I am just looking to make sure that I make the best of my situation and I am dying for some socail activity and those of you who know me well enough know that I am intimidaited by large crowds. *sigh*

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:: 2006 6 September :: 2.37 am

Searching for purpose beyond my own horizion.

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:: 2006 17 August :: 2.47 am

Elaphant cookies how I love you!

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:: 2006 15 August :: 3.13 am

So I finihsed scheduling class' today. Yay me! For those of you who don't know I am going to GRCC this year instead of Davenport. Hopefully this way atleast maybe I can see some of the people I know. Anyway this is my class schedule.

Mon - Thu -------------------------10:15 / 11:15 French 101
Tues ---------------------------------2:00 / 4:00 Intro Animation
Tues ---------------------------------5:45 / 9:00 American Sign lang.
Fri -----------------------------------9:00 / 12:15 Intro Programing

If you all have class' around that time let me know it would be cool to see some people I graduted with.

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:: 2006 22 June :: 12.14 pm

Jessa I have something important to talk to you about / offer you we need to talk. How can i get ahold of you? Sign on AIM or call me @6166483769 or something the sooner the better.

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:: 2006 12 May :: 7.49 am

Okay I know that both are important but which one is more important?
College Education or Ambition

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:: 2006 25 April :: 8.52 am

So yep it is actually me updating once in a while. I am sitting here at 9 o'clock on tuesday because I finally have a day off. It has been a long week. For those of you who don't know I started a job at Frito-Lay last week monday. It's a good job, but it is alot of physical work. Wery hard work. I walk about 12 miles a day, and lift over 6 thousand pounds by the time the night is over. Every muscle in my body is sore at the end of the night. The pay is good and I can't wait to see my first pay check, though of course it is all going toward rent. Anyway I am sad. I haven't seen rachel all week and from the sounds of it I may not see her until next week either. I work the weekends and she has been sick, her car is also kinda crapped out. I miss her alot. It's funny sometimes, you would think that it is the way that you feel when you are with somebody that would tell you that you love them, but if you see them all the time you don't notice it as much. Well I realized how much being apart and feeling like crap because the one you love is no where in sight can have the same effect. Everytime I want to share a moment with her or just wraps my arms around her and relinqish all my grief and anxiety to fate, and relax in the melodic rythm of her heart beating against my side, she is no there :( I love rachel so much and right now I miss her.

On another note I need some socail interaction please!!!!!!! I have two days off from work and I really want to get out of the house or see some old faces. *Cry for help* :P Peace all,

We Win!

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:: 2006 21 February :: 10.39 pm

My name is Nicholas and I am loved very deeply and completely by a young woman named Rachel. This young woman loves me very dearly and tries her darndest to make me happy and smile when I'm feeling a little down. Earlier today, I was a bit upset and antisocial. Instead of pressuring me, Rachel left to run errands and returned to keep me company. Very sillily, in an effort to make me smile or just to be weird, she read to me from The Little Prince. She tries her best to force that book on me at every turn.

Anyway, this Rachel girl loves me very much at tries to prove it as much as she can. She makes food for me every once in a while and on Sunday made a little indoor winter picnic for us to share. She lets it be known that she loves me very much. From my smile handles all the way down to my little feetsies.

Although the loss of my job and Rachel's future trip to France has set our plans back a few steps, Rachel still would love with all her heart to move in together. Being that we're both poorer than pancakes, it doesn't seem to be much of a real goal anymore. Rachel is constantly on the search for another job so maybe it's still attainable, either way it's something we hope to achieve at some point in the future.

Rachel loves me a whole lot of oodles and still hopes, in her hopelessly romantic way, to someday be my wife. Whether it's three or ten years from now, I know she'll stick around. As long as she gets at least a ring after five years of putting up with me. Heaven knows she needs a reward for that.

Our two-year anniversary is coming up soon (sort of) and it seems like we've been together for so much longer than two measly years. I suppose it has something to do with time flying when fun is had but surely this comfortability and feeling that it has and never will be any different from how it is now must come with a lot more time than two years.

Anyway, Rachel loves Nick. With all her heart. For always and forever and for a day or two. Three if he cooks. (He does. Very well indeed. I am willing to add on three months for that.)

(This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Rachel who can't seem to stretch her paper to six pages but somehow can easily write about nothing for one.)

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:: 2006 16 February :: 11.06 am

I feel like such a failure. I just lost my job, I suck at doing this college stuff, the person I love is leaving for france, and I have no idea what i am suppose to do anymore. I feel selfish for not wanting her to go, but I geuss atleast one of us will get to chase down our dreams, meanwhile i will sit here and do nothing and become nothing. I can't help but think about how much she will change while she is gone. Will her heart still be in the same place. Will somebody else discover how wonderful she is and her discover how mediocore I am? I really don't know where to go from her. Everyone else seems to be enjoying college, and have some idea of what they want to do. Maybe I just don't belong here.

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