makhan
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::
2008 15 May :: 1.15am
Well, as I'm waiting for the intense burning under my armpits to go away as a result of the extremely strong chemical antiperspirant, I think I'll write a document a little bit about the happenings in my life.
lets see now. I have been dealing with this Nicki situation STIll, yes, I know, fucking long time now. But things have progressed since I last wrote about her.
She is now my girlfriend. Thats right, my dream and 11:11 wishes come true. But am I happy? Well, lets analyze, shall we?
We have now been going out officially for 4 days. We finally came to that conclusion as a spontaneous decision, and well, I loved it. But she doesn't seem very into it. Why? Well, at first, I was very hesitant about it, and about the whole thing at school. Because I don't want the Russians to know about it, I have been keeping it on the low, not holding her hand, stealing a kiss her and there and just in essence not being real. Being two-faced.
Well, hate that so much, that I decided FUCK IT, I have 14 days left of high school, and I'm going to make the most of them. I don't need the approval of people I'm likely to never see again. I don't give a shit about what people think.
I just really didn't want my parentals find out before prom, because I could SO see them absolutely freaking out and not letting me go.
I just realized that I honestly don't want to even write about this anymore. the burning under my armpits is becoming a little too much.
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aerii
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::
2008 14 May :: 6.04am
It feels good to conquer what you're battling.
Now all I have left to fight is Jeff Reyburn's College Prep English class.
Haha?
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rorin
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::
2008 13 May :: 10.28pm
Do you ever feel like...
other people are more glamorous than you?
I don't stop thinking about it.
1 = |
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poisonedheart
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::
2008 9 May :: 12.05am
Sometimes I just start laughing, I never know why.
Crying too.
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rorin
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::
2008 6 May :: 12.04am
One more... before I leave...
My finger tips are holding on to the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.
Every scream went bleeding through these paper walls and all the
make-up in the world couldn't hide the scars
I leave today, I'm packing light: a suitcase, some toiletries
The rolling hills and willow trees of Carolina wait for me
You never learned, the rules have changed since we were nine
This isn't school: boys don't assault the girls they like
The taste of blood, the claim of love: these two will here on cease
to be sprouting from your fists and tongue 'cause Carolina waits for me
Fields of grain go whipping by from the window seat
I'm drifting in, I'm drifting out catching up on sleep I couldn't get
Indentured since the very crest of 17
I left my keys and broken dreams 'cause Carolina waits for me
I will never forgive a single day
Mile markers seem to call my name and say, "you're safer now.
Through every town, we'll light your way in reflective green all the
way" The entire state of Carolina waits for me
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rorin
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::
2008 5 May :: 1.35pm
To All of you
I'm going on an Internet hiatus for a while.
Recent happenings in my life have lead me to believe that the internet is the most evil thing in the world.
I'll be off all my regular sites including Myspace, woohu, gaia, lj, facebook, etc.
I will only be available through phone, hotmail, and IRL.
If you don't have any of those available, too bad.
Bye.
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aerii
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2008 5 May :: 6.46am
this was pretty much the worst weekend ever.
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rorin
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::
2008 30 April :: 10.45pm
Today...
I just want to cry.
3 = |
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shalee
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::
2008 27 April :: 10.06am
:: Mood: exhausted
"When you're in darkness don't forget what you saw in the light."
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godessalthena
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2008 27 April :: 9.17pm
probably heading home this weekend...
or next weekend.. to see the dentist!
huzzahh!
idk, i just hope it isn't snowy. i had to take off my snow tires... haha.
work sucks.. people sucks... idk, nothing really to be looking forward to right now..
adam's visiting in june! yay!
uhm... not much else to say..
my life is boring.
i made some brisket. hella tastey.
it was my birthday a while ago.
hella great birthday.
hella cute kitty.
3 = |
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aerii
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::
2008 27 April :: 8.18pm
I just don't want to go.
Is that so hard to understand?
Stop trying to make me do something I don't want to.
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aerii
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::
2008 25 April :: 5.17am
Let's hope I know what I'm doing.
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poisonedheart
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2008 21 April :: 10.06pm
Well, 'twas a nice weekend
I went over to Brenan's house around 1:30ish on Friday, turns out he's rooming with Albert and Jake, which is nice because they're both cool guys that I get along with well.
So we hang out and play video games and shit, after a while of this their neighbor Wes comes over and suggests the idea of partying it up, so we're all like "hellz yeah", so that's how it came about that I'd be staying late there.
So after Wes leaves Sarah shows up and then Albert, Jake and Brenan all leave for different reasons, leaving us alone, I'm still a little awkward around her, it's been a few years now, but I dunno, still in the realm of awkward, so we just looked at some art books and ate popcorn while waiting on them.
After a while of that Brenan and Jake came back and brought Wes with them, so then Jake, Wes and I walked over to the Shell station so Wes could go in and buy a bunch of High Gravity (Horrible, low quality, high alcohol beer) and have us carry it back.
So the rest of that night was basically just being drunk, had a few kinda awkward moments, but overall it was a nice night of drinking, lots of people came and went.
Woke up saturday around noon and watched a few tv shows with brenan and jake, then brenan suggested going to the park to check out the Earth Day festivities, so we walked over there and found out it was just stupid hippies being stupid hippies, so we walked around riverfront for a while, then walked over to Value Village so Brenan could buy pants, he ended up buying like, no normal pants I'm pretty sure, but he got a suit jacket and a full set of scrubs, so we got back to their apartment and I took a shower and they ordered pizza while I was in there.
So, a bit after the pizza shows up, Alex shows up and we're like "Woo, Alex", because he's a fun guy, and he notices Jake's hookah and suggests we buy some shishah and coals, so we walk over to the smoke shop by the plaza to get those, and then get back to the house and smoke copious amounts of hookah, it was pretty fun, we were dipping a piece of vacuum cleaner tube into some soapy water and blowing smoke-filled bubbles, which bounced on the floor and would then sit on it as perfect spheres for a bit before exploding into a perfect ring of smoke, it was really pretty.
After a while of that Alex left, and then Jesse and a couple of her friends showed up and put some marijuana in the hookah, I honestly didn't feel anything from it, but Jesse and her friends were pretty high, so I took that chance to give Jesse an existential crisis by explaining nihilism as the only truth in the universe while she was totally stoned out of her mind.
So after they left Wes came down and smoked some Hookah with us, then we all drifted off to bed.
Then Sunday, Jake, Alex and myself basically just smoked hookah the whole god damn day, we hotboxed the kitchen at one point.
And then today I came home a few hours after waking up, yay.
2 = |
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shalee
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2008 22 April :: 5.24am
:: Mood: blah
Because days come and go..
But my feelings for you are forever.
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rorin
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2008 20 April :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: pleased
New Old Favorite
I've recently gotten addicted to an old addiction of mine I had back in the day.
Star Wars has come back into my life full-force.
I feel like the biggest geek ever. But it's all true.
I now watch Star Wars Sundays on Spike religiously.
And I bought Ryan a Star Wars sweatshirt from work that I've been eye-ing since Christams.
And I have been listening to Weird Al Yankovic's parody songs of Star Wars stories.
I think I'll buy Episode 1 and 3. I used to have 1 until my brother "leant" it out to a friend of his along with Point Break and we magically never heard from him again. Ryan has Episode 3 but I think he let me borrow it and in the move back from Cheney, I believe it got misplaced along with my Napoleon Dynamite (GOD DAMMIT I WANT TO WATCH THAT TT.TT). So yes, that's the story. I could possibly buy all of them on DVD. My family has the trilogy of the earlier chapters on VHS and I have the 2nd Episode on DVD. But I think I want them all for when I move out... Just so I can waist my life thinking up Jedi fanfiction.
GAWD I'm the biggest geek ever.
Yay! ♥
1 = |
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rorin
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2008 13 April :: 5.32pm
:: Mood: worried
Anna Bannana.
I'm really worried about Anna.
I've been trying to call her and chat with her but she never has time.
And then she txt me one day and said Nick thought she cheated on him... with Greg.
But of course she wouldn't do that. And neither would he.
Then she deletes her myspace.
Then she gets a lip piercing and a cat.
And Nick hates cats.
Then Nick posts this blog about how he's sorry he left all his friends for her and his hidden top friends are Zac, JuJi, Theo, and Molly.
And JuJi? Anna hates her...
I just hope... what ever has happened, that she is alright and not cutting herself and not sleeping with other people just to feel comforted (that is - if they DID break up... she would never do that to him while they were together of course) She's never had sex with anyone else...
So we've made a date to hang out on Wednesday... And there is MUCH to talk about. So so much.
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godessalthena
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2008 11 April :: 5.05pm
it seems i was wrong.
and that the me in the past was right.
and now i really want to just leave.
and stay away from humanity forever.
4 = |
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poisonedheart
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2008 7 April :: 9.45am
"Piazza, New York Catcher"
Elope with me Miss Private and we'll sail around the world
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl
How many nights of talking in hotel rooms can you take?
How many nights of limping round on pagan holidays?
Oh elope with me in private and we'll set something ablaze
A trail for the devil to erase
San Francisco's calling us, the Giants and Mets will play
Piazza, New York catcher, are you straight or are you gay?
We hung about the stadium, we've got no place to stay
We hung about the tenderloin and tenderly you tell
About the saddest book you ever read
It always makes you cry
The statue's crying too and well he may
I love you I've a drowning grip on your adoring face
I love you my responsibility has found a place
Beside you and strong warnings in the guise of gentle words
Come wave upon me from the wider family net absurd
"You'll take care of her, I know it, you will do a better job"
Maybe, but not what she deserves
Elope with me Miss Private and we'll drink ourselves awake
We'll taste the coffee houses and award certificates
A privy seal to keep the feel of 1960 style
We'll comment on the decor and we'll help the passer by
And at dusk when work is over we'll continue the debate
In a borrowed bedroom virginal and spare
The catcher hits for .318 and catches every day
The pitcher puts religion first and rests on holidays
He goes into cathedrals and lies prostrate on the floor
He knows the drink affects his speed he's praying for
a doorway
Back into the life he wants and the confession of the bench
Life outside the diamond is a wrench
I wish that you were here with me to pass the dull weekend
I know it wouldn't come to love, my heroine pretend
A lady stepping from the songs we love until this day
You'd settle for an epitaph like "Walk Away, Renee"
The sun upon the roof in winter will draw you out like
a flower
Meet you at the statue in an hour
Meet you at the statue in an hour
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shalee
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2008 4 April :: 2.53pm
I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
You're still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...
It was your turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
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godessalthena
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::
2008 3 April :: 10.32pm
"you're going to die in somebody else's arms and i have to live with that..."
the new armor for sleep album is okay... only some of the songs are really good, unlike the first album which rocked and the second that was slightly better than this new one... the new one isn't as... idk themed as the others, which is what i really liked. this music sounds a little more immature than the last few.
OMG I SOUND LIKE A RETARD.
anyway. i'm happy with the way my life is right now, at this very second. but i keep bouncing back and forth and i'm so confused. i wish that life would just tell me what to do. i hate making decisions. i really hate making choices like these. like i'm in the middle and i don't want to go either way. because both ways are good. and i'd really be happy either way. well.. time will tell which way i'll go because i know eventually i'll have to stop and just go one way.
which bites.
idk i feel a little lost. and like i should be doing more with my life. but w/e that'll come with time too.
5 = |
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godessalthena
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::
2008 2 April :: 9.20am
hella bored with no television
1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?: How f'ed up my makeup is.
2. How much cash do you have on you?: a little more than $5
3. What's a word that rhymes with your name?: Bedilia i suppose...
4. Favorite flower?: Lily
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed/received/dialed call list on your cell phone: Attendance hotline
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?: You could be happy by snow patrol
7. What shirt are you wearing?: stained up tank top
8. Do you "label" yourself?: Sexy beast
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?: i like wearing rocket dogs
10. Bright or Dark Room?: dark
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?: unknown stranger
12. Ever "spilled the beans"?: Yeah i do a lot.
13. What were you doing at 2 this morning?: sleeping hXc
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?: Yeah? You working though right?
15. Do you ever click on banners or pop-ups?: Nope
16. What's a saying that you say a lot?: He's a douchebag
17. Who told you they loved you last?: Jay
19. How many drugs have you done in the past three days ?: zero. unless you count sugar.
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?: zero
21. Favorite age you have been so far?: 4
22. Your worst enemy?: uhm.... myself
23 What is your current desktop picture?: a drawing but some random little kid of a dinosaur saying "they are cool" or something
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?: uhm verbally most likely i love you baby or good night sweetie or something like that oh! don't stay up too late
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?: money would get rid of the regret i'd bet hahaha
26. Do you love / like someone?: yes
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godessalthena
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2008 30 March :: 8.24am
:: Mood: disappointed
life in all its glory.
so these last few days have been the best and the worst days for a long time. i found a really great guy who's a f\really fun person to be around. his name is jason and i really love spending time with him. he makes me laugh like wow.
i also got in a fight with tammie over some bullshit and it really pissed me the fuck off. idk she started all that damn drama and then blamed it on me and called me the child. i don't know what's wrong with people these days... but it makes me feel like i'm really going to be misunderstood for the rest of my life.
there was like two inches of snow last night. i'm afraid to look out today.
idk i just want to freaking feel happy and have friends who will listen to me.
but i don't think that'll ever happen. because the second i start talking is the second they start yelling at me and telling me i'm immature and what i think is wrong. maybe i am evil? maybe i am immoral and corrupt? idk but i freaking listen to all of there bullshit whether i agree with them or not. and i don't judge them. and i don't tell them they are doing things. i try to support them whether or not i agree with it.
i don't know... maybe it's because i try to freaking BE A GOOD FRIEND.
but who knows if i really am.
i just should give up.
because i really don't think i'll have real friends...
here.
:/
2 = |
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aerii
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2008 23 March :: 2.42pm
I can't even say what I mean.
1 = |
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shroudofrain
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2008 12 March :: 12.10am
The Revelation: What is a Christian?:
The things that we use to explain what a Christian is, is more or less what a Christian does or believes. The question I beg is: "What IS a Christian?"
-A follower of Christ
-A light to the world and salt of the Earth
-A warrior for Christ
Yes, we are the followers of truth; the people of The Way, The Truth, and The Life, but more important, we are the soldiers of Christ's army/warriors in God's name. We (Christians and non-Christians) have to face the facts:
-We are at war
-We need to fight
-WE ARE AT WAR
If you ask someone what spiritual warfare is, most will either ask you/someone else what it is, or guess. What this "term" is, is the reality of our lives, Christian and not. There are things going on beyond our senses and understanding all of the time. Even the Bible addresses this, in Ephesians 6:
"... For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world; against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the Heavenly realms." –Eph. 6:12
Even the Bible says we are at war/that we are fighting. See, we aren't looking at this war through a television screen... but through chain-mail and a helmet. That's the thing, in itself, that most see this war as... like we are seeing the war in Iraq: We tend to think that we aren't directly affected... but we are. We have been disillusioned to believe that sense most aren't in a position in our churches that's revered as leadership/authority, we think that we're cheering on our team... but we are in the frontlines, taking the hits like EVERYONE else. Now, don't get me wrong, this isn't the churches' fault or anyone else's. Facts and parts of reality are usually pushed out of the picture, in every fraction of life; we can't help what has happened, but we can decide what will happen, to a point.
My generation is the most spiritual generation in the world since two hundred years ago. Now, my question is: What are we so spiritual about? What is this rising generation on fire for? What are we willing to fight for... or even to die for? We, as a generation, have to constantly fight in our lives. I know that this seems like just another thing we need to fight and all, but if you think that then you aren't seeing the importance of what is really happening. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time... so what are you using this time for: glory of God, or transgressions of Satan? Who are we fighting for: Death or life?
War is a horrible thing; this isn't any different. I've seen people with the devil in them... literally. I've known people that have gone through exorcisms and change... even down to what they look like. Hell is real; most would agree with me, but this war is real too, and (Christian or not) guess what we are up against?
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aerii
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2008 11 March :: 2.52pm
sdlkfjsdl
i hate shots.
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rorin
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2008 11 March :: 2.08pm
There's so much to say...
About my life.
About my friends.
About Ryan.
About my family.
About trips.
About school.
About work.
I feel like I want to explode.
But I can't tell anyone... All the people I think about turning to would be upset with what I have to say.
"Say what you need to say" ...But I can't.
2 = |
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shalee
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2008 10 March :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: hopeful
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you
Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words
I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, as I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go
Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you
All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end
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shalee
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2008 8 March :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: surviving
:: Music: The Format: The First Single (You Know Me)
I can't stand to think about a heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my god I gave my best but for three whole years to end like this
Well do you want to fall apart? I can't stop if you can't start
Do you want to fall apart? I could if you can try to fix what I've undone
'Cause I hate what I've become
You know me, oh you think you do, you just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define
So let's cause a scene, clap our hands and stomp our feet or something,
Yeah something - I've just got to get myself over me
I could stand to do without all the people I have left behind
What's the point in going around when it's a straight line baby, a straight, straight line
So let's make a list of who we need and it's not much if anything
Let's make a list of who we need and we'll throw it away
'Cause we don't need anyone, no we don't need anyone
And I hate what I've become.
You know the night life is just not for me
'Cause all you really need are a few good friends
I don't want to go out and be on my own,
You know they started something I can't stand
You leave for the city,
Well count me out
'Cause all this time is wasted on everything I've done
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makhan
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2008 7 March :: 12.06am
so I decided
that I will not be affected
that I will keep living my life
keep making a complete ass of myself
grow into a man
get my shit together
and worry about it fucking later.
1 = |
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