I have made close to five hundred dollars so far I think selling stuff after I meet in town tomorrow for some pick ups/ drop offs. I'm using a little of that money for a new couch that I am insanely excited about. I shouldn't be this excited about a damn couch. I'm happy to be getting a bunch of shit out of the house and making money in the process, but it is very time consuming. David loves our coffee table because the top lifts off and pulls up to eat at it/use the computer/whatever... but its huge and heavy. Someday I want a more reasonable coffee table. He's already sad about losing his huge comfy couch, but I hate that thing. The dog hair will not vacuum off of it, and the dogs pull the couch cover off, and sit on top of the fucking pillows on the back... the list goes on of why I hate that couch. I want more room in here. I'm thinking of getting rid of the huge glass case we have in the dining room too and just putting up a nice wall mural instead for visual purposes without taking up space. I miss space. Skylar's room is finally all done, but I havent taken any pictures of it because I keep pulling stuff out of the closet to sort through, and her crib is full of clean laundry... and her christmas presents are in there on the floor. Baby steps I guess. You know whats ridiculous? I sold over thirty dollars worth of shit from my BATHROOM in under an hour. If people want my random shit, I cannot complain. David is baffled by the money that people are paying me for used stuff. I still have at least 100 clothing items to get sold, and then I need to start on household decor etc. I also finally made my decision about vaccinations. She isn't getting them. With my medical history of adverse reactions to the pertussis vaccine, I'm not going to risk her health or her life over it, especially when so many cases of whooping cough now are in people that have already been vaccinated! When school time comes around, I can consider things again, but if need be I can get her exempted because of my philosophical views on vaccines. I still absolutely love cloth diapers. Still exclusively breastfeeding. Still bed sharing. Still irritated by my mother. Life is alright.
I've been ridiculously tired and having migraines. Bah. Sometimes I feel like I leave David out of the loop too much when it comes to parenting decisions, but he seems to trust what I think. I co sleep. Half of the night I bed share, and I took a nap in the bed with the baby a couple of days ago, and as soon as we woke up and came out here she was screaming... and David was like "did you break her arm or something?". I have no idea why it bothered me, but I guess I feel like I should automatically be defensive about it because when I first mentioned it to my mom and grandma they both gave me lectures about how I was going to kill my baby.... ugh. Safe bed sharing actually reduces the risk of sids... but I won't go into that right now. I think that I have settled on only getting the Dtap shop when I take her in for her weight check next week. The doctor brought up a good point of me doing my grocery shopping in big rapids, where there are alot of amish and people going to ferris from other countries... My biggest worry is her having a reaction. I had seizures from the Dtap when I was around two years old, so I am not fully vaccinated either. I guess the way I'm going about things is considered "selective and delayed vaccinating". I would completely delay until she was at least one if I was fully vaccinated, and if David didn't work somewhere that hundreds of people touch the things he touches every day at work. I feel like I'm getting somewhere making myself a schedule and organizing the house. Its probably boring to other people... but I honestly don't go anywhere. Today was the first time I left the house without David in at least three weeks, and the only times that I have left WITH him were to go to his parents for a minute, and to the grocery store once a week I think. Skylar had a terrible teething day on Tuesday, and she went on a six/seven hour nursing/napping strike that boiled down to me pumping and giving her a bottle just to get her to eat, because she screamed every time I held her to me. It worked, and she ate, and then ate from me right afterward... but it was actually really hard for me to do that. She hasn't had a single bottle since she was born. I was kind of hoping for her to not even have a bottle until she was at least six months, maybe longer. Or forever. It was a little goal I had.
I miss the feeling of being 21 and having no idea what I was going to do that day, that week, that year... the rest of my life. I'm extremely happy with my life, with Skylar, and with David.... but I just get a little nostalgic sometimes. Also... I was a hell of alot more fun then... but probably not in the top ten list of good people in the world... haha. O'well.
Since this entire "teething" thing started, Skylar has been on a semi-nursing strike. She fights me about eating. I have to act like a contortionist sometimes just to get her in a position where she will stop being mad and stay latched. I'm worried this is going to negatively impact our weight check in two weeks. It will make me physically ill if I have to give her formula. I will do absolutely everything in my power to not have to do that. She's a tall skinny kid. She doesn't seem unhealthy to me. She has plenty of wet diapers, she's just slow to gain. Its hard enough to make myself feel ok with it, and I have a feeling its going to be even harder at the doctor now that they know I haven't made a decision about vaccinating. When I called to ask about her low grade fevers today the phone nurse was grilling me about not having her shots at her well visit.
Having a child that starts teething at 2 months is a punishment that should be saved for the extremely wicked. I can deal with crying, and drooling, and the general hatred of everything, but man I definitely appreciate it more when she smiles and laughs now. I'm working on being a better wife. I know we're not "married" but I think I can also speak for David here when I say we've considered ourselves married for a few years now. He wears a ring also. When I complain about being broke, it has nothing to do with David. He is a great provider, we have everything we need, we just no longer have money for "fun" like really nice phones, or going to the bar, or out to eat to real places etc. On another note, people are really grinding my gears. I'm not sure certain people know how crass and rude they sound with every single thing they say..... Maybe I just take things the wrong way. Hard to know.
My life is going to drastically change in more than one way soon. David isnt supposed to know it, but they interviewed someone to take his position, meaning he is most likely getting the super early first shift position in produce that he asked for. Alot of those shifts start at four am! Its going to be so strange having him home at night. It will be really great for when the baby is here so that he can actually spend time with her. I feel like I'm getting nowhere getting the house ready for the baby. Every time I feel like I've met a milestone, I feel sick for a few days or we get really busy and everything goes to hell. I have six days to get the baby's room ready for bringing home baby shower stuff, and I have a carload of baby stuff as it is sitting in the driveway. My friends Tristan and Brandon were extremely generous and gave me a matching carseat with two bases and stroller, Jeep walker, activity table, a little rocking seat thing, and then soon they are bringing me a pack and play, a boppy, and one of those bottle drying racks that looks like fake grass. We have been extremely blessed with the amount of help we are getting for the baby. I also brought home a GARBAGE BAG half full of super nice maternity clothes that will actually FIT for four dollars from a garage sale today. I know I only have six weeks to go, but being in tears trying to find something that isnt too tight or too short has been really frustrating. Once I'm done in the baby's room, it is most likely going to be the coolest room in the house. I'm a little jealous ;). I have curtains to make for my bedroom before the baby gets here too... so many projects that need to be done asap.... I'm sure I wont have time for any of the stupid little stuff like making curtains for at least five years.
I dont understand how I'm supposed to have any sort of life when David cant sleep while I'm not here. He blames the dogs, but he wears ear plugs when he sleeps... and he could just shut the bedroom door too. I dont like feeling guilty for leaving the house. Too bad for him, I have a vet appt tomorrow, plans to go out saturday, and then plans with two different people next week :l