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i pretty much love youu..

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:: 2007 1 February :: 7.15 pm
:: Mood: crushed

i feel so empty..

&& I haven't even left yet.


Gosh... my dad signed the papers to sell the house. We should be moving in about a month or so, unless I decide to live with my mom for the time being. I'm thinking long and hard about this because I really don't want to leave Alyssa. She's all I have. She's everything. She's my world & I'd be leaving it behind. How could I do that? I mean, there's this more than amazing school that I could be going to.. but really, no one I know will be there. My whole world is here. Do I really want to leave it? Part of me says yes. The other part says no. Although, I'll only be about an hour and 45 minutes away, it'll still seem like worlds apart. I mean, I don't see Alyssa rarely as it is. Imagine when I can only see her every other weekend... gosh.. =[ I don't know if I can do it again. We tried it when she left to Michigan and we didn't really make it. I don't know... I have to think.



i love Alyssa soo much.
more than anything & anyone.
forever and always.

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:: 2007 29 January :: 5.27 pm
:: Mood: angry

& it all begins like this...


"& so it is....
just like you said it would be."

It's been a long time & I thought I should bring my journal up to date a little bit. First off, Alyssa.

We're great. As perfect as we're ever going to be. I love her & she loves me, we're going to be one big happy family. lol Yeah, we're amazing. Except for not seeing her as much because of homeschooling & now because her parents think we hang out too much (if they only knew....). It sucks. =[ But just one more year, & we'll be away. Away from it all. We'll be together. Able to be with eachother whenever we want. =] It'll be amazing.

Next, John Mayer.

Alyssa & I went to the concert on friday. AMAZING!!! lol Aly & Eric were there as well & our seats weren't very far apart. =] coolness! I got a shirt & Dippin Dots. SCORENESS! hehe. It was an excellent concert. I still can't believe I was like.. 500 ft. or less away from John Mayer. AH!

Third, the Rodeo.

Our quartet, which consists of Lyndsay, Alyssa, myself, & Anjane, sang at the Homestead Rodeo on Sunday. Wow. In 58 years of the Rodeo, we were the first quartet. Pretty awesome. =] We didn't do as well as we should've but there were also things you have to take in account. We were outside, it was windy as hell, their PA system was not very good at all. Of course we could've been better, but we can always be better. Overall it was pretty good.

Well, that was major weekend. hehe.

Also, I'm going to be recording a harmony part on a song for this band Dissever. It's going to be pretty cool. Apparently, I might be singing with them live next week at some show.. but I'm not sure. I'll update if anything.

[ l o v e a l w a y s ]

. g i n a .


i { l o v e } alyssa
.more than the moon & sky.
forever & always
.we'll be together.


2 i pretty much | love you


:: 2007 3 January :: 10.38 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Man On The Side"- John Mayer

All because of her... my life feels.. liveable..

:Sigh: this past week has been such an amazing week. Ok, Christmas was great.. but it came & went extremely fast. It's already the 3rd.. wow. The days are speeding by. Since the 30th, everything has been great. Let's start on the 30th.
Last saturday. Went shopping with Alyssa to the Falls. Bought a $40 bra at Victoria's Secret! =] A micro mini skirt & white sandals at Hollister. Awesome day. (Before I mention this, Alyssa & I broke up on the 20th. =[) Later that night, I decided that I wanted to be back with her. I missed her so much. Seriously, we've been inseperable since saturday. I haven't been this happy in sooo long. I love her so much!
New Years Eve. What an awesome day. Besides the fact that the Dolphins lost. But it was to be expected. Especially since we were up against the Colts =[. I hung out with Tiffany & Alyssa. Gees, it was so much fun. I missed hanging out with Tiffany. =[ I loved it & I hope it happens more often. I actually wanted to drink that day. Really weird since I'm completely against drinking. =\ I had a tiny bit of Hennessy but wasn't evennear tipsiness. I kissed Alyssa at exactly 12! Aww.. it was awesome. =] & Then, Tiffany, Alyssa & I had a group hug around 12. Gosh, so cool. hehe
The rest of this week I've either been staying at Alyssa's or hanging out with her and then going home. This week has been amazing. I stayed up on New Years Eve till 7 in the morning with Alyssa. Just talking. I haven't had that in so long. I missed it. =] I'm so happy I'm back with her. I'm never going to mess up again. I won't ever lie or be confused. I want to be with her forever. Really. I love her so much.

Well, I have to go... I'll write as soon as I can.

I love you Alyssa.
Always & Forever baby.
More than anything & everything.

=]

2 i pretty much | love you


:: 2006 18 December :: 3.58 pm
:: Mood: confused

Cannibal Girl..

Eh... I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I mean, life isn't suppsed to hurt this much.. right?
Every damn decision I've made recently has, I feel, been wrong. =\
Alyssa came back to Homestead =] For good! So yeah, almost the entire time she's been down (About a week), we've been talking about breaking up. It's all my fault. This all happened because I'm "confused".
I love her. No confusion there. I still somewhat love Mike. Complete Confusion! I started talking to him & I shouldn't have. I don't want to hurt Alyssa anymore & I never want to lose her as my best friend. =[ She told me that we'll always be best friends and that she'd accept it if we broke up but I know it would be awkward for a while & oh gosh... I don't know. There's a big part part of me that wants to be with her so bad but then there's the part that tells me we should break up. She said she'd always be here for me & that breaking up would be easier for me... but it would still be hard because it would be hurting her. God... I don't want to hurt her anymore. I love her so much... but I've lied to her too many times although I didn't mean to. I've lost her trust. I wish she knew how much I really do love her. =[
I'm acting the same way I have in every relationship. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I think in some subconscious way, I'm afraid of commitment. Things being final. I don't know. =[ I wish I knew how I felt about everything.
Things should start getting better... I'm getting over a cold & my voice is coming back, slowly but surely. I'm also getting withdrawn from school this week because of home-schooling & then the next 2 weeks are Christmas break.


I haven't wanted to do it in a while, but I remember what it feels like to want to die.
I want to now.

"The fame & praise come
year after year
Does nothing for these empty
tears."
-Jack's Lament, Nightmare Before Christmas

Gina

2 i pretty much | love you


:: 2006 5 December :: 7.55 pm

woah....

This is a horrible habit.. I always seem to write when I have a bad day or something or other.
I woke up and my eyes were extremely puffy... another night of crying. I was so tired and I woke up a little late.. but oh well.

1st period: Did my work, didn't understand it.... copied Randi's paper and told her I'd make her another bracelet.. lol that did it. Anjane was supposed to get me out so we could practice for 3rd period.. but she forgot. Oh well.

Lunch/3rd period: Anjane and I try practicing our revised version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas".. didn't work out to well. Actually, that's an understatement. It sucked. When we told Kristin we couldn't do it, she got upset and told us to sing the beginning. We sang it, it was blah. She said it was fine and they had already gotten their instruments. We said we couldn't do it again and she gave us a guilt trip. I almost started to cry because I felt bad... so we tried to practice it again all together.. it was horrible. We deff. couldn't do it. So, we're going to perform it next 3rd period. Oh well.

5th period: We sang once out of the whole period. Whatever. This whole Science FCAT thing happened... I really don't feel like writing the whole explanation. Other than that, chorus was boring. I'm so discouraged in chorus now.

After school: Didn't have to go to Drama today. Went straight home and ate some mandarin oranges and raisins. Had to go to Publix to get Cookie mix and got Hot chocolate, M&Ms, and a cookies and cream Hershey's bar. Lyndsay tells me she's going back to SD full time because she wants to go back and her health is better. My dad said that I could still do home-schooling without her though. I really hate SD now. It's getting really bad and stressing me out like crazy. I hate crying.

Well, I have to go.

I love Alyssa soooo much!!

=]

1 i pretty much | love you


:: 2006 5 December :: 7.55 pm

woah....

This is a horrible habit.. I always seem to write when I have a bad day or something or other.
I woke up and my eyes were extremely puffy... another night of crying. I was so tired and I woke up a little late.. but oh well.

1st period: Did my work, didn't understand it.... copied Randi's paper and told her I'd make her another bracelet.. lol that did it. Anjane was supposed to get me out so we could practice for 3rd period.. but she forgot. Oh well.

Lunch/3rd period: Anjane and I try practicing our revised version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas".. didn't work out to well. Actually, that's an understatement. It sucked. When we told Kristin we couldn't do it, she got upset and told us to sing the beginning. We sang it, it was blah. She said it was fine and they had already gotten their instruments. We said we couldn't do it again and she gave us a guilt trip. I almost started to cry because I felt bad... so we tried to practice it again all together.. it was horrible. We deff. couldn't do it. So, we're going to perform it next 3rd period. Oh well.

5th period: We sang once out of the whole period. Whatever. This whole Science FCAT thing happened... I really don't feel like writing the whole explanation. Other than that, chorus was boring. I'm so discouraged in chorus now.

After school: Didn't have to go to Drama today. Went straight home and ate some mandarin oranges and raisins. Had to go to Publix to get Cookie mix and got Hot chocolate, M&Ms, and a cookies and cream Hershey's bar. Lyndsay tells me she's going back to SD full time because she wants to go back and her health is better. My dad said that I could still do home-schooling without her though. I really hate SD now. It's getting really bad and stressing me out like crazy. I hate crying.

Well, I have to go.

I love Alyssa soooo much!!

=]

love you


:: 2006 23 November :: 5.13 pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: "Dance Party Plus"- Head Automatica

Thanksgiving!

To begin with, Happy Thanksgiving to all. I've had a very good thanksgiving! I woke up pretty early today, around 9 something. Went to my aunt's house to feed the dogs and let them out. I'm taking care of her animals this weekend because she's out of town. I needed money and the opportunity arose, so yeah! lol. Came home, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That's a pretty cool parade. I wonder how much of our tax dollars go to that every year. Hmmm.... Anyway, time passed and the parade ended. Then, the beloved Dolphin game! 5-6 baby!!!! =] hehehe I'm extremely happy about that game. The final score being 27-10 and all. We whooped 'em! lol I wish I could've watched the game with Alyssa though. =[ Well, my dad had cooked a lot today and his girlfriend came over. It was really fun. We ate turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes... yummmm... lol i think my dad's girlfriend is bringing over an apple pie later on too. I actually prayed.. which is pretty funny because I'm bordering atheism. In about an hour I'm going to go back over to my aunt's to feed the dogs once more. I'm so thankful for so many people. Gees, I can't even name them all. Aly told me that she was thankful for me! yay! =] Tomorrow is the "Choral Thanksgiving" which I need to ask Alyssa about. I'm not sure if I'm going to go yet. Tiffany & I kind of started talking again. It makes me really happy because when we stopped talking, it hurt really bad. It won't ever be the same, but atleast it's something. =] Well, I'm having a pretty damn good day, so I'm going to go.

Love yaaaa!!

Hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving!

óż

I love Alyssa
Always & Forever


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