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The Second Star to the Right

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chibikeriana

:: 2015 25 October :: 7.58pm

i don't even go by keriana anymore...
The other day, a friend and I were showing each other embarrassing journal entries from our past. I dug so deep, I found this journal. I can't even look at the username without cringing anymore. Who was I. Everywhere I look is vague entries and that particular brand of pretension you only get when you're a teenager who feels too many emotions and thinks you are, somehow, the only person who has ever felt those emotions, ever, and therefore you need to find a brand new way to articulate them.

It's so weird. I need to continue my slow process of archiving this journal, but this journal has so many entries and so much history and spans so much -- by the time I was using LJ, I wasn't updating nearly as much as I updated this; these days, I updated my DW maybe a dozen times a year. A part of me really misses that old journaling culture!

And now we have twitter.

Anyway, as horrendously shameful as the contents of this journal are, I'm glad this site has stuck around. They're still memories, even if they're.

Weird.

Thanks, 14 year old me. Thanks.

5 Tales | Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2015 28 July :: 4.37pm

Stars when you shine,
You know how I feel.
Scent of a pine,
You know how I feel.
Oh, freedom is mine,
And I know how I feel.

It's a new dawn, a new day,
a new life for me,
And I'm feeling good.

[My actual entries are all friends only; feel free to add me!]

1 Tale | Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2014 16 December :: 3.29pm

"Shake It Out" by Florence + the Machine.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool, and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

Our loved is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back?
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer, and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well, what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off.

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2013 30 April :: 12.49am

Really old Nutella mixed with cigarette ashes doesn't taste good.

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2011 23 March :: 10.30am

You know what? I miss EmotionDump.

2 Tales | Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2008 19 September :: 1.24am
:: Mood: sick

Currently sick. Still working for at&t.

Hurricane Ike was rather bothersome; power was out for a few days. Got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Not cool. I think the bites are starting to fade now.

Being sick makes me think too much. Also, it makes me inclined to be far too impulsive. After all, life is too short when you're looking at it from the viewpoint of someone not feeling well. It makes me want to just save up as much money possible and find a way to start that long-term era of being with that boy.

It makes me feel like there's absolutely no reason to be so cautious with life -- like I shouldn't bother with doing things "the right way" (by others' standards) or anything like that. Like I should be doing what I want, what I feel is right.

Now... that's a very dangerous mindset. I'm sure it'll fade a wee bit once I'm healthy again, but it's always there, honestly. When not sick, it's easier to think more.. clearly, I guess you'd say. Rationally. Responsibly. Like I should be thinking. :P

Anyhow. Just a short public update.

Off to possibly snack then rest/sleep.
-Ash

Tell Me a tale


littledamion

:: 2008 30 March :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Goldfrapp *Eat yourself

Zoom zoom zoom
So we've zoomed to the future.

Gosh, I've changed. Not so bitchy and volatile and rambly, I think. I hope.

I just won the Gates Millennium Scholarship. I've been accepted into Saint Mary's of Moraga, Boston University, Boston College, and I'm waiting on Tufts and Harvard.

Things have really changed. I want to lock up this journal, but Woohu doesn't make that easy. I remember when Woohu almost shut down, they offered to print your journal and send you it... that would be nice right now. I want to remember how I've changed, but I don't want these entries to haunt me if and when people I know stumble upon them.

UPDATE: I just went back and turned about a hundred or so entries to "Friends Only"

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2008 1 March :: 9.42am

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Repeat.

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2007 21 November :: 12.19am

Quote from Grey's Anatomy.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say.

I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2007 25 October :: 2.18pm

for the record

being told that I'm

obsessive

and that

I should stop thinking about things

does not help.

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2007 23 September :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: annoyed

Sometimes I get really frustrated with everything. Times like this, I really, really want to get away from absolutely everything. Away from the dogs barking while I'm trying to do homework at night, away from Mom's coughing, away from Dad stomping up and down the hall and slamming drawers in the kitchen, away from the incessant squeaking of the dog toys, and away from just all the noise.

I can't concentrate. I cannot figure out this homework problem. I can't do anything but hear everything. Putting on headphones and turning up music to the point that I can't hear anything but music (but not to the point where it becomes static) is the only thing I can do to block out the noise. Maybe that's why my hearing is getting worse, but I can't really do anything about that. I cannot deal with all this noise any other way.

At night, when trying to sleep, it's the same.

I think I'll just go to bed now and hope my concentration skills improve with sleep. I'll get to school early and work in my car or something.

Autumn Equinox. First day of fall. I was relatively happy all day. I'm just really easily frustrated tonight.

Tell Me a tale


dukespartnerincrime

:: 2007 22 September :: 1.51am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: radiohead

8th grade...
....yeah 8th grade what was I smoking those days by the way? I just read those journal entries from then and they are pretty fucked up. Anway it's almost 2 in the morning so i better go to sleep

Tell Me a tale


ElektraGamblin

:: 2007 2 September :: 7.28pm
:: Mood: Stressed
:: Music: In Pieces - Linkin Paek

In Pieces
There is a flaw with this song. Does no one ever feel for the person on the other side of the lyrics?. So I'm rewriting it for those of us who know how it feels.


Telling you to go
But hands beg you to stay
My lips say that I hate
My heart say that I love

There's truth in my lies
Doubt in my faith
What you build I lay to waste
There's truth in my lies
Doubt in my faith

All I've got's what you didn't take

So I, I will be the one
Be the one to leave this

In pieces

And I, I will be alone
Alone with all my secrets
And regrets
I've lied

I promised you the sky
Then tossed you like a stone
You wrap me in your arms
And I chill you to the bone

There's truth in my lies
Doubt in my faith

All I've got's what you didn't take

So I, I will be the one
Be the one to leave this

In pieces

And I, I will be alone
Alone with all my secrets
And regrets

I've lied

So I, I will be the one
Be the one to leave this

In pieces

And I, I will be alone
Alone with all my secrets
And regrets

I've lied

1 Tale | Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2007 19 August :: 10.50am
:: Mood: nervous

Hosnap -- college.
August 27th. Oh, dear.

So it would appear as though I'm taking 16 hours; 6 classes.

College Algebra, Composition 1 (English), Intro to Chemistry - basically from 9 AM 'til 12 PM Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

On Monday nights @ 6 PM, I have Chem lab. Luckily, my high school chemistry teacher transferred to this college, so I'll be with her AND my friend Robert for Chem Lab.

Tuesday nights @ 6 PM, I have Ceramics class.

Online, I have First Aid.

Thursdays = free (homework and study days ~ like weekends).

Whoo. A bit scary; hopefully I'm not in over my head. I had to have at least 12 hours for my scholarship, and 15 in case I needed to drop a class. The average amount of hours = 12-15, supposedly.

Anywho. College. Okay. All right. Here we go.

Also, I turn 18 on September 1st.

Tell Me a tale


justadreamer

:: 2007 12 July :: 7.03pm

Quote. Dunno who said it.
"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

Tell Me a tale

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