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I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

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:: 2007 17 January :: 3.06pm
:: Music: keys

my life is content. i love pizza hut and my hot delivery boy-friend. The only thing that haunts me is the memory of a friends I once cherished, but now have become distant with. This means you james.
Fuck woohu. This is stoopid.

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:: 2006 12 December :: 6.20pm

porch monkey for life

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:: 2006 11 December :: 7.57pm
:: Music: Computers humming and me longing for a sound card

Wow... it's been a while. I'm going to try hard to make this sincere. That seams to be my problem with posts. I don't want to commit in writing my real feelings. I can converse with a friend, admitting soulful truths, but this is too permanent. And everyone can see. I know, mark it as "password" if I want privacy. But I want to be so honest that my feelings shouldn't exists unless I am proud of them, willing to defend them and share. I guess that means admitting I am fallible.

New note. I think I got raped at a gay club. How is this possible? It was actually more of a sexual assault, because before a rape could occur, "gay luda", (named that because he looks like Ludicrous and is defiantly gay), saved me. Why would a straight guy go to a gay club? I go to men's gay clubs to dance and not to look for sexual partners, just to have fun.

New note.

Interested in stopping AIDs? There is an AIDs benefit this Wed. at Sprial in Lansing, old town (this time we will not be too stoned to find it). It's a drag show with and ensemble cast. It will be comprised of amateurs and pros (and some pro-amatur) from Grand Rapids, Detriot and Lansing. It should be good. And all the profits will go to an AIDs foundation. Give me a jingle for directions. Cover is $8 if you're under 21 and $5 if you're 21 or older.

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:: 2006 2 June :: 4.31pm

i was just reading some of my old entries. i should have seen this coming, and yet how naive i was to still be so happy.

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:: 2006 17 May :: 4.01am

open house

june 10th 2:00-5:00
my house.

be there.

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:: 2006 7 May :: 9.09pm

just got back from the tim and faith concert. it was great.

my ears are ringing...

im nervous about this, but i trust you. know that ok?

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:: 2006 7 May :: 7.52am

this weekend started out rough... real rough. but turned into something wonderful.

i've stayed at keegans all weekend.. its odd being home and him being at work. yesterday we went to holland to support a crew all that (circle junkies) not like anyone knows them.... but it was the tulip festival which was nice, thier performance was really quite pathetic... what can ya do right?

we tried to go to the zoo on our way home, but it was closed, so we went to applebees and ended up running into stacy and ashley and sat with them, that was a nice suprise. then we made one more stop and came home. :)

what a beautiful day.

now TONIGHT brandi and i are going to the tim mcgraw and faith hill concert. i cannot WAIT! ahh. go ahead, be jealous. and if you dont like country music, kindly refrain from leaving a smart ass cocky comment because i dont diss your music, and frankly... it pisses me off when people diss mine. (smiles)

SCHOOOOOOOOOOOL. nooooo. oh well, its almost over.

im beginning to let go of certain things. and i really think this is going to help us ALOT. because a relationship is supposed to be based on trust right? and give and take? thats what we're doing. i cant imagine ever losing my best friend, or that feeling i get in the morning when i wake up and he's snuggled up to me, looking so peaceful before he wakes up. i love that. i love the simple things. those are the things that mean the most.

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:: 2006 4 May :: 9.50pm

people come into our lives for 3 reasons: a reason, a season, or a life time.

which are you?

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:: 2006 29 April :: 2.31pm

tired as hell.

prom was wonderful. still didnt top last years, but we werent really aiming for that. it was wonderful in its own way. me and keegan went with brandi and ryan, im so glad we didnt go in a big group. we got pictures at my house, then at the rockford dam. we had dinner at mangiamo! (the exclamation point is part of the title.. odd as it is) it was absolutely gorgeous. the restaraunt itself is in a huge "old world" mansion. its italian and suprisingly wasnt that expensive. i think it'd be a safe bet to say that we ate at the most beautiful restaraunt. seriously.... lol.

i didnt really care for st. nicks. to me it was set up really awkwardly. the dance floor in its own little room thing... odd. we made it fun though. senior prom.. gotta live it up right? i couldnt have been more happier with the way my hair and dress turned out.. i felt like a princess. and keegan just looked absolutely wonderful. it was nice to see him in black for once. he's gone white, ivory, and FINALLY black. and the black definately looked best. *smiles.... i love us together.

after prom we went to steak n shake and then midnight bowling. we didnt really know what to do. me and keegan wanted to go to oasis, but brandi didnt want to. so we kind of winged it. we didnt want to go anywhere that alcohol might be... which rules out alot of the post prom parties! no worries though. keegan and i went back to his house and stayed there. this morning he even made me breakfast. aww.

all in all i got about 140 pictures. thats gonna be a pain to print!

i cant belive this was my last dance. no more getting dressed up. no more extensive hair, no more beautiful dresses. its about time though. im assuming the next time i get ALL done up like this will be my wedding! bring it on..... all the more reasons to get an expensive dress!

tonights a rampage game. i should probably get ready.

HOLY my goodness did it take forever to wash all the hair spray out of my hair. i havent yet gotten to blow drying it.. but i know thats its mega snarled.

have a good rest of the weekend.

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:: 2006 27 April :: 1.35pm

i just tried on my prom dress and jewlery and all that... OMG.


im excited now. it still fits. my tan is wonderful. i cant wait to eat at montiago or whatever its called. !!!!!!

see everyone tomorrow!

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:: 2006 25 April :: 1.56pm

*phew... sigh of relief.

in other news.. H's prom promise spiel went good today. I figured that'd be a good message instead of handing out crappy pens. Feedback?


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:: 2006 19 April :: 4.24pm

heres to the worst day ever...

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:: 2006 16 April :: 6.11am

friday was so beautiful. keegan and i went to AJ's and went mini golfing (which i won) and then in the batting cages. i'm not sure that i've ever even held a baseball bat.. lol.

then we got ice cream and went to riverside park which was wonderful. after that we drove around downtown and stopped at nicks house (breakdancer) and last but not least, got smoothies from coldstone. it was a really good night.

saturday we had a yearbook work day. the senior section is seriously awesome. if you havent bought a yearbook you NEED to. for the people who didnt buy a book this year.. i think that once it comes out next year and people see how good it is, we're going to sell all of our extras.i just did 3 spreads in 3 days. (just so you know.. it takes some poeple about a month or more just to do one) im so excited for the book to be done!

yesterday after the yearbook thing and before i went to work, i went for a run/walk. i havent excersised in so long. and then i got home.. cleaned out under our bunny hut (which was long due... ugh) and wheel barrowed it to the back of our property. i was just in such a good mood ijust wanted to be outside. but TODAY my legs hurt from overdoing it on my walk thing, my back hurts from lifting the wheelbarrow wrong, my shoulders hurt from doing countless handstands, and my tricept is a bit inflamed. ah well, who cares.

we're going to my uncle david and aunt pats today for easter dinner. keegans coming after he gets out of work. he has to be in at 11 and his boss wouldnt let him come in at 12 after church. like ANYONES gonna be eating at logans on easter during church hours. so that's to bad.

the "easter bunny" brought me the carrie underwood cd and a silk robe in my easter basket this morning (thats right, im 17 and still get easter baskets and christmas stockings... my mom doesnt want to let go) and im SEEING carrie underwood at the KENNY CONCERT! i can barely stand the wait. derks bently is gonna be there too.. but i dont really like him. BUT brandi and i just got tickets for the tim mcgraw and faith hill concert too! OMG... now im just freaking out. because im going to two of the biggest concerts this year. i cant WAIT!

happy easter!

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:: 2006 9 April :: 6.27pm

my voice is gone.

rampage game last night, bobby went with me. lets not get into the game though....

i stayed at keegans last night and this morning i woke up and one of my eyes wouldnt open. *sad face* what a BEAUTIFUL thing to wake up to... "baby, i cant open my eye" (keep in mind my voice sounds like a cat stuck in a metal pan) "aww, let me help you". i wont get into the sight he must have seen either... (now that HAS to be a test of our relationship!) i've got a really good one. and then of course his mom tells me to drink orange juice.. i think she thinks orange juice will cure everything. any illness... "ohh drink some orange juice." *smiles.... i love this family.

i went home while keegan went to work and my mom and me and shelby took jessie for a walk.. what a wonderful day. we even let shelbys bunny run around outside. then i took my NEWWWWW car in to town to vaccume it. THEN me and keegan brought shelby over so she could see sushi and we let him run around outside. he's not very fast.. it was so cute to see his tiny little self running around the grass. NOW we're waiting for keegans mom to get home to make us pork chops. i've been craving some pork chops for a couple days.. and sense im in NO condition to be seen, we're staying home tonight. i dont care though.. i just want to cuddle with my asian. :)

oh and stacy.. perhaps this will bring back some memories?


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:: 2006 7 April :: 11.07am

i just cleaned my little sisters room for 2 hours.... now im cleaning my room.

*thumb down

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