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:: 2008 5 February :: 5.11 pm

i don't know why i'm here.
today has just been utterly nostalgic and i just feel so drained.
i miss those day.
the you and me days.
wierd how three years later i still find myself adressing you in this blog. not that i even remotely expect you to read this. mostly i'm hoping you don't. or that you do. not quiet sure yet.

i found your letter.
what's the p stand for?
what the pope is going on in here??
we should start saying that"

it honestly made me cry.

i hate how looking back i'm able to draw all sorts of lines to how i things resulted. your friendship shaped me in ways i didn't think possible, and now we're just number higher in the myspace friends count to each other. but in a way, we we're headed there when we graduated from SAC. or more correctly, i was. i was so focused on finding this idealized high school group of friends that anyone else not fitting that mold was irrelevant. it's not the fact that i still haven't found that niche that arouses these pointless thoughts, just that i still find myself wallowing in things long out of my control.
i could've been a better friend.
should have realized when you were crying out.
shouldn't have let things drift so far away.
shouldn't have let these habits sink so far in.

i don't think its in anyway out of the ordinary either to be thinking this way, just odd that i'm expressing it.

now starts the battle of post/don't post.
why am i here?

2 . | .

:: 2006 3 June :: 11.45 am

so i just realized how long its been since i posted anything on this thingy, so i decided to change that. MEOW.


:: 2006 23 March :: 6.57 pm

where'd your myspace go?

2 . | .

:: 2006 17 January :: 4.16 pm

i'm supposed to be re-writting an essay right now. fuck that. GRAAAAGHHH!


:: 2005 1 December :: 5.23 pm

i watched a cinderella story a few days ago....hehe. 'twas quite entertaining.


:: 2005 25 November :: 6.27 pm

If ALEX read this, if ALEX's eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything, either good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what ALEX remember about you!

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:: 2005 24 November :: 1.02 pm


2 . | .

:: 2005 11 November :: 10.25 pm

i saw this guy i knew back in middle school. he didn't recognize me so i didn't say anything. i always do that. i'm always scared of the stupidest things.

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:: 2005 6 November :: 8.17 pm

shane is actually nice. i guess i didn't expect that.

p.s. that picture he has as his icon isn't him (i asked)


:: 2005 5 November :: 2.01 pm

i just approved shanes friend request. he sent me another message saying "if your dad is brent then your my sis and you should add me so we can talk." whatever. i'm just tierd of thinking about it.


:: 2005 5 November :: 9.56 am

berliouz is freaking out and peeing everywhere so my mom is either taking him to the pound or making him an outside cat. he isn't a fucking outside cat. he flips out when he goes outside and when hes not with dutchess. jesus fucking christ


:: 2005 3 November :: 3.28 pm

so did i ever tell you that i had a half-brother? well i do. his names shane. i never talked about him because we haven't heard from him in 5/6 years. he wanted to go to this 30thousand a year college but my dad couldn't really afford that at the time so he told shane to find another school. he told him they'd pay for a state or community college but not a private fancy smancy school. shane got really pissed and he sent us an e-mail back saying that he hated my dad and a bunch of shit like that. that was 5ish years ago. the closest hes come to contacting us was last spring. he called my grandma and asked about us and where we were and such.

then today i was checking my friend requests on myspace(i know, i'm a stupid conformist) and BLAM. there he is, wanted to be added to my friends list. i checked his blog and apparently, he makes chain mail and jewlery for a living. and hes taoist. is that like buddist?

I have no idea if i should answer him back. i don't know why he'd try to contact me. i just remember when he used to come visit us, and i'd annoy the hell outta him. he had these saftey pins on his pants and i used to ask him what they were for and he would try to explain that there was no use for them, but i never got that.
my parents say it's my choice if i want to answer him back or not, but i don't know what to do.

2 . | .

:: 2005 3 November :: 8.29 am

i'm at home 'cause i have a fever. blegh.


:: 2005 2 November :: 3.03 pm

tkmh j 6rtrkjng,kjndcsf kjFUCK!!!!!!!!!1yjuhje d7y5ej 75

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:: 2005 30 October :: 3.37 pm

some hot columbian guy is hanging out with my brother right now.....he's REALLY hot.....the guy...not my brother. erics ugly.

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:: 2005 28 October :: 4.15 pm

i am so depressed. i have to call you and fill you in.

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:: 2005 26 October :: 2.43 pm


"Ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl was very vocal in the press about his admiration of the Queens of the Stone Age, which led to an invitation for him to join the group for the third album's recording and, subsequently, supporting tour. Surprisingly, Grohl accepted, putting the Foo Fighters on hold (despite having a new album completed and ready to go). One of the year's most eagerly anticipated hard rock albums, Songs for the Deaf was issued in August of 2002."

hehe i feel smart. so dave grohls not in the queens of the stone age any more....i suppose.


:: 2005 24 October :: 3.40 pm

get on aim.....NOW!

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:: 2005 22 October :: 10.10 am

my room is orange....yay. but its the wrong orange. hrm. its too neonish for my mom keeps saying how it goes perfectly with everything but shes just saying it so i'll stop bitching.


:: 2005 22 October :: 10.06 am

i started school on tuesday. it wasn't fun. people are kinda crazy. but i painted a pumkin. that was fun.
oh...and we moved in on tuesday too. my room is a mess. blegh


:: 2005 15 October :: 2.04 pm


it's pretty and blue and flippy.....yay!

1 . | .

:: 2005 15 October :: 2.03 pm

nothing has i have nothing to update about...


:: 2005 10 October :: 3.14 pm

we got a house. it's not even 100 yards away from monterey high so thats cool. it's kinda small though....but its cuter than my old house. oh well.


:: 2005 7 October :: 12.24 pm

card number=81971000225053

i'm at the libary again. blegh. i feel like such a loser. hrm. hanging out at the library at noon....during fall break. woo.

so dutchess and berliouz are staying at this little 'kitty hotel' called 'prefurably cats'. it's kinda cute but really sad. like i've been visting them every other day or so and while i'm there they go into the 'kitty kondo'. it's REALLY pathetic. it's a room the size of a walkin closet with a window. no resembalance to a condo whatsoever. it's such bullshit. they're charging us $400 to let them stay at that place for 2 weeks. fucking bull.
i miss my kitties. i woke up in the middle of the night and i was hugging my pillow and i thought it was dutchess so i petted it.... yeah. it wasn't the same.

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:: 2005 5 October :: 2.43 pm


i'm at the libary right now. so.....yeah.

everything is so wierd. it's like the last 2 years were just a dream.

i don't know if i can call you....i want to but the phone at the hotel is a little retard and my parents cells are slaming us with roaming. i'll try though.


:: 2005 24 September :: 5.31 pm

you should come over sometime before i leave. call me.

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:: 2005 16 September :: 4.35 pm

OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S NOT THIS NORMAL TO HATE ONE'S GRANDPARENTS SO MUCH! last time they came i got old lady perfume...this time i got a barbie............what the hell?

then my stupid cousin is running around screaming and my grandpa is just laughing cause he's 'so damn cute'.


:: 2005 15 September :: 4.05 pm

glitter wars
time is such a bastard. i spent two years hating this place, then two weeks away from when i'm going to leave, i think of the wierdest things i doubt i'll ever do.

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:: 2005 12 September :: 5.17 pm
:: Music: rise against

black masks and gasoline
Simply because you can breathe,
Doesnít mean youíre alive,
Or that you really live,
This life here has taken itís toll
And she just doesnít know how much more she can give

But here, at the top of the world, I raise my hands and I clench my fists,
They stand before me below demanding the answers with flips of a switch

I donít understand where you got this idea,
So deeply engrained in your head
That this world is something that you must impress,
Because I couldnít care less

A need for revolutionís rising, it comes to the surface, gasping for air,
Weíre not putting up with this planet one more day much less one more year

I donít understand where you got this idea,
So deeply engrained in your head
That this world is something that you must impress,
Because I couldnít care less

So here and now, in our rotting nation
The blood, it pours, itís all on our hands now
We live, in fear, of our own potential
To win, to lose, itís all on our hands now

I have an amerikan dream,
But it involves black masks and gasoline,
One day Iíll turn these thoughts into screams,
At a world turned itís back down on me

I donít understand where you got this idea,
So deeply engrained in your head
That this world is something that you must impress,
Because I couldnít care less


:: 2005 10 September :: 3.35 pm

you should burn me the other all american rejects'd be cool.

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