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You just have to be happy. If you are everything else will fall into place.

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:: 2007 26 May :: 10.12 pm

Just do it <3

Crush this person!
Get your own CrushTag!


:: 2007 9 May :: 8.01 pm
:: Mood: bored

New myspace.
clicky here to add me!


:: 2006 27 January :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: happy




6 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 27 November :: 9.33 am

It's now official.
Image hosted by
Comment to be added.

8 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 26 November :: 12.09 pm
:: Mood: depressed

i thought everything was going good, until last night.. and then everything got blown back up in my face.

nothings good enough for anyone, so leave me the fuck alone. everyones a fucking asshole to me anymore. i don't do anything right, and when i do do something right someone has to say something to me and make me feel like fucking shit about it.

i might as well just not have any friends or anything, it all comes back at me in my fucking face.. no matter what i do with who. it's always a problem.


you don't even fucking know what goes on in my head anymore.

so fuck off, i'm so serious. don't call/text my phone anymore. i'm tired of this bullshit.. i'm not even going to talk or hang out with any of my friends anymore. maybe that'll make things better.

this is my last entry that's public.. this is MY journal. I CAN WRITE WHAT I WANT ABOUT WHO I WANT. have a problem? don't read.

the rest of my journal entries will now be "Friends Only"

3 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 23 November :: 5.28 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

You're all I keep thinking of and I can't get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try it's just never gonna happen. And you know what's amazing to me, that I would do anything to be with you, and you don't see it at all. You just throw me away like I'm some freakin piece of garbage and I just keep running back to you.

Tell me what's wrong with this picture.


:: 2005 23 November :: 10.01 am
:: Mood: okay

it's a really good day today.
i'm in a great mood.

ben and i went to rochelles last night
[awwweee love you rochelle!!]

tonight hopefully ben rochelle and i are going to hang out.
depending on if i'm still 'fighting' with my aunt loraine.
and it depends on if it snows.

awwwe.. love you two!!
Read more..


:: 2005 17 November :: 9.05 pm
:: Mood: depressed

So now that I wrote about my drama with Jim today.. I figured I'd write about my days.

Yesterday.. [Wed.] Becky Amy and I got in trouble for the whole "Jumping into the trunk" thing. Becky and I got 1 day after school, and Amy got 20 days without her driving pass.. Mr. Telerico laughed about it, said it was funny blah blah blah. The funny thing is, is that the teacher wouldn't have even known if some LOUD MOUTH would have kept her f-ing mouth shut.

Today [Thursday] I presented my graduation project. I went in there, I was prepared.. then I went to put my video in and it wouldn't work. I cried in front of 7 teachers.. But I guess something was wrong with the VCR they used because someone elses didn't work either.. so I went back up like an hour later and showed them my video. I brought Gabby with me, and they were all like "awwww she's beautiful." Yeah, she is. I know. :)

I was just messing around and I took this quiz..
what a co-ink-i-dink::Read more..

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 15 November :: 8.09 pm
:: Mood: depressed

So Doctor Beck, Mono is the sickness that I have?
School is dumb, I want it to be Christmas break..
I am depressed.. still.

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Here, here I am again
And I'm starin at these same four walls
Alone again
And now, all the colors blend
And I'm growing numb
And I've become this empty page
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling through all this static
I just wanna talk to you
And my broken heart just has no use
And I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that I'm the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round

Oh, the things lovers do when it's over
Oh, the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 15 November :: 9.47 am
:: Mood: depressed

Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

Late nights, Late nights, playing in the dark
and waking up inside my arms
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had,
it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

I hate the way I feel.. I hate what I do to myself..


:: 2005 14 November :: 5.15 pm
:: Mood: depressed

So yesterday, [Sunday] Rochelle and I went to the mall/movies.

We saw SAW2.

Real good.

I went over Jims.

Jeff made me laugh.
"chilly willy" teehee

Stayed. [yayyyyyyyyyyy. I love being with him!]

Went to school.

And here I am.

What a glorious evening.

Yes, Jim, I am jealous.
And you hold it over my head.
I hate it.
And I hate the way you talk to her on the phone.
I love you. I'll wait.

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 11 November :: 8.09 pm
:: Mood: sick

So Wednesday night I went to sleep pretty early because I was more tired than usual.. at about 11:00, my cell rang. It was Jim. We talked for about 2 hours. It was one of the best conversations we've had in a long time. We talked about us, what's going on.. and everything is okay between us. Yes, I do still have feelings for him, and he says he feels the same.. but we're just going to stay friends for a while to see how things go.

Thursday was okay, school was long and boring. I woke up late, and didn't get a shower.. LOTS OF DRAMA WITH THE BUMPER HITTING INCIDENT in the morning!! Haha, [[I was backing up and Rocco or w/e his name is pulled right out in back of me and I hit the left side of his bumper. His mom was in the car with him and everything.. no damage. But I just don't understand how he couldn't see that I was backing up.. I was almost in my spot.. so then I locked my keys in the truck.]] We had an activity period, so I was looking for my keys to put something on it, and I couldn't find them.. so I called Uncle Don and he said he couldn't find anyone to bring the spare key out.. so he told me just to ride the bus.. but no. I couldn't ride the bus home. Becky and I had to jump in the back of Amys TRUNK to get rides home. Hahhaha. So we rode down the drive way and Amy stopped at the stop sign, and popped the trunk. Becky and I got out quickly, and jumped in the car. HAHAHA. Good times!!
I went home and slept until 5:00 [I was starting to feel sick.] then I got a shower, and got ready for our 2006 Senior Party. Becky and I dressed up as The Flinstones. Real cute. I'll post pictures later.. I definitly had a lot of fun.. After I drove Becky home, parked at Amys, and Amy drove me down Jims to stay. I stayed had a good time, I love him a lot. What am I going to do?? Ahhh.. anyways, I left about 11:30, Amy came to pick me up I stayed at her house for a while, went to Becks to drop off my costume then I went home. I got home and felt like F-ing SHIT. I slept until about 3:00, then My Aunt Di and Don R came over to take Gram out to dinner.. I went to the doctors at 4:00.. I have strep and an ear infection in my left ear. I'm on Penicillin now for 7 days. Blahhhhh.. I have being sick.

I was supposed to go to the movies with Rochelle.. but I called her house 2 times today and once no one answered, and the second some lady answered and was rude.. uhhh, okay, sorry Rochelle. I tried to call..


12 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 8 November :: 8.51 pm
:: Mood: gloomy

So Monday, (yesterday) Jim Gabby and I went to the mall. I had a good time, I hope Jim did too.. I bought a new purse.

Today Becky and I went to Kings.

Tomorrow we're going to get our costumes for Senior Night Thursday.

Read more..

5 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 6 November :: 11.23 am
:: Mood: depressed

So it has been an all around bad weekend. It started off at work Friday, though I really don't want to talk about it.. [friends only entry!]

So I tried to call Jim to see what he was doing, Jeff answered to phone. Our convo:
Jeff Hello?
me Hey, is Jim there?
Jeff Uhh, no he got kicked outta the house last night.
me What? Where did he go?
Jeff I don't know.
then we said bye or whatever.. and I haven't heard from Jim since. What a nice guy, huh? I'm sitting here worrying about him all weekend, and he probably doesn't even care. His mom keeps calling me to see if he called me to tell me where he is.. but I have to keep telling her no, because he really hasn't even called me.

Later that night Becky and I went to the football game at Ringgold. I ate like everything. The food looked soo good. We lost 7-48. We actually left early, so we didn't get to see us score a touch down.

Saturday I went to Gabrielle Brothers. I got some toys for Christmas for Gabrielle, and some shirts for myself. I spent $90.12.. good job on my part. I thought I was going to spend more. <3333
Saturday night Becky and I went to the mall.. for like 3 minutes. LMMFAO. Good times though.. we'll go again, maybe for longer this time.. and maybe I'll actually buy my purse!! We went to Burger King to see TUBBY!! [[Kristen.. love you!!]] Then I took her home, and I came home and went online for a while.

Today I'm just lounging around the house.. I'm gonna post some pictures of gabby today. Later Bridg and I are supposed to go to the movies.


2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 4 November :: 12.47 pm
:: Mood: crappy

This Is My Life, Rated
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 3 November :: 9.31 pm
:: Mood: apathetic

Nothing new in the life of Jena lately. No new gossip to talk about, Gab is still sick, I am still depressed, and nothing dramatic happened between Jim and I happened.. I haven't even called him since Tuesday.. it's now Thursday.

Anyone elses life this dull?

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 2 November :: 3.00 pm
:: Mood: stressed

I skipped school yesterday and went to Jims.
We talked.
I don't think we'll get back together.
We're seriously just friends now.. I'm gonna try very hard.
I do still love him, but we he thinks were better off apart.
He told me that I was high maintnance..
I cried a lot. He said he didn't know why I wanted him back so much.
He saw my leg.
We'll try this for a while. See how things go.

4 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 31 October :: 11.58 am
:: Mood: depressed

Jim called last night.
I answered.
He talked, I cried.
Things are worse than before.
He got mad because I wanted to bring Gab over for tricker treating.. he wanted to be with his friends.
I did something dumb last night.
[[I won't ever tell.]]

3 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 30 October :: 12.26 pm
:: Mood: sad

So Friday around 3:30 I called Jim to see if he wanted Gabby and I to come over.. he said "Sure, call me back at 5:00 because I'm doing something right now." [I knew what he was doing, so I understood] So I called him back and called him back and didn't get ahold of him until like 6:30 by then Gabby was sleeping and he was like "Oh, I'm sorry Jeff said he was gonna stay down here cause he was waiting for a phone call." Okay, whatever. I understood. So then I asked him since Gabby was sleeping if he wanted to go to the movies with me. He said "yeah sure. Call me back at 6:00." So I called him back, he told me to call him back again [because he wanted to make sure his mom wasn't coming home that night.], so I called him back again at 7:30.. no answer. I called him again at 7:45, no answer.. I kept calling until 8:05.. no answer. So I called one last time at 9:00. No answer.

I'm done. I'm putting in my resignation as his friend, and as his wanna-be-girlfriend.

I haven't and won't call him. If he calls me, I'm not answering.

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 29 October :: 3.10 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Personality Test
Read more..

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 28 October :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: depressed

[The Basics]
Full name: Jena Maria Pust
Date of birth: 1-27-88
Gender: Female
Location: PA
Ethnicity: White
Zodiac sign: Aquarius.
Reason for taking survey: Bored, something to get being ditched AGAIN off my mind..

[Going Deeper]
If any, name any phobias you have: None that I know of.
Do you drink: Sometimes.
Do you smoke: No.
If any, what drugs have you done: Just smoked some weed.
Now do the same for your family: USA
Are you a junk food person or a healthy eater: Both.
Living arrangements: I live with my Aunt and Uncle.
Name any pets you have: None anymore..
Siblings: Two sisters Samantha and Anna.. and one brother Dustin, all who I miss very much.
Do you like your school: Do you like getting shot in the head? I donít think so.
What is your favourite class: Career and Office Applications
What is your least favourite: I like all my classes.
What genre of movie do you prefer: Drama.
Are you into self categorization? No, I dress/act different all the time.

Time of the year: Spring/Fall.
Friend: I donít pick favorites.
Family member: I love most of my family, [[with a few exceptions]] I donít have any favs.
Animal: None.
Sweet food: Depends on my mood.
Colour: Green.
Sitcom: Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, Nip Tuck.
Cartoon: Scooby Doo.
TV channel: TNT
Pastime: Being with Jim
Drug: uhh.. none anymore.
Magazine: Cosmo
Games console: PS2.
Swear word: Fuck.
Ice-cream flavour: Oreo.
Clothing brand, if any: Anything from Delias.
Store: Delias.
Place to relax: Jims
Place to shop: South Hills Village.
Place to party: Wherever.

[Do you believe in..]
God: Sometimes.
A counter-god, or devil: Yeah.
Reincarnation: No.
The Soul: Not really..
Evolution: Somewhat.
Angels: Somewhat.
Karma: YES
Do you celebrate Christmas: Yes.
How do you celebrate your birthday: Depends..
What is your religion: Iím not religious.
Does your family have any special customs: No.
Have you ever converted from another religion or atheism: No.
Are you a vegetarian: No.

[For the Older Kids, Sex!]
Are you a virgin: No
If applicable, did you like your first time: Yes..
Ever given head: Yes.
Ever done anal: Haha, yes.
Does S&M appeal to you: No.
Do you watch pornography: Yes.
How often do you masturbate: I donít.
Ever had sex while drunk: Yes.
Do you regret any sexual incidents that occurred on your part: No.
Do you consider yourself sexually attractive: No.
Favourite sexual position: I have many.
Tell us about any of your personal beliefs regarding sex: I just feel you should only have sex with someone you love.. not just anyone whoís there.

[Your Love Life]
Are you in a relationship right now: No..
Describe your current, or most recent relationship: It was great, until I ruined it.
Are you, or have you ever been in love: Yes.
What's your sexual orientation: Straight.
Are you, or do you plan on getting married: Yeah, someday.
Do you believe in soul-mates: Yes.
Do you think long-distance love is possible: No.
Could you see yourself being unfaithful: No.
What do you notice about the opposite sex first: Hair.
Biggest turn-offs: Yucky teeth.
Taller or shorter than you: Taller.
Ever broken someone's heart: Yes.
Has someone ever broken yours: Everyday anymore.
Do/would you have children: I have a child.

[Your Bad Side]
Do you steal, or have you stolen: Yes [I have]
If so, was it from a store or a person you know: Yes.
Have you been intimate with someone else's significant other: No.
Do you take advantage of other peoples' kindness: No.
Have you lied to your parents: Yes.
Do you get jealous easily: YES. I fucking hate it.
Do you have a bad temper: Oh God, yes.
Have you ever made someone cry: Yes.
Ever physically hurt someone: Yes.
Do you consider yourself racist: No.
Must you always seek vengeance: HAhaha, yes.

[This or That]
Alcohol or Marijuana: Alcohol.
Coca-Cola or Pepsi: Coke.
A quiet evening at home or a wild night out: Depends on my mood.
Extreme intelligence or unbelievable beauty: Half and half.
A permanent, stable relationship or an insane sex life: A permanent, stable relationship.
Christmas without gifts, or Christmas without everything else: Without gifts
Rock or Rap: Rock.
The ability to fly or the ability to be invisible: Be invisible.
Hearing or seeing: Not sure.
Depression or anxiety: Theyíre both terrible.. so.. neither, please.
Immortality without the ability to die, or mortality: Mortality.
Death by freezing, or burning: Freezing.
Death by suffocation or being stabbed: Stabbed.
Lots of acquaintances or a few close friends: Few close friends.
To be a singer or an actor/actress: Actress
Eternal day or eternal night: Night.
X-Ray vision or psychic abilities: Psychic abilities.
Sweet or savory: Sweet.
To never sleep or to never eat: Never eat.
To eat as much as you want or to sleep as much as you want: Sleep as much as I want.
World domination or infinite knowledge of all things: Knowledge of all things.
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera: Neither, thanks.
Bush or Kerry: Bush
To resort to cannibalism or to die: Die.

[The Last]
Person you talked to: Jim.
Person you argued with: Jim.
Person you hugged: Jim.
Person you kissed: Jim.
Person you texted: Chuck.
Person you had sex with: Jim
Phone call: Jim.
Thing you ate: Pepperoni Pizza.
Thing you drank: Orange Juice.
Time you showered: This afternoon.
Time you told someone you loved them: When I got off the phone with Jim about 3 hours ago..
Time someone said they loved you: Yesterday.
Time you laughed: Last night.
Time you vomited: This morning.
Paycheck: Thursday.
Time you had sex: Yesterday.
TV show you watched: Law and Order SVU.
Song you listened to: I donít remember.
Movie you watched: The Truman Show.
Dream you had: Me running into a tree and dying.
Time you got drunk: Long time ago.
Party you went to: Long time ago.
Item of clothing you bought: Not sure.
Person you would sleep with: Jim.

[Have You Ever Been Called]
Bitch: Yes, all the time.
Bastard: Not that I know of.
Beautiful: Yes, by Jim
Talented: No.
A waste of space: Yes
Liar: All the time..
Geek: No.
Nerd: No.
Loser: Yes.
Peculiar: No.
Intelligent: Yes.
Skinny: Yeah.
Fat: Yeah.
Pretty: Yes.
Preppy: No.
Goth: No.
Emo: No.
Grunger: No.
Fiend: No?
Innovative: No.
Weirdo: No.
Stupid: Yep.
Retarded: Yes.
Annoying: Yes..
Freak: Yes..
Brat: Yes a long time ago.
Cute: Yes.
Interesting: Yep.
Boring: Yes.
Slut: Uh huh.
Whore: Yes.
Skank: Yes.
Asshole: Yeah.
Shitface: Don't think so.
Ugly: Yeah.
Disgusting: Yep.
Shithead: Don't think so.
Cock: No.
Tit: No.
Twat: No.

[Totally Random]
Tell us the first thing you'd do with a million dollars: Build a house for me, Jim and Gabby to live in right next to my Aunt and Uncle.
Why is the sky blue: I forget.. there is some logical reason.
Do you consider yourself to be romantic: Yes.
What's the best thing somebody has ever said about you: That I was the most beautiful thing in the world..
What do you think of P.E.T.A: I don't know what that is.
What do you think of South Park: Used to be funny, now itís just old.
Do you like candles: Love them.
Do you think emo people are idiots: No.
Do you think goths are idiots: No.
Do you think people who take ridiculously long surveys are idiots: Haha.
Do you believe men and women are truly equal: Yeah.
Do you read books very much: Yes.
Do people consider you to be a bookworm: No.
Describe your mother: No thanks.
What's one thing you would change about your body: I wish I was skinny.
Would you kill one child to save the lives of 1000 children: Never..
What one thing would a person have to do to deserve death: Rape someone.
The most romantic thing somebody's ever done for you: Jim would send me flowers for no reason..
Do you use bittorrent: What's that?
What P2P programs do you use: I just play Jims.
Have you ever skydived: Nope.
List three things you want to do before you die: Be happy [with Jim], Make sure Gabby has a good life, and thatís it.. there is no 3rd thing.
The world ends and you can only save three people and yourself. Who would you save: Gabby. Jim, and I donít know..
If you could kick anyone's ass, who would it be: TO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE.
If you could sleep with anyone in the world, who would it be: Just Jim.
Are you bored of this survey yet: Very much.
What is the meaning of life: there is none.


:: 2005 28 October :: 1.56 pm
:: Mood: depressed

I'm just more and more depressed everyday over Jim.

I went over his house for a while, when I got there it was around 2:20 [I stayed home from school yesterday and today] he was sleeping in his bed, so I just crawled in next to him.. I fell asleep for about an hour then woke him up and we talked. We got into an arguement, but as I got up to leave he pulled me back down, so I stayed. Then Jeff said someone was at the door for him, and Jim asked who it was.. Jeff hesitated and said it was Christian, so Jim went down, then came back up with Christain and Jess. I guess this little girl Krysta ran away from home and her parents called the cops, and they think they're going to search Jims and Brandons house because they hang out with her. So there was a big drama, Jess left so Jim, Christain and I went downstairs. Jess came back, we all sat in the kitchen for like an hour or so.. Jess left again, Jim and I got into a fight because he told me he hated me being there. I cried half the way home, then I called him and started screaming at him, and he told me to come back. So I turned around at Manns Lounge and went back. Christain was still there when I got back, but I was still crying so I just went up in Jims room to lay down. Then they both came up, Jim asked him to go in the other room, we talked for a few minutes.. blah blah blah. Anyways, I left after that. Came home, went to sleep.

I didn't go to school today either. I'm sick, I went to the doctors I just have a viral infection. I don't have to go to work tonight or tomorrow morning.

Jim and I are supposed to go out tomorrow night.. I can't wait. :)

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 27 October :: 10.19 am
:: Mood: crappy

Jim called me at 2 in the morning, saying that he was sorry. This time I said that it wasn't okay. He was like well, I just stopped smoking that's why I'm grouchy. I still didn't say it was okay. But we talked for a few minutes then I had to go because Gabby woke up screaming. Shes sick. Okay, well I guess I'm going over Jims later today.. I'll update later. <3

2 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 26 October :: 9.52 pm
:: Mood: confused

It started out as a great day.. Jim called me at 5:30 or so in the morning, and we talked for like an hour. Then I got ready for school, school was okay. I went to work right after school. I tried and tried to call Jim to make sure I could still come over his house. Jeff answered each time, and each time he wasn't there. (I got off work early) I even rented a movie at Giant Eagle for us to watch.. I ended up going with Kelly and Krysta to Krystas house until I got ahold of Jim. Alaina and Bill came, we were all hanging out and Jim calls. He tells me that he just started watching a movie over Brandons, to come over "later" so I told him that I couldn't because I had to be home at 10:30-11:00. We kinda argued, it was mostly him yelling at me and me trying to defend myself. I started crying and he hung up on me. I fucking cried in front of everyone for like 5 minutes. He always does this to me. Why do I even try anymore? It's like he does it on purpose to see how long I'll take it. I just don't understand, how can he make me cry so much all the time.. I think he likes to do it, maybe it makes him feel good. Why else would he blow me off all the time.

..why do I care so much.

1 cmnts. | cmnt.

:: 2005 25 October :: 9.33 am
:: Mood: busy

So today I woke up at 7:13. (I usually leave at 7:10!) SO I got up real fast, put clothes on, makeup, and brushed my teeth. I ran out the door and I noticed that it was STILL SNOWING!! So I was going up the hill and it was freezing. BLAH.

I feel and look like crap, it's hat day today, so I'm wearing Jim's hat.

Yesterday after school [the note being passed around about me, Jim and Jess.. lots of drama with that.] I went to Jims. We had the best time. We just talked, layed in his bed and talked, I looked up in his attic.. it's really scary up there. There is a table up there with a half empty Dr. Pepper can.. but no one ever goes up there. SO I got home around 6:00, then just chilled out went online for a bit, spent some time with Gab.

I have to leave early [2:00] to take Gab to her Dr. Apt in Washington. I think Jim is going to go with me. I'm scared to drive on bad roads!

2 cmnts. | cmnt. | Random Journal