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|polishpimping (profile) wrote, |
on 9-3-2005 at 4:15pm
|I feel my last post should be clarified.
I am not, nor was I in danger of hurting myself.
I am just upset with the cards life has delt me. It's not that I have a bad hand, I have a great one. But I am tired of the fucking game and I don't want to play this bullshit anymore.
Love doesn't exist. The world makes more sence that way. People are just running around trying to fill their emptiness inside with whatever or whoever is convienient. Last night I realized how much what happened a few months ago has effected me. It was a shock to see me change from the "Love rulez" posterchild I was to the person that detests it's idea today.
I was also annoyed that while I can rationalize away the notion of love, for some reason I cannot change certain aspects of my nature. I feel like one of fucking Pavlov's dogs.
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I'm going to be completely honest with you here, because for the first time in months you seem to have opened your eyes., 09-03-05 5:41pm
Why did you ever play the game in the first place? Aren't you old enough to realize alcohol and getting into the pants of different girls will only last as long as the buzz or the night out? Reread all of your woohus from the past few months. What do you see? I saw someone who was very lost and very afraid to admit it.
Of course love exists. What are you talking about? You above all people believe in love. I know this because you love everyone. You love so easily. YOU are evidence loves exists. Why are you letting people (ie me and other girls) destroy that for you? You give us too much power. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in.
I want you to be happy Micheal. And I know without a doubt the activities you participate in (and that you feel the overwhelming need to tell us about) will not give you what you want. Why should I even have to be telling you this? I know you're smarter than this. Stop looking for a temporary high, and start building who you want to be. Get some meaningful relationships. And sorry, but TBW is where the lost go. They have NO IDEA what life is about. I don't go on there, but I've heard some of the things you've posted. And if you're truly like that now...then I have no idea what happened to you. I sure hope that isn't who you are.
And for the love of God, STOP caring about what we think. I always felt like you were trying to prove yourself and how awesome your "new" life is. We want you to be happy. We would even like to be involved in your life. I don't know if you were ever trying to make me feel jealous or not (maybe that's just me being egocentric) but your entries always made me feel bad for you, not jealous. Because frankly, you sound like one of those types of guys I can't stand. The kind that are so removed from what life should be about, that all they see are booze and ass.
And please, stop bragging. I've lost 17 pounds since we've broken up. And that isn't an estimate, that's exact. I've gone on dates since we've broken up (with a sailor in the US Navy nonetheless) but why should I write entry after entry about these things? What would that prove? Do something meaningful Micheal. We care about you.
Do you still pray? Do you still talk to Jumbo and Dez? Don't forget about those things that will be there forever if you let them.
I hope none of this was too harsh. I just think you need some direction. If you're mad at me about any of this, well...I guess nothing would change. Please think about what I've said, don't just immediately get angry. I swear to you it's only because I care.
(reply to this)
Re: I'm going to be completely honest with you here, because for the first time in months you seem to have opened your eyes., 09-03-05 7:30pm
First off, you don't know me. You don't know how I act anymore and you certainly are way off by guessing.
Secondly, my beliefs in love have changed a lot. The person I was before was overly naive. I am much worldlier now, and I don't believe things as simple as love exist.
I resent that you believe that I only post stuff in woohu to get you guys to care about me. My weight loss I posted because it was a change in my life and I felt like some of my old friends could lend some support on my new exercise and diet routine, (no one on this site said a word about it, so I stopped posting, I've continued to loose weight but I haven't said anything because of lack of interest from my one time friends).
My social life was posted about on few occasions mostly because that's what was on my mind and that's what a journal is for. For your information I've been more or less dry (alcohol free) for a month (with like 3 exceptions) and I don't go around trying to "get into girls pants". I've gone on dates too, but for the most part I've kept it quiet. I never re-titled my journal, "Things I only say to make an ex- jealous".
As for my TBW friends, we do a lot more then drink. Just in the past few days I've been out to play volleyball twice, and bowling once. I also watched two movies and about a third of Family Guy season 3 with my TBW friends. Tonight I may get my other nipple pierced with some people from TBW.
For your information, I do still talk with God, Jumbo, and Dez. I believe they all read this site. Des is down in Ecuador right now, and I use this site to keep her, and her friend Lindsey up to date on what is going on in my life (Hey Lindsey!). I've moved on and my life (and this journal) is not as centered around you as you apparently think.
I've often toyed with the idea of forgetting about woohu altogether. With all the drama, and the lack of companionship this site held for me when I started I don't feel like there is much for me here anymore.
(reply to comment)
You seem to think we've all been igoring you, but you don't post in our journals either. It goes both ways. I wished you happy birthday on your birthday. And you didn't want to talk. And due to this recent development, I post in your journal more than you do in mine. Amanda IMed you this morning, as I just found out. You don't IM us. Don't act like we don't care about your life. You don't care about ours. And I promise that I don't think your journal revolves around me. I said I was probably being egocentric in my reply. I promise to leave you alone from now on. I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad you have tons of new friends. And I'm glad we broke up, because you're happier now than you ever were before. Please continue to be. Bye.
(reply to comment)
Re:, 09-03-05 8:06pm
It's time's like this that I wish I had an emotocon for an eyeroll.
(reply to comment)
Re: Re:, 09-04-05 3:41pm
Wow, you guys both suck.
Here is my take and i am going to write it whether you want it or not.
I am your friend. i try to be at least, but you have been hard to be frends with lately because it does feel like you are braggin all the time about this new life you have. I am glad you are happy, and i am glad that you have moved on, but it is not just michelle being egocentric.
i love you to death girl, and you were posting things i thought too...but i didnt post them for a reason. We know mike and you know that everything you said would only start a drama filled back and forth. You are smarted than that. Let things be.
It is obvious that neither of you are ready to be friends with each other and that is fine, but i want to be friends with both of you, so please dont make that harder than it has to be.
I hope someday you guys will be able to get past this, but if you cant, at least remember that you are not alone and us woohu-ers love you and want you to be happy... without drama and stress preferably.
(reply to comment)
Re: Re: Re:, 09-04-05 6:24pm
Yeah, so I talk about my "new" life. Big fucking deal. It seems like every time I get on this site I have to read new stories about some crazy party you guys had. What is the big difference? If you want me to stop talking about my feelings, fine. You want me never to speak the word love, or mention girls, fine. No more TBW or weight loss.
I'll just post links to news stories, and humorous internet material.
For all those who feel the need to put their 2 cents in on this.
(reply to comment)