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No one could see me. I fell into yesterday.

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:: 2006 2 August :: 11.29 pm
:: Mood: ill
:: Music: AFI

I completely forgot about Woohu until Alex mentioned it a minute ago. Holy shit it has been a while. I feel very ill and tired, but I can not sleep. It is a sort of too-tired-to-sleep sort of thing.

I <3333 AFI. They are amazing.

help me

:: 2006 10 May :: 9.25 pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Defying Gravity - Wicked

Yay! AFI!
If you do not know who they are, you should totally find out quick. Buy their new album, coming out 6/6/06! Possible the most anticipated album this year!

2 worthless words | help me

:: 2005 21 January :: 11.47 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls

Read this!
{I'm witnessing death as I type this.

A fly just fell off the wall or the ceiling or somewhere above this computer and landed next to the monitor's power cord here in the school library. It's laying on its back twitching and wriggling around trying to use its last bit of energy to flip itself over from this fatal position. It stops every couple of seconds to rest and everytime it looks as though it's the last time it'll move before being swept away by a janitor into the garbage and eventually whisked away to its ultimate grave.

Five seconds it stops. Three seconds it twitches.

Seven seconds it stops. Three seconds it twitches.

"I'm not quite dead yet!" says one side of the fly, the other half retorts with the ever-comical reply, "Yes you are now shut up."

It looks as though this is the end.

Oh, no it's pulled through once more.

And as it twitches again, it finally flips over onto its feet. A good two minutes after it falls, it has finally moving properly again. It tries climbing up the wall... and once again falls onto its back. Several seconds are passing and it's stopped moving, but the frantic flailing of its appendages has resumed and it's now trying to regain its composure.

I find myself wanting to put this poor fly out of its misery. And then I remember, flies are disgusting germy things and they should suffer like the rest of us sick creatures do, at least once in awhile. I want to scream at it to
but these last few moments are an eternity to the fly and if it can only just flip over once more...

I really don't think it's going to pull through.

I really hope it's not going to pull through.

Disgusting germy thing anyway. I am revolted.

And alas, it is flipped over once more onto its feet. Movement is stopped except for what looks to be its cleaning habits. (That's an absurd thought. Flies don't clean, they merely rearrange the disease.)

In another minute or so, this fly will try to climb up the wall (it's much too weak to fly) again and fall onto its back again.

...or maybe instead, it will take a trip under the monitor and disappear into whatever depths from whence it came.

Not that I care anyway.}

Lindsey typed that is flipping awesome I think. I love the style.

Is anyone free after the early out on Wednesday? *is extremely determined ;-)*

4 worthless words | help me

:: 2005 9 January :: 6.59 pm
:: Mood: grumpy

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a fucking knife.

Yeah. I am loving those lyrics by the Used right now.

I have no one to talk to >_<

help me

:: 2004 14 October :: 3.08 pm


help me

:: 2004 1 October :: 1.21 pm

Stand, Bison down the field. Fight ‘til the end. We’ll never change our course, until the very end. Rah rah rah roll up the score Great Falls; we’ll have to win. Stand Bison down the field and smash the others, smash the others in.

For ROchelle

help me

:: 2004 28 September :: 3.02 pm

“I can resist everything except temptation.”

Inspirational thought from typing class :)

1 worthless word | help me

:: 2004 16 September :: 10.42 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: buzzzzzzz

Yeah. I am actually doing something right now. It sucks. I should do the rest of my speech improv goddammit!!! >_

help me

:: 2004 6 September :: 12.50 am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Poison - Something to Believe In

Whadya think?
The question of the night:

Should I dye my hair blonde?

So far the majority says yes. Sandra is willing to do it and add red highlights as well. It will be a pretty big jump, as my hair is currently a medium brown..I guess more on the dark side.

On another note: I made M&M cookies. And corn. It was a great combo. :-)

3 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 1 September :: 10.08 pm
:: Mood: *sniffle*
:: Music: Sugarcult - Hate Every Beautiful Day

I hate sick.
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem
from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production,destroys the
next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you
a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

That made me laugh a lot.

I feel pretty shitty still. 5 days into the school year and I have already stayed home. It made me feel about 25% better, though. I HATE Geometry. I don't understand it so it sucks. I am pretty awesome at Algebra, but Geometry....I can see myself getting like a C. At least I can fail that but still go into Alg. 2 trig honors next year. My teachers pity people lioke me that can only stay in one branch of math.

I don't want to write my English paper. Topic: how justice is defeated by prejudice in To Kill a Mockingbird. Brady suggested using conscience as the basis, so it will be pretty simple. I just don't want to do it. Or my Geometry paper. Or the test on the book tomorrow. I want to do speech and drama and choir (once I can breathe again). That's it. Oh, and sleeping is good, too. ..I think I shall go do that.

Haahahaaaaaaaa..I was looking through past entries. I came across this response to Nick going all poetic on me:

How's this for poetic!??!?!

Life is a cookie.
Warm, gooey;
Only, however, when fresh from the oven.

Crumbly when old.
Burn them and they also crumble.

Chocolate chips become obstacles in the oven that is life.

Haahaaaa. That totally rules you, Nick. You'd never believe it, but it only took me 30 seconds to think of, too :-D

11 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 28 August :: 1.25 am
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Alice

I think I need sleep
I am downloading Disney music and it rocks. I love Disney.

I have my speech and debate paperwork! YYYAAAAYYYY!!! Once I pay my activity fee, I can begin practice! I don't think I am going to do ld this year. Maybe later. Speech is so much better, though I love to debate. I don't want to put forth the work of writing my own case, though. >_<
I love Quinn. She is so cute and CLEAN :-D. Clean and oranized is a good factor about a head coach. My duo pieces are coming very soon!

CHARLIE AND BRYCE are in my gym class >_< but...Roxanne has Bailey and Jordyn in her math class, so I don't feel so bad.

I have most classes with Tim and Rochelle. Wooo!

And, life is boring and school made me tired. I also need to buy a bra tomorrow.

4 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 26 August :: 7.47 am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: weird buzzing

Why is it soo cold??? It is still the supposed hottest month of summer! Why can't it be at least WARM?? I am wearing a skirt today. And will freeze my ass off. Can't wait. is the first day of school. Joy. I did not finish my English. I still need to read a book and write 4 more journal entries. I was typing them, but it was in the middle of stuff, and my columns and entire journal format got fucked up. So, I fixed it and will just write the damn things.
I have 7 am today. After all that confusion, I still have to go. I don't even know what room it is in...resourceful me :-s.
I can't wait to see who my new music teacher is. For some reason, that has been eating me since the beginning of August. Very odd.
I am hungry though I ate a bowl of cereal. Boo. I hate being hungry.

I like my Monty Python review, but the one on The Exorcist completely sucks. How exciting, eh? :-p. But...I think I am more of a Monty Python type write than Exorcist. If that made sense to you. It did to me. I am better than you. :-)

I am soo excited for school...which is very very sad.

I get picked up at 6:35 today. Right now it is 5:45.

I set my alarm for 5 (just the time I usually get up for school), and actually got up, but when I came downstairs, I found out it was really 4:40. I was up VERY VERY early today. I will be dead by 6th period. MY LAST CLASS :-D (which I am changing. I want a 7th.)

help me

:: 2004 14 August :: 10.32 pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: beatles - california dreamin


I can't wait til' I get it. Who cares if it's not until my uncle dies. I can still hope he will be generous...or plot evilly and hope it works.

I come home tomorrow. I hope we go to the mazes first =D. Stuff needs to be done. I now have 26 bucks. How shall I spend it?

3 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 12 August :: 2.02 am
:: Mood: paranoid |_|
:: Music: none

yup. It's long.
The Ultimate Death Survey

What do you think happens after you die? undecided

Do you believe in heaven? sometimes

Do you believe in hell? yes

Do you think you will be judged after you die? yes

How many people would attend your funeral? 6 (favorite number)

Would you rather that people cry or laugh at your funeral? cry

What's better? A shot in the head or downing pills? pills all the way

What should be written on your tombstone? my name, date I was born, date I died, and whatever family/friends decide

Would you rather die childless or divorced? childless

Do you want to die in the morning, afternoon, or night? night

If you had a million dollars to leave, who would you leave it to? friends, my aunt and uncle, and my grandma

What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral? black roses *drool*....or those weird exotic flowers

On your deathbed, which moment will you most remember? if anyone ever stated that they love me

Have you ever watched someone die? nope

What's the most gruesome death you can imagine?

How often do you think about death? Quite often

Is fear of dying your number one fear? nope...numer 5

Do you believe in reincarnation? rarely

Have you ever wished someone you loved were dead? all the time

Do you consider life short or long? depends what you do with it

Do you think you have a soul? yup

Assisted suicide for a terminally ill person is: making them happier than before

If you were cremated, where would you like your ashes? thrown over a cliff

Would you choose to be immortal, if you could be? never

Take The Ultimate Death Survey

Get more cool things for your blog at Blogthings

I'm that bored. Leave a comment. I go out in the boat tomorrow. Hopefully we don't fish too long. We catch nothing.

1 worthless word | help me

:: 2004 31 July :: 1.37 pm
:: Mood: emo
:: Music: little girl whining

my computer seems to be crashing
I am a lyric whore. SO FUCK ME.

On a string I was held. The way that I move, can you tell?
My actions are orchestrated from above. So I swing and I sway.
Wave my hand. Kick my leg. And it is always right with the music.
"Until all that swinging starts to make you sick"
For a song I was bought. Now I lie when I talk with a careful eye on the cue card.
Onto a stage, I was pushed with my sorrow well rehearsed.
So give me all your pity and your money. Now. All of it.

"We used to think that sound was something pure"
If I could act like this was my real life and not some cage where I've been placed,
then, I could tell you the truth like I used to and not be afraid of sounding fake.
Now all that anyone is listening for are the mistakes.

In a house, by myself, I hear the ice start to melt and watch rooftops weep for the sunlight.
And I know what must change. Fuck my face. Fuck my name.
They are brief and false advertisements for a soul I don't have.

Something true I have lacked and spent my whole life trying to make up for.
But I found in a song and in the people I love. They will lift me up out of darkness.
Now my door stands open. I am inviting everyone in. We will drink.
We will laugh until the morning comes. That is what we are going to do.
(Bright Eyes)

I don't think lj-cuts work here. Deal with it.

I have about 5 inches of space right now because my mom shampooed the carpet, thus pushing everything up against the computer. But, she did not use shampoo like normal people. No. She used VINEGAR. So, I am squished, about to suffocate due to smell, and very, very hot.

Fair was interesting. Gwen and I had fun by ourselves, since that is how we usually were. I was about to shoot the sexist pig working at the Thunderbolt. I was also about to shoot other people as well. Ring of Fire is so much more fun at the very top then second to top, as Gwen and I found out. Today I shall go again. I wish someone else was going, besides my family, but oh well. I am going to go visit Ashley and her bunnies. Highlight of last night: these hot dudes. Pathetic, but *drool* had on a pink shirt and long hair pulled back. He sat across from me on the Pharoh's Fury. I just sat and stared....*pathetic*...and then in line for the Ring of Fire, there was this dude with blonde poofish hair, a labret piercing, and hot emo glasses. HOT!!! He took off his glasses and lacked the hottness, but was still nonetheless.


Next entry may be from Eureka.

Fuck you........

2 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 30 July :: 3.11 pm

emo guy
You're emo music! You like to hang out with friends
and listen to sappy love songs, broken-hearted
losers and talk shit about everyone else.
Loosen up a little bit.

What kind of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That isn't very friendly = (...I don't talk crap about people and am sometimes very loosened up..

help me

:: 2004 30 July :: 2.52 pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: ac

Stupidity at its greatest
My mom gave 300 hundred fucking bucks to her CHURCH!!!! I can't fucking believe that! HOW DUMB! WE DON'T HAVE 3 HUNDRED BUCKS FOR A FUCKING CHURCH

And Nick doesn't love me = (

help me

:: 2004 22 July :: 7.16 pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: nick bouncing and gwen saying

Delirously happy by Gwen (& Nick)
I found out that Jwessika's cousins are really mean and that they don't like books. That's so wrong and I feel really happy because I didn't hit her ceiling when I jumped on the trampaline and Nick likes the puppies and they gave him a present and did you know that life is really great and this is a run on sentence, but Jessika thinks that punctuation is my friend but I consider it evil because then it disruped your thought process with a dot. Dot. Dot. Anyways.... I think that Nick is jumping around too much and that i shoul itch my nose and LIFE IS AN AWESOME RIDE KIDS LETS GO GET COFFEE and that Jessika should not step on the poor puppy because it is a puppy and smaller than Jessika and that is really nice. Nick wants to say something...
I'm wasting my life away on an exercise trampoline... although Gwen is wasting her life away there now, while talking about bouncing body parts... Isn't our live amusing. Acutally It's disturbinly uneventful and sad to watch. We are a waste of space. So, it's nice to know we make good use of that waste. Long live stupidity!!!
I'm done now...
Positive sheild, positive shield. I am rubber you are glue everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Negative thoughts are bad especially when Nick falls off the trampoline without even jumping on it and it's okay to waste your life on the trampoline as long as you have fun doing it. Jessika tried to cut my head off with the fann....QAAAAAS
I've just had a near death experience (I being Nick, of course)... I just reached the edge of the trampoline, and almost went over. It was close, but my great reflexes saved me. What else is of interest right now....
negative space:

positive space:

Gwen is sneezing in the bathroom. Other than that, it's extremely quiet in here. But Gwen feels much better now.
One might be amazed at how amusing a trampoline can be when one has wasted one's afternoon at Jessika's house. But since none of us go by "one," none of us care. Enter Gwen:
Hi there all you lovely people! did you know that you can create tons of hilarious and new words by misspelling words? It's great fun. Nick is attempting to make the puppies actually nice and all he is accomplishing is mangled fingers. Still this is a great way to learn how not to put limbs in any type of gnashing sharp teethed mouth. Jaws is one example and it inspired me to watch Shark Week which is extreamly intertaining but makes me not want to be a marine biologist... stop playing with the pig Nick..enter your wise words here: I'd like to confuse the spell check. *ahem* AWERPPOSIERLKDJSOEORIDIDEEGHL:IBSAWE!!!!!!
And that was wonderful.
and now for a chicago moment:
And all that jazz!
*end moment*
We've become more like Jimmy... how strange of us.
Oklahoma moment:
Oh what a beautiful mornin'!
Chorus Line moment:
One singular sensation, every little step she takes!
Shakespeare moment:
I'll look to like if looking liking please.
*end nick's time*
Wait! I can explain!!
no I can't....
*real end of nick's time*

Haaahaaahaahaaa! Evil laughs are always a joy!I feel a Norman Bates moment coming on... he's from psyco the movie. Jessika found a spoon stuck to a plate by jello salad!! Aaaaaa! Anyways Nick is attempting to jump on the trampoline I refrain from using the nickname tramp and he fell off the tramp and hit the chair! A sad funny moment and now I think we have written enough,hopefully we have entertained you and enough and Nick is now killing the chair! he killed it! It's broken! More positive space+++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++! I've got rythum, i've got music... you finish the sentence spider man!


5 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 21 July :: 8.19 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Eve 6 - Inside Out

I absolutely love this song. I have since I first heard it in like 4th grade. This and Harvey Danger's Flagpole Sitta have been forever feel good music for me. Both the awesome beats and the lyrics...

Would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rhines,
but the lack thereof
would leave me empty inside.
I would swallow my doubt,
turn it inside out,
find nothing but faith
in nothing.
I want to put my tender
heart in a blender,
watch it spin around
to a beautiful oblivion.
then I'm through with you.


Been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding,
the cretins cloning and feeding
and I don't even own a tv

Paranoia, paranoia!
Everybody's coming to get me.
Just say you never met me.
I'm running underground with the moles, diggin holes.
Hear the voices in my head,
I swear to god it sounds like they're snoring....
But if you're bored then you're boring,
the agony and the irony, they're killing me.
I'm not sick but I'm not well
and I'm so hot cause I'm in hell.

Hahaaaa....geez these songs rock so insanely hardcore it's not even funny. And..I am also becoming a lyric whore. :-x

help me

:: 2004 21 July :: 12.26 am
:: Mood: emo
:: Music: Bright Eyes - Haligh, Haligh, a lie, Haligh

I like the eyes. Can I have them?
"There is no beginning to the story. A bookshelf sinks into the sand and a language learned and forgot, in turn, is studied once again.
It's a shocking bit of footage viewed from a shitty TV screen.
You can squint through snowy static to make out the meaning.
Just keep on stretching the antennae, hoping that it will come clear.
We need some reception, a higher message, just tell us what to fear.
Because I don't know what tomorrow brings. It is alive with such possibilities...
We need a record of our failures. We must document our love.
I have sat too long in my silence. I have grown too old in my pain.
To shed this skin, be born again, it starts with an ending.
So thank you friends for the time we shared. My love stays with you like sunlight and air.
Oh how I truly wish I could keep hanging around here but my joy is covering me.
Soon, I will disappear.
It's not a movie, no private screening. This method acting, well, I call that living.
It's like a fountain, a door has been opened. We have a problem with no solution
but to love and to be loved.
So, I've made peace with the falling leaves. I see their same fate in my own body.
But I won't be afraid when I am awoken from this dream and returned to that
which gave birth to me. And the story goes on and on and on and on..."

That is for my "friend(s) with problems" (It is indeed mutual)....My interpretations are usually wrong, but it works swell for the emssage I am trying to get across if you happen to think like me.
Today I went to the museum. I was very happy when Spencer showed up. He's a nice kid. But, I was about to hate him because he was late and I thought he was a no-show. I could not take 28 kids at once. My group was younger than his. They were bored and bratty and clingy and I was reminded why I hate little kids.

Everyone should listen to Pretty Girls Make Graves sometime. Especially if you like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.


My computer is messing up. I hope I can post this.

1 worthless word | help me

:: 2004 18 July :: 8.02 pm

You are Magenta... (Patricia Quinn) damn you're cool
You are Magenta. The lip gloss that sank the

Which Rocky Horror character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I still need to think of a new username........ x_X

help me

:: 2004 18 July :: 3.05 am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Bright Eyes - Lover I don't have to love <33333

This made me giggle. *giggle*
Gay Bear
Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I have to be at the museum in 12 hours. x_x...I want to stay home = (.

I got quite sick from the heat or somethnig today. It was bad. I felt terrible.

I wanna lover I don't have to love! I want a [boy] that's to sad to give a fuck. There is the kid with the chemicals. I thought he said he'd meet us here but I'm not sure...

I want a lover I don't have to love. I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk. Where's the kid with the chemicals? I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full. I need some meaning I can memorize. The kind I have always seems to slip my mind......

help me

:: 2004 17 July :: 9.39 pm
:: Mood: hot
:: Music: water running

It is very hot here. Especially in my room. I have been getting sick because of the heat really bad today. I need to go lie down again...but it has to be in heat.

I have a 28 pound watermelon in my fridge.

help me

:: 2004 10 July :: 10.27 pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: mom

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

WOW! If I remember right, I was in the 5th level last time...I have gotten eviler or something in the past few months. Like....2 whole levels eviler.

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Borderline:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

These have made me feel very low today.....:-(. Oh well! I have chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy happy joy joy!!!*

1 worthless word | help me

:: 2004 8 July :: 12.44 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Stupid fucking puppies

I decided to not go on the camping trip, but right now I am on the edge of a decision. Persausion can do wonders.
Top 4 reasons for me not to go:
1. I wouldn't feel wanted.
2. Another person could go in my place or
3. There would be more room without me.
4. I don't really want to.
That is that.

Lately I have been getting some "vibes" from some a bunch of people. It seems I have been making your life too hard. I have been contributing to the hell your life currently is. And guess what? I don't fucking care anymore. I gave up caring for your emotions just recently. I realized you could care less how often you make me want to cry. It is just a game to you. What are friends for? Not this. So I give up on caring. If something about me is funny, then why not laugh about it? Nobody you don't get hurt in the end, right? Right. I wish I could gain some courtesy. But..Oh Jessika, you had something on your tooth so we sat their laughing about it instead of telling you...THANKS. The best years of my life, right? Of course.

The best part about this is that nobody will know what I am talking about. Figures.

13 worthless words | help me | Random Journal