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The Heart Beat Of A Lost Fox

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:: 2006 11 March :: 11.51 pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes- Easy/Lucky/Free

things are strange. waking up and staring outside, driving down the road with the window down...its like staring at an accidental gasoline rainbow, its beautiful but at the same time you cant help but question it. you know what i mean?

6 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2006 8 March :: 11.18 am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Nat King Cole - It's only a paper moon

Yay super fun!!

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2 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2006 8 March :: 6.43 am
:: Mood: cold

omg... so yesterday i was supposed to have an interview at blockbuster. but see i went back to my aunts in the morning to help her finish moving and organizing the things from her office (plus use her highspeed to download files lol) and then on our way into town for the last load of things...a crazy man threw something off his bike and into the road, i hit it, and my tire goes BOPPP!P!P!P!P!P!P and i go "AHHHH BITCHES!!!" so yeah needless to say i didnt make it to my interview on time. but i did get a new tired...so thats all cool i guess. still wish i knew what he threw? anyway TONIGHT WIRELESS CAFE ON 44TH STREET !!! 9:30 ISH!!!! BITCHES love you!

2 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2006 7 March :: 1.33 am

Today was the perfect day. I have got two job interviews for tommrow set up. and i found my zema kitty. i opened the door to let some smoke out from my burnt food and she just walked in screaming at the top of her little kitty lungs. i hugged her smiled, danced, then cleaned her up fed her and now shes happy again! and yeah the improv groupe was good tonight too. we came up with a couple new games to play wed. so all brand new 45 mins of material on wed at the wireless cafe! so today was a great day. if i get one of those jobs then this will be the perfect week!>

EDIT -Image hosting by Photobucket
Whoever correctly guess which animal this is gets 4 times as much love from me than anyone else for a full yeah. and please dont cheat. just guess.

3 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2006 25 February :: 7.24 am

i hate the casino...they suck they are loud boring and make you lose 20 bucks LOL>!

1 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2006 23 February :: 12.53 am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Silence and the sound the computer fan makes.

not to much man
so, i have more hours at the catoring company again but i still totally need a full time job so that i can MOVE OUT...i mean i kinda sorta gave up cause i spent so much time bitching about it by the time i do move out it wont seem cool anymore and everyone will be like "matt your just a little bitch like always, cept now your a little bitch with an apartment, bitch!" and ill smile and laughing and then kill myself with more cancer. which i need to stop doing. but anyway. so yeah i guess life is at an odd odd standstill. things arent bad. things arent good.

I'm getting 80.92 cents for income tax from arbys...

Megan...not sure how to start addressing the issue.

Do you bring up past problems to fix them if your just now finding out all the really imporant details?

I should ask for some more W2's from the catoring company...cause i have gotten 3 of them...and just keep forgetting to fill them out...then i lose them and bad stuff happens to me when the IRS dosent understand how im getting such large monetary assests without having and form of a job...

But when my free time's gone will you promise me this? That you will please bury me with it?

8 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2006 12 February :: 4.25 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Panic! At the Disco - Prolouge

i hate sundays so much. nothing to do but be alone and stuck in this house. everyone is always busy on sunday with god or something so they never want to hang so i end up dieing in this house. GAH. anyway so yeah someones a liar...wonder who it is.

11 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 18 October :: 1.12 am

Dresden Dolls concert is tonight...i want to go but i dont know if anyone will be going WITH me...so i dont think im going to go and its prolly the only time they will come to grand rapids in my lifetime.

8 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 15 October :: 1.24 am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Steadier Footing

it was then
I miss alot of things about my highschool life...i most of all miss the summer before junior year...and the summer after junior year...when life wasnt so fucking hard and things were kinda fun...i miss the way i was and the way i used to think about life and its hardships and its mysterious things...i miss the darkness and a way too early cerfew being enough to stay alive....god damn i miss my heart. and i miss my old true friends...the ones i dont talk to anymore because im always so tired or in class or working and i make up these lame excses when i know even if i cant move my muscles i should still call them to hang cause thats why friends do...but im afraid of how they might have changed without me. Do they still want me around at all? am i welcome near their new lives? a half a semester has passed without me in it....im sure alot of thigns and people and faces have changed...stuff cant stay the same forever. im scared

4 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 12 October :: 9.09 pm
:: Mood: Scared
:: Music: creepy sounds from the attic

best time of the year
Anyone know of any truly scary shit going down around our side of michigan this halloween season? dont say the haunt cause everyone knows that i just want to know if there is anything else thats supposed to be scary as shit? if you know of anything please tell me...also anyone having any kicking halloween partys?

7 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 11 October :: 4.14 am

falling apart and hating being alone...i spent the night on liz's kitchen floor because my heart hurts and im really starting to scare myself on the inside...do i really need help?

Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 5 October :: 9.09 pm

Im sorry for anyone of you who is my friend. I'm such a roller coaster of emotions it must suck for those of you who think im cool enough to still hang around. I found a way to get the money but now im so broke i cant get gas to get to school tommrow...(gah im lame) so anyway. I'm really glad i dont mean the shit i say or id have been dead years ago lol. Well i love all of you cept mish cause she wont get off my ass for quitting arbys even though it was the best thing i could have ever done. i have a new job at 9 bucks an hour so at the end of october life should be sweet again. with this new job ill have enough money to start saving up and get a cushion underneath me for occasion like a 100 dollar book. or something else that is stupid and makes me hate life. money makes me really really really sick to my stomach. i threw up yesterday cause i was thinking about it so much. but then i read my favorite book and life seemed in order again. so yeah i guess im back to another pocket of contentment with my stupid silly stupid fucked up life. *gasp* for fun i did that. ok bye bye kids.

7 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 21 September :: 10.53 pm

October 14th @ 8pm IM ON SALE!!!

Morning Star bitches. its a man auction...like a bacholer thing but less dressy and so much hotter. so please ladies come bid on me or at least be there to make me feel like im hott...cause god knows ima need it. SO SERIOUSLY PELASE COME I WANT YOU TO BID ON THIS HOTT PIECE OF ASS HERE.

i really hope you guys show up. come on you know you want to.

6 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 20 September :: 12.41 am
:: Music: Any Thing.

Some day i will die.
Sitting in the grass outside of town staring into a dark and cloudy sky with the wind blowing fierce as hell into my face and my hair going everywhere and slapping my cheeks and pricking my eyes and forcing them to water...i couldnt have been happier. i hate sunny days. i wish every fucking day was cold windy and dark...things just feel better on days like today. so while i was sitting there i kinda thought to myself...what the fuck? i mean like i want to feel so happy and free...and i fucking had the chance...the perfect chance in life to just go and be alive and free....i fucking threw it away....and why? i dont really know. i mean i thought about it later tonight when i was at ihop with sam. why didnt i take my chance and run away to detroit. would it have been coward like to run away from all my problems like that? was i afraid i was going to hurt someone or something? theres no one here who loves me, so im not going to fucking leave anyone behind who would fucking die without me . so i didnt go...obviously and im kinda regretting it...but i also think. i kinda want to really earn my freedom. and quitting my job was the best thing for me right now. the first real step to getting away. im sure you think im fucking stupid for doing it especially with all the expenses i have right now. BUT i dont fucking care. it was the best thing i could have done for myself. im away from that low paying assine time consuming smelly hell. so ive got a couple jobs that look promising god damn i hope one comes through for me soon and fast god please. so yeah hopefully ill get this new job and money will no longer be a problem and for gods good sake ill be able to start saving a little money fucking christ. you know. anyway. so yeah i was a fucking dick to alot of people and i realize that i talk out of my ass alot about issues i dont have place to stick my nose in. im admitting it and stopping it sorry. really i am fucking sorry. and i thank a certain person for accepting the fact that i fucked up and forgiving me today. you know who you are so thanks. and im sorry if anyone else was pissed the fuck off by me. im really sorry. im done with that sticking my nose anywhere i can bullshit. i realize i stay in my life and my bussiness....not yours. sorry. seriously. anyway other than that wow...i suck. and life is still feeling kinda good even though things sorta fucking suck....when it comes to money issues. but yeah ill get over it. sorry bitches. so im rambling now cause im all out of things to say. i love life and all of you. sorry. o and a really big sorry to a couple of folks. SORRY STACY. SORRY JAY. SORRY DERRIK. yeah thats it.

2 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

:: 2005 15 September :: 5.37 pm
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack - Everything Is Alright.

Alright...Just Alright
Maybe this world aint such a bad place after all you know?

I mean there are troubling times, i just got out of 3, so im not saying its perfect.

But maybe its just alright from time to time.

We are all gonna make it through somehow.

Im done worrying so fucking much.

I've made my first big mistake...i was scared big time. but after i fixed it i realize how imporant making those big mistakes is to forming your personality. and now im ready to make some more....just with more insignt this time.

Life Is Good.

2 Beat(s) Stopped | Stop My Beating Heart

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