theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2008 4 April :: 8.16am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Baby Mozart. on tv.
Update.
Well i had my daughter she was due jan 9th, but came about jan 2nd 8:59am
i'm very happy.. shes 3months now, and shes precious. i love her so much.. she has changed me for the good! and Lance is a great father; so together were a great family. i love both of them and vise versa. Lance started his new job almost 3 weeks ago, i love it.. so he gets paid today! i'm excited to finally have money i have being to poor.. but what sucks is he drives alot and is hardly home.. he works 3am to 1pm sometimes 4pm. i miss makin him breakfast lol. oh well, money money money, gotta pay bills, i plan not to work for awhile i don't trust noone with an infant as of what i always see on the fucking.. tv.. news.. ugh.
i'm on alli, i'm trying to lose weight, i only like 4 lbs so far.. and like 2 inches.. of course i need more. before i got pregnant i was 5'5 and 158 lbs or something, and now i'm atleast more than at lol.. and i liked that weight i was sooo happy! but of course, it was worth it i got my little girl Elise Renee, aw.
but yes! i need to take it off.. i'm trying, i'm having a party tomorrow night, elise is going to grandma's wooo! i'll miss her, but i can't wait to make jello shots..
anyways thats all i'm reporting.
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 24 December :: 1.23pm
:: Mood: anxious
X-mas EVE!
Merry Christmas! And Have A Happy New Year!
nothing to report today, except for i cleaned all day LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY. ugh.
and the baby is moving ALOT. it's so uncomfortable, i want to cry sometimes, shes to big to be squirming around lol.. but i guess it's a matter of time!?!?!??!
1 Bullets in my head |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 23 December :: 11.11am
:: Mood: busy
December 23rd
I haven't been able to sleep great lately.. i'm 37+weeks and the baby was in head down position, now she's breech i think because my sides are wider due to her turning .. i hope she goes back to where she was it was so odd for her to change so late in pregnancy!?
i just hope everythings alright.. i'm getting nervous and excited lol
it shouldn't be to much longer, because i'm due January 9th anyways, so anywhere from now til then or sometime after Elise Renee Rogers will arrive to a Washington County Hospital near YOU! LOL.
other than being 9 months, i haven't been up to diddly squat, just cleaning and re-arranging and putting things up and getting things ready for Christmas on tuesday.. I'M GEEKED. i act like a little girl still when it comes to the holidays :)
i'm lonely sometimes, i never really do anything but inside stuff that needs done to the apartment, we still have no luck on finding a place to move into yet.. but we didn't give up searching.
i wish i had more friends, or atleast i wish some people would come around more.. i never see anyone, and i don't know if it's them or me?
i don't mind doing stuff but i grew up alot over the past couple of years, and matured WAY MORE than i was 10 months ago, life isn't all about getting drunk and finding some way to be high or have a good time.
i have more going on in my life now than i ever did.. and it's a GREAT change for me.
probably after the baby i might have a drink or 2 but not til i know i'm ready, and i don't think thats right after she comes.. so i'll wait alittle bit, but i know i need something lol i've been stressed out for MONTHS.
sometimes i get help with things and other times i don't. Me and lance are doing fine we get along and there's days when we don't but that isn't abnormal because everyone bickers and argues sometimes, i feel a relationship isn't a healthy one without it, because then you'd be quiet all the time and some things would never be expressed and just kept in to dwell on.. we get bored though due to nothing in PA is fun lol!! but were in love and it makes me happy; he makes me smile everyday and every hour.
he's truly my bestfriend.
Jena should be coming back soon, it's almost january!! i hope me and her hang out more when she comes home.. when we were younger we were tight as a noose lol. so i hope to get that back or atleast some awesome new memories n shit :)
well that's it for today i gotta get dressed and the laundry loaded up, going to the laundry mat, WOOOOO!
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 30 September :: 3.28pm
:: Mood: bored
I still don't know what i'm having.
i'm 25+ weeks
and it sucks! everytime i go to have an ultrasound the baby crosses he or she's legs. err. makes me mad! but it's cute.
i want to know so bad.. so i'm tryin to get one more ultrasound in.. wish me luck? hehe.
but nothing new has been going on
just been cleaning the house and cookin/bakin
mmMmm
also being bored. found out a couple more of my friends are pregnant. its so cute to hear it from someone else other than me, LOL i feel fat! so now people can have a belly with me! haha even though i'm much more farther than they are besides my cousin Christina, she's due 2 days before me. don't ask how that happened. we didn't plan it LoL.
me and lance are trying to find another place.
up here its like everyone is noisey and knows your business. so much drama is involved everywhere; so i really don't wanna stay here long.
OOH! i got my butt into gear; i started my G.E.D classes so i can get my diploma. YAY HAHAHA i only go 2 times a week, but i'm more advanced than the others so i could possibly take my test very soon. WOOP WOOP.
thats it for now really.
much luv
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 13 August :: 7.11pm
:: Mood: worried
I'm fucking depressed.
i just don't know what to do.
better yet i don't how to feel.
i just don't want to feel this, of what i'm feeling.
1 Bullets in my head |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 10 August :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: okie
:: Music: 'through glass' is on right now lol
went to the doctors for my sonogram, we couldn't see between the legs. but i got to see my baby move about. and gave me a wave lol! :)
everythings going okay, i'm going fishing tomorrow, hopefully i catch something HUGEE hah. i want to win some money, :p
cleaned the other day, and had to do it again today, gheesh and we don't do nothing! haha, i've had energy.. so i guess that's good cause shit gets done.
eee i'm blabbing..
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 23 July :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: hmm.
life is changing.
sometimes i don't know if it's for the worst or the best.
everyday life is a struggle; everythings a struggle anymore.
i remember back when nothing mattered and i didn't have a care in the world except for me playing by myself or sitting with my mom. to hanging out with friends; home every night. to being 18 and pregnant and living on my own. Now don't get me wrong it's a good change but scary. I still have some mending to do and some patching up on my life. I'm trying my damnest here.
I don't have many friends just a short few and it's like i'm not close to any of them, and i understand everyone got there own thing going on and what not and i'm happy for them all. I Just miss back when, ya know?
from late night eating to driving around or walking around, drinking and just having fun to making sure my electric doesn't get shut off and having to pay a phone bill & what not. I sure do miss them days, but without them days i wouldn't of met the greatest people i know. and ONCE AGAIN that's a select few. and i wouldn't of met the man of my life. i'm happy now.. sometimes i think i made out okay so far. and if not everyone falls but gets back up, right? lol
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 12 July :: 10.07pm
i feel bloated today, just like lastnight.
and the feeling has yet to go away,.
i've been pretty emotional.
and all i did today was sit around and earlier i watched Gab for alittle bit. (my friend Jena's daughter) shes precious.
other than that giant eagle and i just drank koolaide and watched re-runs of greys anatomy. i just don't feel well today. i feel like complete shit.
=(
1 Bullets in my head |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 7 July :: 8.28am
:: Mood: sad&pissed
i'm honestly hurting inside.
lastnight was awful. its just ripping me apart.
i never do anything wrong.
and then this morning. it just doesn't get better.
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 30 June :: 10.09am
lastnight was cool i guess.
we finally got alittle bit of money so that took tension off the bills being payed and what not. and a little extra for whatever. its nice. i hate being so poor :(
he bought himself a case of beer (my boyfriend) and basically got drunk and smoked. we had some company, doug and hoagie came twice. then ben and some crackwhore came to buy some green off Lance. ben smoked alittle with me.
i know i should stop but i smoked all day yesterday; i kinda needed it i've just been so down and stressed and everything, just needed something for my nerves. cause trust me if i could drink i would LoL.
11 Bullets in my heads |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 27 June :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: i don't know how i feel.
it's never ending..
its a never ending cycle.
i just want one day where nothing goes wrong.
i spill my heart of for this man. and it hurts so much when he talks down to me, i never ask for anything but him to chill out or just love me. and sometimes i don't think he loves me by the way he acts, he'll respond to me all meanly even if i was being a sweetheart to him. and then if we argue i feel so small and i'm always fit out to be wrong. why can't we be fine? he says from day one i supposively fucked shit up. like for him and his friends, girls and whatever else. well you did this to me, i'm pregnant with your kid, and all i want is for you to be considerate for my feelings and be there for the new life form.
i love lance with all my heart, i just wish everything would be okay and i'm so emotional anymore it just makes it worse and i sicken myself so bad, i'm gettin fat i'm getting insecure i'm getting sick of myself. all i want to do is massive amount of drugs, i wish i could have my medicines because it seems like this shit is taking over; and i can't take any of them i just want to feel okay and be happy. and if thats impossible i atleast don't wanna feel anything... no pain... i mean is it so wrong to ask of favors from the one you love? and they aren't really favors just things to make our family go well and be happy. my dad was never there and i don't want my child to have to go through all the bullshit and despair that i had to endure, its the worst thing in the world and i always felt bad for my mother who was a great mom and had to do everything on her own just to make sure i had food, clothes and a roof over my head. it hurts to just think about it.. i just hate all this fighting its starting to go down and i don't want that to happen, i love Lance more than anything and everything and i would do fucking absolutley EVERYTHING/ANYTHING for him. he's my world. i'd seriously be lost without him. i'm just scared sometimes that when the baby comes i'll be all alone, cause thats what it feels like now.. i don't have friends, i dont have anybody to talk to really and i'm just so depressed and i'm breaking down so badly. i have nowhere to turn besides my mom, and i already know shes there for me but not always when i need her, she has her own life too now, i was the one who moved out and got my life situated and i understand;; i just want a friend. a good friend i can trust, sure i can talk to lance but i just feel so small sometimes because you can tell he gets mad or i make him mad.. and i never mean to do that,.. i'm so fucking upset right now.. i honestly don't know how to put anything.. i feel so wrong. am in the wrong? for wanting everything to be peachy and have a great family? a loving one? IS IT SO FUCKING WRONG? i have a doctors apt tomorrow to hear the babys heartbeat.. and i don't have anyone to go, i'm just about to cancel it because this whole thing is scary but exciting at the same time.
2 Bullets in my heads |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 25 June :: 9.34am
sorry everyone who reads what i post
i haven't really been able to type on here.
but now i can! =)
nothing really has been going on besides cleaning and what not for inspection the other day, and they didn't even come back to fix anything.. and i want my cat back! i'm just scared they'll come when it comes home and i'll be like wtf..
been like 4 days geez.
i've been emotional lately. like very emotional. sometimes i can't STAND myself. i let everything get to me, even if it's stupid.. and i just think everyones inconsiderate of my feelings.
like i always think Lance is yelling at me, when really he's just talking or sometimes he does come off mean, and i don't know why, i'm nothing but nice to him. but then he gets all cute again and everythings okay.. i don't understand i just think it's alllll meeeeeeeee.
i'm trying to come around with all the family, like his mom and brother n them, but theres so much family on his dads side i have yet to met ya know? and he still has to meet some of mine, even though i don't really want him to meet my dad's side or him.. LoL .
anyways i've been bumming it lately, my pants are gettin tighter.
im broke.
and im lonely sometimes cuz lance goes to work.
i would work but i plan on doin it after the baby, so hopefully i can get like unemployement or something? gaahhhh
but like i said, nothing new, no not now not ever! LoL.
1 Bullets in my head |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 8 June :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: dead presidents - hip hop
11:33pm and i think i have some names in mind.
If it's a boy; Kaden.
If it's a girl; Chanel.
now those aren't forsure but it's been lingering among me. so we will see.
anyways, it's friday and i'm bored as fuck and hungry as hell, i might eat a bowl of reeses puff's cereal, YUMmm! :)
nothing went on today it stormed all crazy though, kinda scared me! i thought the power was gonna go out, but it turned out to be a blow over really and just effects from other areas where they were gettin' hit. sucked though, but atleast it rained.
then doug came and chilled for a min with my boo* he took off and now hes just playin socom and i'm on here like a loser, cuz i'm alil stoned *eekk* and tired and boredddddddddd. someone help me? LoL
my mother gave me a few bucks today.. i needed a few grocerys cause my cubberts are bare. lol well not all the way but enough to where you cant put anything together; but were fine now thats to her. thank heavens.
i could go for some icecream right about now. or tomorrow, so jena wanna go? :)
1 Bullets in my head |
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2007 5 June :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: tired.
alot of things have changed in my life.
i'm on my own now, and yes i do miss my mothers house alon with my sister... i basically dropped outta school and i'm going to get my G.E.D and hopefully get a job in the near future. i live with my boyfriend. and where going to have a baby.. i'm like 3 months.
hopefully it's a boy. hehe, i do need help picking out names though, i can't seem to find one at all and i can't find a girls name either. moneys of course.. TIGHT. but we live and survive to the fullest. i'll deff be updating my journal now since i finally got the net today, SHIBBY! LoL ANYWHO. i'll attend tomorrow. <3much love.
1 Bullets in my head |
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2006 14 June :: 12.42am
:: Mood: Confused
sitting all alone inside your head.
delusional1fish: Sunday i got a texted from you sayin "hey roach".. it was weird..
absent x dreams: hmm.. odd! i dont recall texting you! sorry
delusional1fish: yeah you were probably drunk
delusional1fish: would never have crossed my mind to think that
delusional1fish: always
absent x dreams: always!?
delusional1fish: fucking drunk
delusional1fish: most of the time
absent x dreams: no im not!
delusional1fish: seems like it
absent x dreams: err im not always drunk.
absent x dreams: but whatever.
Yeah.. i don't know anymore
i guess my friend is trying to tell me something
like..
i need to slow down..
yeah...
=(
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