wassup dudes!?


home | profile | guestbook

A Knight who says

recent entries | past entries


:: 2006 14 March :: 9.24pm

My sister sucks ass. Maureen. She is home from college. Shes such a bitch. She comes home from college an enlightened piece of shit. She thinks she knows everything now. Maureen is 5 billion times smarter than every other person on this earth because she has been at college for a whole 6 months! It pisses me off. I'm fatter than her just because shes only 5 ft. tall and she never stops reminding me. If I was 5 ft. tall I'd be skinnier! Excuse me for my genetics! I know I'm not as skinny as I used to be but she is just so bitchy. Everytime I come near her she has an attitude. She looks for reasons to make fun of me and shit. Today she had her dumbass ugly acne covered, braces still on teeth even though he is 23 boyfriend over. I walk in the door and 2 seconds in the house she says "So how was Jamie Bell's birthday?" I know she was just doing it so she could make a joke out of it and impress her boyfriend. So i said in reply "It was wonderful until I came home and saw you". I know that was really mean but I couldn't help myself. Whenever I'm near her my brain is flooded with really great insults and they keep leaking out.

I'm gonna finish watching Billy Elliot.

4 comments | leave a comment


:: 2006 5 March :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: psychologically sick
:: Music: none

School has gotten so stressful and dull that's it's to the point where I hate everything about it. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw something very sharp and pointy at a big fat block of wood shaped like homework or tests, or maybe just the school building so that I can get out my anger.

Right now these feelings aren't as strong, but sometimes - especially after a nice vacation or something - any simple reminder of school is nausiating, until even the people there you just don't want to see for a very long time, or at it feels this way when it comes to the people that are your friends, but not your close friends ... if that makes sense.

At this school, everything is too __________
-- Too competetive
-- Too academic
-- Too french
-- Too slash-obsessed
-- Too liberal
-- Too much estrogen
-- Too feminist
-- Too depressed
-- Too many smart(er) people

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against competition, academics, the French, slash and yaoi, liberals, women, feminists, depression, or smarter people. It's just that at this school it's an overload of things. I'm all for women's rights, but this school is way too much into it! So much that we have to do projects on women -- Hell, there are entire classes dedicated to women at our school. Frankly, it's making me sick of women. Well, maybe that's a bit harsh, but I'm just sick of people that whine about "Women don't get this, women don't get that. This was the first woman to enter a hot-dog eating contest against men!" Why don't we focus on what women do have now compared to back then and be grateful for it, or only focus on the women that did really important things. It's just like this thing with racism. Why do we have to make it special just because it was a woman who did it or an african or hispanic person that did it? Can't it just be amazing because of the fact that someone did it? That's all that matters in the end, isn't it? If we separate people like that, that in itself is racism.

I also don't really care about slash. Hell, everyone needs a healthy dose of it once in a while - if not seriously liking a pairing - which is fine - then at least for a joke! But my God. There are some things you just don't slash, and some of the people at my school are pushing it way too far, and they do it with everything. I used to like some slash pairings. If the stories are cute or good, I still like them, but you don't pick random people out of a story or movie that would never ever go near eachother even if they were gay, and decide "This is my new fandom! How about I give ominous looks to friends every time their names are mentioned in the same sentence so that we can have a little giggle? And then everytime the story or movie is slipped into a conversation I can shout out their names and then chuckle madly like it's adorable and funny that they are now all I talk or think about!" -.-

There are those also that are obsessed with the french. In all honesty, I have nothing whatsoever against the french. If anything, I tease about them, as many people do, but I think France is fine and dandy and cool and stuff and if someone paid for me and I had the time, I'd go there (possibly avoiding Paris, where all the American haters are supposedly located). Some at my wonderful school though talk about France nonstop, insist on speaking the language to you, and then anytime any joke or something is mentioned about france, they get all sensitive and pissy (unless they are the ones that made the joke) and look like they are about to clean out your orifices with a blunt lead spoon.

Liberals, fine. I am really all for people having their own opinion about things. Hate Bush? Happy for you, and I can sometimes understand why. But one thing I am not for, on any side of the political spectrum, is extremety, and the people at my school are extreme. "I have a great idea. Let's hang up posters and have a meeting about the terrible torturous things the American soldiers are doing to the Iraqi prisoners. Nevermind what some of their extremists have done to our reporters with the actual approval of their leaders, we want to focus on how evil America truly is without the consent of the actual leader of the nation!" You may think I am exagerrating, which I very well may be, but if I am, it is really not that far from the truth. I can understand if someone is mad about the stories of torturing Iraqi soldiers because it might just be sinking as low as some of the terrorists, but there are so many people at my school that hate our government and bitch about it all the time that I have no doubt part of the motivation for that meeting was to show how bad our country really is. The school also has an issue with morbid things. Half of the things posted or announced is to make you depressed.
Say, it's Valentine's Day? Great! We can put up happy heart-shaped posters in the breezeways that give people a cheerful fact, saying, "By the time you're done reading this poster ... three children have died!" Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I shit you not, that is what was actually on the posters during Valentine's day.
Over the announcements: "Today is the anniversary of the brutal murder of sister Dorothy, who worked in South America helping poor children. She was shot six times in the chest only to fall to the ground and lay in a pool of her own blood. While she suffocated and drowned in her own bodily fluids, her attackers chopped her up into little pieces and fed her to the exotic birds of the amazon, who then most likely pooped her out on some plants to make the trees grow wild and beautiful, a memory of her love today." (Yes, that one was exagerrated)

Last but not least, all the smart Asians. I love Asians. I really really do. But damn them for being so smart. And it's not just them. There are so many people at my school who have 4.5s and such. I'm not a bad student. I'm actually pretty smart, but the problem is that I've gotten used to that, and now I feel so insignificant to all these other people with higher GPA and that still don't get as stressed out as I do about things. I don't understand how they do it, and it's so frustrating and dismaying that I can't do it, if that makes sense. I like being able to try at something and then work on it and finally be able to do it, but sometimes I just get so discouraged when I feel like I've tried and I've tried and I still can't.
Is it possible to spoil yourself with grades? That's what it feels like. In my old school I was used to getting good grades, and now that they aren't as good as they used to be, I feel like it's not good enough. That's what I think I am, really. A spoiled brat. I am spoiled when it comes to a lot of things (and I am also very grateful for many of those things) , but I don't like being the brat part, and hope I'm not (or if I have to be, I hope I am not the "brat" part of it too often). But I really am happy that I at least get the grades I do, I just sometimes wish I could have the capability to do both the extracurricular stuff, the homework, and get a decent amount of sleep (ah yes, and a social life would be kind of fun too).

Then again, there's always easter vacation.

Feeling pleasantly pessimistic,

2 comments | leave a comment


:: 2006 28 February :: 8.31pm
:: Music: angry shit

My dad sucks. I dont think he likes me. Sure, he loves me. But I dont think he likes me. He got pissed at me tonight for eating chicken the wrong way. Its not like i'm in a fucking 5-star restaraunt and the chicken I'm eating costs $50. THen he got pissed cause I had a song in my head and I started humming it. Sounds stupid really. His excuse? He had a bad reaction to the drugs the dentist gave him today. Well why the fuck is he taking it out on me?! Fuck that. Hes a fucked up dumbass. My sister asked him when the last time he said anything nice to was when she thought I wasnt listening. I was listening. He paused for a few seconds and said "...she makes a good sauce" and that was it. Thats all! Aren't dad's supposed to tell you that they're proud of you and shit? He doesnt do any of that. I get a B he says "that should be an A" I've never had straight A's or even close to that. He fucking knows that I'm not an "A" student and I'm not just gonna magically become one! mother fucker. I am not okay with what hes doing to me right now. Whatever I do is never good enough. I took WHAP cause I thought he'd be proud of me and he was. He was proud of me until I started getting a C in it. THen he was mad. THe only fucking reason I took it was cause of him! mother fucker. He doesnt get it. He doesnt get it that I want him to like me and he refuses. In the car when he picks me up from school its dead silence unless i bring up 1 of 2 things- classic rock or baseball. this sucks. I guess I should be thankful my dad is there cause not everyone has a dad but still. Its like hes there but hes not there (that'd be in italics if i knew how to do them). FUck it. what can i do. nothing i do is ever good enough. fuck it.

1 comment | leave a comment


:: 2006 26 January :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: When I'm 64 - Beatles

Woohu is goodness. It makes me happy.

Ah, so much to do, so little time.

Started drivers ed, finally, after already being sixteen and all. Yes, that's right, finally I got off my "arse" and signed up for the online classes. Slowly but surely I'm on my way to the doomed goal of driving. Yep, watch out world, here I come.

Have math first tomorrow. I say icky. But usually it isn't so bad because the teacher doesn't really demand the proper attention anyway, so it's no big deal. So far since we started second semester the homework situation hasn't been too bad. I hope it stays that way.

I've lost track of the number of books I'm supposed to be reading right now.

Peter Pan
Capt. Hook: Adventures of a Notorious youth
Brave New World
Gwenevere, Queen of the Summer Country(or summer Lands or something)
A couple others that I've forgotten. Basically the unfinished books. Don't you hate it when that happens? I know I've at least gotten 3 unfinished King Arthur books.
I've got to get my priorities sorted out.

I've been thinking of looking at some screen plays. Does anyone know if libraries carry screen plays? Haven't been to my library in a long time, so I wonder indeed I do.

Gotta go watch the second half of Disco Pigs again.

leave a comment


:: 2006 9 January :: 7.05pm

my fucking family wears down on me and right now it sucks. Finals are next week and they are gonna be so terrible because my grades are all shitty. I'm actually not doing as bad I originally thought but they still suck. I have to pass the WHAP final or else I have to do like 2 weeks of summer school to make up for a half a semester which is fucking stupid and a waste of time and money.

Michelle is gone which is good news. My parents are still drinking their normal shitloads and getting drunk and beligerent every night which fucks with my head. Sometimes I forget about it or I ignore it for a while and then there are times like these. It hasn't happened for like 3 months now but its hit me with a vegeance (sp). Last night I started thinking too much about my fucked up family and now I just feel like crying curling up into a little ball for a few weeks. My sadness and frustration with the current state of my family is coming out as angry lashes to anyone that says anything remotely angering or whatever. My mom told me to make the salad tonight and I fucking yelled so much. I know I shouldn't and I don't want to but it just comes out. Something sorta forces it out of me . Now that sounds like a shitty excuse to make my behavior justifiable but I'm serious. I just can't fucking figure out why I'm so damn sad...

Monica...my sister....she makes me saddest of all. I was writing about her in my paper journal last night.

leave a comment


:: 2005 28 December :: 11.33pm
:: Music: For Once in My Life - Michael Buble

"Topping swank, King Jas"
I don't particularly like posting journal entries in my other thingy at this moment, because it's too common for such a vacation. It's the type of thing I check on every day to make sure I look at my friends list and make sure they receive some comments and crap rather than actually updating, really, but even still I check on it every day of the school year (or near every day at least). Doing that reminds me too much of that dreaded and oh-so-long period of time that is called "school", which is perhaps why i have been avoiding it for a week and a half. Actually, i've been avoiding most internet contact since getting out of school. Anything that reminds me of the place I shove far away. It ruins the holiday feeling.
Not that the holiday spirit isnt almost destroyed already. Slowly I can feel the dread and stressed depression seeping into me as the Return to Hell slowly inches closer. Oh, what a horrible fate! I sigh in displeasure, that I do. Not to mention that tomorrow my dearest mother declares that I must begin my homework. Nor does it help at the moment that I have just discovered I am sitting on a damp seat. I should know by know not to sit here with a wet swimsuit, or wet clothing of any kind for that matter. No, no.
In trying to keep with that holiday good-ness, I have decided that since I have been neglecting this most wonderful and much-more-important-to-me journal of mine it would be a relief rather than a terrible reminder of doom to update and look at this journal instead. Much simpler. Much happier. Honestly, there are too many people at the other place that are from school that it hurts me to hear them ramble about things because of the reminding-ness. I like this much better. Reminds me of the good ol' days indeed.

As far as holiday goings-on, I am now officially sixteen years old, and yes, indeed ... still without any driving experience. No license, no permit, no driving school. But I'm content enough for now.
Went to Disneyland and as usual it was wonderful. The new fireworks almost made me cry. Don't laugh. They were beautiful. I miss it already.
Christmas was fantastical. Got a lot of books I've been wanting, as well as three Disney DVDs, a new sweatshirt, money, a new cell phone (-click click- it takes pictures!) and lots of other nice smaller stuff!

Today my mom, sister, and I went to see my mom's friend and her son, Bryce. Twas really awkward, but we ate bagels, which were good.
After that we grabbed some hot dogs and headed over to Mema's, for - yes indeed - we were off to see a movie. "What movie?" you ask? I shall tell you! 'Memoirs of a Geisha'. It was a really cool movie. Lots of prettyness and a good story. The main lady and the evil lady were all pretty and stuff. Yes yes indeed twas good. I had hoped to read the book before going to see it, but it looks like it's going to be the other way around. Mom has a bad cough or something though, so she kept erupting in coughing fits and had to leave the theater a couple times to go to the bathroom because she was feeling so bad. That kind of ruined the experience for her. I hope she doesn't have anything bad.

Imagination is a great thing, isn't it? I love it because even though the evil-ness is steadily approaching once again (S - C - H - O - O - L...) the imagination provides a rather nice distraction from things, at least temporarily. Speaking of imagination, methinks I should go read some more of the books I got for Christmas. Maybe it will make me calmer for a bit. It's a pity I'm getting stressed out about finals already. I can understand now why some people don't like them to be after Christmas vacation, even though they are at the end of January for us.

Icky indeed.

1 comment | leave a comment


:: 2005 14 December :: 7.15pm

I love my sister but she fucking drives me crazy.

she is so stupid and yells at me and says i have an attittude..which i do. but i dont fucking want her to tell me.

she can fucking pick out a tree by herself. i dont wanna help her. even though we pick out good trees. let her get a shitty one fuck it.

i am angry..
things suck right now

leave a comment


:: 2005 30 November :: 7.11pm

WHAP sucks so bad. I'm trying to do it right now but it sucks so i feel like writing about it and how much i hate it. I got a fucking D in it and nothing makes sense and she gives us shitloads and shitloads of work. I never have a free moment at night anymore cause of this fucking homework. It says "inconsistent effort" on my progress report. Inconsistent effort?? I study dude. I do most of my homework and i try but I get so frustrated. I get so so so frustrated cause there is so much damn information and i dont think that it is fucking possible to memorize all this shit and then make fucking connections. If i cant keep the information straight in my head how the hell do i connect it to other things???! I dont cause it sucks. I cant describe my horrible, deep pain that I get when i sit down to do my fucking whap homework. does she even care that we have other fucking homework??? no no no!!!!!!!!! if she did she'd cut the amount in half. i dont like doing 4 hours of homework for 1 class per night. its ridculous and even when i do the work i still dont get it. whats the fucking point?? there isnt one. i am failing it and i dont know how to fix it cause it keeps getting harder and harder and i'm sinking into a hole and there is not a way to climb out of it. fuck it

school sucks ass. i wanna go bury myself.

2 comments | leave a comment


:: 2005 11 November :: 10.06pm
:: Music: Sad shit cheers me up..

Fuck you if you dont like hearing me complain cause I'm gonna do it.

Everything sucks..(I sound emo now..fuck it). I am sad and its all coming out as anger and I can't help it.

I see a physcologist again..for my family again. What else??!
I'm getting a C or lower in 5 out of 7 of my classes and I don't feel like at this point I'll ever do any better. People around me are hurting and its affecting me. I can't help that either. I'm like a sponge or something..no a train. Welcome aboard Marilyn's train of fucked-upness. I hope you enjoy your ride. Don't forget to bring all your baggage and dump it on her. I'm not complaining about listening to other people's problems because I love to be there for people if they need it but I just feel so worn down sometimes. I need a hug.

Nothing is going well..my parents are still alcoholics..my grades as you know are in the fucking toilet and I'm getting flack for that. I feel helpless. Nothing I do will make anything any better so why try?! I'll tell you why--I'm a fucked up dumbass. Thats why. I hate it. You might say "Well why are you doing so bad in school. Just study more". I try that. I try to study. I really really do! Everytime I do I get distracted. In the afternoons when I get home from school I want to relax and enjoy my time alone before my parents get home and start their drinking. THen I go to my refuge- the computer because Itunes is on it. I turn it up loud enough for me not to hear the ice going into the glass and try to study but I always hear it! I always fucking hear it. Then I go on AIM to distract myself. It helps. So my homework is forgotten about and my studying is put in the back of my brain. Damn it. I want to succeed because thats my ticket out of this horrible place but its so hard to do well. You may wonder why it wasnt like this last year..I wondered that myself until I figured out that last year I didn't need to study. I could absorb enough during class to get decent grades. THis year I can't and studying doesnt come easy so what do I do? I need more discipline I suppose.

Anyway. things this year are just worse. Hopefully 2006 will be good. I doubt it.

I was thinking..I hope I die young. I think dieing when I'm 45 will be good. Or younger.. No older than 50 though. I dont want to see everyone else around me die and I don't wanna stay on Earth because things suck.. If I'm not married or if I dont have any kids I would like to die when I'm 35. I dont want to look all terrible in the casket.
I'm getting really tired but I dont think I'll be able to sleep a lot tonight. I guess I'll be going then.

1 comment | leave a comment


:: 2005 10 November :: 5.29pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Professional Pirate - Muppets

Things Don't Change in Never never Land
I'm tired of it. I really am. And my parents say maybe I shouldn't be angry with her. Yes, I have the right to be angry with her because she's just conviced herself that she can't do anything alone. She has convinced herself that she's going to stay miserable in her wheelchair and that she's going to die that way. My dad, aunt, and uncle went to dinner to talk to her about what they were thinking of doing. Larry, my uncle, is moving back in with his wife in a little while, so he has to leave Mema alone.
They went there to discuss who would stay in and help her by living there. I was under the impression they were going to ask her about trying to give a damn. But no, not really. It was mentioned, and she shrugged it off completely. So now my aunt, her husband, and her two little kids are thinking of moving in for her.
1) Selling thir beautiful house to go and live with Mema
2) these are toddlers we're talking about. That means noise.
It's a stupid idea. My mom had lunch with her the next day and asked how she felt with the confrontation. Mema thought something was wrong when they first all decided to come over for dinner. When Larry told her he was deciding to move back with Ceal, Mema didn't know. The thing was, Larry had also told her she would be the first to know if he decided to move back with Ceal. Dude if I was my grandma I'd feel pretty crappy about that too.
But Mom was talking to her about some of that stuff, about trying to help her and excercise and things like that. She said to Mema: "So Win, I know you're not into the exercise thing and don't like it, etc,"
"Nope. Hate it. Don't wanna do it," came the reply from her.
I don't get it. If her doctors tell her she can do physical therapy and get help, why doesnt she do physical therapy? Everyone tells her that she should do physical therapy. Mom says that it could also be that she might have had some more minor strokes and that may be why she doesnt want to try to walk, so maybe I shouldnt be frustrated with her. But she doesn't have to try walking. She could lift her legs or do some other kind of exercise. Mom said Mema said, "I'll just keep thinkin I'm gonna die like this," or something like that. No, damnit! You don't think that way! you just don't! People shouldn't give up like that! It's ridiculous and stupid, and she has a good life! It's like commiting suicide, and to be honest, I see suicide as a generally cowardly thing to do, especially if it's because of sadness even though they have a good life. But there's the saying "this too shall pass" and to be cliche - "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It's also selfish. I relieve their own pain, the person creates pain for everyone else around them. If there is no hope, like you're being tortured by terrorists or the world is ending and there's no way out, then it's understandable, but not if your life is actually good.
We were staying over at her house one time and she fell as she was getting up to get in her wheelchair and go to the bathroom. It was a slow fall and not like she hit herself on anything. She had the wheelchiar and bed to hang onto. But I went in to try to help her get up and told her to get her feet set so that she could push up and help herself and I get her to stand again, but she wouldn't. She hardly made the effort. I kept repeating it to her, and she still hardly did anything. If a person can't stand up themselves, it's understandable, but i really don't understand how she couldn't steady her feet to give me a hand. I almost started crying right there as I was trying to help her up.
People have told me a have a great life, and I do, and I'm extremely extremely happy for that. But I don't want it to change. How it is now is fine. I don't want to grow up, I don't feel like getting my drivers license, I don't feel the need for another boyfriend, I don't want to go off to college. I'm not ready to do it. I don't want to lose my grandma and eventually my mommy and daddy. It's time like these when I realize how hard some of those past pains hit me. In general, I can adapt, but it still hurt at the time. I've been lucky and haven't had to go through a lot of the things other people have, and I am thankful for the things that I have gone through because it does give me more of a feel for life than some other people have had, and I love the fact that I am able to accept the things and learn from them, but I'm not ready for it to happen again.
There are these cards that I have. They're kind of like tarot cards, but not. I was flipping through them and looking at all the art on the cards, and the painting of the one labeled Death really scared me. I didn't like looking at it, so I would turn it over when I wanted to lay the cards out. The picture wasn't even really that frightening. Normally I might think something like that looked cool, but it actually really bothered me, and I didnt understand why until I thought about it later. Weird how your mind works that way.
Mom knows that I get upset about the whole Mema thing, and she says maybe I should talk to her about it or something. But I know if I do that it will just make her feel bad and make her frustrated with me. When she doesnt like something, she hates talking about it, so she would get irritated with me if I tried. And then if I started crying I would feel even worse about it, but I dont think I could talk to her without it.
But i dont want her to die because she gave up on moving and trying to help herself. She's on blood thinners now to see if it will help with the whole stroke problem, but if she falls or cuts herself, she'll bruise really easily or have trouble stopping the bleeding. On one hand it would be bad if she walked now because of the bruising and stuff if she fell, but if she exercised her leg muscles and then practiced walking, she'd fall even less and be able to prevent that. If she falls now she cant even get up to help herself.
I just wished she wasn't so miserable all the time. She's not visibly miserable - it's one of those things you have to watch for in little things. I love seeing her happy, but it makes me sad sometimes too thinking that while she may look happy on the outside she still suffers from something that pains her. She went to visit my dad's cousin, patrick, in the rehab center after he had a bad stroke that made his left side so weak it was difficult for him to even move his arm. He also had to have a hip replacement at the same time. He was taking therapy at the center. Mema used to have therapy there too, and when she came in a wheelchair she saw one of the nice guys who took therapy with her, but he was still there taking therapy. He saw her and talked, and one of the things he said to her was, "Next time I see you, I don't wanna see you in that wheelchair." Then we went and visited Pat, who was doing okay. We left and she hasn't done anything to help herself out of the wheelchair. Patrick's walking now.
The more things progress downhill with her, the more I hate it. I'm fine with things staying the same for a while, or being the way she used to be, when she used to take us to Barnes and Noble to buy a book every time we came to visit her, but I don't like the way this is going, and I don't want it to happen. But I guess you can't have everything you want, right?

"But I guess it's all the work of the ticking crocodile. Time is.. chasing after all of us, isn't it?"

2 comments | leave a comment


:: 2005 30 October :: 4.58pm

YO dudes..haven't written in here in a while and i'm avoiding some history homework right now so i thought now would be a good time to update this thing..

Its 5:00 right now and my father just opened his alcohol. yay. he'll be drunk by 8. so will my mom
speaking of my mom. its possible she might move out this week or next week because apparently she is really pissed off about some shit. i dont even know what. supposedly its not my fault entirely but my "attitude doesn't help" blah blah. i dont care if she leaves. honestly, it might be nicer. nicer because i wont have to deal with all her crap and shit about not being loved. maybe if she left it would be possible for me and my sister to have a relationship even if the relationship between me and my mother suffers. hmm.things to think about. lots of things.

ooh my sister is a slut. truly she is. she slept with some guy and then called us at 7:30 in the morning on sat. and said 'i got raped" no..she didnt get raped. she got scared and called it rape so that we would feel bad. so my mom went up to see her and then she told my mom "i wasnt raped i got too drunk and i had a one night stand" obviously those werent her exact words but that sums it up. so luckily we know for sure she isnt pregnant but she still could have numerous std's including aids. my sister is a dumbass. yesterday i called her cause i was mad at her and shes like "marilyn, it was only the 3rd time" so how many people actually have this happen even 1ce?? If it does happen once they usually learn their lesson..."gee, maybe i shouldnt go out drinking with a bunch of strange people i dont really know. or better still- maybe i shouldnt drink at all." of all people..shes the ugliest of my sisters..ask anyone and they'll tell you. i guess stupid ass guys in small towns will have sex with just about anything as long as its female. i sorta hopes she has a disease..not aids but mayube herpes because that would teach her.

anyway, i'd better go.

leave a comment


:: 2005 2 October :: 4.28pm

Ok so this would be a reply to Jessica's wonderful comment but I dunno how long I'll decide to complain so here it goes:

The giants are assholes and theyre beating up on poor Snow again. They are reportedly seeking a lefthanded first baseman for next season.. THey are dumbasses though because Snow is a fucking lefthanded first fucking baseman! Just cause they designed a fucking ball park that would not be good for Snow's swing at all they decide to get rid of him! WELL FUCK THAT! AFTER ALL HES GIVEN TO THIS TEAM. HES SHOWED UP TO THOSE SHITTY CHARITY EVENTS! HES GIVEN 5000 DOLLARS WORTH THE SEATS FOR EVERY HOME GAME THATS ON A SUNDAY TO POOR KIDS! FUCKING FUCK THAT SHIT! The GIants don't deserve Snow..hes too good for them and he needs to go somewhere that will appreciate him more. I just hope that wherever he goes is near by so I can watch the games. If it isn't I'll take the $144 out of my England savings account to pay for the special baseball channels with games from around the league on them.

Today was the last game of the season and they picked him to speak on behalf of the team. He said how he wished the season had turned out differently and that he was sorry about that but he appreciated all the support from the fans and all the love they give the team. Then I started crying because he said "See ya next year and we'll try to do it better." ITs like "DUDE NO YOU WONT SEE US NEXT YEAR BECAUSE YOU WONT BE A FUCKING GIANT NEXT YEAR! YOU'LL BE A FUCKING NEW YORK MET OR WHATEVER! AND THE GIANTS WILL BE GLAD YOUR GONE NEVERMIND HOW THE REST OF THE FUCKING BAY AREA FEELS OR EVEN HOW ALL THE GIANTS FANS ACROSS THE COUNTRY FEEL!" Hes such a great player. I'm gonna cry again just thinking about it. HE told the Giants announcers that no matter where he is next year he'll always be a Giant in his heart. I thought that was very touching and wonderful as well. I love J.T. Snow. hes the best that there will ever be at first base or any fucking position!

bye bye. :(

leave a comment


:: 2005 26 September :: 7.51pm
:: Music: queen. bohemian raphsody (sp?)

bitchy girl
My sister just imed me and i wanted to complain about her but I dont wanna bother anyone else that I'm talking to cause I must say it is boring.

So we got in a fight when she came home for James Patrick's baptism and I decided to block her. I actually hadnt talked to her in like 8 days which was really really nice. Refreshing. I love my sisters but she wears on me so much. Everytime she says anything to me I just wanna say the first thing that I think of which is usually the meanest. Damn though. Shes so terrible. Shes smacks me and verbally abuses me. I just wanna pound her fucking ass in. Yea so shes complaining about some stupid ass bitchy guy right now. Shes a dumbass..saying how ugly and rude he is. Maybe she should look in the fucking mirror and see how ugly not only her physical appearence is but also how ugly her personality is.

Ok something else that was bothering me. Fucking ass shitty parents.. Doesnt everyone say that when theyre a teenager?
My sister informed me they've resorted to sneaking drinks now because we confronted them about being alcoholics. Goddamn those bitches! why cant they just not drink?! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY SO SELFISH?!

Ok so in drama we've been doing these things where the people go up to the front and talk about their lives and stuff. I'm learning quite a bit and I'm really really glad Mr. McCaw decided to do it cause now I'm realizing though things in my life do suck quite a bit..everyone has issues too. I should really open my eyes a bit more. Now I feel like a self centered bitch cause I didnt bother to look around and see all the other people with problems. I guess we all have our own types and some are worse than other but I was a real big stupid ass for feeling like mine were the worst. Yea dude. Theyre not. People have told me before but I wanted to live in a cloud and wallow in self misery. To be honest I'd still like that.

Yea lets see..I dunno. Oh yea. Giants suck ass. Snow is going to be gone next season. The Giants wont make it to the playoffs. They will die tonight. Actually in about an hour and half their season will be over and I will cry and pray J.T. Snow goes to a team nearby so I can watch him sometimes. I will cry when he goes because he is so talented and I'll feel bad for him.

Ok Bye dudes.

1 comment | leave a comment


:: 2005 17 September :: 12.36pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Where is Mr. Barrie? - Finding Neverland soundtrack

Hm. That's right... where *is* Mr. Barrie?
I have been inspired, for a reason I cannot explain because I lack it, to update the journal thingy of DOOM!

My sister is making poached eggs right now. And it's my dish day, so I get to clean up her lovely mess of poached egg residue in the strange-looking pan-for-making-poached-eggs.

This sound track makes me inexplicably happy. I only have three songs from it, however, so I'm afraid I will need to add it to my Christmas list, along with the purdy soundtrack from Edward Scissorhands. Chyaa, mon.

"Hallo! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!

I think I'm going to perfect my STD song here. For background info, in religion class freshman year they were telling us all about lovely sex ed and STDs and stuff, and I was thinking about it, and made a song. Or at least, tried to. This is to the tune of the chaotic part of Bohemian rhapsody! yay!:

"I see the little silhouetto of a moose*,
STDs! STDs! Will you do the dirty dance?
You have an infection, why is it you question me?!
Gonorrhea! (Gonorrhea!)
Gonorrhea! (Gonorrhea!)
Gonorrhea! I need meds,
Someone's a hoe(oh, oh oh),
I'm just a poor slut, nobody loves me!
She's just a poor slut from a bad family,
spare her her life from her STDs!
Easy now, please be nice, let me see a doctor
Sy-phill-is! NO! we will not let you go - let her go!
Sy-phill-is! NO! We will not let her go - let her go!
Syphillis! NO! We will not let you go!
Will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go, let me go
no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, gonorrhea, gonorrhea, gonorrhea, I need meds!
Oh, HOW long will I have to suffer with these S-T-Ds.... T-Ds.... T-Ds!"

* This is an inside joke to the appearance of a uterus on one of those diagrams. Notice, it looks quite similar to a moose.
Disclaimer: You will have to excuse me if that song was politically incorrect. No, I am not saying all people who gets STDs are sluts, so you may calm your little britches down (and yes, I said bRitches, meaning underpants, not the other mean word. Teehee). You may think of it as being the opinion of the other people saying she can't go to the doctor or something. I don't know, the song isn't supposed to make complete sense through and through, so that's what you get. Hope it wasn't offensive to anyone or anything, and stuff. I don't think I actually said anything offensive about all the people in general who have STDs, so if you see that, you might be reading too much into it. Dude this small song is taking too much time to make up excuses for, so I'm done.

I wonder if we have any pickles in the house. Those are yummy.

3 comments | leave a comment


:: 2005 14 September :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: Come Fly With Me - Michael Buble

Dead Bodies in the School Building
Got to school today at 6:57, so there was only a very small group of people there waiting outside, for we were the early birds. The librarian, who normally opens the door to let the students get in was unlocking the doors and about to let us in when the mean lady with short curly hair who likes to yell at everyone (the lady yells... not her hair. Her hair doesn't yell) Said sternly: "No, you can't come in here!" The fat janitor man happened to be over next to the librarian too. The mean lady turned to him and said "Have you smelled this building?"
She let him in and showed him around. We sat outside in the cold, group of students and teachers growing gradually as cars dropped off their loads of back-pack heavy children.
All of us were wondering what it could be, because they weren't telling us anything - most likely because they didn't know yet themselves. A classmate of mine, Marie, said she had smelled it when the librarian lady opened the door, and it did smell pretty bad. For the logical sense, we guessed there was either a gas leak or a sewage leak. For the illogical side, at least for me, I guessed/hoped there would be a dead body in the school. You know, some serial killer had broken in undetected in the middle of the night and decided to place the rotting, dead corpse of their victim in our school to be found the next morning - the usual. That way, not only would we all have to go home, we'd also need grief couseling and be out of school for the rest of the week. Chyaa! 'Course it's not so good for the person who was killed. Nor, I suppose, their family. Yeah, that part wouldn't be so good.
A little bit later, after contemplating all the wonderful and exciting possibilities, the janitor man came out of the building and said: "We've got a hole!" And then scurried off. Not quite sure what that meant, but a few minutes later he came back with a bucket. Also not quite sure what a bucket would do, but we figured it was a sewage leak or something.
Nothing happened for a little bit. I studied for my english quiz because I figured that it would be too good to be true if they cancelled all classes. Inbetween looking at my English notes we entertained ourselves by watching people try to open the doors, even though the entire sophomore and freshman class was sitting right outside it.
At the time the first bell was supposed to ring, they told us to evacuate to the gym. As we were leaving, I heard fire engines down the street and figured they were coming to our school. We all went into the gym and sat on our butts in our home rooms. Some people were still doing homework and studying because, like me, they figured we were all going to start classes soon, just relocated to different areas on campus for the ones in the "intoxicated" building. I checked the clock, seeing how far into first period it would be, and realized it wasn't working. Come to think of it, a bell hadn't wrung either.
They took role and we hung out in the gym for a while, until we were instructed to go to out to Pardini Park, which is basically just a big hunk of grass on school campus. When we were going out there, we saw two cool firetrucks and some firemen in cool suits walkin' around. Neato, dawg. We stood out on the lawn for about ten minutes, and I asked my homeroom teacher if I could go to the bathroom. She said she'd prefer it if I went to the bathroom at the other side of campus from the freaky smelly building, so Julia and I started heading over there, but the intimidating attendance lady who is hard to understand when she talks said I couldn't go to the bathroom. It sucked mucho.
Eventually they had us move to our "Big Sisters'" homerooms (Big sisters are like Buddies with the upper classmen. Frosh -->Juniors; Soph --> Seniors) in the other building where classes were held. We all went in their and Julia and Sarah and I started bouncing around because this was muy cool. We sat on the floor and listened to music and ate Chex mix while Mrs. Evashenk put on the movie "Dodgeball," for us to watch. I noticed that the clock in the room we were in was also not working, so there was most likely a problem with some of the electricity. Only thing was, lights and TVs worked.
The time we remained in the room got longer, until I started to stop worrying about if I got to miss English or not, and started hoping this lasted until history class. Things were looking up in that aspect, at the time being. They herded us back to the gym to buy food from the kitchen if we wanted, or to snack on something we brought. We had to sit in our homerooms again - or at least that's what they told us, because I didn't see too much of the point since they weren't really taking role anyway. So we sat there, kind of confused as to why we were all in the gym to eat stuff, when they could have just sent people over to get food in the kitchen and then bring it back to Donelly, because people are allowed to eat in that building.
A little bit later the new principal lady who's name I don't remember got up and said some stuff. She said there was a strange problem that happened with the computer system over night, and it created a really bad smell and had all sorts of other 'symptoms. "When you go home tonight to talk to your parents about what was happening today, you need to remember these things. Nothing was dangerous, nothing was toxic, the school took extra precautions." Then she tried to get us to respond to some strange statement about Living the Goodness 'All the time' three times, but none of us really knew what she was talking about the first time, so we kinda just sat there and looked like dumbasses for a bit. I began to worry that we were going to start classes again, and I hoped that history time was over. But then Mr. Brocco started talking about how all after school stuff was cancelled. The whole gym erupted in cheers. Huzzah! No rehearsal! There was also to be a staff meeting in a corner of the gym or something. So we sat there for a bit until the teachers wandered back through the crowds. Danielle asked Mr. McCaw when he passed by if we got to go home.
"Possibly," he said. I hadn't expected that answer, so I was feelin' happy. "The phones and the computers aren't working, so we ha-"
"Ooh so if we have an emergency we can't call anybody!"
I was excited. This was exciting. We were excited. NO history!
So, we kept our hopes up. Danielle figured that a good reason too would be 'what if we all ganged up on the teachers or something? Then no one could call for help! We should petition outside with signs that say: "Save the teachers! Send us home!"'
They ushered us back out of the gym and into our previous homerooms, where we all sat down on the floor and Mrs. Evashenk began writing instructions on the board. Watching eagerly as her writing progressed, twas time to bounce up and down when she wrote about calling a parent to either go home or stay at school. We were also supposed to check the school website that evening to see if school would be in session tomorrow. The group of seniors in our room went to their homeroom teacher in alphabetical order, and our group of sophomores went to Ms. Evashenk in alphabetical order. When it was my turn, I had to call a few times until Mom picked up, because she had been doing exercise routine and was listening to music. She said she'd pick me up at eleven thirty, which was about an hour from then. So I waited, and people slowly began to fade away to their homes until only a few were left in the classroom. Unfortunately in that time however, the sound of a bell resounded throughout the school, indicating the end of a class. The clock also began to tick. Damn.
They moved the remaining students to the Student Life Center, or the "SLC" where there are a bunch of vending machines, etc., and kept everyone on a master list to check out with people once your parent called yours or a teacher's cell phone number to say it was time for you to go home.
My mom finally came, so I went out to the car and shoved my huge pack of unpacked school stuff in the back seat. Then we drove over to Mema's and got to go out to Chevy's and eat lunch. Yay! I was so happy to have the day with no classes. They had been piling us up with so much homework lately that it was the biggest relief to know that we got a bit of a break.
When we checked the webiste that night though, in nice big red letter it exclaimed: "School will be in session Thursday, 9/15"
Yeah, that part sucked. Guess you can't win 'em all, though.

4 comments | leave a comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal