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:: 2003 20 December :: 1.01pm

thank you to everyone who made my birthday wonderful <3<3<3

can't believe i'm 18!!

4 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 4 December :: 10.31pm

i really hate this feeling.

people are envious of me... i really don't know why.
if people like me, want to be my friend then why do i always feel so alone

i constantly find myself watching friends joking around, making plans... i used to have that.. if this is what everythings being reduced to by growing up then i don't know if i really want to...

16 day. 16 days until i turn 18. thats 2 weeks and 2 days.

i don't know.

i'm a dreamer... i've always held such high hopes and aspirations and .. i don't know.

i can't seem to get excited about anything anymore... is that bad?

2 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 24 November :: 11.55pm
:: Music: king geedorah

As the Thanksgiving holiday is almost upon us, I seem to be happier on the outside and more and more depressed on the inside. It's really pathetic why, but of course I've fallen victim to the number one source of depression in white males ages 12-18 who get good grades and don't do drugs: girls. For awhile I was clean- I didn't really have a yearning for the comfort of another. Relationships in high school seemed to be pointless to me, and I've never been one to indulge in one-night stands just to get a slice. I was jonesin for a girl near the end of the last school year, but summer kind of made me stop craving for her or anyone.

But over the last few months, that hankering for a girl has come back. See, it would be easier for me if it was various girls who popped in my mind as possibilities to date, but more and more it has become one girl again, the same one from last year. And it is ever-so slowly killing my soul.

I retract my earlier comment, about how I thought relationships in high school were pointless. One of the problems I have is I don't want to date a girl just for a short period of time-even say three months. I want to build a relationship, I think. I want to be able to have someone to call on nights like these when I'm bored and know how their day went. I want to be able to have someone to call on nights when I wasn't bored, when I had a great deal of work, yet all I wanted to hear is how their day went. I want to be able to spend my friday nights, every week, doing something with someone, be it watching her favorite movies or going to some bad Japanese restaurant. I want to have a reason to buy a 5 foot tall teddy bear on some random day just because it was their birthday. I realize now that I've being saying someone, but in truth, for me right now, it's just one girl.

I know they don't want to be mentioned in my journal, but just using them as a case example, I want a relationship akin to Holly and Andrew's. They are best friends, they can make fun of each other, but most importantly, they seem to share some interests and truly seem to love each other, if love can be found at such a young age. Maybe the main reason I've never had a girlfriend, looks aside, is that I've never found a girl who I truly shared interests with. There hasn't been a girl that I just thought to myself "Wow, we are perfect for each other." I know that there is a girl out there who listens to the same bands I listen to, loves the same movies I do, and thinks the Bengals are actually a pretty darn good football team; however, I have not found that girl as of yet. As John Cusack said in High Fidelity, all of the above things do matter, in contrast to what some people may think.

So I gave up on finding a girl who shared many similar interests with me. Everything was going great, and then I had to find a pretty girl like her. Sure,there are girls who I've found hotter or sexier, but I don't know, I guess she seems to be different. Sort of like an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, if you'd like me to wax faux-intellectual. It took me so long to just say I like her, as I always tried to go around that word. I don't know why I like her, I don't know why she's different from other quiet cuties, I don't know why I can't find any courage to talk to her; it's just reality for me as of now. Seriously, I feel ashamed of myself, whining about it to my friends, making something as frivolous as talking to a girl seem so important, so life or death. I mean, she knows I like her, and it's basically up to me to do anything about it. Yet, everyday I say I'm going to do something about it, I say I'm going to talk to her after school, but alas, it never happens. Excuses are made on my part, but they all add up to me being just pathetic.

So as it stands right now, I am a failure, when it comes to girls at least. Maybe I should let other girls on to my radar. Or maybe I should stop being such a waste of a man and show some initiative and stop putting off the one thing I want to do until it's too late. Whatever the right thing is, and in my mind and heart, I know the latter is the right thing, but whatever the right thing is, to paraphrase Legends of the Hidden Temple, the choice is mine and mine alone.

Drew R.

4 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 24 November :: 10.59pm

::15 Random Favorites::
2:Baby Kitty
3:Ms. Princy
5:Princess Sophia
6:Baby Elvis/Whiskers
7:Scardey baby kitty
8:Cindy woo hoo
13:happy faces
14:polka dots
15:happy dances
::14 Favorite Foods::
6:ice cream
8:gummi bears
10:hershey with almonds
12:hard candy
::13 Most Watched Shows::
1:Trading Spaces
2:a dating story
3:a makeover story
4:a wedding story
5:trading spaces family
6:survivor (shut up)
7:the bachelor (shut up again)
8:the nanny
9:gilmore girls
10:queer eye for the straight guy
11:room raiders
12:one tree hill
::12 Good Bands in your Opinion::
1:hot hot heat
2:smashing pumpkins
3:coheed and cambria
5:the postal service
9:bright eyes
10:pretty girl makes graves
11:from autumn to ashes
::11 Memories::
1:show at the factory
2:surprise visits
3:4am visits
4:twins twins twins
5:the "shack"
6:warped tour
7:melting pan. yes. pan
8:frozen pizzas & movies
11:party party party!
::10 Close Friends::
2:Ashy Stockey
3:Bright Lite
5:Kevy Wevy
6:Gregory Luke <3
8:Lo Wang
9:the triangle.
10:Jess/Heidi/Sam/Dave. yes all in one.
::09 Things you're looking forward to::
1:end of school
2:after IB exams
3:after IB
4:end of everything
6:ashleys wedding
8:after tomorrow
9:something cool.
::08 Things you wear daily::
3:heart necklace
4:murano glass star
5:jizz's ring (i try to)
8:pants of some sort
::07 Things That Annoy You::
1:aware ignorant people
2:people who drive slow in the left lane
3:people who don't listen
4:old people on the road
5:jeb bush
6:fucking republicans
::06 Things You Touch Everyday::
1:cell phone
2:car keys
::05 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over::
1:empire records
2:vanilla sky
3:being john malkovich
4:dangerous lives of alter boys
5:10 ways to lose a guy
::04 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys::
1:my little pony
2:talking sesame street characters
::03 People You Have Kissed::
3:Brighton :0P
::02 Of Your Favorite Songs::
1:Smashing Pumpkins version of Landslide
2:Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise
::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With::
1:Princy <3

Countdown brought to you by BZOINK!

Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 17 November :: 6.30pm

whos a baller...
guess who won a $100 gift certificate towards a tattoo.
yup that would be me.

did you know that the Lion King is one of the top 9 most rented VHS's of all time :0)


UF audition was decent.
fingers crossed. necessity. school sucks.
the end.

Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 11 November :: 5.54pm

i had an oober good *extended* weekend :0)

man. i sure do hate him and still wish he'd die a slow, torturing death.

anyone? think of someone from the past year of my life (not gregory) who i like ohhh so much.

my twins i highly disapprove.

history internal assessment here i come.

2 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 10 November :: 10.57pm
:: Music: Sigur Ros


Girls, I was hot in 89.

9 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 9 November :: 8.10pm

okay okay.

~ saw Gregory Luke right after school <3
~ senior recognition night SEE!

~ game vs. Boca we WON! exciting game, 41-37 was the final score, it was supeeerr close. scary.

okay. this is when it begins to suck.
*after the game, Greg and I went to Dennys on Linton & Federal. i ordered a cherry coke and buffalo chicken strips. I get the stuff, cut up a piece, feed it to greg & take a bite myself. I took a bite and was all like "man, this doesn't have the same consistancy of chicken" I begin to analyze the chicken only to find that its completely raw! i spit it out and got the waiter. He went to take it back or whatever and I told Greg i wasn't in the mood for chicken anymore so he went and told the guy to get us a caramel apple crisp. It was okay. the guy brought our check and what they did was subtracted the apple crisp from the price of the chicken (which was more then the crisp was alone) and i was like "wtf." wouldn't you think that i should get it for free i mean they tried to kill me w/salmanila for Gods sake. So i ask to see the manager and hes a total douche bag and this fucking big ass black bitch next to me is all obnoxious so greg was all pissed off and was like "fuck it, lets go" and we just walked out. ANGRY!
will never go back to dennys on Federal & Linton or Federal & Woolbright ever again.

ummmm woke up around 10, ate breakfast, practiced bassoon & went over to Gregs.
We made cookies & chilled. Went to the mall & he got a haircut (its okay... a little short for my taste but its all Elvis-y now.) Went to Petsmart and saw kitties for adoption, got bitched out by the lady "young adopters are the worst, they have babies and return the cats". alright. um. gregs dad made an oober good meal & we just chilled. I ended up staying the night so that was cool.

oh man. we went to see TIMB at One Cup at a Time last night! it rocked. It was some girls sweet 16 so it was kinda improv like a jam session but mad props to us!! MINI BLUM was there! that made me mucho happy :0)

woke up early & stared at Gregory sleep kissing him all over till he woke up. went to church con his padres & his dad made us kick ass pancakes. after church we hit up the boynton ale house and greg lost $10 in pool. oh. and his removed uncles girlfriend (ditzy blonde bitch) said that i looked like i was 12. i wanted to tell her to eat shit and dig her stupid blonde head up her ass. went back to his house, watched tv and his dad made kick ass home made pepperoni balls and pizza. i went home then.

gregorys coming over in a couple hours to bring me cake :0) thats all for now.

4 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 6 November :: 8.40pm
:: Music: el-p


For all of you who live and die by my words, here's a little update on my life. School is going pretty well, dislike a few classes, but my grades are above average. Mr. Hall is killing my love of history, but that's what teachers are supposed to do last time I checked.

I went to Boston last week. Quite the excellent time, I must say. Checked out Boston University and was impressed by it. Too bad it's 40K a year. If I get in to their film program, I hope my parents would be willing to remortgage our house, again. I visited family friends I've known all my life up there in Boston and Newton, which brought on some nostalgia.

I've been trying to be a really good friend to more people, and I don't know if I'm succeeding. It's good that I'm friends with some kids I was a douchebag to earlier this school year. Of course, I can never have total tranquility with all my friends, as I have lost contact with two good friends. I don't know if it's worth it to try and patch things up, again, but it's pissing me off, especially since I'm really not sure what I did to them, especially one of said company. It's just...this may be the last year I hang out with a lot of my best friends. As they leave for college and I go to college in a year, there's a great chance that I may never talk to them again. I've seen the relationships that my brother has with his best friends from high school; it's quite strained. So I've decided that it would be pointless to waste the last year of my friendships with many people fighting with them. OMG, I'm rambling on. lolz.

Abby's mom thinks I'm a cutie. Chalk one up for the home team babe.

Some things I miss:

*Hanging out at Noah's most nights this summer.
*Wacthing wrestling with Justin, David, and Kevin.
* Curtis Mayfield.
*Staying up till 4 am listening to music and not having to worry about school the next day.
* Paris and Boston.
* Sushi Jazz with Ben and Vivi
* Late night watching of horrible movies with my brother.

Whoa, hold the phone...I'm almost bearing my heart on the internet. That's my cue.

Drew R.

4 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 5 November :: 7.01pm

** basics **
Nickname::um... Vi-ster, Giraffe!, Kitty(not to be confused with MY kitty haha), sweet girl
Location::mouth of the friggin MOUSE, Florida
Gender::sweet sweet lady :0P
Birthplace::Concord, Massachusetts
Birthstone::ummm i think turquoise
Sign::ummm Sagitarrius & OX on the chinese zodiac
Righty or Lefty::righty
** your looks **
Height::4'11 & a half :0P
Weight::um too much.
Shoe size::7-8 depends
Hair Color::black although i've been told many times its not really black but dark brown.. sorry.
Hair Length::its all crazy, getting long
Eye Color::dark brown
Size::size of what?
Glasses::only the emo kind :0P
Braces::no sir
Piercings::ummmm belly button and ears i guess
Tattoos::i'm pending
** fashion **
Where do you shop::whereever i have free money :0)
What do you usually wear::t-shirt and jeans
What kind of shoes do you wear::i have over 50 pairs of shoes... i <3 my tie dye chucks though
Do you wear a watch::used to. (Official time keeper :0p)
Color you never wear::i'll wear anything really... i'm not too fond of like senior citizen grey though
Color you wear at least once a week::probably green or pink or blue or everycolor
Something you wear everyday::my necklace
Do you wear make up everyday::generally
Make up essential::depends when and how early i wake up :0P
Most cherished piece of clothing::my turtlesaur shirt. <3 twins <3
You wouldn't be caught dead wearing::biker shorts.
Do you wear belts::no
Do you wear hats::no
How many pairs of shoes do you have::a bazillion ... over 50
** music **
Favorite kind of music::i like everything i guess more emo/indie stuff
Least Favorite::i really can't take "gangsta rap"
How many CD's do you have::not too many that i've bought, many that i've made
Last CD you bought::oh dear... i'm trying to remember but its not coming to me... maybe Hail to the Thief?
Whats in your CD player right now::ummmm the Postal Service
Do you download music::i used to until Kazaa went crazy
** Favorites **
Color::all of them... purple, turtlesaur green, orange, pink, red etc.
Season::winter or spring
Ice cream::oh dear. i can feel the fat already... mint chocolate chip i suppose
Website::yo no se
Quote::"Go directly in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've always imagined" - Thoreau
Store::i probably spend most of my $$ at Express
Band::Beck :0P ... any many many others
Singer::Jolie from the Rocking Horse Winner
Group::um... Simon and Garfunkel :0P
Song::Smashing Pumpkin's version of Landslide
Movie::not fair. Being John Malkovich, Secretary, Amelie, American Beauty, Donnie Darko, Empire Records, Vanillla Sky, Sliding Doors, and a bazillion more
Actor::Johnny Depp
Actress::Liv Tyler
Kind of movies::movies that you come out of thinking "WTF just happened!"
Place to be::laying in bed with Greggy poo
Time of day::9pm :0P
Clothing Brand::whats with all the clothes!
Animal::kitty <3 puppy & baby kitty & elvis & Miss.Kitty aka Princy & gatito
Food::i really like food like a fatty.
Holiday::no preference i don't think
Shape::star, heart, circle
Restaraunt::i have lots of these too... the french place on Federal & Yamato, Melting Pot, La Casita etc.
Fast food place::Taco Bell, Checkers, KFC
Boy's name::Shane, Keith, Luke
Girl's name::Elsa, Rainer like Rainer Maria lol i duno, others
Month::December, June
Candy::twizzlers, gummi bears
** love and relationships **
Sexual Preference::i admit it. i like the cock :0P
Boyfriend or Girlfriend::boyfriend.
Crush::like i'll crush you up
Do you believe in love at first sight::i don't know
What do you look for in a guy/girl::the whole package, looks, personality, smile, compassion, chemistry
Best physical feature::HAIR! heh , eyes, lips, smile
Best hair color::i like darker colors i suppose
Best eye color::anything thats not shit brown like mine :0P
** randoms **
Do you paint your nails::ummm toenails
What color is your tooth brush::silver i think
What's on your desktop::nothing special, haven't set preferences on new computer yet :0)
Do you like roller coasters::absofreakinglutely love them!
Do you do drugs::ummm i'm taking a prescription for a sinus infection?
Are you a virgin::a girl unblossomed me didn't she? oh wait.. that was Jessica :0P haha
Do you have any pets::my love, Miss Princy Kitty Elvis & Baby Kitty ;0P
What time do you go to sleep::probably earlier then you.

Basic Survey [ 87 questions] brought to you by BZOINK!

5 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 3 November :: 12.00am

Happy 20th Birthday my love.

1 See you later boi | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 2 November :: 11.30pm

despite being horribly sick, i had the most wonderful weekend <3

*Gainesville was fun.
*Orlando was better.
*Laying in his arms was the best <3

Happy 20th Birthday Benjamin John Garbarino for another 30min.

Happy 20th Birthday Gregory Luke Pishko in 30 min. <3<3<3

Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 27 October :: 5.17pm

on site admissions rock.
definately got into FIU today.
definately got offered scholarship money.
sweet ass, i'm going to college haha.

i guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens w/everything else... keeping my fingers crossed.
I think i need to actually take a trip down to Miami and see this school now that I can go there :0)

hmmmmm i think UCF is next on the reply list then Nov 25th is onsite FAU visit (you know how they like the IB folk)
then FSU & UF and thats all folks.
I think i'm going to apply to USF ... i'm not sure yet.
this sucks.

7 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 26 October :: 6.29pm

this weekend was GRANDE x a bagillion!

Homecoming game vs. Dwyer. we lost. great.
we marched better on Friday then we'd ever & we got a pseudo drum war!!
Greg stayed over <3

* got to school around 1.. loved seeing everyone run around, cleaning instruments, getting uniforms.. quite refreshing
* senior speeches... made me remember how much I really do love that crazy dysfunctional organization. A lot of people said that my speech was really good and it really touched me when a lot of people who I didn't know too well came up and just gave me a hug telling me "it was a pleasure marching with you" or "i liked your speech the best"... i can't believe its almost over...
* got to FBA @ Sanataluces and warmed up... we marched out to the waiting area and what do you know, it starts raining sooo the woodwinds run for cover under the concession stand overhang and we wait. It lightens up so we went back out. Marched out and started our show. Once we started playing our first notes, the rain just started pouring down... thankfully after our first song it kind of lightened up. Our performance wasn't as good as it had been the night before but thinking optimistically as we ALWAYS do ::sarcasm:: we just figured it was the festival we wouldn't forget :0P
Finished marching and ran for cover. no pictures :0(. Mr. Lerner got the results.

we got a SUPERIOR! as he announced it I just burst into tears, I don't know if I had ever been happier in my life.. it was such a good feeling... a superior for something i'd worked so hard at and something I definately wasn't expecting. We got through it, Atlantic Community high school band is on its way back to the great band it used to be. Great goodbye present :0)

* afterward we left and Gregory picked me up and we went out for his bday dinner @ Dean Anthonys (great fettucini!!) it was nice.
* Gregory carved me a pumpkin. i love it (almost as much as i love him :0))
* picked up the boys & Cyndi from Ericas house... I said fuck in front of her mom (twice!) POOR.

* woke up early and went to church with Gregory & his padres.
* realized how much Catholic church really sucks in comparison to other denominations.
* hung out with my lovey all day and now hes gone :0(
::sigh:: i really do love him sooooo much... 5 months in a week!

TOK essay due tomorrow... i haven't started. go me. oh yeah. i heard homecoming was fun but i wouldn't have given up my weekend for anything.

4 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?


:: 2003 13 October :: 11.41pm
:: Music: polysics

There is no way to sugarcoat it: Kill Bill was arguably the best two hours of my life. I have a fucking euphoric feeling, and ain't no Japanese Yakuza is going to silence me.

Seriously, Tarantino has outdone himself. Fuck Mallrats, Fuck Rushmore, Fuck Big Lebowski, and oh no, maybe, just maybe, fuck Pulp Fiction. Kill Bill reigns supreme in my heart and my soul at this hour.

Sometimes life really does feel wonderful, and that, my friends, is not some bullshit insincere one-liner.

Drew R.

5 See you later bois | Why you gotta be so complicated?

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