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This is for kids worrying about the apocalypse.

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DragonSpeaker

:: 2005 31 July :: 3.20am


Comment to be added.

6 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2005 1 January :: 3.05pm

I'm still here.

2 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


plainmornings

:: 2004 31 December :: 10.01pm

wow...

its been entirely too long since i've stepped into the newly "elite" land of woohu. Well Andy, I must say that the place looks good!

To a new year... God help us in what may come.

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWHoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 25 October :: 9.20pm

I have come to the realization that I am clinicly depressed. I have major depression, and am not going to get help. I know, if I want to get better I need to get help, but I don't want to tell my mom that I am depressed. I do want to be happy, nothing makes me happy anymore, and if it does, it's only for a very short while. I hate feeling like this and wish I didn't. God, why me? WHy now, why can't it happen to someone else? Why can't my mom be more understanding of me? I guess I'm going to go now. Enough of my rant.

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


plainmornings

:: 2004 16 June :: 7.18pm

blah.. finally cut my friends list down, getting rid of the people who didn't pay to keep their journals and the people who i have not talked to in over a year. Its funny, it seems as if the only two people who still regularly write in their journals are Lauren and Amanda.

i need college to be here now :0/

6 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 9 June :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: aggravated

I think I wasted $2.

Wait. I did waste $2.

4 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


plainmornings

:: 2004 31 May :: 2.58pm

its funny how time and time again everything repeats itself.

i leave August 17th.

i still feel as if there are some holes that need patching up. things shouldn't ever be left this long unresolved... really, thats how you lose the people that you care about the most.

to end an old life, to start a new.

variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 19 May :: 5.51pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: RATM

"In the great words of Kappy Sood, It's Over!"
Indeed it is. My last day of high school was about a week ago, which consisted of doing nothing in 1st, 2nd, and 4th periods, skipping 6th and chilling with Hotchkiss, and was followed by band practice and the worthless chorus concert. My AP Art History exam was the following day. I took the Palm Tran to school, which involves 3 busses and $2. The third bus had some sort of computer problem, and forced us to wait for a mechanic, and eventually another bus. At this point I was thoroughly annoyed, and the bus driver claimed that she couldn't reach the pedals because of the seat, so we had to wait for another bus. By this time I had smoked more than half my pack of cigarettes and was ready to kill somebody. I got to school an hour late and was given shit by the ROTC douche bag guarding the entrance. I made it to the AP exam just on time, and bs'd my way through the multiple choice. I got my free response booklet, and handed it in about a minute after the section started. This invoked the classic like by the media center woman "you must know a lot about art." I turned in my book and was lucky enough to avoid Mrs Stecker and have to explain to her why I wasn't taking the exam. It was sad to realize as I left that that was the last time I'd do anything academic at ATL.

The final band concert was really sad. We sounded great, and I was really surprised at how good the concert band sounded. I can see that Lerner's worked hard. Banquet was definitely the highlight of my senior year. I tied Chris O'Brien for the most awards received. Bastard. We had a bet going. The speaches were really sad. I'm lucky I didn't have a bet with Lerman, because I started to tear up when the seniors were up there. My speach wasn't too bad. I got a nice aww from the whole room that made my night. It hurt to realize that I'd most likely never see any of those kids again. I mean, I'm going to come back and visit, but still...

Checkout was yesterday. Mrs. Fontaine told me that I have to go to Senior awards night. That’s a very good sign. I seriously doubt that I'm up for an award, so the only thing I suppose I will get is the $500 band parent scholarship. That's great because I need money to pay for books and such. I'm only getting $3500 in financial aid, and I will have a $2600 loan. Paying for everything else next year is up to me. That money from the band parents will be well spent. (: Suki and I had a nice run in with a focus on the way to ATL. The guy's car was pretty much fucked, but her car is ok. She just bent the front driver's side wheel. Hopefully the axle isn't bent, because that would make her car fucked as well. She got a ticket, and I feel really bad. I told her to make the u-turn. Luckily the guy that hit us was sane, because I know that if I got into an accident that fucked my car, I'd come out screaming.

Speaking of my car.... I had that piece of shit '84 Monte Carlo waiting for me, but something miraculous happened. One of my dad's friends said he found a nice Pontiac Grand Prix for sale. The Grand Prix is the same car as the Monte Carlo, much as the Camaro is the same as the Firebird, and many other similar GM vehicles. My dad went to go look at it, and bought it on the spot. It's a 1987, with 30,000 miles. To put that in perspective, my dad's 2000 Tacoma has 65,000; meaning that this Grand Prix has been garaged and well kept. The guy that was selling it invested a lot of money into the car, at least 5 grand, and had it almost completely restored. It has the expensive two-tone metallic paint, and just a whole buncha other options that make it fucking unbelievably sweet. The guy is getting married and is desperate for cash, so he let it go for $2500. It's worth almost 7 grand. I wanna go give him a hug, and then kick him in the face for selling it. This car is in almost mint condition. I can see myself driving it for like the next 10 years. It can probably go for another 100,000 miles before it needs anything major. Sure beats the piece of shit Monte Carlo. We were ready to invest about $4000 into it to fix it up, but now we're just selling. Anyone know somebody who'd like to buy it? It's got 140,000 miles, and is mechanically sound, just needs some bodywork, paint, and seat covers.

And finally, being 18 fucking blows. They've got me working long shifts at work now. I had to close the other night, meaning we don't get out till 12:30. I have to open tomorrow, meaning I have to be in at 5:45. Major gayness. I also learned something from the experience: Mopping sucks.

Well that's it. I'm done. Post. Too. long.

2 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 14 May :: 8.16am
:: Mood: upset and sick

I love him. I want him. I just want to be in his arms and stay there forever. God I'm pathetic. I better go.

9 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 12 May :: 8.06am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Mr. Japinga talking

it's been awhile since I have updated this so I guess I'll do it for US History. Nothing much is going on righ now. Just doing research on Vietnam and Iraq. Comparing the two wars. It's fun I guess. Well, I'm going to go now and do some research. I may be back later this morning.

variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 29 April :: 9.12pm

ok. fuck it. no party. sorry.

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 28 April :: 3.53pm
:: Music: one hot minute

cross postin;
yeah. pre-graduation party. my house. saturday. parents won't be home till monday. keg. mos def. spend the night. fold out couches like whoa. if you can read this, you're invited. 703-4691.

variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 19 April :: 3.59pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: haitian fight song

I wish I had a prom date.

I wish my car was ready to go.

I wish she would talk to me.

I wish I was in college allready.

I wish I wasn't the loser I try so hard not to be.

How come things never work out my way? I wish, for just once, that I could have a nice thing, and have it last.

Well, aside from my rant, I got two superiors at state S&E, and made district honor band. I was really impressed with the honor band, and hope that college will be like that, or better. I earned my spot to be the bari sax player fair and square, and Mr. Lerner tried to screw me out of it TWICE. asshole. I'm definately ready to go on to college band. I've had enough of high school, and it's directors, and their atitudes. I'm sick of high school in general. But on the brighter side, USF isn't offering me any scholarships, but around $8500 in financial aid. sweet. It pays to be poor.

and lonely.

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 16 April :: 11.57pm

I had a date with David today. I took him out to dinner and he took me out to a movie. We saw Hellboy. It's a really good movie. I love him so much. I don't know what to write I'm that speechless. Well, I'm going to go now. Beth is here and is spending the night.

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 14 April :: 8.38pm
:: Mood: very very tired
:: Music: none

Well, I was told yesterday that my brother and sister-in-law are going to have a healthy baby boy. YAY! Last time they had a girl Victoria Grace but she had a lot of developmental problems. Her organs weren't developing and she had a severe heart defect. Only 1 in 800 babies get this and they usually never survive. She would have lived 48 hours after birth and if she would have survived she would have been a vegetable all her life. It was also going to be dangerous for Amanda. So, even though some people might not agree with this, they terminated the pregnancy. But now she's 20 weeks along and my nephew is healthy! I'm so excited. In September there will be a new addition to the family. WEEEE!!!!

Oh yeah I almost forgot....I am VERY taken now. *big smile and blushes*

I love you David.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 13 April :: 9.37pm

There's No "I" In Team
Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
And if we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means

And I've got a twenty-dollar bill
that says you're up late night starting
fist fights versus fences in your backyard
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable...ohoh

Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means

You never knew
well i never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
based on these mistakes

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable

Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
so let's end this call,
and end this conversation
there's nothing worse...
(that's right he said, that's right he said it)
I swear, you have no idea
The jealousy that became me thinking
(that's right he said)
that you always had it way too easy

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable

Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve

Best friend thinks I pulled the trigger!!!
Best friend thinks you get what you deserve!!!


variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 13 April :: 9.33pm

Your Own Disaster
Just think of this and me
as just a few of many things
to lie around
to clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
because there's some thing's
I'd like to say to you...

I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

I dare you to forget
those marks you left
across my neck
from those nights when we were both
found at our best
I could make this obvious,
and you, you could deny me
all in one breath
you could shrug me off
your shoulders...

I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun

Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun

I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

Just forget me
it's that simple
Just forget me
it's that simple

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 13 April :: 9.21pm
:: Music: Something Corporate- Konstantiine

Konstantine

I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low
and I don't understand all the things you've seen
but i'm slipping inbetween
you and your big dreams
it's always you
in my big dreams

and you tell me that it's over
wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
and your restless, and i'm naked
you've gotta get out
you can't stand to see me shaking
no
could you let me go?
I didn't think so

and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
cuz your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had crashed
and it did
because of me

and then you bring me home
afraid to find out that you're alone
and i'm sleeping in your living room
we don't have much room to live

I had these dreams that i learned to play guitar
maybe cross the country
become a rock star
and there was hope in me that i could take you there
but dammit you're so young
well i don't think i care
and if i hurt you
then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy

then you bring me home
cuz we both know what it's like to be alone
and i'm dreaming in your living room
we don't have much room to live

and konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesn't she look good
standing in her underwear
and i was thinking
what i was thinking
we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere

my Konstantine came walking down the stairs
and all that i could do is touch her long blonde hair
and i've been thinking
it hurts me thinking that these nights
when we were drinking no they never got us anywhere
no

this is because i can spell konfusion with a k
and i like it
it's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it
it's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car
but this time im alone and I dont see those stars
I'm not your star
isn't that what you said
what you thought this song meant

and if this is what it takes
just to lie in my mistakes
and live with what i did to you
and all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11
and now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine

konstantine, they'll never hurt you like i do
no they'll never hurt you like i do
no, no, no no no no no no

this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
hey
you know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the fucked up things i did
hey
maybe
baby
you could keep me up in bed
my Konstantine
spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did you know i missed you? [x7]
oh god i miss you

and then you bring me home
and we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no
and you'll kiss me in your living room
i know
you'll miss me in your living room
cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room
we don't have much room
i said does anybody need that room?
because we all need a little more room
to live

my Konstantine

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 11 April :: 12.05pm

I got to spend time with David yesterday!!! YAY! He's coming over for Easter today too...woohoo!! I'm so happy! I'll write more later.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 10 April :: 5.34pm
:: Mood: VERY HAPPY

Jumping for Joy
I get to see him. YAY! *dances* You have absolutely no idea how happy I am.

variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 10 April :: 2.36pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: incubus - make yourself

So I enter the adult world...
...just a buncha bull shit. Buying smokes, porn, and lottery tickets never really appealed to me. Turning 18 just means I have more shit to do now. Gotta go get my "totally free checking account" this week, I'm getting my license next week, I'm gonna get more hours at work, less breaks, and now I can get into more trouble for the shit I do if I get caught, because I'm now an adult. I sure don't feel any older. It's all just a number.

All district concert band tryouts are on monday. I haven't done more than look at the names of the songs I have to play for the audition. It would be pretty funny if I didn't make it though, seeing as I got two superiors at state S&E, on my quartet and bari solo. Shit always has a funny way of working out like that. It wouldn't really matter if I didn't make it though. I allready took off of work on the days of the performances.

Since I get my license in a week, I get my car in two, or just before prom. My dad is really hooking it up. He's got his personal mechanic fixing everything on the mechanical end, it's getting new upholstery on the seats, new carpet, new dash, new head liner, new front and rear bumpers, the body shop is grinding out all my rust, fixing the dent on the rear qtr. pannel, it's getting the accents rechromed, and a new paintjob; going from ghetto spraypaint baby blue to a more masculine GM dark blue. So my dad is basically taking care of everything and totally hooking me up. I'm responsible for the stereo and wheels. I just dropped $300 on the head unit and front and rear speakers. I'll eventually get subs to give it some bottom. The wheels on the car now are apparently the most expensive option Chevy had in 1984. I bet in 1984 they were pimp as hell, but in 2004 they don't look as cool. They've got to go. I'm thinking a set of late 80's Camaro RS wheels would look hot.

Thanks to steph for liking my poem; if it is a poem at all. I'm flattered. And suki, you rule.
I'm out.

4 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 8 April :: 9.11pm

Missing Him
I miss him. I miss him so much that I start crying every time I see a couple. I can't wait until I see him again soon. Only a few more days.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 7 April :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: lonely

I miss him. I want him here so badly. He’s so far away. Hopefully his mom won’t be a bitch and will let him come over on Saturday after they get home. Even if it’s just for a little while it’ll make me so happy. Today was ok for me I guess. No fawz means no fighting. What a relief. He’s making up stories about my parents to Beth and she’s getting frustrated with them. I hate when he does that. It makes me so mad. Anyway…
Gosh if only I had him here. To touch his face, feel his lips on mine, his hand gently rubbing my back, and to just feel his warm embrace when I first see him again. Heaven….I’ll be in heaven. We have the whole week for next week planned out. We’re going to go to Walgreen’s Monday morning to shop for stuff. I can’t stop thinking about him. I never thought that I could love someone like this again. I love him so much, but I’m so afraid of hurt. Of hurting him, of getting hurt anything that has to do with a relationship and hurt and well…I’m afraid of it. I wish I had more time with him. I only get an hour and 16 minutes with him during school then he has to go to the Math and Science Center. He picks me up after school but I only get a half an hour or so there. The only time I get a few hours is when his mom decides to let him come over for the evening one day a week. I hold that time with him as I do any other time so dearly. It flies by so fast. Too fast. I just want more time, but that is something I will never get for a long time.
Yesterday was fun. Beth and I went to the mall and shopped for a little while. Then we went to Barnes and Noble bought a couple frappechinos and then read some books. Lol. Those books were very educational. I’m going to go now though. Maybe Fawz will share the damn computer and I will be able to get online. Yeah I wrote this journal entry on Microsoft Works first. Later.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 7 April :: 1.05pm

HTML
Your body is light. Yoou are giving, understanding
and you give advise out like mosquitos give out
bites. People love you and you love them back.
EVERYONE loves you...everyone except for the
darks. You are enemies with the dark, but you
respect them anyway. You are a big person and
your will find much in your life. Dammit...I
sound like a fucking fortune cookie..ignore
me--Your special name is Male: Sevian
Female:Haylorie You are most compatible with
water becuase you both have a love for helping
people.


What element is your body? Also, what body you are compatible with and your special names!Includes beautiful pics.
brought to you by Quizilla

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 5 April :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: chipper

Spring Break is going by too slowly. I'm bored and I misses me David. Man, you never really realize how much you love someone until their gone somewhere else for a while. *sigh* I guess I have my second chance too. That makes me so happy! I mean now I finally have someone to love me the way that I love them! YAY!!!! I have to go....Beth is spending the night and I'm going with her somewhere. Bye!

I wovs you David and I wovs woo ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
ttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiii
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iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
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ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
sssss much!

variations on the age-old curse

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