A place filled with poop about me

A place filled with poop about me

:: 2005 20 April :: 9.23pm

Wow dudes..you might have to go back to the very beginning of my journal life to find 2 entries 2 days in a row. Ok well this is the first time in a long time for 2 entries written within 27 hours of eachother.

I HATE MR. MCCAW! SCREW HIM! HE SUCKS. THIS FUCKING PAPER HAS TO BE IN FUCKING JANE SCHAFFER FORMAT! SHES A FUCKING STUPID ASS! MAYBE HE SHOULD MAKE PEOPLE WHO AVERAGE A C OR LESS ON THEIR WRITING ASSIGNMENTS USE THIS SHITTY STYLE OF ORGANIZATION! I DON'T FUCKING NEED IT! I GET WORSE GRADES USING HER STUPID ASS TECHNIQUE THEN WHEN I WRITE ON MY OWN! IT DOESN'T FLOW AS WELL AS MY WAY WRITING! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH JUST WRITING THE SHIT AND GETTING THE STUFF IN THERE??? JANE SCHAFFER RUINS IT ALL. SHE MAKES OUR WRITING LESS CONCRETE THAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE!

ok then. I'm done now. OH WAIT! GIANTS SUCK! THEY KEEP LOSING AND SNOW'S REPLACEMENT FOR NOW SUCKS CAUSE HES A SELFISH FIRST BASE HOG!

ok now I'm done. BYE!

1 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 19 April :: 8.31pm
:: Music: The Monkees

Hey dudes..
Just something that was bothering me that I'd like to write about: Well its not bothering me but its an interesting thought I had.

I wish that I could live on the east coast cause out here in California we are one of the last time zones on earth and I'd like to see what it feels like to be over there and know that when your getting up people on the west coast are sleeping comfortably or that when your just going to bed people on the west coast are eating dinner. I've been to the east coast but I guess I never thought of it until now. All this talking to English people has really got me thinking of time zones now and I obsess over it. Throughout the day I sit there and say "Well..its 2 pm here so its...10 pm in England right now." I'm crazy!

Anyway, I just got sidetracked with homework and stuff. I had a strange moment. I was working on my math homework which was kinda boring me like it always does and then I felt like my brain wasnt working hard enough so I had to look up other stuff on the internet. I decided to look up the Golden Gate Bridge (Dont ask why! I LOVE THAT BRIDGE I WISH IT COULD BE IN MY BACKYARD) and then the perfect song came on but thats not my point. So as I was looking at it I realized that I'm freaking in love with San Francisco. I mean...really really in love it. ITS SO STINKING PRETTY AND UNIQUE IF YOU HATE IT YOURE A DUMBASS WHO OBVIOUSLY HASN'T EVER BEEN THERE! Its just funny cause I always say how much I wanna move to the U.K and stuff but really I would miss it here. I'd miss being a 40 minutes drive from San Francisco. What sane person wouldnt miss it? Unless of course they got in a car accident on the bay or golden gate bridge and came a few feet away from falling off the edge into the icy water. I could understand that. Or maybe they came on the one day in like 50 years that there was a big earthquake. That also I could understand. It bugs me how people are paranoid of earthquakes. MY GOODNESS PEOPLE! THEY HARDLY EVER HAPPEN STOP GETTING ALL WORKED UP ABOUT HOW BAD THEY ARE! I think I'm going to die in an earthquake. I actually wouldn't mind it. Earthquakes are great and they are so unexpected. If you got killed in a tornado you would know it was coming unless you are blind and deaf person. Tornados are scary. They kill thousands of people in like 3 months of tornados every year no matter what. Earthquakes kill thousands of people on one day or maybe 2 with after shocks and stuff and then thats it for several years. HMM...WHICH ONE DO YOU PICK? Yea I know I'm preaching to the choir here because Jessica is the only one that reads this and on occasion a few other people but I felt like getting my view on earthquakes across.

Ok back to the San Francisco part. (I really think its nearly impossible for me to get tired of talking about it. YAHAHAHAHA!) I was looking it up on the internet tourism sites when I was supposed to be finding stuff about Portugal. I found it funny what they tell you to do. "The Golden Gate is a must see!" Duh.. You dont need a tour book or website to tell you that. "Golden Gate park is beautiful and full of special plants! Visit Chinatown, ITS HUGE!" or.."Grace Cathedral is a large and pretty church that had cool looking stained glass windows." I wonder why they don't have any of the really good stuff in there. You have to go see the stuff they tell you to go see in those books and stuff but you should also see the stuff they don't mention. So many wonderful things tourists miss out on. If I go to New York City I would want to see all the stuff that people who live there get to see. I know the only way to do that is to spend some serious time there though because no one will tell you about it. Someday I'd like to make a tourist book that doesn't just have the shitty regular stuff to go see. I would include things that the locals get to see. Although...that might piss the locals off..hmm. OH well. Everyone should get to see the cool things hiding in cities.

I'M SO TIRED! Bye

Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 4 April :: 10.35pm

Stupid crap has happened that is really annoying and mean and horrible.
My sister is evil. This weekend she said that she will never come over to our house again because we have issues. I know we have issues but so does she therefore she has no right to say that. It hurts. I called her today because thats what my phsycologist (Sp) said to do. So I told her that I really missed her and how much it was hurting me never to be able to see her. I even read her some stuff that I wrote in my paper journal. I wrote her a letter in there that I never mailed because it was more of a letter that was helping me organize my feelings about the whole situation. The letter talks about how we used to have so much fun and I mentioned the things we used to do and talk about, our deep bond that we had that was broken because of her. Its so awful feeling like she hates me. Enough people hate me as it is. Why should my sister hate me too? In the letter I wrote "I hate feeling like I have dropped to the bottom your list people you love." I read her that and she said "Marilyn, you know that you haven't dropped to the bottom of my list but things are going on that you can't understand." Its stinking ridiculous. I'm old enough to understand a lot of things but she doesn't know me anymore so she doesn't realize that I am smart and mature for my age when I need to be. Its so frustrating. She hardly knows anything about me anymore because she doesn't bother to find out. I try to find out about her by asking questions but there really isn't anything to know because everything about her is on the surface. What you see with her is what you get and I hate it like that. This summer she said that we do will do more things together but I know thats a lie. Last summer, when she wasn't pregnant (well barely pregnant), we only saw eachother twice because she was always busy. Busy doing what? I don't know. I'll never have a clue what she does in that fucked up house of hers that really isnt hers. Its James' parents house that is on the property of their other house and bigass recycling company thing. I wish I could dive into her brain and untange it so that I can figure out what is wrong with her so I can tell everyone else so they can help her. Oh this feeling is truly horrible.

Other things. Cynthia's mom is mean because she won't pay for their cat to go to the vet for its sickness. That makes me sad.

I'm depressed or something. I dunno. I keep crying for no reason or for stupid reasons. I started crying because of the cat thing and then I was in the middle of doing math that I didn't get and I almosted started crying cause I didn't get it. Damnit. It sucks. I hate being sad and not being able to control it. In fact, just talking about it chokes me up. I just wanna write this in here because I don't feel like putting it on paper so shut up if you find my talking about crying annoying. Don't read it! Anyway, while I was talking to Monica I started crying just because I missed her. Just in the middle of when she was talking I started crying. Its fucking screwed up. This has been going on for like 2 months now. Well..actually since February around the time of the baby shower but not as bad then. I realized that I really have a bad example of what a good mother/ daughter relationship should be. I had to ask Mary because I started to think it was normal for you not to talk to your mother or even family every week. How pathetic! Thats so screwed up too. My mom hates her mom. Monica hates mom. I love mom. I guess I'm the one with the issues, right? When you move out you are supposed to talk to your family every day or every couple of days at the very least because you need them. Never adopt your husband/boyfriend's family because whether or not you want to admit it, you need your own flesh and blood a lot. You need their support and their love more than someone else's family's love and support.

I just hope things change....

1 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 28 March :: 7.26pm
:: Music: Who else? The Doors

Hey guys. YOU KNOW WHAT! I SAY "HEY" TOO MUCH NOW! arg..I gotta stop that.

Ok I really really can't stand braggarts. My goodness. Shut up about how great you are and show us. If you have to brag about it then youre probably lieing. I love compliments. NOT FOR ME! I love to give them. I think that compliments are the best thing a person can get. Braggarts never get compliments. Not genuine ones at least. THis is because they are constantly fishing for compliments so if they do get some they are fake. People compliment them to make them shut up.

People these days really piss me off. In fact...the way things are today piss me off in general. Dont get me wrong. I like being alive but I hate the way people are now. So many rude people. Everyone has issues (including me) but we make such a big deal out of them. Maybe the reason your kid is so mean and violent because you dont know how to discipline them. Maybe its your fucking fault. No no no. Its always they need medication. Today, medication solves everything. There is a medication for just about anything you "have". If you cant sit still we'll put you on 5 medications that will cause you to become a zombie but at least youre "dealt" with and no one has to worry about you. Fuck that. Fuck all these medications and shitty ass things doctors have come up with. "Oh no! My kid sneezed! Doctor do something! SHES NOT SUPPOSED TO SNEEZE!!!!" and then the doctor puts the kid on some antibiotic cause the mother is such an over protective bitch who cant let her kid sneeze.

Another thing. (I need to sepertate this even though this probably isnt a new paragraph spot.) Do you know how many things there are for babies? How many toys and clean up things and protective shit? HOLY FUCKING COW! Whatever happened to letting a kid roll on a blanket outside with some stuffed animals? NO fucking way. First) you cant let your kid outside cause they will get a disease. Second) Stuffed animals don't allow a kids brain to develop correctly because they will get bored. Well, parents and doctors, maybe if they are bored when they are babies all the education in school will be interesting and they will put effort into their learning because all this new crap is so darn exciting! PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID! Children today are fat and stupid. Back in the days before all these new brain developing toys were invented, kids were smart. They succeeded. They tried and they became the great leaders of our country. Maybe we should take a look at what they were doing and go back to that style of raising children. We might actually be able to save the kids of today and tomorrow. FUCK ALL THE STUPID DOCTORS AND THEIR THEORIES BECAUSE THEY ARE SCREWING THE NATIONS CHILDREN INTO THE GROUND. WE ARE CREATING A GENERATION OF LAZY CHILDREN WITH NO INSPIRATION TO DO WELL.

Yea ok. Nice to get those things off my chest..
bye

1 did | Go fuck yourself

LoupGarou

:: 2005 24 March :: 10.48pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: So Close - Evanescence

Power and things like that
Gen.ius- 1. a. Extraordinary intellectual and creative power. b. A person of extraordinary intellect and talent. c. A person who has an exceptionally high intelligence quotient, typically above 140 IQ. 2. a. A strong natural talent, aptitude, or inclination. b. One who has such talent or inclination.

What do people think of when they think of the word "genius"? Albert Einstein, most likely. The man was indeed someone very intelligent. So intelligent that he couldn't even memorize his own phone number. But who are the other geniuses?
I want to bring up some points that I need to get out, not because I want people to agree with me, but because I at least want people to understand where I am coming from. Here I have the freedom to argue it more viciously than I allowed myself to in the discussion I had about this with someone. I asked six different people who they thought of when they heard the word: "genius".
4 - Einstein
1 - Steven Hawkings
1 - Mizuno Ami (Sailor Mercury)

Then I asked them if Abraham Lincoln was a genius:
- "ya. he signed the emancipation proclamation and helped point to the direction of civil liberties for all."
- "i guess lol"
- "Hai!"
- "Yeah"
- "no, just a good pres"
- "no"

And one more. Was Hitler a genius?:
- "Yes indeedy!"
- "yep"
- "yes"
- "yeah"
- "I guess.. but i dont consider him as... i think he's juss nuts.. and crazy."
- "no"

Now you are probably wondering where the hell I am going with this. Most people, when asked, as shown, immediately think of Einstien when they think of a "genius". But Einstein is only one type of genius. He is a genius IQ wise. Opinions vary when it comes to other people. If you asked someone if Einstein was a genius, almost everyone who knew who he was would say "yes."
But what about people without scientific smarts? What about people with a vision? The person I was discussing this with which has now given me the urge to talk about it in here, stated that they believed that Hitler was not a genius, and most people don't think someone such as Walt Disney was a genius because when they think of the definition they think of someone who was smart and that hitler was a "stupidass" or a crazy person.
People who aren't smart, however, can be geniuses just the same. Abraham Lincoln accomplished some great things in his presidency, but his education wasn't nearly at the level as someone's like Einstein's. Because of his accomplishements, and because he had a vision, he has gone down into the world as someone who kept his eyes on those dreams and accomplished them. Whether he personally accomplished them, such as going into battle and personally defeating the enemy is not the case, it's that he had the dream to do it and hired sufficient people to take care of the job for him. What he couldn't do himself, he found people who could.
"There is no such thing as a genius in the sense of animation." Walt Disney created the first full length animated feature film in the history of the world - Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. For the movie Bambi, he had deer brought in, not trapped, to the studio so that the animators could study the way they moved and the way they looked. He discovered Julie Andrews. He had the vision to create an amusement park completely different than any ever before. By doing these things he advanced animation like no one before, including entertainment and its whole new form, and created something completely new for entertainment.
And people can still say that there was no genius involved in that.
On the issue of Hitler being a dumb as psychotic nutjob, that he was. But he was a genius. Anyone that can convice a good part of Germany and Europe that his ideal vision for his country included torture, experiments, and ethnic cleansing in general has got to be one clever man.
A person can be a genius without being a good person. After all, don't we often hear about the villain in a story being an evil genius? My point is, I suppose, that people can be considered a genius without them actually being a smart person academically. There are geniuses of different types everywhere. J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkein, C.S. Lewis are all geniuses of literature. Alfred hitchcock of horror films, and Steven Spielberg of films in general. Martin Luther King Junior was a genius. Jhonen Vasquez is a genius ^.^
I guess I wanted to try to explain this whole thing better, but i got distracted and my thoughts became chopped up. But I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Geniuses aren't always people that are smart, they are people that pursue a vision that they have.

5 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 21 March :: 7.15pm
:: Music: MORRISON HOTEL C.D

Yo dudes.
Today was so fucking awesome. I talked to an English guy who was 25. He was really polite though. He asked me how old I was and most American dudes would be like "oh Youre too young I'm not gonna talk to you anymore" so i said "yea i know i'm young.blah blah blah" then he said "Youre age doesnt change who you are." HE IS SO NICE! So I was asking him questions about England and people there and stuff. He said that most people dont really like Scottish people and he has a few Scotish friends but he generaly dislikes them. Then I said I was Scotish but I like English people and he said "Thats nice to hear" It was like 2:30 over there but he was being nice and doing his best to keep up with my questions so that was cool. I LOVE ENGLISH PEOPLE! Oh yea. I mentioned 80 degree weather and just now I have remembered they use celcius. So they were thinking its like 500 degrees over here. Hmm...Unless they are stupid they will have figured that out I hope.

AH! I MUST GO. I'LL SAVE THE CRAPPY STUFF FOR LATER.

DUDE ENGLISH PEOPLE ROCK THE WORLD AND THEY ARE SO POLITE AND I LOVE THEM. I WANNA GO THERE AND MARRY ONE OF THE HOT GUYS AND LIVE THERE WITH HIM AND HAVE CUTE ENGLISH B...NEVER MIND DUDES. TOO MANY DETAILS. BYE BYE

3 did | Go fuck yourself

loupgarou

:: 2005 20 March :: 4.20pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Tobacco Island - Flogging Molly

The color of Crayons and their pathetic little lives
Hm. Well I'm updating.

I was looking at Jimmy's journal and realized I don't know how to get to it. I realize that it's closed, but I thought he was going to make it password protected. I don't know how to do that though.

We're going as a family to see Robots today. It's been a long time since we've gone to see a family movie. I think it will be fun. It's been a long time since I've gotten together with Julie and Ashleigh as well. Not to mention my other friends too. I should set something up.

My sister is looking for flashcards right now.

It's cloudy today, and I'm not very articulate today at all now am I?
I'm trying to figure out if the screen name that says: "TheMaureen" on my buddy list is really Marilyn's sister or marilyn. Judging by it having a profile though and it being a "new motto" I'm guessing it's actually Maureen.

Wow this entry must be very boring to read. Maybe if I danced around with bread up my nose it would be more interesting. Unfortunately I'm not going to do it. I am sockless.

i don't understand factoring equations. Maybe if she had explained it to us a bit better i would have understood. Or if i had had time to ask one of the people in my class during free block. so I guess technically it's my fault, but every once in a while it's fun to blame it on the teacher.

You know, I remember when I was little and we would go to movies we would arrive there early and I was so excited that I would ask my dad when the movie was starting every two minutes because I was impatient and didn't like all of the bustle behind us or the elevator music playing in the background out of the theater speakers. Now I amuse myself by reading out every character on the advertisements. When I say that I don't mean I read them in different voices and play different characters, I mean when I see a "Can your advertisement do this?" I read it as "Can your advertisement do this questionmark"
Now that I think about it though technically that is not every character, if it was I would say "space" for every space. But occasionally I do that too.

I must be damaging my eyes by sitting here staring at the bright moniter while the room is dimly lit because of the closed blinds and no overhead light on. But I don't like the lighting in this room when the light is on. it's too yellow and artificial. I guess I should just open the blinds.

3 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 15 March :: 7.14pm

AH DUDES! I just became an aunt 3 and half hours ago. Its a boy and really cute. James' family was really mean and I hate them

Yea well I need to go so this will be the shortest ever entry by me.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

LoupGarou

:: 2005 2 March :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: The Lady of Shalott - Loreena McKennit

Terminal

"Aoibhneas a bhí
Ach d'imigh sin
Sé lean tú
Do fhear chéile.
An grá mór i do shaoil
Treoraí sé mé.
Bígí liomsa i gcónaí
Lá 's oích'.

Ag caoineadh ar an uaigneas mór
Na deora, go brónach
'Na gcodladh ins an uaigh ghlas chiúin
Faoi shuaimhneas, go domhain."
~ Smaionte - Enya
---------------------------------------
"There was blissfulness
But that is gone
You followed
Your husband.
The great love in your lives
Will guide me.
Be with me always
Day and night.

Weeping due to the great loneliness
The tears, sorrowfully
Asleep in the quiet green grave
In a deep peace."

Well I finally got the nerve up to ask my mom about Justin's grandma. I'm not sure if I wrote about it in here, but I should probably explain. Justin is one of my sister's best friends, and his grandma and he are very close to our family. About a year ago or so, she was diagnosed with cancer, both lung and brain. She was getting weaker, despite my prayers every night and the prayers of the others that knew her.

To get to the point, I asked my mom in the car yesterday: "Is Mrs. Hough going to die?" My mom hesitated a bit and said: "..yes."
It didn't necessarily surprise me, I had expected it I guess. My mom was talking to Justin's dad on the phone a few weeks ago, and they were talking about it, and the way my mom's voice was and the things she was asking kind of confirmed it for me. I cried the first time I heard about how she was doing. My mom said she went to drop Justin off at his house and she was in bed because she had fallen down and couldn't walk properly. Mom said that as she was talking to her, her eyes started to tear up. I imagine, staring at this woman so frail in bed, I would have too.
She says there seems to be a sense of denial about what's going on. When Mom asked about how Justin was doing, she said that they just wanted things to remain "As normal as possible."
I forget what visit it was, but Mom said that she asked Mrs. Hough what the doctors said, and she responded: "Oh, they said that there weren't going to be any more tests. And that if I needed anything I should just call hospice."
Well, hospice is for people who are dying. People go over to their house to make them as comfortable as possible.

Justin never knew his mother. His grandmother was the only mom he ever knew. I wonder how it will affect him. To feel the rejection of his mother, who left after he was born and is now God-knows-where; all we know is that she isn't in contact with Justin or probably his father at all, and then to have this woman dying, the woman who took care of him all his life like his mother should have. He lost his grandfather a few years ago, and now she's going too.
He calls her "Noni" though i'm not sure if that's how you really spell it. I think it's the Italian name for Grandma. She's the type of woman who talked and talked and kept on talking. She was involved with Justin's school and was there every wednesday to pick him up. Now we pick him up on Wednesdays because one week Mom and my sister saw Justin sitting there almost an hour or so after school and Denise asked why and he said he was waiting for is grandma. Mom called and she said that she had fallen down and couldn't gather the strength to go pick up Justin.
When I was sick in the hospital with appendisitis (I ended up staying there for about a month because it got infected) she and Justin came to visit me and she gave me this teddy bear that sits on a shelf or a desk and if you press a button it sings. Whenever I'd see her she'd wave and say "Hi Jessica! How are you?" And I remember one time when my dad was late picking us up she sat in the parking lot in her car and waited around for him to come so that we would't have to go to daycare.
She had good morals and wanted Justin to go to the best schools possible and encouraged him to do well in school.
But I'm talking like she's gone already.

I guess I kind of thought about it yesterday when we were in drama class and Sara got called out by the scary attendence office lady. She walked out thinking she was in trouble. We continued our discussion about relationships with our family members and how you could build a character out of that when Sara can back in, face kind of blank but flushed. Someone spoke up and asked what happened, thinking she was in trouble. Sara responded: "I'm leaving at nine o'clock tomorrow morning to go to my grandmother's funeral." And she broke down crying.

It made me think of Justin's grandma, and then I started thinking about what would happen if I lost my grandma. I love my grandma as much as I love my closest friends and family. I want to spend more time with her. When I heard about her last stroke a while ago, I started crying because I was scared. I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I want her to see me get married. I want her to meet my kids so that she can smile and watch them and become a great-grandma.

A few weeks ago my sister and I spent the night at her house and my grandma and I sat there together and watched movies together and made fun of them and talked most of the night. There was a wedding on one of the movies we were watching and I said: "I want to get married when it's all pretty and cloudy like that. Ooh! In a castle in Ireland!" (yes, like Marilyn mentioned). She smiled and said "What would be very pretty. You have to invite me, okay? And if I can't be there I'll be there in spirit." I saw the saddness in her eyes, and it made me very sad too. I still tried to smile and nodded and said "Ok."

And I can't help but think that Justin's grandma won't get to see him get married, she won't get to meet his children and hug them and kiss them and tell them stories and smile at their childish innocence and laughter. She won't get to see him go off to college and become the successful person that I know he will be.
My family won't get to have those long conversations with her about politics and the problems in the school, and I won't get to hear her say "Hi Jessica! How are you?" as I see her while walking around the campus of my sister's school.
When she leaves, things will be different. I hope she knows how much people love her company. I hope she remembers all the things that made her happy in her life. I hope she knows that we will miss her. And when she leaves, we will all be very sad.

2 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 25 February :: 6.47pm
:: Music: "the sound of silence" simon and garfunkel

I really hate it when other people are sad. It makes me sad that they are sad and it sucks for everyone. I feel like giving them a hug but I know that a lot of people dont want to hear "Oh, I'm so sorry. Things'll get better" because as far as that person is concerned things will never get better. THey will continue being horrible and shitty until the person dies. At least thats what they think. I feel bad especially when I don't understand how bad they feel on the inside and then I'm not as sensitive to them and as understanding as I would like to be. I used to do that. Make it seem like things aren't as bad as they really are because I didn't want people to think I was being a baby or that I was faking it. Honestly though, why would someone make bad stuff up just for the sake of it. That would be so screwed up. So when people have something really horrible going on and they want to tell someone but don't they really should rethink that. I guess I'm sort of writing this to someone that will never read it but I need to get that out.

Now to the bad stuff at home for me. My dad got so drunk last night that when Jessica called to make the arrangements for Scooter he didn't remember this morning. How fucking disgusting is that? He also was playing around the fridge last night and knocked the precious tuna he was saving for today out and all over the floor and broke the dish too. THis was at Midnight. Luckily I was already asleep. He gets so mean at night. I hate it. I don't wanna write about all that in here though.

I was looking through Monica's wedding pictures and it made me really sad. She looked so pretty and young, full of life, full of potential. She looked happy. Now she's pregnant, has the face of a woman who is weary, premature wrinkles. Shes not filled with that same life that she had only a year ago. Its all gone. The baby and James sucked it right out of her. She going to have baby now. Shes going to bring it into a screwed up family. Another poor innocent child that has to endure that horrible fucked up disfunctional workings of my wonderful family. If that baby had any idea of what his/her life is going to be it would kill itself.

Okey then. Enough bitter crap. Bye

4 did | Go fuck yourself

LoupGarou

:: 2005 19 February :: 2.27pm
:: Mood: like a procrastinator
:: Music: A little less conversation - Elvis Presley

We are born innocent. Believe me, Adia, we are still innocent..
Howdy! Time to update, ne? yesh. So i will. There's a creepy advertisement above my buddy list for some "Paradise Galleries" dolls right now. They look like little people. And they scare me. Holy crap dude.
My dad stole my chair. I'm gonna take it back from him.

That's better. My parents are looking at a Disney timeshare thingy. But now they're looking at this Starwood thing. Agh I hope we will get Disney. But it looks like they are discouraged from that right now. This makes me sad.
I will listen to Disney fireworks songs now.

Wow, I'm realy a dork about this stuff. I don't care though. I only talk about it so much because I love it so much. I don't mean to annoy people. But I guess if you like something so much that you feel the desire to talk about it a lot you should be allowed to, no matter what people say. It's simply a passion after all, there's nothing wrong with liking it. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! MUAHAHAHA! Marilyn, don't be afraid to talk about The Doors all you want, or baseball, or American Dreams, or The Notebook, okeedokie? Because I know I annoy you sometimes with my talk about Disney and stuff like that. I don't want you feeling bad about it though because that makes me feel bad about it lol.

Anyway, what is there to talk about? why do I talk to myself in my journal entries? It's kinda weird. Oo this music is all Irish and cool.

Eric doesn't like being called Periwinkle. So I'm going to call him that because I can and it's basically become a game to bother eachother.

That reminds me of something my friend told me. My friend Teryn has a buddy ol' pal and they go back and forth playing practical jokes on eachother. So for his birthday she got him a subscription to Cosmogirl, and then she finds out that for Christmas he got her a subscription to... Playboy.

Teehee fonny. Wonder how she's going to explain that to her parents.

I'm going to head off somewhere, so I guess this will be the end of my short entry of doom. ta ta!

1 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.39pm
:: Music: Green Day. YAY FOR ANGRY MUSIC

Sarah the fucking bitch
Dude I hate it when people act so fucking inmature and rude and fucked up and treat you like fucking shit because they are stupid and clearly bored. Sarah who has always been stupid and rude and bitchy stooped to her lowest level yet. Hard to believe isnt it? She had this person named "Tyrome" who was really her friend, Chris, pretend he knew me and he started trying to talk to me. I fucking knew it wasnt "Tyrome" because he took forever to say his name and put "its....ummmmmmmm *enter* tyrome". WHAT A STUPID ASS! Then I was getting mad and he called me a bitch and told me that I was stupid and he said "Fuck you. Youre so fucked up". His profiled fucking said "Sarah blah blah blah..." SARAH FUCKING ANDRADE! STUPID FUCKING ASS! If any stalker person reads this they should go and fucking attack her.

Ok other issues. My parents are fucking fighting so much. Not just little fights either. Last night my dad kept yelling at my mom like she was 2 and saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP ANNE!" and he said "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" I told some people at school but I was laughing and they didnt realize that it was serious and vicious. Also, my mom hits my dad. YES THAT IS RIGHT. MY MOTHER hits my dad. I have to fucking go. bye

3 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 9 February :: 8.58pm

You know I really hate complainers. There is this one person in particular who is always complaining and thinks that world is so mean to him. Well you know what? That fucking stupid! The world is mean to everyone and sometimes it may seem a little meaner to you but it will make up for it later so just fucking shut up! There is no reason to complain about petty things and how horrible mothers and fathers and brothers can be and how no girl or guy will ever like you and blah blah blah. When you actually have something worth complaning about then maybe talk about until then people who complain about stupid things should shut up. I know I do complain about stupid things but I do not constantly sit there and whine about every horrible thing that is happening every fucking day of my life like this person does. People need to vent their frustrations when they have a bad day or something but how the hell can you have a bad day everyday especially when the things that caused the bad day are stupid things like "my brother picked on me again" or "i couldnt get the shirt i wanted" or "i dont get to go the blah blah blah place tomorrow because my mom is making me clean" or something so stupid! GET OVER IT! PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT WITH NO GOOD EXCUSE OF WHY THEY ARE IN A BAD MOOD SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES. NO ONE IS GOING TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU WHEN YOURE ACTING LIKE THAT YOU STUPID ASS. STOP SAYING "POOR ME" AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ISSUES! OH YES! YOURE NOT THE FUCKING SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE YOU STUPID ASS. JUST THE VERY FACT THAT YOU THINK THAT SHOWS HOW STUPID YOU ARE.

I bet you can't figure out who thats directed at.

So I was in the car with my dad on the way back from school the other day and he pointed something out to me. The music of today is very simple- lyrics and the instrument playing too- compared with the music of the old days. The lyrics are the more obvious of the 2 because anyone can see the music just says what its trying to very bluntly. You dont have to think about the words to get the message. If its trying to say "I wanna fuck you" they just say " I WANNA FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU DA HOTTEST BITCH IN DA WORLD YO!" Disgusting...
Then the instruments stuff. I realized that its so true. So much of the backround music isnt music..its noise with a beat. Its so crappy. I'm really starting to appreciate the good music of the old days. If you like rap, I don't like you. Rap is the simplest music out there and a lot of the people who listen to it are dumbasses because thats all they can understand.

ook so I'm done. That was a thoughtful entry. I feel weird for putting effort into online entries. I'll go write a better one on paper.

Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 6 February :: 8.22pm

Dudes I feel like shit right now. My mom is making me go to school tomorrow anyway though. My head hurts horribly, I have seemingly never ending strings of coughs and I still have homework. This sucks.

Anyway. I came to write because this weekend some interesting stuff happened. I slept record amounts but while I was awake I managed to get on the internet and found this interesting thing. It was on Sarah's "MySpace" thingy and she basically was insulting me and trying to sound cool by saying that I'm jealous of the way she is. Thats a bunch of crap by the way. Maybe the only reason she keeps having to talk about that is because no matter what, she has to be vicious and nothing right now is irritating her enough to make a big deal about it. (did that makes sense? it did in my head)

So other than that. We went out to dinner last night because it was my sister's birthday (Mary). We had to go to this place called "Henry's Hi-life" they have ribs and barbequed stuff. We had to wait in the bar section because they do this really weird thing of getting you to your table. So we were sitting there for like 45 minutes and there were a few hot guys that came in but other than that it was horrible. I was having those disgusting cold sweats where you feel cold but youre roasting to death on the inside. My dad had to take me outside so I could cool off before going into the back to eat where I sat and roasted my butt off again.

On Friday when I got home and felt like poop my dad was the stinking nicest hes ever been. I love him. He came over and gave me a hug and told me to go to bed and that if I needed anything to yell or "kick a dog down the stairs. Whatever you need to do to get us." He meant that not to be mean to the dogs but just that he'd help me if I asked. Then after dinner he gave me another big bear hug and said "I really hate watching my girls be sick. Ok? So get better." Then he asked me something and I dont remember what but the answer was that he loves me and it was so stinking sweet. Then he said "Yes. I love all my daughters. Now get to bed ya bum!" Bum is an affectionate pet name at least in my dads mind.

Last thing. PATRIOTS WON THE SUPERBOWL! YAY! Grandpa must me proud.

I hope I dont have to go to school tomorrow but in case I do I best be getting to sleep now cause I'll be up half the night coughing my abs off. night night.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 1 February :: 7.46pm

Dudes. I fucking hate my stupid fucking sister who is now being a nerd and sitting at the table working on an "I Love Lucy" puzzle. Maureen is such a fucking bitch and i hate her because she is so rude to me and never treats me with respect and she doesnt care about my feelings which she shows by treating me like shit with her insults and sneaky comments that nobody can hear because they are under her breath. THat was a bigass runon sentence but I really really dont give a flying fuck. OOO NICE. FLYING FUCK. ALLITERATION AND PURE MAGICAL STRESS RELIEVING PHRASE. I made up my mind to forgive her for eating my cereal (Raisin Bran) but then she comes home and fucking screws it up! NOT COOL! She is nice for about 2 seconds. She gave me the Wisconsin state quarter then it ended. She had to fucking use the computer where I was working on my homework. The homework which I need to finish tonight and am now putting off so I can describe the bitchiness and inconsiderateness of my stupid bitchy ass loner rude vicious and violent sister who is named Maureen which is a very ugly name! She has no fucking friends but I wonder how you can have friends when you treat them like shit and have the attitude that you think you are better than them. She alwasys says that. She is so fucking smart! She is so good at math. FUCK THAT! In highschool her gpa was a 2.9. Mine right now is 3.17. She is so fucking good at math because it has so many rules and she constantly compares me to her. I SUCK AT MATH AND I'LL NEVER BE GOOD AT WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GONNA BE A FUCKING DOCTOR! SO JUST FUCKING BE NICE BECAUSE YOURE STUPID AT EVERYTHING ELSE! My current writing level is probably as good as hers and shes in fucking college. I've seen the shit she writes and had the urge to write all over it and change things to make it sound more natural but once I tried that and my mom said that it bruised her ego having a 12 year old writing good comments and on a juniors paper. See! EVEN THEN I WAS BETTER THAN HER! I'd like to see her I.Q. She always says how smart she is. Thats because she surrounds herself with dumbasses. Dumbasses that she comes home and makes fun of. ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR HANGING AROUND THEM SO DONT FUCKING COMPLAIN AND MAKE FUN OF THEM! I'd like someone smarter than her to let her have it. Bruise her fucking ego and send her crying home and saying how fucking stupid she is! Saying sorry for being so mean to everyone and for thinking that she is a fucking genius! DUDE MAYBE I COULD HIRE SOMEONE TO YELL AT HER ABOUT IT.

gotta go eat dinner then back to finish my assignment that i couldnt before because she had to use this fucking computer for her stupid fucking online class!

Go fuck yourself