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And i can still hear the sound of love, run dry...

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:: 2004 27 December :: 10.10 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: lost again by ryan <33

when you said to me that its all alright...

i hate you all.
you all hate me.


8 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 27 December :: 8.01 pm
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: like toy soldiers by: eminem

<3 to <3

yesterday went to mall with kristin camila allison donna and other ppl. we lost juan and then sum girl came up to us sitting on the ground and started singing then left? weird. then sum guys asked kristin if she had any pot lol. then found juan and ate. sonia made a scene. i bought clothes. went home. went to shadowood. hung out w/ jeremy scott and gustavo. it was really gay. i bought ryan cabrera magazines.

today went grocery shopping with the folks. gayness. came home and hung out with camila and krisitn. then went to target and lowes. came home and was gunna hang out with justin t. and justin a. but i couldnt so yeah now im here...bored.



:: 2004 26 December :: 10.47 pm
:: Mood: sad

RIP Reggie White



:: 2004 25 December :: 9.13 pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: lovers and friends bu lil jon luda and usher

but you gotta promise baby...

okay so once again im gunna bitch and complain about how i fucking hate west boca high. no one understands cept camila allie and sam,,,well and niki and nicole. i seriously hate the people that go there. they are mostly all backstabbing, fake bitches and assholes. its so stereotypical. i hate it. i dont want to spend 75% of my time with these people who i dont like. i dont want to graduate with them. i want to get my diploma with kyrie, jack, dilan, mara, bryan and carolyn. this is my 3rd school within 5 years and i hate how everytime i switch, i seem to lose all my friends and never make ones quite as good again. it sucks balls.

annnnd, the worst part is, im finding out that the people i call my friends (ppl other than sam, camila, niki, nicole, allie nd desiree) really dont like me. it hurts and makes me not want to go to school. the worst part is they act like my friend to my face, usually, but then i find out from other ppl what they really think. it pisses me off. especially when u find out thats why they never hang out and why they cant even say hi to me at school or act like they know me nd only use me for info on other people, then i dont even know why i ever considered us to be "good friends".

and i dont wanna hear u guys bitch at me saying that im being stupid, that west boca high is "the shit", and that i shuldnt keep leaving in the past.the past is heaven compared to the shit i go thru. before u go leaving comments and saying shit...look at how you guys treat me.....

gah. fuck. -_-

22 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 25 December :: 8.52 pm
:: Mood: let down
:: Music: in my life by ryan <3

i just wanna know you're awake..

the only thing i wanted for xmas was a certain phone call....

that i didnt get...

1 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 25 December :: 8.41 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: last winter by ryan <3

the butterflies collide inside...

christmas seems to suck more and more each year. mayb its cuz im getting older. i dunno. but yeah the gift department sucked. i got lots of socks...

other than that i cleaned my room cuz there was nothing else to do. it sucks not having all ur family come on the holidays...

after that i hung out with camila and zach then jus camila and allie. we went to allies house and talked about how we all hate west boca and the ppl that go there and we had fun.

came home. ate dinner. now im bored.. hmpf.


:: 2004 24 December :: 11.33 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: nsync xmas cd

i never knew the meaning of xmas til you came into my life..


3 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 24 December :: 12.59 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: ryan cabrera <33

i jus wanna know that you're around..

i've always thought it would be cute to have a boyfriend during the holidays...


7 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 24 December :: 12.37 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: ryan cabrera <333

you're all i wanted...

yesterday was lame...

after school went home and got ready then me and camila hung out around target and the surrounding area till 4 when we went to get our nails done. i hate mine, they hurt and they bother me. i can barey fucking type. anyways before we hung out with evan s. and helped him look for a phone cover. then after got dropped off at the bus stop in sandalfoot and almost got ass raped like 652 times. it was scary. then sum black lady was randomly talking to us on the bus...weird. got there met up with allison and kristin and sum weird boys. they all left and we found sam and i saw ajay and kelsea <33. wow i havent seen ajay in like 518754 years. then we visited jess at his popcorn place and we left, but camila stayed there.. then me and sam bought new gauged earrings nd then met up with jay. and then this weird hatian thing was like talking to me and like wanted to get in my pants and sam and jay almost left me! and i was like "sammm" and he goes "no its ok let them go, then it can be just me and u" omg i flipped out. so we ran away. damn haitians like seriously. lol. then had to leave after having an episode. came home and yah. went to sleep.

omgg i had a really bad dream last nite, well more like a nightmare...i dreamed that i hated ryan cabrera!! omg. it was horrible.


3 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 23 December :: 1.04 pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: encore

what the hell are you waiting for??

cross my heart
i hope you die
for as long as i live
YOU will never ever take HIM from me.

^^and yes that goes for the OTHER HIM too.

2 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 23 December :: 12.59 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: eminem

step by step, heart to heart we all fall down...

today was last day of exam,..thank god. christmas in 2 days. woot. but yeah today i think im going to the mall with camila, kristin, allison, sam and possibly jay (the skanking kid). but yeah im still so sick. blahhh. tomorrow night im going with my family to lauri's house for dinner and then going out on the boat to look at xmas lights. should be fun. i love them <3. but im gunna go. later.

Happy Tropical Cowgirl Day! lolol



:: 2004 22 December :: 2.56 pm

this is lame...
im lame..
you're lame.

4 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 21 December :: 9.21 pm

wow, yeah you're not acting like a second grader...


3 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 21 December :: 5.31 pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: SHAME on me by: ryan <33

but i keep wondering of...<3

today was day 2 of exams. took AP environmental and psychology. they were both super hard...gah. then after school plans failed and me and camila were gunna walk home but ashlee and britany picked us up in her hot yellow mustang lol and she took us to the mall. me and camila had to carry our dorky backpacks around and now my neck/back is killing me!! mall was okay i bought niki and nicole their xmas presents =] im on my parents computer and its gay...i cant download AIM, its blocked...grr. but yeah. half days til thrusday then its xmas break!! woot. at the mall we ran into seth (lono) lol and we hung out with him. aww hes such a dork <3. lol. i also saw matt and george like 10 times! <33 im gunna miss having 3rd hour with them..but yeah. omg whats the saddest is i may never see Piercing Boy again...*tear*. but yeah. im kinda pissed off.

i'd like to say thank u soo much to ashlee and britt for taking us to the mall...also, i owe a BIGGER thank u to my oh so dear friends who fucking ditched us for the like...hmm...4th time?? whateverrr. fuck it.


17 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 18 December :: 7.37 pm
:: Mood: denied
:: Music: ryan cabrera

but theres reasons darling,
you'll never know
i cant even start to explain how the go

^^srry guys. next entry is gunna be friends only cuz i dont wanna deal with ur shit. =]

9 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 18 December :: 7.26 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: lostprophets

to never fall in love again....

gah. this weekend was 100% pure gayness.

---after school me and camila got ready and took the bus to the mall. sam met us there and so did kristin. it was fun. we sorta shopped, i only had 4 dollars lol. i ran into justin b. niki and trystan.. and the person i never thought i'd see again--the dude i talked to when i took my SATs. lol it was weird. aww we did our makeup at sephora and then we were walking on the "rich people" side of the mall and niki calls me and says "guess whos here?......PIERCING BOY!!!!i literally screamed and sprinted to the other side of the mall where he supposedly was. awww i saw him <33 and he was with his mommy, how adorable!! then we left.
---came bak to camilas house and ate cake. then decided that we all we sleep over her house. jeremy, chris, and max came over till like 12ish. yeah. um no comment.. then we went inside and slept.

---woke up early, did chores, then got ready and took the bus to the mall with camila and kristin...AGAIN. lol. ommmmmmg. there were sum weird ppl on the bus this time. there was a guy that looked like tony hawk after he smokes crack and a hobo. a real one. but he was loaded with money. he kept looking at us funny. it was scary. then at the mall we met up with sam and allison. then ran into people. saw justin k. and matt!! lol. also we ran into chris and his friends and we hung out with them. it was hysterical. then chris's friend andy drove me and camila home and yeah.

------my parents didnt believe my coverup story for skipping into 2nd lunch on friday. whatever. they do now. i lied more and changed the subject. tomorrow im going xmas shopping for ppl. what joy..


2 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 13 December :: 3.33 pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: fallout boy

where is your boy tonight?...
last night was the most AMAZING night of my life....

......Jingleball 2004: got ready and went to the ODC with ashley sam and camila. got there and sam forgot the tickets lol so camilas parents had to come bak. then we go up to the top thingy and there was this guy posing as ryan cabrera. an imposter ryan cabrera!! that made me mad. then when we got in, me and sam bought shirts, (i bought a ryan cabrera one lol) then on our way to the bathroom to change into our new shirts, we saw a sign that said Meet Ryan Cabrera here after the performance". i had a spaz. we changed and then went to our awesome seats. FOURTH ROW BABY!!! ryan cabrera performed first. it was amazing. he sang "Exit to Exit", "True", and "On the Way Down". god it was beautiful. lol. he showed the crowd his pink santa socks and scooby-doo boxers , hes soooo adorable omg! then, since there wasnt alot of ppl there yet since it jus started, me and same were the only ones around us standing up and i was jumping up and down, yelling "i love you" and waving and omggg...he waved to me!! yeah i know, im a fag. lol.--oh yeah and hes so skilled that he slso sang in spanish. then as soon as he was done singing, he busted out his drumming skills for us. so hott. then as soon as he was done, we fucking sprinted to where we could meet him. turned out u had to buy his cd right there for $20 to meet him. so i bought another cd and got in line. ommmmg. i almost died. he signed my cd "To: JANELLE ryan cabrera". and i couldnt say anything but i knew i had to so i finally managed to say to him: omg, i love you and then he was like You Rock! --and he gave me a high five!!!!. then hahahha i asked him if i could touch his hair. hahah he said Sure! ---and bent his head down and i touched it!!! it was amazing. then sam took my picture with him. then we had to leave and after we left i started crying hysterically. that was literally a dream come true.

after that i called like evryone i could think of :gustavo, mommy, chris, max, niki, nicole, lauri, alina, etc. then we went bak and watched the rest of the concert. switchfoot, hilary duff , black eyed peas, and maroon 5 were the best. john mayer, kevin lyttle, and alicia keys were good too. omg there was this extremely gay man/tranny who was like dancing in the aisle and got the entire stadiums attention. it was after the concert we met up with our limo driver, Zilton. hahaha. i had never been in a limo before, but they are highly overrated. then we went home and yeah.

my life is definately complete now....<333

ryan cabrera is such a sweetheart, and he writes/plays his own music. siiiigh...he's absolutely perfect.



:: 2004 12 December :: 3.28 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: lil jon usher and luda

we could be lovers and friends


<33333333 x 45454541879


:: 2004 11 December :: 10.55 pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: ryan cabrera

im afraid to know the ending, do you want me too?


we're taking a muthafuckin LIMO home from the concert!!!!!!!

woot. woot.!

and my daddy bought me a digital camera for xmas and gave it to me early (today) so that i can take pics of ryan!! aww i love my daddy!!



4 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 10 December :: 9.54 pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: ryan cabrera <333

and i wont forget the way you loved me...

im so stressed out. i have so much shit to do this weekend and def. not enuff time to do it all in.

  • english article analysis

  • enviromental scrapbook project/paper thing

  • history test monday

  • chemistry test monday

  • bunch of enviro worksheets due

  • 11.3 in math (totally dont get)

  • nicole jus told me that we have a quiz on 11.1-11.3 fuck!!!

  • i have to clean my room (that will take forever)

  • and most importantly,... JINGLEBALL.

    gahhh im going to lose my fucking mind. and im gettting sick on top of all that and everyone is pissing me off. i cannot wait until december 24th.

    -2 days-

    2 _* | ...[Ryan

  • :: 2004 9 December :: 8.00 pm
    :: Mood: aggravated
    :: Music: nsync xmas cd

    everybodys back together again..

    and you guys wonder why i hate the people at west boca...

    i mean, look at how my "so-called friends" treat me. and you expect me to go to school everyday with a smile on my face and act like evrythings okay?

    dont criticize me until you fucking realize the shit i go through.


    :: 2004 9 December :: 5.55 pm
    :: Mood: pessimistic
    :: Music: bsb. <3 haha

    quit playing games with my [[h e a r t]]

    gosh school sucks so bad. i feel like crying everyday. i hate when i feel like this. whatever. today i cried at lunch (but it was a happy cry), well actually i jus teared up cuz i was so happy. jeremy told me that hes hanging out with PIERCING BOY maybe tomorrow. i had a spaz. lol. i love him!! gah hes sooo....AMAZING. <33. i ran into the door to the locker hallway today when me and niki were getting our "aerial view" hahaha. but yeah other than that today sucked. after school hung out with nicole a little and she went crazy at camilas. i swear, shes a sexual predator. hahaha. but yeah. im getting sick and i have alot of hw. yo quiero se llamaría a mi. siiiiigh. whateverrr...

    -3 effing days-


    :: 2004 8 December :: 9.45 pm
    :: Mood: apathetic
    :: Music: backstreet boys <33

    baby its the way you make me come to get me go crazy...

    today was horrible. i swear im gunna wear a fucking brown sack to school so no one can say shit about my outfit. im sick of people being gay. literally ill punch the next person who says sumthin in the face!! grrrr. anyways i got a fuckin 70% on my eviro midterm, i have an 85% in math, shittt!!! and yeah. everything jus sucks. the most entertaining thing i did today was talk about horse and zebra sex with matt george and desiree. today was a waste. ended up takin the bus to the mall with camila after shcool. it was gay. went to sum rich ladys house and she smelled camilas arm so hard i thought she was gunna suck it up! LMAO. omggg. me and camila found out the worst news! its so horrible i cant even type it. came home did english hw and listened to bsb. but yeah im in a really bad mood lately cuz i know whats coming my way (or at least i think) and i'll literally do ANYTHING to stop it. i think its h o p e l e s s tho.(yeah yeah camila, i know im doing "it" again). gahhh im jus realllu upset about it...again. god. yeah whatever. later.

    -4 days bitches-



    :: 2004 7 December :: 6.31 pm
    :: Mood: scared
    :: Music: dog barking

    wooof! wooof!

    god, i sure am good at fucking things up.

    thats about 2.75 strikes for me, im almost out and its all my fault. -_-

    8 _* | ...[Ryan

    :: 2004 7 December :: 6.24 pm
    :: Mood: annoyed
    :: Music: none its not working!!! -_-


    wow im literally gunna go insane. i jus spent the last 20 minutes getting yelled at for no damn reason. i swear my parents are so weird. they threatened to ground me for life and give me no xmas presents. and i didnt do anything. wow what losers. anyways nothing happened today cept we had a firedrill and me and niki like had orgasms over piercing boy as he walked right past us and grabbed his ass. lol. then he and his brother and his friend all saw me staring at him from the second floor!! he like smiled/laughed. omg it was so horrible. hahahaha. oh yeah, me and camila saw mr. mitch in the car on the way to lowes. god hes hott. lol. oh yeah and my brother slapped nicoles ass and wackenhut saw, stopped the car and started laughing hysterically. it was greeeeat. but yeah. im gunna go get my hair re-dyed! yay. peace out.

    -5 days-


    8 _* | ...[Ryan

    :: 2004 6 December :: 10.14 pm
    :: Mood: confused
    :: Music: boulevard of broken dreams by green day

    i walk a lonely road the only one that i have ever known...

    gosh, i make myself sick.
    why do i suddenly care what people think?
    why do i feel so shallow?
    why am i letting stupid little comments get to me?
    i have everything i could ever want.
    why am i so damn ungrateful?
    maybe thats not the right question.
    maybe the right question is-"do i want what i have?.


    2 _* | ...[Ryan

    :: 2004 6 December :: 10.11 pm
    :: Mood: drained
    :: Music: landslide by dicie chicks

    what is love?

    ommg. im so freaking tired. i jus finsihed my reading log its 10:20 and i started at 3:30 today after school and only took a break for dinner. god. so much work. i literally cant move my right hand from writing so much. today suckeddd. i was so tired. slept in 5th hr. did bad on spanish quiz, i think i failed a psychology quiz (which is pathetic) and didnt do my math hw. i started crying durng math cuz i dont understand anything. chemistry was my good class today (surprisingly) i did well on the quiz. =] tomorrows gunna be a looooong day. cant wait till wednesday cuz its odd.

    -6 days hoess-



    :: 2004 5 December :: 9.48 am
    :: Mood: exhausted
    :: Music: dive in

    its time to soar....

    yesterday was awesome. SATs werent too bad. paul was there thanks god so at least i knew sumone and sum ghetto dude in front of me kept talking to me about real estate..? lol. after daddy took me to mcdonalds. then went home and my ryan cabrera purse had arrived in the mail!!!! yay. its so cute. but yeah. then got ready to go to camila quince..

    me camila nicole camilas dad and julian all went to camilas party thing together. it was friggin hilarious. i love that family. we had to drive like 48304823 miles outta the way to buy sum smelly spanish food and shoes for julian so naturally we were late to camilas own party. but in the car we sang songs haha and julian humped camila and the man in the car next to us shook his head in shame. LMAO. it was greeeat. got to the party and kristin was tehre already. we all jus ended up hanging out-me, nicole, camila, kristin, brian, estefiania, nacho, daniella, alex, and julian. it was fun. daniella and nacho kept giving me then teachin me spanish. haha. awww camila had to dance with all the men. hehe. i swear to god, the dj was a freaking TRANNY!!. haha we left at like 10:45 and got in this nice car with her cousin (who, i might mention, had been drinking at the party) omgggg he was going fucking 70-75 down the road and at one point almost hit 90 to squeeze between these two cars. i thought we were gunna die. came home with a bunch of the spanish people and me and camila and brian and julian jus hung out and played with the vibrator thing. hahahahahahhaha. then i went home at like 1. it was so much fun though. gosh, and ive never talked in so much spanish before. haha. ¡moríte! hahah.

    me and nicole + unattended alcohol at the tables = ..hahahahahaha! greatness.

    -1 week bitches-


    23 _* | ...[Ryan

    :: 2004 2 December :: 7.47 pm

    breaking hearts has never looked so cool♥


    :: 2004 2 December :: 7.14 pm
    :: Mood: annoyed
    :: Music: dixie chicks

    well ive been afraid of changing...

    ever wonder why i never talk about my personal life alot?:

    no one listens to me.
    those who do, don't understand.
    no one will ever understand me.
    and its okay.
    sometimes i wish people could understand.
    usually i don't even bother to care.
    right now, i wish someone would just listen.
    even though i'm not saying anything...

    4 _* | ...[Ryan | Random Journal