:: 2005 4 November :: 4.21 am

500 lines of code. 8 hours spent writing it tonight(14 hours cumulative). I'd say "someone kill me" but the weekend should be awesome. I'd say more, but I'm just so fucking tired. Hope everyone's sleeping well right now. Hopefully I shall be too soon. *passes out on the spot*

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:: 2005 29 October :: 1.43 am

Ladies and gentlemen:



that is all..

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:: 2005 14 October :: 8.13 pm
:: Mood: relaxed

And thus have I returned home. I enjoy living at MSU, but to be honest, it feels damn good to be back in the luxury of my parent's home ^_^.

Hmm, and speaking of which, if anyone wants to hang out this weekend, just let me know. I'm pretty sure I'll be busy tomorrow, but tonight and sunday I'm totally free, so feel free to call.

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:: 2005 31 August :: 3.43 am

Alright, so I haven't much to say here right now. In fact, I can some up most of my general sentiment tonight with two words: Insomnia sucks.

I have been trying to fall asleep for a solid 3-4 hours before I gave up and decided to sit down here and start writing. I suppose, there is honestly quite a bit on my mind right now. I guess I won't post it here for now, for fear of sounding even remotely angsty. Though, I will still say that I really am getting pretty damn sick of being single. I mean, yeah sure, the freedom is nice. However, if you happen to have morals like I do and look at the notion of a purely physical relationship with disgust (not that I'm not guilty of having such a relationship in the past, but I assure you I felt bad about it the entire bloody time), then you know you really lack certain freedoms you only get in a relationship. For instance: the freedom to cuddle, and kiss. Heaven knows I've been missing those quite sorely for a rather long time now. That isn't it though, this isn't just me craving for cuddling and whatnot, I really just want a girlfriend, a companion, you know?

Well, so much for altogether avoiding angsty shite, though at least I managed to circumvent the majority of it. The time is now 3:53, which basically means that I have just few minutes more than 4 hours to sleep before I wake up (hopefully), and set out on a 25 minute hike to get to my calculus class.

Thank you to anyone who actually read my ramblings here, and allow me to assure you all that I am actually doing far better than I probably appear to be doing.

Farewell my friends, y va con dios.

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:: 2005 28 August :: 7.51 pm
:: Mood: content

Alright, so I just managed hook up a phone to my hardline ^_^.

In case you want to reach me, just call up: 517-313-8164.

Otherwise college has been pretty blah. I start classes tomorrow, so that will be interesting.

I hope everyone is doing well, y va con dios mis amigos.

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:: 2005 23 August :: 10.12 pm
:: Mood: nervous

Well, tomorrow I move into my dorm at MSU. I'm somewhat torn between being excited and happy, and being worried and sad. I am definitely looking forward to college and dorm life, not to mention all the people I'm likely to meet. On the other hand though, I'm really going to miss everyone here...

...Even more than I thought I would, I realized yesterday. I suppose I'll still keep in touch with everyone through the wonders of the web (provided you people choose to keep updating and using MSN/AIM), and I'll still be home every now and then.

Hmm, and I think I should probably end this bloody entry before I start getting really sappy, so farewell and va con dios mis amigos.

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:: 2005 15 July :: 8.50 pm
:: Mood: worried

Well, it looks like I'm going to have a bloody long and lonely night at work ahead of me...

...ah well, at least I get overtime pay.

Other than that nothing seems to be happening to me as of late. I managed to crack my writer's block shortly after I made my last post, since my internet gave out at roughly that time and left me with nothing to do, and massive boredom.

Interestingly enough I also just wrote a poem on a whim about two minutes ago. It's really not very good at all, and quite depressing, so I'll simply spare you the time and not post it.

Aye though, but aside from that, life is dull, certainly not bad, but quite dull.

I hope everyone else is having fun, y va con dios mis amigos y amigas.

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:: 2005 13 July :: 1.05 am
:: Mood: vexed

Ugh, so writer's block has officially infected me down to my core. I've tried writing pretty much anything I can think of, and I've come up with one big-ass blank, and a considerable heap of paper soiled with some of the worst garbage I've scrawled since I started trying to write my first book way back in middle school. (in case you're wondering, my first book ever, which I scrapped before ninth grade was essentially an X-men rip off with dialogue that was surpassed in quality by that of most B-level action movies. The only typed copy was -thankfully- deleted about two years ago.)

Ugh, so now I'm just listening to NIN while running through the plots of my current projects. Once, I finish this entry I'll probably run through all the notes I've ever written on my stories (which amounts to roughly 50-60 written pages for what I've written in notebooks, and about 20-30 pages for what I have stashed away in my computer). Honestly I don't really mind that at all, in fact, I'd rather enjoy it, if not for the fact that I know it will take me hours upon hours upon hours just to properly read, analyze, and piece together everything. *sigh* and the fact that I wrote everything out of order and between notes I took for classes, is not going to help things...
...particularly when I get to the part of my one notebook where I started writing backwards, and alternating stories...

...Ah well though, I'll have to do it sooner or later.

Hmm, so otherwise, my life has been extraordinarly boring. My mom left the house this last week, so I get the house to myself during the day, though I have to take care of our insane dog that hides in the closet all day, and water the flowers. Tomorrow I also have to bring my dog to the groomer early in the morning.

Somehow I think tomorrow is going to be one of those really long days. For some reason they seem to keep getting longer on me, along with the nights. Ugh, and I swear there is nothing to do this late anymore. Adult Swim is nothing but reruns except for on saturdays...
...and if I'm lucky I can find a single person to chat with online.

Well, that's pretty much it for now.

Va con dios amigos.

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:: 2005 7 July :: 12.05 am
:: Mood: wow, did you know they had blah on this list?

Hmm, so it's been a looooooooooooooooooong ass time since I've updated, and I'm sorry to say that the best excuse I have for that would be that I'm just lazy.

Plenty has been happening. I had my 4th of July party, it was pretty good. There was much pizza and homemade ice-cream, some games, a bit of the Wizard of Oz, which my dad randomly flipped on (random note: did you know that when Dorothy and her group of misfits first set out to take the wicked witch's broom the scarecrow has a gun?), and of course some massive fireworks. Sadly though, as most of you likely already know only Tracey, Andrew, and Kyle were able to make it. Though I understand some/most of you have jobs and or illnesses(illnesses including a lack of a ride, though if anyone needed a ride to my house they could have just called) and could not make it, I have to say I was rather dissappointed with the turnout. Regardless though, much fun was had, and I will not dwell on the negatives.

I've noticed lately that work -heaven help me for what I am about to say- has actually become rather fun. I can't go to meijer without running into at least one of my friends there (from work or elsewhere), and I've noticed that something interesting is always happening there if you know where to look. Seriously, there is so much secret drama going on between the employees alone that sometimes I'm halfway tempted to carry around a bag of pop-corn and eavesdrop on everyone. Then add in all the weird funny things that everyone does (I think we have a secret undeclared competition going on as to who can feed b.s. to customers the best(and so far I'd say Aleisha wins for being able to convince even myself that she appeared to perfectly answer a customer's question about the lawn ornaments in the garden center) such as Will's random mop-kayaking( in which he walked around a random part of the store twirling a mop as though he was using it to paddle a kayak).

My house has been boring as usual, though at least I managed to get my computer totally cleaned of all that nasty spyware and all those horrid viruses, so I have that to entertain me (thank you eDEN). My aunt Pat recently arrived(Another interesting note: it took me until I was roughly fifteen before I realized the humor in the fact that my aunt Pat's full name is Pat Butt). I actually haven't seen her in at least 4 years, and I must say it's really quite amazing how old she now looks (in fact, she is beginning to eerily remind me of my grandma). She's nice though, and thankfully she hasn't freaked out about how my hair style and goatee leave me with a more than vague resembelence to satan (she's a pretty strick christian, as in the type that called pokemon satanic). On Friday she and my mom will set out on a road trip to northeastern Canada and New England. Personally I really have no idea why anyone would really want to go there, but then again I really am more of a city dweller than I usually think (granted I do still love nature in proper doses).

For some reason it seems like there's a lot of rough stuff happening right now (see also: drama). Maybe it's because since I got my computer back and resumed functioning on AIM I've had messages from people crying every night, maybe it's because recently someone told me about a rather bizarre twist someone they had once loved threw at them, or maybe it's the fact that the last time I checked woohu I found maybe 4 angsty/sad/short entries...

...In any case, whether I'm going totally delusional, or perfectly correct, I just I want to remind everyone to take deep breaths, chill out a bit, try to look at everything logically (WITHOUT letting those confusing emotions get in the way), and then do what you know you NEED to do or what you know you SHOULD do (erm, and pardon the annoying all-caps words, but if I could use some bloody italics here I would). Oh, and one minor side-note, I'm not telling everyone to ignore emotions totally and do everything with cold logic, I'm just trying to remind everyone that emotions can be horribly far from reasonable and can lead to do some rather foolish things.

Alright, that aside, life is good, though sadly only marginally so at the moment. I hope everyone is at least relatively well. Oh, and just a side-note, if anyone wants to hang out or do anything, just call me up sometime. I'm the only McDowell in the phonebook living on strawberry farms. If you haven't the energy to look me up then just call around, I'm sure someone knows my number, and if you haven't the energy for that, well, just bloody sleep or get some caffeine in your system or something...

aye, but in any case. Va con dios mis amigos buenos.

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:: 2005 21 June :: 4.40 pm

The Fulminating Greatness of My 4th of July Party
Alright, so, as I already mentioned briefly at Katie's open-house, I will be having another 4th of July party this year. It will start around 6:00 and end whenever my parents kick everyone out (probably sometime between midnight and 1). As was the case last year we will have a veritable arsenal of *cough* illegal *cough cough* fireworks. We will also have pizza at some point, and there will be home-made ice-cream (which is at least 20 times better than store-bought ice-cream or any kind of home-made ice-cream you've ever had before (damn, do you think I could get anymore hyphens in here?).

Other than that I'm not 100% certain on any details. Aside from the standard activity of blowing stuff up, we do also have several movies (and animes for anyone who's into that), I have my PS2 with a few multiplayer games, and of course there is billiards in my basement.

So, that's it for now. Feel free to make any suggestions here or just call me up (863-0964). Oh, yes, and everyone is invited, so feel free to get the word out (as in please tell everyone in the group that you can, I don't want to look up everyone's phone-numbers again since I lost nearly all of them just this spring , just don't invite someone I don't know without letting me know first.)

I hope to see you all there ^_^

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:: 2005 5 May :: 10.40 pm
:: Mood: content

Hmm, well, I just managed to read through 17 chapters of my western history textbook (The initialization of the Rennaissance to the end of the Cold War), and accordingly I'm feeling rather ready for the AP test tomorrow. Since it's in the afternoon and I generally sleep through my first three hours anyways, I figured I'd sleep in tomorrow and show up at school around 11, get in some review time, and then take this bastard of a test around 11:30.

Not that anyone probably cares so much, but I was feeling rather proud of my last minute blitzkrieg of studying.

Life has been fairly interesting lately, and I certainly can't complain about it. School has been winding down nicely, my stories have been steadily growing. Physically I'm now in better shape then I've ever been (yeah, I know that's probably not saying much, but it is true).

I've been thinking a good deal about what is going to happen to us all after graduation. It's kind of bizarre. I know we'll pretty much all be staying in Michigan, and I'm sure we'll all be in touch some way or another, but I've become acquainted with the inevitable, lamenteable fact that I'm probably not going to keep in touch with all of you once we all head off to college. I know that some of us will drift from the old "group" (hell, in some ways that's already happened). Still, I know there are a few of you that I will certainly keep in touch with.

Still, aside from all of you whom I have had the great honor and pleasure of calling my friends, I think I'm actually going to miss this town a good deal. There really isn't anything to do here, and virtually nothing seems to happen, yet, Rockford is really just like another friend of mine that I've lived around (or rather in) all my life. I can recall all the changes it has gone through, much like the changes I have undergone. It's almost a living breathing entity that grows with age just like any of us. I can still remember when that shopping mall didn't exist near it, and when the corner bar was a rotten dive of a hole in the wall, or before there were brick crosswalks, when that old crummy (but rather scenic) bridge used to go by the dam, oh, yeah and I remember back when if someone said "let's meet at the ice-cream shop" you didn't get confused and go to the wrong one and wind up walking across town to get to the other one.

Aye, but all my ramblings of nostalgia aside, I really will miss this place and all the times we've had together, but until then, let us all have one hell of a summer.

(Erm, and yes I realize I'm a week or two, maybe even three ahead of myself here, but at least I'm updating again)

Va con dios mis amigos buenos

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:: 2005 4 March :: 3.48 pm

HAHAA! I don't have to work today!

I could have sworn I was scheduled, but I'm not!!!

Now I just have to find something to do...

...if anyone really wants to hang out or anything of the like just let me know, I'll be on aim for a while, or else at home, or else I shall be out exploding with joy on the streets after being couped up all damn week.

Van con Dios mis amigos buenos!

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:: 2004 18 December :: 3.31 pm
:: Mood: content

Final plans for the party
Alright, so after a bit of thought, and some careful negotiations with my parents, I have arrived at the final plans for the party.

It will begin tomorrow at my house sometime around 2 PM. And for those of you who aren't sure as to where I live, either ask me, or ask someone else who knows.

For dinner we will have (unless anyone has any better ideas) pizza. Though we will of course have a decent stock of various beverages, and a veritable myriad of cookies ready for consumption, along with whatever cheesecake is left over from tonight.

I'm not really sure as to exactly what we will do during the party, though if anyone wants to bring some Xbox's and set up Halo, or something of the like that would be good. Also, movies would be very welcome. (in fact I'd actually sooner watch movies than play Halo at this point, but I'm just trying to keep some options open)

Oh, and as for gifts, if you really feel you must bring me one, go ahead, but I am neither expecting nor requiring or even in any way asking for anyone to bring me anything.

I figure the party will go on for as long as everyone can stay/as long as my parents will allow everyone to stay (so everyone will likely have to leave by midnight or so)

I hope to see everyone tomorrow. And as before, feel free to call me with any questions you may have.

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:: 2004 15 December :: 9.49 pm

ATTENTION!!
Alright, first off, for those of you who are unaware my birthday is coming up on the 19th (Sunday in case you're wondering), and I'm currently ruminating on whether or not I should have a party.

So essentially everyone here is invited, though I have no clue as to what we can do, and on that note if anyone has any ideas for activities(Halo, movies, etc.) feel free to make suggestions.

As for an exact time, I really don't know yet, and I won't know for sure until at least friday (unfortunately it appears that Meijer would like to put me to work on my own birthday, so I have to clear that up first before I make any concrete plans).

So, if you think you'll be able to come, just post here, or e-mail me (BAM1219@aol.com), or call me (863-0964), or just let me know next time you see me in person.

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:: 2004 6 November :: 1.46 am
:: Mood: content

So, I'm bored out of my mind...

...and it's late...

...and I'm hungry...

...but regardless, I still feel oddly happy.

hmm, so I'm thinking of changing jobs, since Meijer just isn't quite cutting it anymore, especially with winter approaching. Granted, it's given me some nice muscle tone, and a decent sum of money, but with the other jobs I've seen out there, I'd feel like an idiot for sticking with Meijer...

...I just have to remember to get those apps in. I think I'll get them filled out tonight, and turn them in tomorrow. That should work. (alright, well admittedly, I only have one app so far, and I really don't have any plans to get any more...)

...I love the supposed coincidences of this world. They remind me of how this whole place works, and that everything has been carefully, and masterfully crafted.

I've been doing a good deal of writing lately, and it does appear that I've come a very good long ways in my stories, though it will still be years before I complete any of them...

...Anyone else find it amusing how in michigan no matter how early the night may come the moon still doesn't rise 'til later?

Hmm, so I appear to simply be rambling now...

...so I shall end it.

I hope everyone is doing well, and having at least half as jubilant a week as I.

Van con dios mis amigos buenos.

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