LaDiEz Is PiMpS t0o

LaDiEz Is PiMpS t0o

:: 2005 18 May :: 8.13pm

for ever and always...
I always want to change the layout of this journal but eventually everything cycles back around and it just makes perfect sense. I will leave it alone. I thought I had escaped cycles by now considering how hard I worked last year to defeat them but they are always there I have some long term deep rooted personal traditions that I can't avoid and that's ok. I think I can work with it now because there are some things that you just can't fight and I don't want to. It's hard not to spend this time of year reflecting on how much things have changed over the past months. It's interesting, I almost want to say it's sad but I can't because it's not. It just is. I going to hold out though, hold on to the faith that there IS something out there, something coming for me that I can throw myself into without fear and without doubt. Just dive in with a naked soul and trust unconditionally, becuase the only downside to change is that you become hardened, desensitized to losing things and people because you have only been waiting for them to leave from the start. There are times when we can't even trust our own convictions but I DO believe somewhere in the depths of my twisted religion that there is something that will be worth it, that can penetrate the shell of experience. Until then there is change. Until then any notion of forever is a myth, it's a lie we tell ourselves. Forever gets us through the present but you always know that it isnt there, not really. We feign disappointment when the illusion doesn't pan out because it allows us to feel. If you believe that you never saw it coming then you don't have to face the fact that you knew it all along. I don't care who you are, everyone has an inherent cynnic. Despite all that I know that something is forever and that one day the upswing of the cycle will stick. But for now it's just another year and everything has changed.

<3

1 DiRt Off Ya ShOuLDeR | BrUsH Ya ShOuLDeRz Off.

spinoangel

:: 2005 19 April :: 8.32pm

oh ,,, dont you love the negativity?
getting C's and D's are just... lovely.
i love it.

i absolutely love wanting to die.

2 DiRt Off Ya ShOuLDeRz | BrUsH Ya ShOuLDeRz Off.

spinoangel

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.54pm
:: Music: azure ray

i hate life.

so i'm waiting for this test to end, so these lighter days can soon begin.
i'll be alone, but maybe more carefree like a kite that floats so effortlessly.
i was afraid to be alone. now im scared thats how i'd like to be.
all these faces, none the same. how can there be so many personalities?
so many lifeless, empty hands. so many hearts in great demand.
and now my sorrow seems so far away,
until i'm taken by these bolts of pain.
but i turn them off and tuck them away,
till these rainy days that make them stay.
and then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs.
and the words still ring, once here, now gone.
and they echo through my head everyday.
and i dont think they'll ever go away.
just like thinking of your childhood home
but we cant go back we're on our own.

and i think i'll want to be alone.
so please understand that i dont answer the phone.
i'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls until i can see nothing at all.
only particles, some fast, some slow. all my eyes can see is all i know.

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lifesuxsodanz

:: 2005 29 March :: 11.53pm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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christini

:: 2005 7 March :: 6.55pm
:: Mood: lazy

i love friends
i love fun
i love weekends minus sundays
i love driving
i love sunny beaches and hot boys that are found there
i hate school and all that comes along with it.
less than two weeks, and i will be driving to gainesville with my buddy sans parents.
YESSUH.!!!!!
that will be the high point until summer, a damn apex if you ask me.
get the ipods and radar detectors and car games ready, cause here we come. : D

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theroofisonfire

:: 2005 5 March :: 2.21pm

no one comes here anymore. i'm surprised i remembered my own password!

1 DiRt Off Ya ShOuLDeR | BrUsH Ya ShOuLDeRz Off.

liddlebaby

:: 2005 6 February :: 11.33am
:: Mood: sick

el weekend
friday was nataliaz birthday partyyy..it was fun..natalia looked so0 pretty..me n van just talked....n yeah...saturday i cleaned..by this time..i felt so0 sick.sore throat..stuffy nose..u kno da deal lol..n 2day i feel worse..ugh.n im drinkin galllons of water so i can get better.n ive just been peein every 3 minz..lol..but i mussst get better b4 saturday..its the bigg day lol..but yeah.i hav no hw..im just doin laundry..yay....well imma go..happy superbowl

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liddlebaby

:: 2005 31 January :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: pissed off

i wunnnna cryyyy !!
so0 im in 2nd hr..n yadda yadda..i happen to look at my coach purse..n i see this burn mark on da side of it..like an actual hole..n burnt.n brown..n omg i wanted to cry..i spent alot of money on dat damn fuken purse.n itz ruinnned..n i like spent all of 2nd hr text'n eric..n cryin to him..he made me feel better..but im still so0 madd.. =( sighh..wen eric gets home were guna try to go to coach n have dem fix it or sumthin idk.. =/ but yeah.den i went to art..n i just painted..it was gay..mattlin wud not stop fukin hittin me.n i was not in da mo0d.i already have a bruise from him..so i take my pant brush n painted his whole arm..n he tried to rub it on my white pants..ugh.w/e lol den i went to english..n me n yeli just talked..den i went to lunch..n brian started callin me a potsmoker..cuz of my bag.lol i love timmy hez so0 funny..hez like my bestest frend..i walk outside.n him n matt are just pointin at me.n im like uhhh lol ..got sumthin to say..n tims like.so matt.on a scale from 1 to 10..how wud u rate melissa..n im like..o0h god..n der like oh yeah definitly a negative 2..i was like..yeah i kno..n der like no no i mean her body..i was like .ahh stop lol..n der like..i guess a 7.6..no 8.9...i was like wow 8.9 eh..n tims like..well ur like the sweetest person i kno..so that automatically gives u a point.lol..but since ur goin out with eric..thats like negative 50..lol..n i was like ok..if i wasnt.n hez like if u werent..prolly a 11.6..i was like hmm interesting..n den we were talkin about how we hate da beach.lol this kid is so0 funny..den i went to math..she changed every1's seat..but i still sit next to yeli !!! no1 can separate us..haha..lol..but jess sits so0 far.n same with natalia..ugh..gay..den my mom came n picked me up..n shes like..o0 while i was waitin der..dustin came up to me.n started to point at me..n my mom was like uhh..n dustins like..i knoooooo u....your melissa's mom..n she started pointin at him.n goes..o0..and ur dustin! lol..oddd..but yeah..sigh im still upset..well imma go ..byeeez

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liddlebaby

:: 2005 30 January :: 1.54pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: the darkness - i believe in a thing called love

wo0o!
cant explain all the feelings that ur makin me feel..my hearts in overdrive.n ur behind the steering wheel..touching u...touching meee..touching u..goddd ur touching mee..i believe in a thing called love..just listen to the rhythm of my heart..theres a chance we cud make it now..we'll be rockin till the sun goes down..i believe in a thing called love...i wunna kiss u every minute.every hour..every day..you got me in a spin.but everythin is a.ok

ahh i love that song..newhoooz..this weekend was very eventful..u could say..[ friday ] me n eric drove all around boca..lol..we went to jamba juice..o0o0h yeahh..its so0 orgasmic lol..yeah idk..we just drove around lol... [ saturday ] cleaned..made 20 bucks..got ready n went to that weddin i didnt wuna go to..idk it was fun cuz i saw my lil paige'y ..awww shes so0o cuteeeee..n adam..ah it was worth it..i mean we had fun.i didnt get home till like 1 ..den today [ sunday ] i woke up late...did da laundry.finished my hw..yo my whole family abodanded me..der still not home..oh wellz..i like the peace..but imma go..n do stuff..peaceeeeee out !!!

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liddlebaby

:: 2005 26 January :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: loved

ahh my baby is so0 cuteeee!!!
so0o my mom picks me up 2dai..n shes like..o0 derz a surprise for u..in ur ro0m..n im like..surprise? u bought me sumthing..uh is it a new dog or sumthin..lol n shes like no.n im like oh...hm den wha..n shes like u'll see.so0 i get home..i go to my ro0m.n on the dresser was a dozen yellow roses..i was like omg...n i read the lil card that was on it..n it was like... '' just because its wednesday love eric '' i was like.awwwwww !!!!!! =D ( even tho he jacked that idea from juwunna man ) lol it was still so0o cute..n ahh.it made me so0 happy..my babys so0o adorable i love him..n im gettin everything ready for that biggg valentine / half year anni weekend lol..but um 2dai at skoo was go0od..but i dun feel like talkin about it..my eyes hurt lol.wow i am so0oo0 sore from workin out..ow..but um i think imma bounce..peace cuh x0ox0

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lifesuxsodanz

:: 2005 22 January :: 6.23pm

There's so much about being happy that confuses me. Like I don't have stress or obligations or...anything. But I do have my friends and I love my friends and I love driving around in search of racist movies all day and doing random things but I don't feel like it's....okay to be content with that, like I should want more for myself but I'm not quite sure what. I think it's also my old feeling of paranoia which isnt completely unfounded because...shit happens. What if I lose my friends for some reason then what will I have I can't rely on just one thing in my life it's too scary idk if that makes sense at all I'm just so damn tired of being completely codependant in every aspect of my life : \

And I don't like how I am acting lately I feel like a bad person in general.

Aside from that the irony of it all is...I'm happier than I have been in so long. And now when I finally know how to be happy and not be so intense about everything, no guys in sight. I went from having too many when I wasn't ready to handle it, to none when I am finally in a place where I could probably pull off a normal low stress relationship. That's life I suppose I'm fine with it I guess.

~J

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liddlebaby

:: 2005 21 January :: 4.26pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: pretti rickie - grind on me

aaah
2dai was so0 much fun..skoo was an absoult blast..lol..1st hr..talked with van..n timmay..muy fun..den went to chem..did a lab..omg i love alex micheal fonte..he is da cutest..now potsmoker i kno lol..n we were talkin..n crackinnn up so0 hard..den i went to 5th..den me yeli n tim skipped went to lunch..den walked around da skoo..so0 fun..found mattlin n fonte...den lunch came..n mattlin bit my arm..omg it hurt so0 badd..den i went to 7th.eh it was ok..den i was walkin cinthia to her bus..wen i hear...melissssssa arguellooo is the biggest potsmoker..drinkin..love of my lifeeee...i was like ? lol..yea it was fonte..lol..n i was like..im what? n he like gave me the longest hug ever..hez like i love u soo much..im like are u high? n hez like no..buttt this weeekend..wooo yea..were so0 guna get crunkk...u to0..rite rite...u haveeee to come with me..n im like only if u can get cinthia to come..n hez like.ok cinthiaaa..wuna toke..n shes like uhhh? yea.n he started crackin up..omg he was soo off his rocker..lol..it was hilarious..i absoultly love that kid...den eric picked me up..n we were chillin outside my house..n we had another crazy silly momentos..i locked him out of his car agen..n im like crackin up..den ah he broke in.i didnt kno da back door was open..so i was like.o0 look ur wallet..n i got out of da car..n threw his wallet far away.n he ran after it.n i locked him out agen..all da doors lol..it was so0 funn..lol..yea..but idk wut im doin 2nite.eric wants to party..hmm idk..we'll see..but im guna go n eat sumthin..byeez x0ox

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liddlebaby

:: 2005 20 January :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: luda - blueberry yum yum

funnnn dayy
lets see..skoo was alrite..it was fun..cant complain...eric picked me up..den we spent 4ever in da car..in front of my driveway..talking..mostly..all about club times..god it was embaressin..he wanted to know everythin that went down in da club..lol..i told him..idk we were just crackin up..den we finally decided to go inside..n me monique n eric were chillen..lol.my baby is so0o funny..n i took off his hat.n he was sayin he had bad hair.it was all bad.n he didnt want me to take off his hat.. ( okaaay u cudnt even tell it was ''messed up'' but to him he hated t) so i rannn to my ro0m..n grabbed a comb..n started combin his hair..lol..hez like u have officially embaressed me 2dai..ive never felt so embaressed..u'll prolly do it agen..lol..idk i was sooooo hyperrr..den he had to go get gas..n hez like eh ill brb..i dun wuna go over der late..so we get outside.n i was sayin bye n alla that junk..den idk..i got even more hyper..n like skipped over to da van..n infront of my window..n i was like ericcccccc..comeeeeeee..lol..n we were spyin on monique in my ro0m.n she saw us...n den we were like idk..lol just playin around n shizz..me n eric started playin trust..so i wud fall bak.n i cudnt..lol..den i jumped on ericz back..to have a piggyback ride.n we almost fell..hah..n mo's in da window crackin up at me..n we were vogue'in..lol.den mo came out..n we were all like runnin around da yard..lol..it was soo like a reunion of our childhood'ness..i miss playin outside..n climbin trees..den were like playin hand clap games..lol.den i was like ok u gota leave..so me n monique joined arms..n marched into da house..cuz we left in a rude way..den we quietly tipped toe'd bak..n he was like tip toe'in to find us..lol..idk it was so0 funn..den were like ok were leavin..so we pretended we were goin inside..n he was like ''followin us'' so wut do i do..i see that he left his car door open...i effin dashed to his car..n locked him out..den he was like what..n mo dashed from da other side..n got into his car..n we totally locked him out..lmao..i was like on da floor it was so0 funny.n hez here tryin to open it.cuz he did have his keys..lol..but den he was like ahhh so0 tricky..lol he eventually broke in..lol..n hez like o0o0o yeah ur so guna get it now..n im like..bring it onnnn!!!!! so he tried to pull me out of his car..n like tickle me at da same time.n i cant stand ticklein..so i like freak out.n slap him..lol..n he went foward or w/e n we head butted eachother..lol.i have a hugeeee lumppppp on my forehead..lol..den he like got into da car with all of us..but in da back..n were like w/e..n were like goin thru his wallet.n stuff..n den me n mo were like o0 wutz in here..n u see a whole bunch of gum wrappers .n a calculator..n a lil box of mints..n im like o0o0o!!!!! these are my fav..n he starts to flip out..n hez like dun open it..n of course.that makes u wuna do it more..lol..i had to fite it for him..lol..he had a bunch of condoms in it..hahahaha..omg i was dyin..i was like awww..at least ur plannin to be safe with me..lol..n hez like..yeah..once agen..u've embaressed me..lol it was so0 funny..den yadda yadda.he left mo left.im here..full..n i got lotz of hw to do lol..lataaaaaaaaa homiez x0o

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liddlebaby

:: 2005 19 January :: 9.49am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: usher - caught up

yawnnn
well im not at skoo..cuz i had no ride.n my parents were like..dont go to skoo..so im like ok...cuz eric cudnt take me..den 20 minz later..hez like i can take u..den zac n yeli were like we'll take u..n i got all these invites..but nieh..skoo or stay home? yeah lol but im just here chillen..just had breakfast..scrammbled eggs with cheese n hotdogs with coffee..mmm.lol..godddd i fukennnn hate dumb effin sluts..wowow goddd..i cant stand herrrrrrr...i told eric wut she sed..he got all madd..n hez like..ok shes pissssin me off..im guna go online.n just go..u kno what ur so0o fucking dumb.did u knoooooo that..lol..he didnt tho..but umm..newho..v-day is commin up..so is a buncha stuff..what to get eric? hmmm i have an idea..but i wuna get him that for da year anni..n ill sooo kill him if he gets it b4 da year..lol..newayssssss....after skoo or w/e i gota go to hialeah..with monique her mom..n vivi..to get sum shoes for moniques quince..fun? maybe lol... =[ it suksz how eric doesnt have his cell..i hardly get to talk to him..it saddens me..he better fix it so0n..well i gotz nutten to say.ima just lie in my ro0m..n watch television...bye love you's

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christini

:: 2005 18 January :: 5.55pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: mae- soundtrack for our movie

I started to ache when I started to think of you, Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new.
There's only so much I can fake, There's only so much that I can prove.
Well, do it in a minute, I could go play the fool for you.

Lights, camera, action, I think I'm going for it this time.
There's something you should listen to, Could I take you for a car ride?
This is the soundtrack for our movie.
Would you tell me when we get to the best part?
I'll play it for you.
Oh no, I think I've lost this one, Can we try again?

Well I'm a wreck.
I really can't explain it but I, I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, I'm so in love with you.

Are you looking for an answer?
Because I could really use a friend tonight.
We can make this last forever, we don't have to fear the sunlight.

I'll take a chance and steal away this movie moment.

I'm in deep whenever I'm with you.
I'm directing the scene that has you and me forever.
We'll I'm so in love with...

*shrug.

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