*The true nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and the desires of his subconscious. The only way to win is to deny the battle.*


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.::Echoing Remorse::.

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:: 2004 14 November :: 12.47 am

today was pretty sweet for being at work all day... i got to work and opened up and stuff and the danny, ashly, and denise showed up.. i was the only guy there. lol. and then we order PapaGinos (i dont remember how it is spelled).. and i was stuffed after.. and then Cara came and i was then even more still the only guy there. not really a bad thing i guess.. i had a few laughs.

later i was driving back from the mall.. FYE still doesnt have my cd in yet. grrr.. and i was waiting to turn into the theater.. when all of a sudden i heard tires squelling followed by a big crash noise.. lol.. there was a frigan fender bender right behind.. i pulled in and walked over and told the cop if he need me for anythign id be next door at work.. lol..

later on everyone was getting tired and giggly so it was fun.. lol.. ashly escpecially seems to become ammused by everything when shes tired.. lol. its a good thing.. time just seems to pass on by.. lol :)

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 21 October :: 8.52 pm

*yawns*, today was a pretty good day of school i guess. it was the average day i guess.. i didnt really do anything out of the ordinary.. i went to math and then read my Computer Maintenence book for an hour and then went to Computer Maintenance from 1 to 5.. that class is ok i guess.. i just keeping having the feeling like Web Design doesnt involve as much design as i was hoping.. i havent taken any Web classes yet.. but.. im starting to doubt i made the right choice.. i meen, blah.. i luv art, and i luv graphic design but everyone is liek "graphics designers are a penny a dozen".. soo im like "ill be a web designer..kinda the same thing".. but im not starting to have doubts that i shouldnt be trading what i want for what is wanted.. i should jsut be doing what i want.. when i think about maybe i should take some graphics courses to, and if a good graphics job ever comes up ill have a chance, while im doing the web design thing... but at the same time, with the art and graphics, im not going to enjoy it much if im doing it to tight specifications.. so i dont know. gah...my brain is tired and im not sure how i started talking and worrying about this stuff..

i have work tommorrow 6:15 to 10:30.. atleast it will be a change of scenery and ill be able to get my check.

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 16 October :: 11.27 pm

Fuckins A!! it fucked up and i lost my last journal entry.. thats pisses me off.. and then i went to type "FUCKIN A" and it turned it into 2 entrys without me even pressing update.. im liek "AHHHH!"

today was a sweet day. like, i havent gotten to laugh in a while and today near the end i was soo laughable.. it probly helped that ashly was laughing her butt off.. i think becuase of the story of the lady who came into my class telling us not to be afraid to go to guidance, "guys come (she pronounces it cum), girls come, ive even came.. students can have alot of stress and it can help to jsut come.. in.. ".. lol.. soo frickan dirty.. lol.. and then andrew williams came in and started hitting on ashly, and me...right infront of customers, this one guy was like to me "seems as though you have an admirer.".. and im liek "yeah, he was just joking... i hope..".. Sarah came in and said hi, i did one of those things where im like "WOW, shes sayign hi to me :)" and totally forgot to say hi back.. soo now she probly thinks i hater her though i feel the opposite.. lol.. she really cute and funny.. probly has a bf though.... maybe im thinking to hard, or maybe its really late..

blah... my brother is soo stupid.. gah.. how could he do that. jsut all of a sudden one day let john get him hooked on ciggerettes, chewing tobacco, beer, and marijuana.... levi was liek "john has destroyed your brother", and sadly hes probly right...im right this becuase right he walking around the house high off of something and being stupid.. i meen i used to do that sutff... but he must be pretty far along the line if hes just doing it by himslef at 11:17 at night... and of course i dont do ciggerettes or chewing tobbacco... grose.. jon and him tried to give erich chewing tobbacco like 15 times, and he jsut called them stupid.. they keep acting like erich must luv them or something becuase they do drugs... they are soo stupid, erich doesnt fuckin do drugs anymore...and same here.. fuckers.. they came up to me one day and were like "todd bye us ciggerettes plzz" and after begging for a while called levi, who didnt, and then erich.. paying him liek triple the price for ciggerrettes... erichs isnt buying for them anymore.. he felt bad when i told them i turned them down. i guess they will have to find one of my other friends to keep them going with their shitty addictions...

1 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 16 October :: 12.00 am

today has been a crappy day i guess.. i mean, it started out fine with me and adam haning out.. but once i got past school and to work.. it went down hill... i was so out of it....

i got some news that made me wicked depressed though i said the opposite.. that i was actually happy.. i wasnt, but then lauren cheered me up... shes so awsoume. i wish i had a lauren of my own sometimes. someone who i could luv, i dont care about the bad if it doesnt work out stuff.. why limit myself out of fear.... shes just so perfect.. i wish i could find someone like her around here...*sigh*

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 2 October :: 11.56 pm

wow.... i couldnt find anything on my dragon dream... soo i looked up some stuff on my echo the dolpin dream.. the one where i was a dolphin and i went through a tonal and went to "shark world".. and there was liek hundreds of great whites and i was talking to them using sonar and stuff.. and it was really dark and alot of greys..and when i went up for air my head was missing and i was jsut flapping around making freaky dolpin noises..its weird though.. when i was flapping around half way out of the water.. there was other dolphins all around me and it was liek in antartica.. and then i got an arial veiw of the shark coming up with its mouth wide open and swallowing the dolpin whole..... and then i woke up... anyways.....

sharks- there is a powerful feeling threatening you but you will overcome obstacles...

grey- Related with a transition period. If clear signifies peace but if dull signifies fear.

head- Intellect. Understanding, It denotes threatened misery and loss will be avoided by wise action....... except my head was missing.. sooo.. yeah.. bad..

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 2 October :: 11.54 pm

i heard some of Team Sleeps stuff at teamsleep.net.. and i thought it was awsoume.. a parentaly everyone else was like "yuck".. but i dont care, it was jsut awsoume to hear chinos voice, especially after the doctors told him he shouldnt sing ever again... i dont think it was the whole vidoe on the site though.. becuase it seemed as though some heavy guitar was going to jump in and then the video stopped.. plus, Chino described the album as being soft then aggressive.. sooo, im still as excited as ever.

tommorrow im goign to go jam at jeremys, and chris will probly jam to, that will be awsoume.

im listening to the useds new cd.. it not TERRIBLE.. theres like 4 songs on it i like alot.. and then there is "Let It Bleed" which is like one of the awsoumest Useds songs.. awsoume song..

omg i cant believe i didnt tell anyone today at work but i had the most messed up dream ever..or atleast that i remembered the next morning.. in the dream, i was living in this village that was on a hair on the head of a giant freaky lookign dragon,.. and someone traveled to its neck, and planted a bomb in it.. and the bomb went off and the dragons head blew square right off.. and it flew into the ocean and everyone drowned.. it was sooo fucked up... i want to know what it means..

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 27 September :: 11.46 pm

there are SOOOOOO many new cds comeing out that im insanely excited about.. there was like a 4 month period there where all these shitty screamo bands were throughing stuff on to shelves and im like "blah........"... and now ive got a fuckin list.. and im going to have to start saving soo i can buy all of these new awsoume cds coming out..

A Perfect Circles coming out with a new cd.. its mostly covers of other songs, but its maynard, and its APC, so it will kick ass and ill buy it on its first day...

The Used are coming out with a new cd very soon.. its all original stuff this time, the way it should, even if its not good, ill still buy it.

Korn is coming out with a new cd, its a greatest hits album, with some new material in it, ill also buy that no matter what.

****DEFTONES**** are coming out with a NEW CD!!!!!!!!!!!!! im like "OMG!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!".. ive been waiting for months and months, reading and reading about how their in the studio, they better get that done sometime soon, becuase they are the BEST, but maybe not for long becuase....**TEAM SLEEP** is comign out with a debut album, Team Sleep is Chino Fuckin Morenos side project, sooo therefore they are AWSOUME.. good old chino is workign on mixing the cd as we speek, yeah!..

If only Chino and Maynard could somehow have a child without beign gay.... and then have their child grow up to be a rock singer.. soo then they could live on in a way, except better.. *sigh* i wonder what the little bugger would look like.. half latino, half ummm whatever maynard is.. haha.. slightly british...

i can see maynard now, out on some porch in a rocking chair holding the little baby umm named..... his name would have to be "Chinard"...anways, maynard would defiently take on the role as the mother figure, and chino would go out and work and such..

im obviously tired and very excited for Deftones and Team Sleep.....

Tool is to APC as Deftones is to Team Sleep....assuming Team Sleep is slightly softer then Deftones....

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 27 September :: 4.11 pm

well, that was probly the most GROSSEST thing ive ever seen.. i clicked on a link for some guys journal that commented in ashlys journal.. and a window opened up.. which is normal obviously.. but then it loaded a picture of some girl covered in poop naked.... at this point i was like "oh fuck... i shouldnt have clicked that...".. and then it started opening window after window at about 6 per second, of some guy naked stretching open his ass... and im like "!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Contral-alt-delete.. Control-alt-delete*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*.. and then nothign was happening soo i was like "TURN OFF!!!! *holds down power button*".. and it wasnt turnign off becuase it was trying to do too much shit... sooo then i pulled out the phone line.. and they were still opening.. but thankfully after about 10 seconds.. AOL came up with a shutdown message since it lost its connection.... and i held down the power button again becuase i wasnt taking any chances of it coming back for more.. my poor little laptop ... *sigh*

school was ok today.. it was my really easy day where i only have thi sone class that where 90% of your grade is attendance...yep..

i really need to do some hw before i go to work.. this has been liek the first time ive set aside time for myself this week, between work and school, i have no free time, and when i do i spend it jamming, soo my social life is shitty..atleast now i get to see ashly and chris at work sometimes.

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 13 September :: 8.51 pm

today was soooooo insanely messed up.. lol. after school i got a call from work and this is the story..like.. earlier the company wrote out a check payable to someone who doesnt exsist anymore, by accedent... they sent it to us... and then.. my boss accedently handed over to me (instead of my check).. then i signed it,went to the bank and cashed it in.. lol.. i gave the teller my liscense... she didnt read my name????.. whatever... soo i got the money.. and today after school i was runnign back and forth saving everyones asses... becuase that would look pretty bad.. lol.. a fake check is made up and everyone from the manager to the teller is in on it.. its called fraud.. lol. anyways.. like.. i finally got everything straight..

i guess my dad dropped by daddys, and my bill is up to $151.50... they had to replace EVERY tube in my peavey.... and im never going to get refunded from mike, since he was drunk and didnt remember the day after, let alone now.... fucker... he doesnt have any money anyways, so id feel bad.. he had like negative $400 and no job the last time i checked...

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 4 September :: 8.36 pm

i was really excited today but it quickly and unexpectedly turned into me being fuckin pissed.. like.. i had to go to work, but i really wanted to jam with my marshall.. and my boss told me to go on a 3 hour break.. so i was like "sweet i can go pick up my marshall at levis and jam".. i wasnt expecting levi to be home soo i wrote him a note and went over.. i got up into his room and saw the marshall... it looks really dirty and gross.. and its really beat up compared to when they borrowed it.. and then i noticed one of the speaker cables in the back was unplugged... im like "shit.... why are they only using one of its speakers.... what happened..".. and i turned it on and plugged a guitar in it.. and sound only comes out of one pf the speakers now... the speaker jack for the one that was unplugged is broken now.. no one even told me... and soo im like.. "fuck..... i cant take it now.... ill have to keep it here until we discuss whos paying to ge tit fixed".. im certainly not paying to fix it.... i meen.. im not letting people borrow my stuff anymore.. seriously..(or atleast just that group of people).. liek do they even respect my stuff at all.. they were obviously beating on the poor thing (which is $500 by the way)..

i took my monster cable and left the marshall there... sooo no one can be liek "oh.. it was fine when we had it..".. and the monster cable is a $50 gold plated guitar cable.. and they definetly borrowed it.. soo if anyone is like "we never borrowed your cable".. ill shoot someone, clear in the face...like.. i only know one other person who has a pair of monster cables.. and that would be joey.. and his are bass cables.. like.. ive been missing that cable for months and i remember them saying back then that they borrowed it...

this is the second time someone has fucked up one of my amps.. the first time was with mike... he was drunk and kept turning on and off my Peavey 5150 head ($1000).. and its a tube head. soo you need to let it warm up... it even has a special switch for just letting it warm up.. the fucker... he doesnt remember becuase he was drunk.. soooo I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.. little scrawny bitch..... he doesnt even have a job now... going down hill...

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 2 September :: 4.16 pm

my xanga entry from yesterday which i forgot to post over here:

Today was pretty good.. god i luv typeing with this laptop... enough about that though.. lol.. umm yeah..

i listened to Mer De Norms today for like the first time in a whole year or actually 2 years.. wow.. i soo want to jam now.. lol.. and my dad finally helped me move my guitat cabs out of my room.. soo i will b e able to jam tommorrow.. YAY. and jeremy is phsyced that we are getting back together. soo thats good.. we are going to have to make fliers of some sort to find another guitarist and bassist.. like.. mike was ok, his gear was terrible, but he was an ok guitarist.. its jsut that hes never not drunk or drugged up long enough to jam.. soo whatever. and dan was pretty good.. but hes in college (out of state).. soo oh welll... shitty. who knows.. maybe there is some good guitarist and bassist out there lookign for us... it would be sweet if we could find a synthesizer or violinist.. they woudl always be welcome :). lol.. or a good singer.. those are hard to find though.. well anyways.. atleast me and jeremy are solid.. hmm.. i kinda liek the idea of starting 100% all over.. even though we had like 8 songs and some change before we stopped.. oh well.. i already have a good song im workign on.. ill get to show it to jeremy tommorrow...

and jake hasnt called me in a long while.. god must be smiling on me.. lol.. dont ge4t me wrong, jakes a good kid.. hes just one of those people i dont like hanging out with though.... he jsut annoys me for no apparent reason.. i always seem to know people that annoy me and i cant figure out why, hahaha. lol..

ive got everything installed on the laptop now. ive got Flash MX, Dreamweaver MX, Paintshop Pro 8, and PhotoShop 7...ive only got 2 games on here right now.. and im going to try to keep it that way.. lol. ive got WarCraft 3 and StarCraft: Brood War.. ive turned into a StarCraft addict in the past 2 days... ive been soo bored.. ill wake up, play guitar, play a 2 hour game of StarCraft, eat, then play guitar, then continue that cycle until about now when i update my journal, and then i watch AdultSwim... lol.. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the funniest fuckin show ever.. lol.

wow.. i must not have listened to Mer De Norms for a long time.. im listening to 3 Lybras and all i can think about is Jayme.. wow.. and how ive seen her online like 50 times, and havent said hi.. hmm...next time shes on im sayign hi.. lol..i cant stop thinking about how if i was back in highschool.. i would have done it sooo much differently.. i would have had her liek that *snaps his fingers*.. damn... lol.. like im 50 times as confident now.. and soo much more talkative from work.. and of course i like telling myself i have a better sence of style.. lol.. ;).. anyways.

1 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 30 August :: 11.03 pm

nothing i was planning on doing today happened.. but thats ok because..........MY LAPTOP CAME!!!!! its soo cool.. im like YAY. hehe.. im actually usingn it right now to make this entry.. i luv how laptop keyboards feel and sound when your typeing really fast.. i guess im jsut weird

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

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