2004 14 June :: 2.40 am
new background, thanks to tina <3
yeah, not falling in love with anyone quite yet, but if tina says it's true, then it must be.
i had a nice day today. this whole entire weekend was nice. mmm... you know why and if you don't, that's too bad.
talked to ashley today. coming down in july to accompany me to concerts... i really hope she does, tallahassee sounds like country-ville.
me: what'd you do today?
ashley: worked in the yard
me: all day?
ashley: yeah... i'm so sunburnt
ashley: we have storms every night like right when it is around that time you go out
me: that sucks
ashley: our phones haven't worked since last night.
.... next conversation
me: what are you doing now?
ashley: watching tv in the guest bedroom, i don't even have cable in my room yet
all i have to say is thank god for cell phones.
i wish to get tanner tomorrow if the weather allows. i should go to bed, but i'm sure my thinking will keep me awake. why do i think so much about you? you leave me lying in my bed at night with countless thoughts. grrr....
2004 8 June :: 10.50 pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: ben folds - the luckiest
Va-Va-Voom! You're inner Bombshell is Mae West.
You've definitly got a lot of wit, a lot of
smarts, and you know how to use people to your
advantage. Ever heard the phrase "doesn't
take any crap from anybody"? Well that's
you! Just like Mae you never want to settle
down, and can't imagine being with just one man
for the rest of your life. You don't care about
conventions and have no filter from your brain
to you mouth. Check out the movie "She
Done Him Wrong" to see your inner
bombshell in all her voluptuous glory!
Who is your inner bombshell?
brought to you by Quizilla
2004 8 June :: 1.22 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: jamisonparker - your song
happy 16th birthday to me!
4 Under the stars... |
2004 5 June :: 10.59 pm
:: Mood: hot
hi woohu people.
i haven't done much.
beach, tanner than usual, chilling, movie watching, waiting, shopping, chilling, being bored.
yeah. it's been boring for the most part, but i'm loving all this time of doing absolutely nothing. i need to find a job so i can drive the barney car.
2004 31 May :: 10.41 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: red hot chili peppers - under the bridge
this summer has been fun so far. gives me hope for the days to come which is always good.
saturday - cleaned out the barney car, made it all spiffy, cut the grass, and the rest of the night i sat being bored out of my mind.
sunday - spent the day at my grandma's in melbourne. drove up watching peter pan, came back watching brother bear. oh how i love sitting in the back of mini vans watching disney movies, it just makes you feel like a kid. we found out my not so little boy cousins are kissing girls. everyone is growing up. so cute. came home and called briana over to spend the night. had fun.
today - woke up and met ryan at the pool. spent a little time there and then left and went to aunt and uncle's house to celebrate memorial day. went swimming, ate, got tan, drank pina coladas... started the summer off right with the family. came home and went back out to briana's. her and ryan and her pink room. woah. too bright. hung out, watched music videos... dip it low, met up with JB and decided to go swimming after about an hour of deciding what to do. had fun playing categories and marco polo in the pool... "fish out of water!". lol. and now i'm sitting here, the only child now, feeling bad for forgetting to call zach and ashley today. i hope they got to tallahassee safely.
this summer isn't looking that lonely after all. i found a boy, friends to have fun with, and no brother, what else could be better?
where is tina? i miss her. she's supposed to be home by now i thought.
2004 26 May :: 8.15 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: rooney - stay away
school is over in 2 days? i can't believe it and i'm so happy/sad about the whole thing. happy because this is the summer i turn 16, which means i get to drive wherever i want, whenever i want and sad because this is when i have to say goodbye to ashley cline, who i will miss dearly.
so today i went to pick up my car. my dad drove it home and he was like, "this is a nice car. maybe we will trade and you can have my car." i would love if this happened. for one, my dad's car is smaller and already has a cd player in it and plus it's a stick-shift which i think would be fun to drive once i learned. the only problem at the moment is that the car is a stick-shift and i need a lot more practice in learning how to drive it. we'll see i guess. at least i have a car. that's all i care about. my 14 year-old cousin was like, "you really want that car?" and i was like, "trust me patrick, when you turn 16 you aren't going to care about what kind of car it is"... by the way... it's a 95 oldsmobile ninety-eight. i am going to pimp out in that car like a old lady should be pimping in it.
hmm... done? yeah i think thats about it.
oh yeah... yesterday was my mom's birthday... she was depressed, really depressed. it was sad, really sad.
4 Under the stars... |
2004 16 May :: 11.22 pm
:: Mood: pleased
:: Music: penny and me
i had a nice weekend.
-jazz on the ave. and dinner
-shopping and troy
-cousin's graduation party
the end. good night.
2004 11 May :: 11.07 pm
ap tests start in eight hours. don't forget your stickers!
i'm out. going to watch peter pan preview on the love actually dvd just because i love it so much.
imagine a world like nothing you've ever seen where everyday is an adventure, a world where you'll never have to grow up or grow old, come with me, all you have to do is leave home behind but you can never come back...
1 Under the stars... |
2004 9 May :: 11.53 pm
this weekend was enjoyable.
friday - dinner with the whole Kwan family at buco di beppo. <3 them mucho. then, movies with tina, adam, and tina's mom. saw mean girls and boy were those girls mean. slept over tina's house.
saturday - ate leftovers, kept myself busy while tina studied watching tv and going online, did tina's hair, laughed, danced, had fun times getting dressed-up. boy do i love her. came home and cut the grass because i was so happy.
sunday - did pretty much absolutley nothing much of anything. washed the floors and straightened up mi casa for my mom, a little cinderella action, while the boys just sat around and did nothing. threw away all of my stats stuff, talked to my aunt, tried on my dress for my aunt and little cousin, sat and looked at the yearbook with my aunt.
aunt jenny: you're right, the senior guys are much cutier then the sophmore guys.
i ate a lot today. i love food, such a chub.
two ap tests this week on the same day!! ugh. and ms.french thinks we are coming to class that day... heh.
try to enjoy this stressful week, the end of it shall be wonderful.
love to all.
2004 6 May :: 11.11 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: third eye blind - semi-charmed life
Sophomore year is coming to an end, 15 more days of school left. It makes me go through a whole bunch of different emotions. At first, I'm happy... 2 years left, we are half way done and I'm so very satisfied with the past two years. Then, I wonder about those people leaving and become saddened. Those people leaving, they aren't just those friends... the ones leaving are my family. Briana, JB, and Ashley Cline. My memories from my teenage life so far come from them mostly. Briana... she's my sister, the one that became my friend in Ms.Barbose's class in 6th grade, she's the first one that took in my funky personality. We both have learned so much from each other and have been through so much together. I believe though that our friendship is able to with stand anything. I know 5 years from now when she is cheering in college, I'm going to go and see her and cheer her on. Then there is JB... that boy that gave me my first kiss, let me know that is fun to be friends with boys, he's leaving and going to grow up and be such a wonderful man and person, he tells me not to worry though because he will always come down to my house and visit me. Lastly, there is Ashley Cline, that girl that became one of my best friends in school during the past year, the one I have experienced so much with, I'm scared to see her go, I will miss everything that she has to offer. I can't wait to be able to visit her in Tally though. I like the person I have become with the help of these people and others.
I miss spending time with my family. My older cousin still isn't talking to me and she just moved back to her home in North Florida and is not coming back next year to Palm Beach Atlantic most likely. =( I miss her. I know it is my fault for all this and it's just... sad. Who knows, maybe during my brother's graduation, when they are all down here we'll make-up.
I'm tired of living at home, but I'm sure most of you know that. My dad works til 11 every night since he is teaching the afternoon and night class, the only time I get to see him is when he drives me to the bus stop in the morning when I'm not in the mood to chat that much. My mom refuses to take her thyroid medicine and everyday she comes home and is tired and worn out and ends up just falling asleep and leaves me and my brother to find whatever we can to eat, which leaves me in charge since my brother has no clue. And when she does wake up she is irritable and then my dad comes home from work and is irritable too and then they argue. Next year I imagine it will be worse, but thankfully I will have a car. My brother is leaving in less than a month, for a pretty long time and I will miss him dearly. He's my brother, that guy that when I was little, beat me up and teased me, but we grew up and he is weird but I still love him so much.
I wish my bruises would go away, they still hurt when I touch them and they make me feel insecure with a big mark on the side of my arm. I wish I had someone to kiss and hang out with. I wish summer would come now, so I can forget about school and just have plain fun.
3 Under the stars... |
2004 4 May :: 7.22 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: mae - summertime
what a weird day. didn't sleep well, ended up waking up at 7:30. thought i would take the time to study but instead did much of nothing. got ready and my dad drove me to school. spent hardly anytime in government which is always a good thing. i love how stupid mr.epstein is. "they start pulling them at this age?!"..."you got them pulled today?!" went to spanish for the good hour i would spend there watching pirates of the caribbean. could've stayed there though longer and watched the rest of it, wouldn't have mind that at all. the sub was sitting behind me and he kept giggling softly. it was cute since he was an old man. left that class and went to my locker and met up with my favorite chub. went to lunch and ate a donut thanks to pretam, and got many hugs and "i missed you so much" from ashley. after that we traveled to the library. made a stop at the girls' bathroom, which carlos decided he wanted to enter and go in a stall. logan told some black girls that a boy was in a stall and they got all freaked out. lol. waited outside the media center for a 1/2 an hour. no big deal. i think me and jessica will be the only ones who will ever truly understand jose and his greatness.
liz: name the top five places you would be if you could be any other place right now
me: cancun, home, california, in bed, beach
shortly after that convo we went into hell. it took so long to get started. i swear, i think people are retarded, it's not that hard to fill in bubbles. we didn't get done until 4:30. that test was what i expected hard. after doing what i could on the short answer i just left.
so on the way home i realize that i don't have my key and i find that my brother isn't home. joy for me. i figured that i was not going to waste an hour sitting in my backyard. i simply took off my jeans and shirt and went swimming. about 5 minutes into swimming around, i realize that there are people cutting the hedge in the backyard. i ran out of the pool so fast. no way was i letting some guatemalan see me half naked. boy did i have fun though. just jumping in my pool like a little kid. i'm going to have fun this summer. no matter what. and i'm going to bring a boy over to my house and we are going to go swimming just like how i always wanted.
thats it. have a nice night. see ya next time.
i have too much fun by myself, yet i am still lonely. i should be shot.
6 Under the stars... |
2004 30 April :: 3.42 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
i'm alive. rough day. i can talk. my dad rocks. my brother cares and that brought tears to my eyes. i have a bell. when i ring it, you better come.
ok. more detailed version of yesterday now. so yesterday i woke up at like 7:30 and got dressed, drove to the oral surgeon's office with my dad. we walked in and i went to the bathroom and as soon as i came out of the bathroom, they pulled me into the operating room, i didn't even get to say bye to my dad which made me a little uncomfortable, since i was already scared. the nurse hooked me up to machines that would monitor my blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, all that crap. then she told me that she was giving me extra oxygen and told me to breathe through my nose. what crap was that. i don't understand why she couldn't just tell me that she was giving me the gas to go bye bye. the doctor put the IV into my hand and i looked up to the ceiling, looking at the tv built into the ceiling and just closed my eyes and that was the last thing i remember. i woke up in the middle of my living room, crying with my parents asking me where i wanted to lay down. my dad said i cried for a good hour. then i passed out on the couch and woke up and took some pills. passed out yet again. woke up and drank pina coladas and such, and ate some rice. went to sleep yet again. my dad showed me all the things i tried to write down in the car on the way home from the office... it's funny. woke up this morning and got really mad at my mom because my face was so swollen and she didn't wake me up to put ice on my face at all during the night and plus it took her 20 minutes to get my pain medicine. ended up taking the medicine and went to sleep yet again. slept for most of the day and now i'm here, about to pass out again thanks to the pain medication. i just get all woozy and want to just close my eyes and go to dreamworld. i love narcotics and their effect on me. probably won't be at school on monday if i still am in pain. i will fall asleep in every class and plus i need that day to study for ap stats exam.
sorry if my edit is all rambles. i'm blaming it on the pain killers.
<3 you all.
4 Under the stars... |
2004 27 April :: 8.48 pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: 3lw
i should've sat on that bench for the whole night. i came home and i was like, "i should've just stayed there." i come home and my mom tells me something disappointing, i've learned to not believe anything she says anymore, like before i would've cried for something like she did today but i've learned to just brush it off. i wish i would've cried though cause maybe she would've understood that i was upset instead i just said, "whatever" and put myself to sleep. lately, i feel like my mom and i's roles have changed. i'm the one that gives her advice these days. last night i had to explain to her why it is important for her to take her thyroid medicine. she just stopped taking it and figures her body can function properly without it and she wonders why she is always tired...
on better notes, i have 6 b's and 1 a on my progress reports. a little surprised by that. i thought my grade in english was horrible... it should've been but oh well. he gave me a 170/200 on my research paper. i think he was half asleep when he graded that or just felt bad for me. whatever, i'll take it.
wisdom teeth pulled in 3 days. 2 days left in this school week para mi.
must study for stats. i have a 79.9 in that class and i hear the short answer is hard. avi came to get me out of english during it and asked me what confidence interval was.... lol.
3 Under the stars... |
2004 19 April :: 11.41 pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: ben folds - the luckiest
thank you for the compliments on my journal and yes pretam, i do cut the grass, thats how i get the little muscle that i do have, i even have a hill in my backyard that i have to push that thing up.
i love being awake when no one else is. it gives me time to sit online and just think and wonder. tonight, i thought about guys and who they affect my life. i've come to this:
"boys, sometimes i girl just needs one..."
i've never been dependent on a guy, nor do i ever plan to be. i do plan on falling in love with one though. i like being independent in my own ways. i always thought that a boy is just someone to come along on the ride though and be there when you need him, a good friend. i still think that. i like living in my own world, where disney is real, so any guy that is willing to deal with that then i say you can come with me, just leave me alone when i want to be free. who knows. if you have no idea what i am saying, just ignore that.
lets see what else i thought about, oh yes, religion. lately, i've been thinking about it a lot. i'm still "finding myself" and when i'm finished, i'll tell you exactly what i am. right now though, i'm just clueles, i believe in God and know that I am a christian, now i'm jsut wondering what kind of christian i am. my parents are both catholic. my dad is still practicing, my mom says she is but hasn't been to church in over a year. *shrug* i don't see myself as being a catholic though, some things in that religion i just disagree with.
memory lane is so much fun, jessica and i took another stroll down it tonight. we realized how much things have changed in these past few months. look at homecoming to now. what the heck happened? things i guess. remember that night? i mean i know there were some bad moments, but remember the good? remember the beach? the glowing moon, the waves, the sand, my baby boy dance, the cool breeze? remember the dancing? the laughs? when at least more than one person gets a car, we need to make that trip to the beach again and experience.
i wish people were more content with life. life is so wonderful. live everyday as it was your last, for you and only you. regrets are not fun. my cousin has this thing on his profile it says, "don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive anyways." so enjoy, and experience the bittersweet.
and if thats all bullshit.... you only have 27 more days left of school til summer.
11 Under the stars... |
2004 18 April :: 5.14 pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: switchfoot - you already take me there
finished the journal, take a look at it and tell me what you think.
so today is sunday, last day of the weekend. i'm ready for school tomorrow because i'm ready to get school over with for this year. the weekend was nice. friday night went to watch the chicas dance. they did a great job. i really wanted to be on that stage dancing with them. after the dance show, we went out to the movies and saw the punisher. saturday i went to city place with my mom to eat lunch and walk around and then came home and went to a 4 year old's birthday party with tina. today i woke up and cut the grass and that was about it. hope you all are having a nice weekend. see you tomorrow.
5 Under the stars... |