"Thou Knowes't the mask of night is on my face"


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A shoujo's tale of life, love and lollipops

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:: 2004 31 May :: 12.51 pm
:: Mood: sad

I dun feel like writing in here anymore...

see yall later....

I think i have had my fill

4 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 31 May :: 12.41 pm

Your Love Situation
by Amberishjewel
Your Love Is...Gentle
During Lovemaking You Act...Like a cat, longing to be pet
Your Partner Is...Your best friend
Your Partner Has Said That You...Are a great lover
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote."You deserve a bed of roses"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 25 May :: 4.07 pm
:: Mood: frustrated

I am sick of everyone in general.
I am sick of the dramas, and the pettiness of everyone and everything

I am very frusterated

3 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 22 May :: 12.00 am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: "Let There Be Peace on Earth"

This is for you, Hana Brady
I read the most inspiring book tonight. It is called Hana's Suitcase. It is about this 11 year old girl who is a Jew in the early 1940's. I met her though this book, and I feel as though I have come to know her.

Why did she and so many others have to die??? Why did the Nazis kill so many? Because they were Jewish... They still believe in God, just not Jesus. The Lord said ,however, that no matter what the Jewish would be in his heart and in heaven.

There is no difference between you, me or any other person in this world. We all laugh cry and love. She died at Auschwitz at the age of 13. She was gassed. Why do we hate over religions and race? We are all the same, and we all have the rights to believe the way we want. I personally do not believe that Christianity is the only right religion (don't get me wrong, I am a born again Christian and that is my religion). I believe we all have the right to get in Heaven, if we love and admire the "God" we are close to.

When I read this story, I found out how petty and foolish we all are today. We say we "hate" boys or girls because they are rude or obnoxious. But do we really hate them??? I wish we could all live in peace. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to help destroy the hate.

Hana was so young... She did not start the war, and she did not do anything wrong. The Nazis just took her mother, her father, her brother and herself. The only one still alive today is her brother, George Brady.

Some of her drawings are in the book, and it just makes me realize how similar people are. How I can feel what she is drawing. She was so beautiful... inside and out... Loving everyone who would love her.

Why was she killed? Because of hate, and we lost many many more people because of it.

I want to see her someday, when I go to heaven. I want her to know how much she has meant to me, even though I only read about her.

She loved her brother George, he was her truest hero. He was heart broken when he found out she was killed.

Please God, let us all go to Heaven if we believe in you, no matter what we call you, be it God, Jevhovah, or even Great Spirit, we love you and your ways.

Hana Brady, I will always remeber you from this day forward


P.S. If any of you disagree with my view on religions or this whole entery, please do not force your view upon me.

2 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 13 May :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Heaven

I can love just like anyone else... I KNOW that Joe has feelings for me as I do him. I know it yet some say I do not know the difference between family love and romantic love, but we are learning together. I have matured over the course of these four years (at least a little lol) and he is growing up too.

No one makes me feel the way Joe makes me feel. He is my strength and I am his. When he is down I can always make him laugh and when I cry he is there as my shoulder to cry on.

People have asked me, "Why don't you guys just go out already???" Well, we do, but we want to make sure that this is really going to last forever. So we want to be friends until we are mature enough to handle a romantic relationship.Neither of us have ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend, so we want to take it slow.

I am begining not to care what anyone thinks. I care about him and he cares about me. I may be young, and naive but I know what this is. God has put this in my heart for a reason... Nothing happens by accident...

I love you all dearly,


2 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 14 April :: 9.47 pm
:: Mood: refreshed
:: Music: Love Hina Theme Song

Today started out sort of bad. I really didn't feel like going to school today. First hour went okies (since Liz and I ate malted milk balls and mocked The Grapes of Wrath (We are the grapes of wrath we never take a bath!))

Second hour I pretty much slept through the whole thing. I was sooo tired.

Third hour was Mrs. VanWieren (bitch of the year) and of course it was no fun.

Fourth hour, Rachel (Dagmar) was being a bitch as well... She was just being really annoying and rude.

In fifth hour, Ms. Barth forgot to give me another grade AGAIN!!! Gawd, I am getting sick of her.

Sixth hour was all right though, I got into Varsity Women's but I guess that is all right since that's what everyone got into (even the immature/tone deaf girls)

After that I came home and Justus and I argued that bugged me a bit. So instead of staying gloomy, I went downstairs and danced and took a shower. I feel so much better now! Yay!



Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 13 April :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Barbie Girl (Japanese)

Today was all right. Nothing much has really been happening lately. I talked to Jannalee today. I really haven't talked to her since we were in 7th grade. She was being really grumpy and mean back then so we stopped being friends. We started to talk and it was nice to talk to her. She came and hung out at my house after Art Club. We danced and then played Sims for a little while. She's all right, but she will never be one of my best friends.

I called Joe yesterday. He is such a chicken about commitment (lol). He told me he is "scared of losing me" and such. He doesn't want to lose our friendship. We talked about a relationship and I think he is liking the idea, but scared of losing this friendship, because we are really close, you know? I understand where he's coming from, but I think we'd always be together (^^) I mean I know he only has eyes for me and I know (he told me I am the only girl he likes) , but I think he's worried I'd dump him. *sigh* he is so complicated.

I' going to interview for another job at Art Works for the summer. Wish me luck y'all!

I saw Keleigh in the hallway today. I smiled and waited for her. Keliegh I miss seeing you in German! I hope it's easier in the other German class (and there's no immature boys)

Mrs. VanWieren caught me putting make-up on in her class today ^^; oops. She wasn't teaching anything relevant so I mean.... I dunno she just doesn't like me and I don't like her either. She's on the top of my list for "Bitch of the Year"

I know how to do omlaus now!!! YAY ö ü woot *alt 148 for ö* *alt 129 ü*

Love you

1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 9 April :: 7.58 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "Like a Shooting Star"

Today was pretty much a bummer. I wanted to go to the movies and the mall but NOT ONE of my friends was home! I was really bummed, and I called Lizziegh, but she didn't want to hang out so I thought "Screw you."

I also got a tad frusterated when I looked for my Composition Literature paper, and found out it didn't save so I had to start it all over *groans* It's going all right, but it's hard to write the way "Barth the Bitch" wants you to.

It was cute because when I was bumming in my room listening to music, Gizmo came in and started giving me doggie kisses. He's a sweet puppy.

I'm so happy I have gotten to talk to Joe all this week ^.^. He is really someone who is not fickle, you know? Some of my friends use me and other people only when they need them, but he isn't like that. He is genuinly sweet. I kind of want to talk to him, I might give him a call later tonight or tomorrow.

I made a batch of almond cookies today. They are yummy, but I needed A LOT of help from my mom.... Let's just say I am... cooking impaired??? I am glad I didn't burn them though (^^;) that's what happened last time I made cookies.

After dinner, I went downstairs and danced for over an hour. DDR is so much fun, and it is a good way to take stress off of me

I guess I had a bad day because I couldn't sleep at all last night... (Probably because I forgot to take my sleeping pills) I took a Drixoral because I didn't feel good, and my mom said that that would work as a sleeping pill... I guess not on me! I was wide awake until 1:45 watching old episodes of "Sanford and Son" and "All in the Family" (hey there was nothing on....) I still couldn't sleep it must have been another half an hour before I got into semi-sleep. Then, I woke up at 6:30 with my dog, and I was about to take him out when my mom came up. I tried to go back to sleep but it was really difficult.

I called my Kittie Katie today, and she still has mono really bad. I am really surprised how bad it is for her. I miss her though... I haven't seen her in a few moons.

Well I don't know what else to write about



3 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 7 April :: 11.13 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: your faith in me Jessica Simpson

x. name = Jessie
x. birthday = February 22
x. piercings = 1 in each earlobe
x. tattoos = not right now, but someday maybe a rose or Kanji for Love
x. height = 5'6"
x. shoe size = 6.5

x. hair color = honey brown
x. length = I'd say two inches or so below my shoulder.
x. siblings = 1 older brother (20)
x. pets =a Lhasa Apso named Gizmo, and a chinchilla named Burly

x. movie you rented = Vampire Hunter D: Comic Book Edition
x. movie you bought = Romeo and Juliet (1968)
x. song you listened to = "I Won't Say I'm in Love" Hercules
x. song that was stuck in your head = "Break Down" from DDR Max 2
x. song you've downloaded = "ANOTHER WORLD" Gackt
x. CD you bought = The Little Mermaid Soundtrack
x. CD you listened to = Jessica Simpson "Sweet Kisses"
x. person you've called = Joe
x. person that's called you = Lizziegh
x. TV show you've watched = Leave it to Beaver
x. person you were thinking of = Joe <3

x. you wish you could live somewhere else= yes
x. you think about suicide = yes, and how sad it is...
x. you believe in online dating = I'm not into it.
x. others find you attractive = Some people I know of
x. you want more piercings = yes!
x. you want more tattoos = maybe...
x. you drink = nope
x. you do drugs = no, that's bad
x. you smoke = nope
x. you like cleaning = Only my closet.
x. you like roller coasters = NO they scare me out of my wits!!!!
x. you write in cursive or print = cursive usually
x. you carry a donor card = No, I don't have my liscence yet but anything they can use, they can have.

for or against
x. using someone = against
x. suicide = against
x. killing people = against
x. teenage smoking = It's their choice, if you say don't smoke, what do you think they'll do? Duh.
x. doing drugs = Against, their life their choice but you won't see me doing 'em.
x. premarital sex = For and against. You need to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, but it should also be special for your wedding night
x. driving drunk = Against
x. gay/lesbian relationships = For, they have their own rights, like everyone else.
x. soap operas = neither

x. food = Morningstar vegan hot dogs
x. song = "Heart of Innocence", "Part of Your World", "Ordinary World", "Kind Lady"
x. thing to do = draw, paint, sing, DDR, sleep, talk to my friends, shop
x. thing to talk about = Love, shopping, anime, and secrets
x. sports = dance
x. drinks = mineral water
x. clothes = skirts, lace shirts, anything feminine
x. holiday = Valentine's Day.
x. cars = Bug

have you...
x. ever cried over a boy/girl = yep... right in front of him too. He was all comforting and cute
x. ever lied to someone = yes, everyone has right?
x. ever been in a fist fight = nope
x. ever been arrested = nope.

x. shampoo do you use = Pantene Pro-V
x. perfume do you use = Very Sexy2 from Victoria's Secret
x. shoes do you wear = sugar sandals, cute shoes
x. are you scared of = My parents death, losing the people I love, roller coasters, needles

x. of times I have been in love? = maybe once...
x. of times I have had my heart broken? = 4 or 5
x. of hearts I have broken? = I don't know

x. of boys I have kissed? = two
x. of girls I have kissed? = 0
x. of boys I've slept with? = none
x. of girls I've slept with? = Hell, sleepovers equals many. But sex=0
x. of continents I have lived in? = one
x. of drugs taken illegally? = hrm...that's a 0
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = maybe two or three
x. of people I consider my enemies? = a few
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?= I am still in High School
x. of CDs' that I own? = Not many
x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = i dunno
x. of scars on my body? = one
x. of things in my past that I regret? = one: not being as open with my heart as I should


Everyday this week, Joe has wanted to talk to me. He keeps asking me to call him! He is acting like he can't talk to me enough. He is so sweet. He got his tetnis shot yesterday and he is having an allergic reaction to it. Poor guy. He sounded awful. I hope he gets better. He asked me to call him tommorrow so I will. I said "aishiteru" and he asked what it meant. I told him it meant I love you and I kinda meant it like bye and he went "Oh!" and sounded like he was all happy

My mom, Lizziegh, and I went to the mall(s) today. I bought a kitty shirt, a pink belt, and lip gloss at Forever 21. Then, we went to our mall and I bought a shirt that says "Jesus is my Homeboy" at Journeys.

Love you


1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 6 April :: 9.54 pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: "I Think I'm in Love With You" Jessica Simpson

(>^^)> <(^^<)<(^^)>(>^^<)
(NOTE:: This was from Yesterday)

I had a good day! I finally got in touch with Joe. He has missed me too! He apologized for not being able to talk lately. We talked for about 2 hours! It felt so good to talk to him. We talked about everything!!!

He told me about how his parents have had him stressed because he wants to go to a public school instead of s Christian school, because at a public school he could get a scholarship. His parents, however didn't let him.

He has a job at a Graphic design business in GR! I am so happy for him! On the other hand, that means he can't take a class this summer. I asked him, "Will I be able to see you again???" and he said "Of course!"

He told me that he really cares about me. I told him I cared about him too. He confided in me he had never had a girlfriend before (he is so cute!). We also talked about drugs. He has NEVER done them (neither have I)

He started to tease me about stuff and he made me laugh with his Smeagol impression (he sounds just like Smeagol!!!)

I told him about Valentine's Day and how I wanted to talk to him. He said "Aww... crap I was with my dad... bummer" I think he smiled.

He gave me his e-mail (he got one for me). He promised he would call me sometimes!

When we had to go, he asked me to call him tommorrow. We were talking about love and stuff, and he said love was possible to find at this age.

He makes me so happy ^^


1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 2 April :: 10.53 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: "Inosano Sasayaki"

Today was all right.My mom and I went out to Michael's and I got some new art supplies. Then we went to Joann's Fabrics. Next was Mejier, and finally Family Fare where I bought a cute sticker.

I cam home and called Lizziegh to wish her a happy birthday. I also called Joe. He wasn't home right then, so I called back after 6:00. He actually was home. We were just starting to talk and he had to leave. I could feel myself choking up and he started to sound all sad. He told me to call him Monday.

I got pretty bummed after that, so my mom took me out for a slushie and we just drove around. I love to just drive along... I feel so content. We looked at houses.

I came home and danced for an hour

But I still am bummed. I miss Joe, and I kinda know why he's been such a booger. I wish I never was such a chicken...

1 Little Lover | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 22 March :: 10.41 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: "Have You Ever Been in Love" Celine Dion

Je l'ai appelé aujourd'hui... Il jouait à l'hockey. J'ai souri et ai accroché vers le haut le téléphone. Son papa a dit à l'appel retour dans une heure. Je , et sa maman a repris. Elle m'a demandée de me tenir dessus et lui a demandé s'il voulait parler. Elle est revenue et a dit qu'il ne s'est pas senti très bon mais il pourrait m'appeler en arrière plus tard. Il pas . J'ai commencé à pleurer. Elle était lente d'abord et bientôt les larmes ont commencé à tomber plus rapidement et plus rapidement. Je sais que la moitié d'elle est FRED, mais toujours...
Je suis pissé au loin à lui... et à moi-même. J'ai eu une chance de lui dire que je me suis senti et je l'ai soufflée. Je suis un tel lâche ! Je souhaite il soit l'homme avec des boules et parle d'abord, mais je sais qu'il est très sensible avec cette substance, et ainsi est moi. Il n'a aucune estime d'individu dans se, il juste ne sait pas il merveilleux est.
Je juste ne veux pas qu'il m'évite... Je pense qu'I l'aiment.
Je peux encore le sentir dans le dos de mes yeux. Les larmes.
Je devrais lui avoir dit... Que je l'ai aimé... Mais je pas ... et j'ai peur que j'aie perdu ma chance


2 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 13 March :: 10.59 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Right In Front of You

I am doing all right. This weekend has been going pretty good. I babysat my two favorite girls, Jessica and Alaina Vezino, and they had a great time. I brought DDR and they both had a ball playing it. I think they want DDR now. I decided I want to give them my old PS1. I think they will use it and have so much fun! I have a PS2 so why not give it to them eh? They both want to be artists when they're older because of me. It touches my heart that they look up to me. Jessica has been drawing anime for over a year with me. She is 9 and Alaina is 6. Jessica has been improving so much, she remind me of how I used to draw in 4th grade. Alaina has a great talent in her as well. She is very good at thinking outside of the box, while Jessica understands others greatly and she has a heart much like mine. Alaina is a kick butt little girl, while Jessica is compassionate and emotional. It is amazing how much I relate to Jessica, and it is so much for to play with her and her sister. They are awsome kids.

I had a good time with the girls, but I felt really sick yesterday. I thought my sinuses were going to EXPLODE!!! My throat hurt so bad and my body ached. My face throbbed...

Today I woke up at 10:30 and ate some cereal. I was tired and still sick but I had to go to ArtWorks. I went and Bonnie was in a surprisingly good mood. She complimented me on my people made of wire and how I was awseome at proportions of the human. I just laughed. Jessica, at ArtWorks, was in a better mood today. We bought some things for our project and ate at the Dog Pit. Talk about good hotdogs!!! I am begining to love them!!!

When ArtWorks was over my dad came to pick me up and decided to push his conservative views on me. I just hate when he does that. I am not a conservative like him...

Soon we got home and I took a nap. I am so tired and I feel awful. I still hope I can go to the mall tommorrow with my mom...




Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 10 March :: 10.36 pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: "Your Faith in Me" Jessica Simpson

Which Animal Is Your Sex Symbol? by antiprep
Your AnimalRabbit(super energetic)
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

That sounds like me! I love rabbits... they're my favorite animals. I feel all right tonight. My friend Brittney came over today for a little bit. We got to talk for a while and then I made her into a DDR fan ^^. She seemed to have a good time.

Does anyone know when boy's basket ball ends? I really hope it's soon...

I totally flunked my math quiz (I got a 31% (gawd I feel like Usagi from Sailor Moon -_-;; )) So my grade most likely has gone WAY down. That is the last thing I need right now... I just keep reminding myself that next year is my last year of math, and only 56 more days of Mrs. VanWieren's terror. I know I will pass the class, but I am worried about how it will look on my GPA. I am so glad that math is not what art colleges look at.

I made a little boy out of wire today for my team's ArtWorks project. I really don't like the artist who I have to work with. She is very stubborn and seems to be prejudice... She acts like African-Americans can't learn (she teaches at a mostly African-American school). There are just as many white people who struggle, and there are a lot of African-Americans who work hard. It frusterates me that she will never listen to my ideas; only to Jessica's (my other team member). She always complains how I am "too cutesy" and weirdly happy. I just try to make the mood pleasant. She certainly doesn't try. Jessica seemed to be frusterated with me last week and I don't really know why. She says I was faking who I was to please Bonnie (which I wasn't doing..) I am really trying to help, but they make my patience run thin.

Gizmo can finally run up and down the stairs! It's so cute!!!!

Well see you all


5 Little LoverDolls | Wilt thou answer?

:: 2004 7 March :: 9.07 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Some downtempo jazz

I tried his house again. He's at youth group. I want to talk to him... I need to. I really miss him. I am not dependent on him but I just want to hear his voice. I want to tell him something... I feel like I almost have enough guts to. I miss him. I haven't seen him since Fall. Two seasons have passed and I can still smell his cologne that lingers. I still see his warm smile and look into those big seafoam eyes. That time we almost kissed. Damn it I should have went for it. I sometimes feel like a coward... I wish he would tell me first, but knowing his fear of losing each other he has avoided it, worrying I would dump him and we wouldnt be friends anymore. I haven't talked to him in about 3 weeks. I have tried a few times but he hasn't been home for reasons (such as basketball, spending "quality time" with his dad, youth group). I wish his parents would run him so much... He is always tired because of it. He has lost some of his happiness, and gained a certain sense of maturity. I think that might be why we click so well. I am usually bubbly and cheerful and when we are together he reflects that happiness he doesn't always show to others. My friend and I were talking and she said, "I don't think anyone would pick their friend over a movie star when it came to love." I smiled at her and said, " I would..." She looked over at me and sighed, "Jess, you are a true romantic." I smiled and just looked down. I know how immature I am but I still dream of being a bride and having kids with him.



Wilt thou answer?

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