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:: 2004 25 July :: 10.06pm

New Journal!


1 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 19 July :: 3.43pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Deadstar Assembly - Send me and Angel

Hey whats up......my dad is going out of town in a few days I am so fuckin happy =D I have a list of movies I am gonna rent to watch for the whole week while I stuff my face on the couch =) Dude its been really weird lately I have had a really strong urge to cut myself, I'm not depressed at all I have been pretty happy lately so its not that I just want to cut myself and see blood...kinda freaky but thats how I have been feeling...ya well I dont have much to say right now but I wanted everyone to comment and tell me which of the followig pictures they think would look good for my new journal layout...the entry colum will go either on the left or right hand side and the picture on the other....PLEASE comment and tell me which one you like!

2 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 17 July :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Lacuna Coil

Ok this entry will be for the past week.....ok well last Sunday our flippin power went out, I guess there were power outages across AZ and Glendale got effected, so of course OUR power goes out...which means our house got really hot and it sucked so me and my lil sis had to go to my grandparents for the night cuze we couldn't stay at our place...so ya we stayed the night there and we didn't get our power back till the next morning so I didn't get home till Monday night, fun fun. Then Wednesday was my birthday...I had a family party which sucked cuze everyone was pissing me off, the only thing that wasn't makin me annoyed or whatever was my dog. Thank you to everyone who REMEMBERED and wished me a Happy Birthday, that means a lot to me. Thursday I went to Steph's house which was awesome cuze I hadn't seen her since December so I was happy =) ya I got ready and we went to pick up Alex to go to DR where we met up with another Ashley and her friend Mike. After we got there we went and saw that King Arthur movie, it fuckin sucked ass....you would think it would be gory and have good sex scenes right? WRONG WRONG WRONG! All the fighting was really clean like I expected blood pouring out everywhere and heads rolling but no none of that, hardly any blood and as for the sex scenes, they were like PG rated, very boring =( ya and then after the movies we walked up by Barnes and Noble and stayed up there for awhile, then Ashley and Mike had to go so me and Steph and Alex went to go wait for Steph to pick me and her up, and while we waited I pole danced =D OODLES OF FUN! Steph says I should be a pole dancer in colledge cuze I'm good like I can hang from the pole upside down using my legs with no hands and stuff, so ya that would be cool to take pole dancing lessons or something haha. Ya then her gma picked me and her up and we left and went back to her house where I crashed for the night. I barely got any sleep at all so when I got ome later that day I went to sleep for a few hoours then I had to wake up for dinner and I couldn't get back to bed after that for a long time it sucked...So ya that was a brief summary of my past week...this Wednesday my dad is leaving for a week to go to Wisconsin, HELL YA, so that means I can sleep all day and be up all ight and listen to music and shit cuze my mom works at ngiht so I'll be home alone with my sis for a WHOLE week, I'm so happy! Well thats about it for now people comment if you wish =D

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...mysterious
Your hugs are...to die for
Your eyes...light up a day
Your touch is...irresistable
Your smell is...refreshing
Your smile is...hypnotising
Your love is...unique
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

You are Hooligan Bear
Hooligan Bear
Hooligan Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Domented Care Bear Are you?

BodY shoTz/ slow screws
your , crazy your wild crybaby style n booty bumpin is your thing,,from table dacing,lap dances ,to cages, u know how to have fun.... so get dirty gUrL..sure luv gluping down those drinks but u love licking them off boy bodiez too but dont get to caught up let them do some body shots to u to share gurl damn...

What DrInk r YA?

Most people love you - but then there's others who hate everyone - but don't worry - they probably have no reason to hate you - just keep actinng the way you do and eventually they're bound to leave you alone =)

How Many People Hate You?

You will kill yourself after first commiting homocide!
Your mind is a fucked up place where death is always present. So it lead you to take this survey. Someday you will just burst and massacre SOMEONE quite brutally. Way to go man! Then you will decide that you are a peice of shit and take one to the brain, causing you to DIE.

How will you KILL YOURSELF?!?!?

You are use of illegal drugs!

What illegal action am I?


You are a fighter.

What Type Of Bitch Are You?

help me


:: 2004 10 July :: 6.12pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Lacuna Coil =D

Hey wats crackin, this is gonna be a long journal entry so sit back and get comfy...ok well Julia and Libby came over yesterday which was fucking awesome cuze I haven't seen Julia in fucking forever and I haven't seen Libby since school so I got to see 2 of my girls which kicks ass =) So ya they came over around 2:00 and I was home alone cuze my mom and sis went out to see a movie, so ya they came over and we sat in my living room and talked for about an hour and stuff and then my mom finally got home and took us to that shopping center at the loop 101 wit the AMC 30 and shit, so ya she dropped us off at Cold Stone cuze we all wanted ice cream hella bad, damn I love Cold Stone its the best goddamn place for ice cream, so ya we got our shit and started walking down to the movie theater, we decided we didn't wanna fuckin pay cuze were cheap like that so we waited in an ally way waiting for people to come out so we could get in...not much luck, this one woman came out and saw us standing there and she was like "you girls go to the front and pay like everyone else" and shut the door and left with her children....ggrrrr....and then Julia tried knockin' on the door to see if anyone would open it, bad idea cuze a dude who worked there opened it...we kinda stood there and said we were just standing in the shade cuze it was hot and he left....a few minutes later these ugly ass guys were shoutin out us, they looked like they were about 10 but they claimed they were our age, anyways Julia ran off to talk to them and me and Libby were standing there until this chick who worked there came out and wanted to know wtf we were doing...so after that we decided we should try the other ally way, and becuase of Julia's wonderful manipulating skills, she got these guys to go into the movie theater and let us in, finally after like 10 minutes they let us in =) so ya we quickly looked for a movie to see and we ended up seeing Dodgeball, it was a pretty gay movie but it was funny, the guys followed us into the theater and ended up sitting behind us, yuck, but they did buy us a pop corn which was nice, even though 75% of the popcorn ended up on the floor cuze Julia and the guys were throwing popcorn at each other...ya me and Libby tired to stay out of it...so ya after the movie ended it was Panda Express time, and the guys followed us there too...so ya we ignored them and ate our orange chicken, one of the morons had a naked chick on his shirt and she had THO so I was like "did you know your shirt has THO?" hes like "ya i know thats why I got it"...typical guy answer....so ya they would come in and out of Panda Express until we left and started walking away....then they followed...and ya Julia wanted to go into Ross so we did and the guys followed us in there...so by this time I was getting pretty annoyed...then one of the guys flipped me off becuase I had flipped him off earlier and of course I got pissed and started to go after him but I was in a very short skirt and flip flops so it was pretty hard chasing him around the store and then he ran out of the store so I went to follow but in the process I almost broke the glass door cuze I like slammed into it so ya I tried following him but the lil shit was fast and I couldn't run well in what I was wearing...so ya I waited for Julia and Libby to come out cuze the women in Ross were mad that I almost broke the door so I thought it would be better to stay outside...so once Julia got her stuff we went to Pets Mart =D so ya we looked at the cats and stuff...Libby wanted a snake but they didn't have any but she also wanted a frog so we were lookin at the lizards and frogs and shit...I was gonna buy Libby a frog but I was a few bucks short so ya while we were looking at the reptiles those fucking retarted guys came in there too...so we ignored them...and left and went to Bath and Body works for a few minutes which is always nice, and then after that we went to TARGET! Mwahahaha! Ya so Libby Julia and I went in there a looked around for a lil bit and played some ball in the isles..then Julia said she had to go to the bathroom so she left and thats when me and LIbby discovered the BIKE section! =D So ya of course me and Libby started riding the bikes around it was fucking great so after 15 minutes of riding the bikes and no Julia we decided to go look for her...we found her walking aimlessly around, so we brought her back to the bikes and all 3 of us started riding them, after about 10 minutes this pimple face high school guy that worked there who thought he was hot shit told us to get off the bikes and put them back, it sucked...so ya it was pretty funny cuze he asked this one chick who worked there to escort us out so shes was like "uuhh... ok...did you guys get kicked out?" and me and Julia were like ya and shes asked whut we did and we told her we were riding the bikes and she laughed and said if she could she would have done the same thing...so ya we got kicked out so we started walking down back to the theater...by this time we were hella hot from the heat so we went in Subway to cool off...while Julia flirted with the guys that worked there I got a sub cuze I love subs...so ya while we were sitting down these girls walked past the window and gave Julia a dirty look....a few mintues later they came by again and flipped her off...so ya we got up and left to go find them and see wtf their problm was cuze Julia didn't do anything...by the time we found them they were getting on one of those golf cart things and one of the bitches yelled to Julia "Suck my Cock Bitch" which I found quite disturbing cuze this was a chick...and well ya...so by this time it was getting close to the time for us to get picked us so we went and waited by the movie theater and got some water...on our way over there I saw that lil shit who flipped me off and as we were passing by I poured my water on him...all he could say was "ho" (thats the best he could do?) and walked away, it was pretty funny...so ya we waited in the fucking heat for awhile and then my mom picked us up and took us back to my place, once we got back we decided that we should get in my pool cuze we were fucking hot as fuck...so ya we stayed in there for a few hours and talked it was tight....when we came in it was 10:30 so we all got on my big coutch and started watching HBO movies...Julia fell asleep really fast but I fell asleep at 12 and I dunno when Libby fell asleep....so ya at like 2-3 am i woke up and I couldn't get back to sleep until 6 and then we all woke up around 10...my mom went and got us doughnuts and we stayed in my room cuze we were tired, or at least I was...we had planned on going to the Walgreens near my place to steal some makeup but Julia and I were tired and it was hot so we decided we would do it another time...ya they left around 2 so here I am updatnig my journal that I haven't updated in while...4 days until my birthday which is kinda cool...um whut else....well ya thats abut it for now I'll update in a few days...lata.

4 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 3 July :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: depressed and lonely
:: Music: Scars of Life

Really bored and depressed...not much to say =(
If anyone is good at journal and website layouts please contact me.

General Stuff to Know
What is your full name?: Ashley Marie Everts
Where were you born?: Palm Springs, Arizona
What is your birthday/age?: July 14, 1989 and I am 14 soon to be 15
Where do you live now?: Glendale, Arizona
What color are your eyes?: Aqua
Hair color?: Blonde
Height?: 5'1
Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrious?: righty
What is your Zodiac sign?: Cancer

What is Your Favorite...
Color?: Black
Day of the week?: Friday/Saturday
Season?: Spring
Time of day?: screw the day, I like the night
Place to visit?: Oregon
Food?: Ice cream
Ice cream flavor?: Anything Chocolate, except mint choclate chip I hate mint
Thing to do outside?: Horseback Ride

What is/are...
Something you hope to accomplish?: I am gonna get a good job make a lota money have a big house and be happy
Your biggest accomplishment?: hhmm....
Your worst fear?: spiders...and being alone
Some words/phrases you overuse?: uh i dunno you tell me
The best way to spend a day off?: sleeping of course or sitting in front of th TV watching good movies and stuffing your face =D
Your least favorite thing to have to do?: hhmmmm....dunno
Do you...
Get along with your parents?: usually with my mom and dad almost never
Smoke?: no
Drink?: mhm
Do drugs?: no
Play an instrument?: violin
Want to go to college?(if so, where?): hell ya
Want to get married?: maybe....
Want to have children?: fuck no
Get along with your siblings?: ehh, sometimes.
Cuss excessively?: yeah
Talk to yourself?: sometimes lol
Sing? Well?: sure

Your Friends -- Who is...
The craziest?: monica
The funniest?: theyre all funny
The smartest?: stephanie
The most outgoing?: leesha
The worst singer?: i dunno
The best dancer?: leesha
The most fun to be around?: all of them are fun to be with
The most trustworthy?: Amanda
The most dependable?: dunno
The worst secret keeper?: .............
The most shy?: Libby
The biggest pain in the ass?: they all are at times
The biggest Drama Queen?: depends
The loudest?: Monica
The most attractive?: i dunno

If you could...
Go anywhere in the world, where would you go?: Oregon
Have any car you wanted, what would it be?: I want a big black truck =) with big ass wheels and a kick ass sound system....along with some nice sports cars
Go on a date with any celebrity, who would it be?: good question....vin desil (spelling?)
Have one wish (no wishing for more), what would you wish for?: i would wish to be happy
Change ONE thing about yourself, what would it be?: my nose
Try anything once (hang gliding, skydiving, etc...), what would you choose?:hhhhhmmmmm Murder (or have them offed) one person (no consequences), who would it be?: I have a few people I would seriously have killed if I had the chance.
Be a superhero, what would your superpower be?: uhhm...the power to light people on fire if they pist me off =)
Meet any one person, dead or alive, who would it be?: one? uh oh...uhhm...Angelina Joile
Go back in time and fix one mistake, what would it be?: Theres a few but I wont get into that.

The last...
Dream you had?: Lat night I dreamt me and a friend were running across the world cuze out country was being attacked by terroists and we were hiding in diff countries, why i had this dream I dont know.
Nightmare you had?: few weeks ago...
Time you cried?: hhmm....i think a few weeks ago
Movie you saw in the theatre?: Spider Man 2!
Movie you rented?: Dunno
Person you talked to on the telephone?: my uncle, he fucking called at 9:30 and i cant go to sleep so here i am doing this survey
Time you laughed?: yesterday
Curse word you said?: fuck
Book you read?: I am reading "Tess of the dUbervilles"
Place you went?: my backyard
Song you heard?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh piano music
CD you listened to?: piano music
Person you yelled at?: dad
Person that yelled at you?: my dad
Time you played Spin The Bottle?: i've never played it. so uhh...iono.....
Year you went Trick-Or-Treating?: jesus uh....7th or 8th grade with Hill and Wendy lmao that was funny shit hahahaha wendy was a barbie Hill was a punk rawk girl and I was a gothic prostitude from hell lmao so funny
Drink you had?: uuuuhhhhhhhh Coffee

Have you ever...
Cried over a boy/girl?: yep
Toilet papered someone's house?: nah not yet
Egged someone's house?: nope
Played strip poker?: nope
Had a one-night stand?: nope
Gone skinny dipping?: yep
Been in a fist fight?: sadly not really
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no, anyone who cheats on their bf or gf should be shot and left to bleed to death if the bullet doesn;t kill you
Lied to your best friend?: mhm
Told someone something you weren't supposed to tell them?: probably, i cant remember a specific time tho
Cheated on an exam?: yep....thats how I passes English 4th quarter I cheated my way through and I got B =)
Skipped school?: yep
Streaked?: nope
Kissed a member of the same sex?: nope
Started a rumour about someone?: I dont think I start rumors...I just talk shit, especially when I am man
Stolen anything worth over $100?: nope

Your perfect man/woman:: long list
Your best friend in 3 words:: trustworthy, understanding, funny
What you wanna be when you grow up:: dunno something with computers, ya I am a computer nerd
The next fifteen years of your life:: i dunno
The best day of your life:: i dunno
How you're feeling at this very moment:: tried, thirtsy, pissed
Your favorite thing about yourself:: i dunno...you tell me

7 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 1 July :: 3.59pm
:: Mood: sore

Hola I just got back from Lauren's place. I went there yesterday and her dad took us to Fashion Square where we saw Spider Man 2 which was really good and then we shopped around for awhile and then we went to Mimi's Cafe for Dinner which was cool cuze I haven't been there in a long time! On Monday I went shopping and got some clothes, woohu! My sister had a friend over for a few days and she was hella annoying but shes gone now so its all good. Ya today I am just gonna lay around the house and watch movies cuze I dont feel very good, then tomorrow I have a doctors appointment =/ Monica should be back this week from Mexico yay! HHMMM what else....ya this week is just gonna be kinda boring, we're having a party thing for the 4th of July whatever that day is on...not really fun but oh well 4th of July is never really fun lol. My birthday is coming up on the 14th ?yay? and Monica's is the 18th, its weird like alot of my friend's birthday are in the Summer time. My friend Amanada might be moving to Seattle =( hopefully she wont I need to call her later today and find out if the plans are finalized, I hope she doesn't leave I am gonna miss her, although is she does go I will be able to see her next time I go up to Portland, which hopefully wont be to long from now. I LOVE Portland it kicks ass, if you have never gone you suck and you need to go fuckface =D Ya well I am gonna go lay down for awhile leave a comment if you wish!

GO HERE: www.collide.net
^Listen to the music and shit, shes really good she sounds a lot like Amy Lee...here are some of Karen (the singer)'s pictures

7 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 27 June :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: Furious

I am so fucking angry right now you have no fucking idea you fucking bitches I am gonna say this one time for you specific individuals that you better fucking stay out of my way and fucking leave. God I am so fucking mad I cant type you fucking assholes, you worthless excuses for fucking human beings, you all should die and rot in the lowest pits of hell with satan. FUCK I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY NO I'M PAST ANGRY I AM FURIOUS YOU CANT TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE CAN YOU?!?!?!?! EVERYONE IS OUT TO HURT YOU AND KNOW ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ANYONE ELSE!

4 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 26 June :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: okay

"My Happy Ending"

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...


I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

ĎCause Iím broken when Iím open
And I donít feel like I am strong enough
ĎCause Iím broken when Iím lonesome
And I donít feel light when youíre gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
Thereís so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

ĎCause Iím broken when Iím open
And I donít feel like I am strong enough
ĎCause Iím broken when Iím lonesome
And I donít feel right when youíre gone away

ĎCause Iím broken when Iím open
And I donít feel like I am strong enough
ĎCause Iím broken when Iím lonesome
And I donít feel light when youíre gone away

2 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 22 June :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Kittie

People are fuckin ignortant morons who don't know when to leave me alone! I want to take everyone whose ever done anything bad to me and lock them up in a building and light it on fire so I dont have to deal with them ever again! GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR

1 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 20 June :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: My fan...

Its been boring lately which is why I haven't updated in awhile...started my summer reading for English, we have to read Wuthering Heights (I've seen the movie a billion times it kicks ass!) and Tess of the D'Ubervilles...both very long...*sigh* next year I am gonna have...
*AP World History
*AP English
*Intro to Human Relations
Gonna be a pain in the ass but it'll be worth it...uuuuuuhhhhhgggg my head hurts really bad I dunno why, I probly take some sleeping pills and go to bed in a lil bit, I was up late last night trying to watch a movie but I feel alseep at 1 (the movie started at 2) and then I woke up again at 5 and couldn't get abck to sleep. Tomorrow my mom and sis and my mom's friend are all going to Cina Capri to see Shrek 2 lol, Monica might be coming with us, not for sure yet. Ok thats enough for now I'll update later.

4View My BuddyProfile

Black Tangled Heart
by Silverchair

Maybe your luck has changed
Settle down
Maybe I'm just deranged
And on the rebound
Maybe love was the thing
Holding me back from all
Maybe I'm just the thing
To break my own fall

Take the rope to my heart and fall
You may just be the last before you
See the black tangled heart fall

Maybe departure's good
Makes room for more
Start to mass produce
For a chance to ignore
Maybe you'll kill yourself
Before I get a turn
Maybe I'll fall in love
And never learn

Take the rope to my heart and fall
You may just be the last before you
See the black tangled heart fall

Take the rope to my heart and fall
You may just be the last before you
See the black tangled heart fall

help me


:: 2004 15 June :: 4.04pm
:: Mood: good

Psycho Sacrifice:

Crash, Kill, line up the Dead

Banish the voices from within my head

Smash, Wreck, rolling in Pain

Blood drenching me, drenching me like the rain

Pull, Tear, rip off the Scars

Injected delerium, embraced by the stars

Torn, Worn, spit out in Scorn

Witness in Hell on the night I was born

Broken, Beat, melted in Heat

Grab for the stumps that once were my feet

Hated, Jaded, body Mutilated

I picked up my eyes and saw my pupils dialated

Retching, Heaving, my senses are Leaving

No one cares and I'm not even grieving

Spin, Turn, I'm ready to Burn

The fires of the pit are all that I yearn

Crash, Kill, Line up the Dead

Silence these voices that scream in my head.

2 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 13 June :: 1.57am
:: Mood: Bored
:: Music: Talking to Monica!

I wanna wish a very Happy Birthday to my one of my best friends Libby, its her 15th Birthday on June 16th! =D Not only is it Libby's its my friend Kyle's too. Happy Birthday to both of you guys! Luv Ya!

You know I see right through you
When you act like you don't know me
You lie, you cheat. You steal, you lose
wouldn't wanna be in your shoes
Always lookin over your shoulder
For the ones you stick
You sick little prick
It looks like your times runnin out
Creepin up your back
So whatchu all about?

I'm too fuckin' good
And fuckin' proud
I'm gonna show you how
Bad it hurts to be a clown

You're the kind of guy with two faces
Just another life that's wasted
Here's a little fact
You do me like that
End up in the back of my trunk in a sack
You'd better keep your hands off
What's mine or anybody else's
When you're selfish
Your wealth is
All you crave from the cradle to the grave

I'm too fuckin' good
And fuckin' proud
I'm gonna show you how
Bad it hurts to be a clown

I got a little bitty question
Just what the fuck are you thinkin?
You think you're all that and then some
Well you're not
I think you're dum ditty dumb
I take it back
Those thoughts are kinda whack
Don't really need that kind of karma on the track
Maybe Freddy Krueger will step into your dream and
Burn you like a demon and leave your ass screamin
To be exact I wanted to react
Mission of attack
Your head was gettin cracked
But you're a human bein
That's lucky to be breathin
And that's that
that's that
I don't trust anybody
Cuz nobody trust me
Never gonna trust anybody
And that's the way its gonna be

I'm too fuckin' good
And fuckin' proud
I'm gonna show you how
Bad it hurts to be a clown

1 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 8 June :: 4.27pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: VH1

Hey people whats going on! Lets see well I got home from Mandy's place yesterday, I went over there on Friday and spent the weekend there. Friday when I got there me and her just kinda hung out and shit and we went to the AIRPORT and got her Aunt, Amanda and I were quite excited cuze we like going to the airport haha. Then Saturday was her mom's birthday party so all morning me and her busted our asses and helped clean and shit and then Randi came over and we hung out and waited for the people to start showing up...there were a lot of people I think like around 50? Ya so us 3 hung out and shit it was pretty fun, we finally went to bed or at least I did at like 10, I was hella tired. Then Sunday morning we all woke up and Randi went home and me and Amanda did a bunch of errands with her mom but before that we went to Arizona Mills, which was kinda cool cuze I haven't been there in YEARS. Then we took her Aunt back to the airport and had to go pick up someone else. Then me and Amanda and her mom went to go see Harry Potter lol, it was actually a really good movie! Then we went back home and ate a lot and watched movies and went to bed. On Monday, her dad dropped us off at Scottsdale Fashion Square which KICKED ASS cuze I had never been there before, it was a lota fun I like that mall a lot....ya then her dad picked us up and brought me home...so ya it was a very very busy weekend but I had a lota fun, I hardly ever get to see Amanda cuze she moved to Mesa so it was nice to just hang out with her for the weekend. This week is gonna be kinda boring...I'm gonna be working out some more and tanning...kinda boring but oh well it'll be worth it in a few months. Ew I am watching VH1 and its "Rock Bodies" and Usher is on...I HATE USHER...hes a fag. Ok well ya I'm done for now, not much more to say.

help me


:: 2004 1 June :: 5.53pm
:: Music: Christina Aguilera *gasp*

Hello everyone I haven;t updated in awhile I dont really know where to start so I'll just start...I hate my parents sometimes (especially my dad)...If I'm a failure they're a failure...heaven forbid I mess up cuze it might make THEM look bad, forget about me its all about them. I could care less what people think anymore of me, they don't know me, and even if I did try to impress them like I use to do they will always find SOMETHING to criticize me about and talk shit about me for, so I decided I will be my own person...unfortunately my parents dont fuckin get that. In their eyes, I'm never good enough my grades aren't high enough I'm not pretty enough I don't act right I'm just a FUCKING FAILURE....sorry needed to vent...anyways...ya Summer is doing lovely, I went to Bekah's yesterday and her mom took us to go see "Raising Helen" which is a really cute chick flick....I wanna go see Shrek lol, it seems to me that everyone else has seen it except me I heard its really funny. I went to work for my grandma and grandpa at their place this morning, i dusted and cleaned their blinds for a few hours and got $25, woot! Me and my grandma were talking a lil bit...shes such a Scarlet O' Hara Southern bitch its funny lol, we were talking about how fucked the world is and how men just wanna get you in bed, it was hillarious, I wasn't talking I was just listening to her ramble. She a genius and a moron at the same time (if that makes sense?) I dunno sometimes shes really smart and makes really good points but sometimes you can tell she has no idea what shes talking about, she'll just sit their smoking and cussing and talking...good times. Tomorrow I am gonna stay in the pool and then Thursday I get to go see some of my doctors...and then Friday I am going to Mandy's place for the weekend =D Some of my friends have been upsetting me...I wont name any but theirs a few...I feel like I'm beinging ignored somewhat...and its pissing me off...Leave a comment if you would like

6 handed me a rope | help me


:: 2004 27 May :: 8.32pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Twiztid - Freek Show

Am I not pretty enough
Am I too outspoken
Do I cry to much
Is my heart too brokenÖ

Somebody get me out of here, Iím tearing at myself. Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else.

The hurt doesnít go away, the tears never cease to fall

What doesnít kill you only makes you want to die

You only wanted the things I couldnít give you

You broke my heart in half so I can cut myself with the edges

A bloody wrist is worth a thousand words but mine is worth twoÖLOVE KILLS

Iím so lonely I donít even want to be with myself anymore

Break my heart and hope to die

Sometimes I wish I wasnít me

Would it be out of line if I said I miss you

Save your happiness for tomorrow and tonight weíll drown in your tears

Not all scars show not all wounds heal sometimes you cant always see the pain someone feels

You asked me what was wrong and I smiled and said nothing then I turned around and whispered everything

Pain doesnít hurt when its all youíve ever felt

How will you know I am hurting if you cannot see any pain? To wear it on my body tells what words cannot explain.

Iím holding on to a dream that will never come true

I wish I could gather all my tears so I could fucking drown you in them

I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me

Iím going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythingís perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me

Iím not crazy Iím just a little unwell

Seems to me that even love can die

Donít worry Iíll be fine, just let me slit my wrists one last time

Iím a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl

Die young and save yourself

I know what its like to want to die, how it hurts to smile, how you hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the pain on the inside

Donít apologize I hope you choke and die

Iím sick and tired of being sick and tried

It kills me to love you the way I do, and look at you and see how much you donít care

She keeps on asking do you think it hurts to die? It hurts much more to stay alive.

I do it for the drugs

Kill me with the love that you wont give to me

It's raining , washing all the pain away . Streets are flooded with the pain u gave to me. Drenched in the tears that fall from the sky , I remember all the tears I had shed for you that you never would for me.

Although it may be hard to do , you need to forget the one who forgot you.

Life seems to be the hardest question ever, just as soon as youíve figured out the answer the question changes

You know it is love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if youre not a part of their happiness.

I want someone who can look into my eyes and see through my fake happiness and make me smile for real

Drown my sorrows in alcohol

When I am queen I will exist with perfect scars cut on my wrists

I focus on the pain because itís the only thing thatís real

Iíve shed my tears and Iím moving on

Breathe in, bleed out

I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand, so now I leave without a sound except my heart shattering as it hits the ground.

Swallowed by the pain as I fall apart

Schools finally over and done with, at least for 2 1/2 months...things are doing alright, I'm not sick anymore but I still have a little bit of a cough. I hope everyone has a good Summer, email me or IM me if you wanna do something.

1 handed me a rope | help me

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