dreams
last night- i was driving up a steep hill and my car could barely make it (it was like a 80 degree angle) so i was pushing down really hard on the accelerator and then i was peddling and i was on a bike and once i got to the top i let myself go backwards- it was hella scary but i was doing it for some reason. so i did that a couple times. then i saw my mom and she nonchalantly said something about my dog being dead and i was really sad.

the night before- i came into my kitchen and there was a table in front of the door and on the table this SUPERCUTE indigo and black parrot (aka not a real species) was sitting there. and my mom kept telling my brother and i either not to play with it or that we couldnt keep it... i think both. so then she left and it was looking kinda sad cuz it wanted attention but i was afraid of touching it because my mom might come in and tell me to stay away from it. so my brother and i were both sitting there for a while and then decided to go talk to it and pick it up anyways because it was so cute.

the night before- tara and i were in assembly and there was a guy sitting in the front about to make a presentation or speech or something and the person he LOOKED like was this gorgeous italian soccer player so tara and i were basically just discussing his appearance. but i was like oh yeah its that economist from colubia whos the head of FIFA (instead of who i know he really is) and i thought id have to tell my friends at columbia that he talked to our school.

now i really wish our guest speaker tomorrow would be an italian soccer player...

grrrrrrrrr
so first on this glorious day i took the math and italian SAT2s. italian was aight, math would have been great but then my calculator came down with "dim mismatch" and decided it couldnt graph things anymore. thats okay, just another lost opportunity to make me look better to colleges, and yes i DO care.

then i got my grades and... lowest grade ever. in biotech. lower, mind you, than the trimester of AP Physics where we had to derive formulas for the magnetic field produced around a hollow conducting cylinder (etc, etc). in this class we have a lecture on average once a a week, and a quiz... once a month? i will stop at that because i cant do the shittiness of this class justice.

so im pretty much murderous right now. goodbye idea of bringing my grades up this year. remind me to stay away from guns and knives.

dreams
some recent dreams or parts of dreams of mine:
*my cat killing a mouse, and i was like oh god that poor mouse because cats take forever to do that stuff but then whiskers (that is his name) killed it quickly with a knife and i was semi-relieved
*my mom said one of my birds was dead and i was semi-bummed and then i went down to see them and they were both alive yay!
*my grandpa (the one that just died) and i were like in go-carts but they were really sort of just boxes with wheels and then the evil bad guys killed him by dropping stuff from up high and then i was creeped out and was at some point wandering around a hotel trying to get the bad guys

and umm... im sure theres some other parts that werent about death that i just forgot

also, in life:
"dad, did you kidnap the guittard chocolate chips that were in the pantry yesterday?"
"they're in the tv room. do you want them?"
"yes"
"what do you want them for?"
"to... put up my nose"
"no, really, what do you want them for?"
"well, i was thinking of ingesting them..."

ive got a bad disease/out from my brain is where i bleed
im ready to get disappointed with my halloween. and if its ended up bad all the previous years of my life i cant see it getting better this time. what with early applications taking time away from planning and finding TACKY 80S CLOTHES.

and i didnt go to the dance and my poor white linen pinstripe pants arent gonna get worn until uh the spring? :'(

today after school i had an hour until aids meals and looked around wondering what to do and came to the realization that i dont have friends. so i went home and did something... it was probably mostly driving that took up that hour.

i am however proud to say that i emptied my wallet and bought 11 dollars worth of gas today. at the bon air chevron on the way to novato, because the -ometer (what else would i call it) was too close to empty and then i brought it up to right around 1/4. and then on the way home i swear it jumped up and was above 1/4 and i really just cant trust my car. also it skids in the rain, eek.

avoiding everything...
the only good thing is after school when i got in my car and turned on live 105 it was the VERY beginning of "soul to squeeze" and it was such a good time to listen to it because i just listen to the rhcp cds ive bought (and i think my mp3 player was stolen around april) and this is on the coneheads soundtrack which i btw dont own.

umm ehh peace

just a note
today i saw at least 4 ass cracks. for the love of something, people, pull up your pants once in a while.


also i keep coming across death today. ive read about it way too much. its foreshadowing.

last night
tara and i saw one bad movie that put us into a bad movie frenzy. it was a history of war and it looked mildly interesting, not exactly what we were looking for but definitely better than all other options. also it got an okay review online i thought but i need to check that out again. yeah about 2/3 of the reviews are good, 1/3 say its horrible. anyways it was ORRIBILE. wont go into it because i could rant till the cows came home and i think that would take a while. but at the end of the movie we burst into laughter and clapped, and then decided we needed to see more bad movies. (we also decided we needed to write a screenplay about gay mobsters).

blockbuster sucks. they had barely any movies from the 80s so it took quite a while to find anything worthwhile, but then we picked Senorita Justice and Hard Cash because it had people floating in lava on the back cover, but it turned out to just be the reflection of fire on water. so, lame. waste of time. but senorita justice...wow. you must all see that.

now how could i have forgotten about gigli? i still need to see that...

meh
just to quickly add to the list of ridiculous things my mom has yelled at me for-
i couldnt go to the columbia meeting at school on friday, it turned out it was exactly the time when i had to give a presentation to my english class, all class long. and i picked that presentation date a month ago. and i swear they didnt have times up for the meetings then. so yeah, as if i wasnt pissed enough, then my mom yelled at me for it. and after aids meals i was worried about coming home but then she apologized, and i should forgive her cuz her dad is gonna die any day and she worries about that too now.

the godfather keeps being on tv and i really need to have my godfather party. cept that on monday my mom and i are driving down to stanford and im hopefully gonna stay with margaux and follow her around to some classes. yay, one college down, a lot to go. (also this shouldnt even count since i wont get in... i need to see the UCs and stuff).

last night my dream was sort of narsty (not nasty, just narsty). there were 2 cats at my house (maybe my cat... times 2) and there was a dead cat in my backyard and they started eating it. and i was like ehhh, they probably shouldnt do that, but then again i didnt think there was any way for me to stop them. it was creepy so i went back inside, and then my dream probably just switched to something else.

gotta prep for that sat.

i almost died of awesome
just read that phrase online and its my favorite (no reason i used it)

last night i was in front of a mirror somewhere and several chunks of hair came out of my scalp. pretty big ones. and i started getting worried and then i saw a japanese label on them and reazlied they were hair extensions (that you stick to your scalp?) that i bought in japantown. ohhh yeah i just realized i forgot to write "in my dream" at the beginning of this. hahahaha sorry.

also i found out today that you can get pe credit for going to a gym and having the person at the desk sign something that they "supervised you" and that is awesome. and then i saw that email about the dance stuff during g block which is my free after this trimester. AWESOMER. i just have to get some other person to do that with me who is not a pro dancer.

story time
*well as you know cristina is wearing a little tennis skirt, and its like 12:20
*tyler and i go into the gas station and he essentially buys 5000 calories
*when we come back cristina says to me something about some guys creeping her out and whistling and im like shit i need to stay with her
*then tyler and i sit in the car while shes washing the windows and stuff
*these 2 guys come back and one of them is talking to cristina outside of the car
*short oldish teenage guy with a red sox hat btw
*and hes trying to convince her to go to a party in kentfield
*he WONT go away so finally i step out
*and it was literally the funniest conversation ever
*when i asked him what school do you go to, he said "uhhh oh i graduated from redwood last year" aka hes currently living off his parents money doing jack shit
*i had said we needed to get home before curfew soon which was a lie, and then he said what school do you go to and we said branson and he said "oh yeah so you have a curfew and all that stuff, hows that?"
*we discussed where we lived and i said is that your house in kentfield and he said no, i said whos house is it and he said "uhh its my homie's house" and i said "ahh, yes. your homie's house." and i dont know how i kept a straight face when i said that
*so we also said stuff like "we need to meet some friends..." and he said stuff like "come on its me and my friends, we got some girls, uhhh..."
*and at the end of it all he said "ok then well you have a good night" and i said "you too. enjoy yourselves."
*it was overall hilarious. also because cristina and i were both taller than him and he was on drugs.

theres really no picture at the top of my journal, just because i dont know what to put there
well i used my running shoes today for the first time. no foot problems, (i was afraid cuz i shipped my orthotics to indiana and dont want to pay for new ones), but then again i wasnt doing exactly the hardest running either. also, while running, i received a parking ticket for the first time. this was at pheonix lake where you have to buy a pass or a temporary ticket to park, and the first time i left my house i realized the pass wasnt in my car and went back to get it. so i went back and got it, put it on the right side of the dashboard, and finally got to the lake and parked. little did i know when i parked that the parking pass had flown (yes, flown) off of the dashboard on to the passenger seat. and a cop that found an empty dashboard wouldnt dream of looking down into the car... yeah ok thats not their job but the pass WAS visible, just slightly misplaced. oh yeah and i forgot the reason i went for a run in the first place cuz my mom was going psycho and telling me about how hard it would be for me to get into any colleges i liked (which is always a great motivator) and yelling louder than usual AND mumbling angrily too. so i sorta needed to ask her what to do but definitely didnt want to have to talk to her.

well i went to the police station and told an officer what happened, but in the middle of talking, the fact that i am a pussy + my mom's yelling + sad chili peppers that i was listening to because my mom yelled at me, all combined to make me start crying. which would have been excellent if i was in a situation where a cop was being mean to me but this guy was nice and sad "im sorry" and stuff so it was completely unnecessary and lame. anyways he told me they couldnt do anything about at this point, i had to send a letter to the big evil parking headquarters office in san rafael.

and i did that but it seems like they could easily disregard everything i said as bullshit. sounds like my word against theirs. ick.

also today i switched from bssm/mother's milk to by the way after i got mopey. yes, i really get around within the only-red-hot-chili-peppers genre.

uh what else? my day wasnt very fulfilling aka i woke up after 11, watched at least an hour of tv i had taped while eating breakfast and then lunch, and then because i hadnt gotten anything done by 1 (she didnt seem to understand that it wasnt that far into my day) my mom yelled at me until i left the house and ran, then dinner and some of my italian reading which i have JUSSST started. woohoo.

I NEED TO REMEMBER TO WRITE ABOUT...
* worst movie ever made
** farmers market
* worst driver ever
*muni research

summer summary
just cuz i havent written anything in here recently. my status. briefly, in random order.

1. got back from hawaii last tuesday, was crying 2 nights before and 2 nights after cuz i knew how much i was gonna miss everyone and everything we did. but it was super (ive used that word too much lately) and it gave me something really good to write for an essay for college. no writers block! one less essay to worry about!

2. ive been so happy lately i feel like ive left my body or something... that makes no sense. but thats exactly how i feel.

3. i DO need to go shopping for clothes, UGHHH it makes me so angry and everything is too expensive or unflattering and i get all lowselfesteemey from it.

4. i love thai tea and i found a good way to make it really dark. and that is to make-like-a-coffee-machine and drip the water through this spoon we have with holes in it with the tea bag on top. unfortunately i used this technique once and 2 days later i couldnt find the spoon. and i keep looking all over the kitchen for it, i have no clue where it could have gone.

5. i drove to downtown sausalito to see hustle and flow with someone who hates rap and wanted to see the movie but knew i was the only one of their friends who would go with them. but my point... i hadnt seen downtown sausalito in at least 10 years, if ever, and i was very confused and unsure of where to go, and then i had to find parking, and it was terrifying. so i basically think i suck at driving anywhere i havent seen. except i was fine in palo alto! ok, so i just hate sausalito.

6. i need to go for a run someday because i got new running shoes with light green on them and i love them and hell i could use exercise too

7. i cant remember the last time i listened to any music that wasnt red hot chili peppers... ok i turned on the radio a few times in my car before i got my mp3 player to play through it. now its all rhcp, all the time. i mean i really liked them before, but i bought their older cds used (really cheap) so now i have everything going back to the year i was born. i sorta started working backwards from right before californication, and now im obsessed with all the old stuff and get all sad thinking i can never hear it live probably. anyways, now i only listen to my 75 song playlist of their stuff. i dont even know what rap songs are out right now, oh speaking of...

8. yes i saw the vma commercial with p diddy in it. i still refuse to watch the vmas because i know it will be lame but i wouldnt mind seeing the commercial for it a couple more times.

9. summer reading. halfway through english, havent done italian, HAVE done kite runner. all i will say is the part with the eye was incredible that made me so happy and did this really REALLY happen? omg and it reminded me of kill bill 2 which i need to see again that was awesome too

10. i only like eyes being taken out when someone really deserves it, i promise.

I THINK IM DONE!

10 stupidest things my mom has yelled at me about
this is a list, and im gonna add to it throughout the summer, then maybe a new one during the school year- oh yeah they arent in order of stupidness (yet)

1. i should join certain clubs that have nothing to do with my interests this began with discussing how well i knew the teachers i wanted recommendations from outside of class, worked its way to asking me to join philosophy or stargazing club, and ended in my mom telling me my interests arent GOOD enough because i dont do them at school with other people in a club.

2. i need an SAT tutor to read to me my mom talked to ms hoeveler and got the name of an expensive SAT tutor, and ive had these before. i know what they do for their money, and that is tell people exactly what is in a book, because they are too lazy to read it for themselves. i think thats a waste of money and i can prep on my own with a book. my mom responded to this idea with "dont waste your time reading all that!", and i said "well its exactly what a tutor would have done for me and you wanted me to get a tutor." i dont think she understood me very well because later when i insisted on working through the book she said "fine then, ill go call the tutor".

3. i need to be more agressive about fixing a typo in my transcript basically she just wanted me to send lots of emails to a teacher who wrote i got a B+ on the final when i got an A-, and then fax him my final, all before he even responded to my first question.

my not so healthy day
im just gonna paste in the story i told to people before on IM, so it may sound choppy...


itALiankiwi 23: im taking ap economics, and yesterday i was seeing my relatives so i didnt get the homework until really late and i didnt get enough sleep and i was exhausted
itALiankiwi 23: all week actually ive been staying up too late and coughing constantly
itALiankiwi 23: the teachers really nice but it was so painful and confusing today
itALiankiwi 23: so then in class i started getting an opthalmic migraine which is where my vision gets funky and its really hard to read and then i get a splitting headache
itALiankiwi 23: well so this stuff is confusing enough and then i have a hard time reading the exercises and i get way behind
itALiankiwi 23: and the class seems way longer than it actually is
itALiankiwi 23: so im confused and exhausted and in pain
itALiankiwi 23: once class ended i went out and lay down on some grass and i was trying not to be a wimp when i was in so much pain and i took 2 ibuprofen and it didnt go away so finally all i could do was cry
itALiankiwi 23: and then my dad finally picked up his phone and said he was already there to pick me up so then we started going home and the nausea started
itALiankiwi 23: i was in so much pain but i managed to fall asleep
itALiankiwi 23: woke up on laurel grove and felt like i was gonna throw up
itALiankiwi 23: and then i started freaking out cuz i thought i was gonna throw up and had my dad stop at the bottom of our street and stay there while i puked out of his window which was actually pretty cool
itALiankiwi 23: a little got on the car door and i dumped my water bottle on it but i probably should wash it off again just in case so it doesnt corrode the paint
itALiankiwi 23: and then i slept for who knows how many hours, and woke up and watched the nba final game from last night and my nose started bleeding. and it was pretty weird earlier i think like during the car ride i felt something weird going down my throat and i thought it might have been blood but maybe just the gross stuff ive been coughing up
itALiankiwi 23: and then i slept from 6 until 8:40

woke up and felt disorientated, didnt feel like eating dinner obviously but then i went downstairs and saw chocolate and realized i would have to eat some dinner before just eating chocolate. then i dont remember what i did next... i guess it led to staying up too late on the computer. well good night and good health!

ps more on the class when i have more energy